


Unwritten Endings

by XtaticPearl



Series: Lives Behind The Suits [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Feels, Broken Families, Bruce Banner Is So Done, Bucky Is More Than Just Steve's Best Friend, Clint Is Not Always Funny, Estrangement, Eventual Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, M/M, Minor Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers, Natasha Does Not Give A Shit, Natasha Feels, Natasha Needs a Hug, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Past Relationship(s), People Are Like Onions, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes, Rhodey Is Not A Sidekick, Self-Harm, Slow Build, Superheroes Need To Use Words, Tagging sucks, Team Bonding, Temporary Character Death, The Author Regrets Nothing, The World Is Not Black And White, They Have Layers, Thor Is Not Stupid, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, everybody makes mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 21:17:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 124,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5471078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XtaticPearl/pseuds/XtaticPearl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony takes the bullet meant for Captain America at the end of their war and through his death, brings together the team again. Only, he isn't really dead and when he comes back, the equations between the team-mates begin to alter and reform, writing a new story altogether.</p><p>(Now under minor editing)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Black Tie Event Nobody Likes

**Author's Note:**

> Let's get one thing straight right at the beginning - I am horrible at writing smut. No, not bad or awkward - horrible. I cannot make sex look steamy or sexy when I write. So if you're anticipating hardcore sexy times, please don't. I promise it won't be worth it if I risk writing that way. What you CAN expect though, is a train-load of friendship feels, bonding, slow build, worthy characters getting worthy time space, a few tropes here and there, and a good old Avengers fic. 
> 
> I also get that the summary highlights only Tony but that's just me being shitty at summaries. Or maybe me being absolutely pissed that Tony is being painted villain during everything. I don't intend to glorify his character or make him some saint from techworld but I am definitely going to take creative liberties with canon related things. Like all things fanfiction-y, this isn't what will happen, what is supposed to happen or what is right. But it sure is what an author imagines in her head.

Rhodey could tell you the exact moment his best friend died.

It was right before Natasha Romanov showed the first sign of emotion  _ever_ and just after Captain Steven Rogers snarled at Tony -  _"Was it worth it?!"_

If Tony had gotten a chance to answer, Rhodey knows what it would have been.

_"It never is, Cap."_

The blood was darker than the thoughts the soldier had at that moment. And there was so much of it. Crimson, corrupted and clotting blood everywhere. He had tried so hard, so fucking hard, to stem it. To stop Tony from closing his goddamn eyes. To push away the swarming Agents from blocking out any air supply. So hard and all for nothing. 

Because all James Rhodes had right now was a military uniform and a private funeral at hand. And no more best friend.

"James?" the soft voice from behind startled him but not enough to pull a gun. Pepper didn't flinch an inch, probably used to knee-jerk reflexes from dangerously frustrated people.  _Like Tony._ Nope, not going there.

"Hey, Potts" he saw Pepper smile a bit at the surname usage. Both of them couldn't use the names they usually did to call each other. She hadn't called him Rhodey and he couldn't bring it in him to call her Pepper. It was just an unspoken agreement, to try not to scratch at the tender wound, because they knew that the old names made them remember when Tony called them that. He tried to force a smile because he could see that the smart woman in front of him was not here as the CEO of Stark Industries. She was here as a broken best friend of the man they were going to bury. 

"You ready to go?" the sobered redhead asked, hands unconsciously clenching and relaxing. Rhodey knew that habit. He had seen her do it countless times whenever Tony took a careless dive into some death trap.

He had to get this under control. He had to stop taking everything back to.. No, stopping right now.

"Yeah, let's go"

The door's soft click echoed in the empty room where a blue-lit arc reactor sat on Rhodey's bed.

\-------------------

"You've got to be kidding me"

"I'm sorry Colonel, but you have to understand-"

"What I _have to_   _understand_ is none of your damn business, Wilson."

"Now, Rhodey, you can't be an ass.."

The punch was pure rage and adrenaline. So maybe he was off target a little bit and he wasn't really aiming for the eye, but he wasn't complaining.

"It's Colonel Rhodes to you and get the hell out of my face before I beat your ass with your damn quiver"

Barton had quick reflex and was about inches away from returning the favor but Natasha shot him a look and the archer settled for a sneer before storming away. Behind Rhodey, he could sense Pepper edge closer, posture rigid and hands clenched. 

He didn't want to create a scene damn it! He simply wanted meet the reason his best friend was dead. He could see the so-called Team Cap looking edgy and suspicious, each one sticking to a corner of the room. But there was no reason to fear anymore. No reason for them to suspect Rhodey because Rhodey didn't have any more reason to fight them.

He had seen the end of the line and now he had no urge to begin again.

"Look," he started again, trampling down any spark of fury he felt looking at the people in the remote room "it's over. There's nothing either you lot or I can do about it anymore. There's no more war, no more strategies, no more waiting for the next punch. You think we're shitting you and waiting for some secret army? Fine, I don't give a damn what you think. But I'm not letting this whole thing go to ruin because of your stupid insecurities. You're all grown ass supposed heroes and you can take out me and the fucking army with your power. I know that, you know that. Iron Man is dead. Tony Stark, your main rival, is dead and General Ross is done too. I'm not gonna apologize for anything we..I did. We did some shit, you did some shit too. But it's all over now."

Rhodey took a breath to continue. He needed to get this out. He needed to finish this thing, once and for all. For Tony.

"I just want to talk to the man who had a bullet with his name" he continued in a calm tone " The guy who wanted a war before he could get over his 70 odd year obsession and try to discuss his problems. I need to understand why I had to bury a man who didn't need to die today, despite the fact that he tried to do something good for the people Captain America was supposed to protect. I'm gonna end what he started and that is gonna happen only when I meet Captain Steve Rogers. So I'm asking you for the last time, where is he?"

"I'm right here, Rhodes" 

Standing behind him was a weary but determined looking Steve Rogers. It wasn't Captain America, the righteous man. It was just a kid from Brooklyn. The blond hair was unkempt, skin paler than normal, eyes rimmed red and sporting scratch marks on the forehead. He wasn't wearing the home colors anymore. He looked like he didn't know what home was anymore. The crumpled plaid shirt and worn out jeans didn't make him any less prominent but gave a washed down aura, something that spoke about a past greatness but a recent fall from grace. Rhodey thought he looked like a fallen man with a stubborn heart.

 It didn't make him feel better because James Rhodes knew a Steve Rogers who was so much more than this.

"Thought I'd go to church first" Steve commented casually, the tense lines of his posture betraying his calmness. 

"Yeah, well, confessions are always the way to go" Rhodey replied cautiously.  _Jesus Christ, what had happened to the confident leader he had seen a week back? And was that..._

"I'd really like you to remember what we talk here," he mentioned pointedly, looking at the weary blue eyes and finding a hint of a daze "and I think even super soldiers don't hear well when they're drunk."

Pepper moved forward and brought a bottle of water for Steve, who flinched at her proximity before accepting the bottle. Steve could get sober much faster than anyone and he couldn't even get all that drunk without probably finishing off an entire bar.

"Must have been some church, Cap," Bruce mused from across Rhodes. The doctor was back from his self-imposed exile from some no-man's land. It had been hard to explain to him about everything that had happened. But Bruce Banner was not someone who picked sides between right and right. He had simply sighed and laughed bitterly about the irony of power.

"Good to see you too, Doctor Banner" Steve mumbled, not meeting the other man's eyes all that much. Sam Wilson looked at his best friend shying away from his old friend and mentally shook his head. He looked at Rhodes still looking at Steve with an impassive face and wondered how the man was sitting up calmly after everything.

"You should sit down for this, Steve," Pepper suggested in her ever-calm voice and Steve looked right to find that she had a soft look in her eyes. The CEO of Stark Industries had shirked off her pride to come as a woman who had lost more than anybody could ever repay her. Steve closed his eyes briefly and swallowed the nerves threatening to choke him. He opened his eyes to find the broken group still looking up to him.

"Is this a trial or an execution?" he wanted to know if he would have any purpose in carrying on the facade of being right.

"A negotiation," Rhodey's stern voice held no room for change but was still civil "I would say an intervention but seeing that we're past that, this is more of a negotiation."

"Of what?" Wanda Maximoff spoke for the first time since the meeting's beginning. She wouldn't say that she was truly affected by the death of Tony Stark but she could see that Colonel Rhodes held the deceased man as she had held Pietro. She would give the grieving man a chance at his wish before she took any steps to get away from here.

"Freedom," Pepper replied, slowly slipping into her unshakable professionalism "truth, equality. Take your pick. We're offering a chance at evening out the field and starting a new life. Personally, you won't be absolved of your acts but in public, you will be given your choice to decide how to live tomorrow." She fixed an interrupting Sam with a hard look before continuing "We're here to give our reasons for the war. For what we did, why we believe we are justified and why we chose to fight. A tell-all, right here, between those who matter and those involved in the whole issue. You give us your side and we'll give you ours. We're offering a chance, Captain Rogers."

"And what if we refuse?" Clint interceded with a shrewd look in his eyes.

"Then we all walk away as ignorant fools" Natasha chimed in, regarding his best friend with cool eyes "We stay ignorant of the other side's truth and hold a chance at repeating our mistakes. The Avengers might be broken, but we will be needed in the future. This isn't an attempt at charging anyone with any crime. It's an opportunity to explain your role in what happened. If we leave today without knowing the entire truth, everybody's truth, we will never trust each other again."

"I don't think anything is going to change that," Wanda pointed out, shooting a look at a quiet Vision "Trust is a fragile thing and you cannot gain it after shattering it like this."

"We would never know if we never try," Bruce interjected with a strained face, his wariness regarding the Scarlet Witch still strong in his mind "Besides, it's not like we don't want to know. You can't look to the future without resolving the past. Trust me, I know."

"What about Bucky?" Steve sat down and leaned forward to face Rhodes "How do we know that he will not be compromised by anything we say."

A strange emotion passed through Rhodey's eyes for a second before he masked it with his set indifference. He looked to Pepper who came forth and placed a file on the table, sliding it across to Steve.

"What's this?" Steve muttered, eyes skimming the thin file.

"James Barnes' rehabilitation and recovery provision," Rhodey informed, eyes never leaving Steve's head "You get a team of specialists from whom you pick your preferred ones. No imprisonment, no incarceration. He gets a fair trial after being declared completely fit, however long that takes to be," Rhodey raised a hand to stop a protest from Sam "with his manipulation by Hydra being taken into account. He won't be allowed to become a part of any military, government or security related group. No license to fire-arms as well. But he'll be declared a free man with a right to live as a normal citizen."

"Why now?" Steve was shocked but felt a tad suspicious. He had gotten enough bad experiences with men in authority but the papers looked clear and properly authorized.

"We needed Ross off our backs. Tony got this drafted two weeks back," Rhodey shrugged like it was an obvious explanation "convincing the brass boots took a little time."

Steve had a hard time processing the words.  _Tony got this drafted two weeks back_. Which meant that he had done this before they met at...

"We're in" Sam said and the others looked at him disbelievingly "What? They're practically bending over backwards. As Colonel said, the war's over. If this is all it takes to put things behind us, then we'd be stupid to say no, right?"

Steve stared thoughtfully at Sam. The man had stood by him through everything he had asked. His eyes flitted over the others who had fought by his side. A new life - they could all get a chance at a new life if they agreed to this, whatever this was. Steve had already caused a war by not agreeing to one negotiation, no matter how right he believed he was. Now he had a chance at giving his friends a fresh start.

"Where do we start?" he said finally, folding his arms and leaning back.

Rhodey's smile held no warmth but his eyes held a small spark of understanding "From the place we should have always started with. The beginning."

"Alright, so this started with an infiltration of SHIELD by Hydra," Steve began "which myself and Romanoff.."

"You don't understand Steve," Pepper cut him short sharply, moving forward to sit beside Rhodes "the beginning of this whole thing started long before that."

"That is when this began, Ms. Potts," Steve frowned, wondering what they meant.

"The war didn't start because of Bucky, Steve," Natasha explained, a finger drawing lines on her other hand "It started because of us. Our failure. Bucky came in after the saturation point."

"So what, you want to talk about  _us_?" Clint scoffed with a scowl "C'mon Nat, you expect us to talk about our sob stories and Dr. Phil our problems?"

"I'm glad you caught on, Barton," Rhodey nodded serenely "And to set precedent, why don't I start with myself?"

Steve looked indecisive for a moment but nodded nevertheless.

"I fought beside Tony Stark because he's my best friend," Rhodey began, eyes falling on every person of the room "but I chose his side because of what started five years ago."

"Five years ago, I found a maniac in a desert." 

 


	2. James Rupert Rhodes - The Analyst With A Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhodey's reasons and development

**_I'm sorry. This is the fun-vee. The hum-drum-vee is back there._ **

_The stupid joke rang in Rhodes' mind every time he got off an unsuccessful call. He was scouring every part of the bloody desert, looking for a virtual needle. One sign, any sign of his jerk best friend who better not be dead or he was going to kill him._

_**You don't have to be like me, but you can be more and you just don't see it.** _

_He meant it when he said that. How many times had he said it, the same thing in a million different ways? During their first MIT month, the time Tony went off the shelf with his roofies, the times with his unhealthy obsession with knives, the Anniversary, Tiberius Stane, the hundred interventions between suicidal working hours. He never stopped saying it because he never stopped believing it. He knew Tony - the crazy, genius, protective, extravagant, insecure asshole who would fight life tooth and nail if it was being too smooth and death if it was being too easy._

_He desperately hoped that the idiot was fighting now, because it would be so easy to die with what Rhodey was imagining the situation to be._

_"Sir! Target spotted! 10'O clock to your left!"_

_Rhodey had his heart in his throat when he looked down to find Tony. And sure, there he was wearing a jacket as headgear and waving a peace sign._

_Son of a bitch._

_"How was the fun-vee?" he shouted over the ruckus of the helicopter. God, what the hell had they done to him this time?!_

_Tony's tired smile made him remember the first time the billionaire trusted him enough to let him help him._

_"Next time you ride with me, okay?" he choked out and grabbed his best friend for a tight and quick hug._

_Now things could all go back to their screwed up normal self._

_Except, they didn't._

_"No, you see, this isn't a game. You do not send civilian equipment into my active war zone. You understand that?" Rhodey was pissed as hell and out of his mind scared too. It was not a good combination for someone who was supposed to be guiding an entire room of officers._

_"It's not a piece of equipment, I'm in it! Its a suit! **It's ME!** " the desperation in the voice of his overenthusiastic moron of a friend was clear. Rhodey raised horrified eyes to the screen and saw the red and gold spot playing chicken to two F-22s. Well, this was clearly the craziest thing he had seen from Tony. _

_Apparently it wasn't, because he would soon walk into an empty Stark Tower and find said crazy best friend keeling over on his workshop floow, a hole in his chest and looking like death warmed over._

_Rhodey had a minimum of two heart attacks that day. But he also had an uneasy feeling that he had stopped knowing his best friend sometime in the past few weeks._

_The disastrous speech justifying Iron Man's appearance proved that he was right._

_Rhodey needed to re-evaluate the last 20 years of his friendship and make a bigger effort now. Because apparently, Tony Stark had taken his advice to heart._

**_You can be more and you just don't see it._ **

\----------------------

"The first time I saw Tony screw his reputation over and choose to become something different, I decided to keep a list," Rhodey mused, a chuckle escaping his mouth "I'd write down every non-Tony thing he did."

"He did them a lot," Natasha gave a small smile, meeting Pepper's eyes in a silent recollection of the dramatic palladium incident.

"Yeah, well, he was changing from a flawed man to a flawed hero," Rhodey observed, shrugging slightly at the snort from Sam "It's true. I mean, at first it was all small and reckless. More showy and less serious. It was his personal achievement, you know. The big badass RoboCop of New York who was invincible. There were demos, random trips to the torch of the Statue, parades and stuff. It was classic Tony but with a metal heart for justice."

"Sounds incorrigible," Wanda commented, unwillingly getting sucked into the story "but where do you fit in? The side-kick?"

"The anti-hero," Rhodey corrected her, nodding at the frown from Steve "oh yes, I wasn't all for Iron Man the hero. I was a military guy. I fought to keep my country safe from maniacs with too much power and too little discrimination. Iron Man was the definition of too much power."

"And discrimination?" Sam asked, remembering the tales from Steve about Tony Stark's absolute bull-headedness.

"I wasn't sure about that. Not till I heard about some blondie with a buffed up strength challenging him." Rhodey looked at Steve who raised an eyebrow in surprise "Oh yes, I heard about the great Helicarrier Duet long before you told someone to close a portal with Tony still in it."

The first look of guilt flashed Steve's face before it morphed to one of defensiveness. Rhodey waved him off.

"Nah, you didn't do anything wrong," he clarified with a faraway look "I've said worse and the jerk still came back for a drunk karaoke. You did him good by what you said. It was a shitty thing to say, don't get me wrong, but you said what you thought about him. He gave you back as good as he got. I think that was the day he decided to push his limits towards living a better life and not to experiment how crazy he could be while he could live."

"He wanted to be a hero that day," Pepper smiled softly, obviously remembering the time she unleashed hell on Tony for attempting a nuke disposal.

"I still don't get how this made you choose the Registration," Steve informed with a shake of his head. He was struggling with all the talk about Tony but he had made a deal and he wanted to get it over with.

"Tony Stark was the first superhero I knew," Rhodey explained, linking his fingers before him in a steeple " He was also the first superhero who showed me how helpless we could get against superheroes."

"You should remember Captain, I was there when Tony created Ultron," Rhodey continued, unaffected by the slight jerk from Bruce "I saw the extent of threat the world could be in when a hero wanted to be accountable but didn't know how."

"Stark created Ultron because of his arrogance and cockiness," Wanda opposed with a pointed finger.

"Tony created Ultron because of his fear, something you helped with" Rhodey countered, looking at her without a flinch "He saw a world where his failure would cost the lives of those he cared about. He saw a day when he could do nothing and his team, the other superheroes he felt responsible for, would fall and die. He created Ultron so that he could stop fighting. So that you wouldn't die."

The last part was said directly to Steve, a painful admission if Rhodey's clenched hand was anything to go by. Steve's eyes widened fractionally and he turned to look at Wanda for confirmation. They had never spoken about that day or what she had shown them when she was against the Avengers. But if what Rhodey said was true, then Tony's fear was that of the Avengers dying. Or  _Steve_ dying.

Wanda stared back defiantly for a minute before letting out a huff of air. Steve could see the admission in her eyes. 

There was silence in the room. The old Avengers were thinking back to the time they had fought Ultron, going over each time Tony had tried to explain his side. Clint remembered the look on Tony's face when Nick reprimanded him. He had been watching after all.

_You've come up with some pretty impressive things, Stark. War isn't one of them._

"Tony..We all wanted the Registration as a means to end the chances of superheroes going rogue. A superhero war, if you may," Rhodey gave a grim smile and shook his head "Guess we were simply propelling faster towards our fears."

"You were trying to put all of us on a leash," Clint snarled and Pepper raised an eyebrow at him.

"Strangely, you're right..and wrong," she said, brushing a strand of hair from her face "We were looking to a one stop solution to the menace that you were becoming. Don't tell me you weren't just that at D.C, Steve," Pepper cut off any protests with a raised finger "You were doing the right thing with the right intentions, but the results were quite honestly, equal to a natural disaster."

"And what about Stark?" Wanda interjected with a sly look on her face "I read the Accords. Are you telling me that he was some kind of patron saint to humanity? He had every resource under the sun and the world already knew him. This would never have affected him adversely."

"It would have affected every single person here," Rhodey retorted calmly "Which includes me. Tony and I, both of us had a seemingly indestructible armour. Sure, it's true that we didn't have a need to hide our identity, but it would definitely put us on the hot list for apprehending any time we became harmful. Hell, Tony featured Number 1 on the list, what with his 'spotless past'. I came Number 7."

"You had a list?" Sam frowned and shared a look with Bruce, who seemed unnerved but familiar with the gist.

"Numbers 2, 3, 5, 8, 11,18" Rhodey pointed at Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Steve and Sam in order. 

"You came before me?" Wanda smirked in amusement.

"Hey, you should count yourself lucky. It was my bad day," Rhodey quipped back, referring to the war where Wanda had pulled the core of his armour out, leaving him battling life on a destroyed field. 

"Your reasons come across as more Tony's defense rather than your own motives," Steve remarked thoughtfully.

"I was the founder of the Tony Stark Defense Squad, Rogers, " Rhodey replied deadpanned and got an unvoluntary chuckle in response "But in honesty, yes. My reasons have always been closely linked, if not completely linked, to Tony. But doesn't mean I didn't understand what I was doing. The whole thing started out as an adult responsibility thought and went into the personal realm rapidly. It was all zero to hundred within the first few days."

Steve nodded, thinking about how the war had been personal for him too. He understood Rhodey's point of view. It was a case of stand by your loyalty or fight for something you didn't believe in. It was clear that Rhodes didn't believe that the Avengers or other superheroes weren't capable of regulating themselves. He was a man abiding by authority and Steve could see the military talking through him every time he spoke. He respected Rhodes. But he still wasn't convinced of the Registration. 

"Alright, I think I understand your reasons," Steve conceded "I might not agree with the issue, but I see why you did what you did."

Rhodey accepted that and nodded "That's fine. So now, maybe we could hear one of your reasons. A member of your team?"

Steve wasn't sure if he was allowed to pick members. He was about to volunteer himself when Sam spoke up.

"I think I'll go."

Sam saw the others turn to him and focus their attention on him. He took a deep breath and began.

"I chose this path when I first met Steve Rogers. Not Captain America, just Steven Grant Rogers."


	3. Sam Wilson - The Friend With Wings

 

**_But you're happy now, back in the world?_ **   
**_Hey, the number of people giving me orders is down to about zero. So, hell, yeah. You thinking about getting out?_ **   
**_No. I don't know. To be honest, I don't know what I would do with myself if I did._ **   
**_You could do whatever you want to do. What makes you happy?_ **   
**_I don't know._ **

 

Sam had thought that he had caught Captain America in one of his rare moments of weakness. He wasn't the confident and All-American supersoldier in that minute. He was Steve Rogers, just a kid from Brooklyn lost in the new world. 

He looked like he needed a friend. He looked like he needed Sam Wilson.

The whole SHIELD affair was a disaster in the making right from the word go. Sam didn't understand SHIELD. Or Nick Fury and his twisted plots. Or Natasha's silent looks. Or Maria Hill and her idea of normal.

Sam didn't understand any of them. He only understood Steve Rogers. He knew that the kid from Brooklyn had a sense of righteousness that he himself had harboured from long back. He was willing to fight everything and anyone. And he needed Sam.

It is a big thing, to be needed.

  
**_If we call Tony..._ **   
**_He won't believe us._ **   
**_Even if he did..._ **   
**_Who knows if the accords will let him help?_ **   
**_We're on our own._ **   
**_Maybe not. I know a guy._ **

Sam had not a clue about James Barnes, the person. He only knew that Steve trusted him. And that he had gotten a shitty slice of luck for 70 years. So of course he volunteered to help. But he didn't know how right he was about Stark. He had read about the Accords. Tony Stark wasn't opposing it. That automatically made him their enemy, right?   
  
Right.

\---------------

"I joined Cap's side for him," Sam started with a small self depreciating smile "I was a superhero because of Cap and he wanted me to help him. No, don't get me wrong, the guy never forced me! Even before we found Bucky, he told me to back out. He gave me a choice. And I took it."

Steve looked conflicted for a moment. He almost felt like Sam had simply sided with him out of loyalty and not his own belief.

"So did you agree with the Act yourself?" Clint asked incredulously.

"No brother, but I didn't really know if we had to fight a war against it." Sam shrugged when Steve looked like a kicked puppy " I'm not saying that I'd have chosen a different side if not for Steve here, but I'm saying that I don't know if I would have gone to war with him not in the picture."

"And what about Barnes?" Rhodes asked with a knowing look.

"Steve trusted him. He suffered for 70 years. He's Steve's best friend." Sam maintained his stand.

"So you did it for your friend," Bruce summarized with a glance at a frowning Steve.

"That's kind of oversimplifying things but yeah, basically yes."

Bruce shared a look with Pepper over Rhodes' head. He seemed to be finding a similarity between Rhodey and the Falcon.

Sam seemed to be getting there too. He didn't regret his decision. But looking at the man across him, who had a similar best friend story, he wondered what he would have done if the bullet had found its right target.

If it had been Tony Stark sitting here instead of Steve Rogers.

"Alright then, thanks Sam" Rhodes nodded and turned to a thoughtful looking Steve.

"Who's next?" he asked in general.

Steve jerked out from his thoughts and looked around once more.

This time a familiar voice came from a silent shadow.

"I would like to present my case next, Colonel" Vision informed calmly.

"Tony Stark was one of my creators. But before that, he was my only creator. When I wad simply an Artificial Intelligence."

Vision looked at Wanda as he continued.

"I saw him at his best when he faced the worst time of his life."

 

 


	4. Vision and Wanda- Children Of Chaos

**_"Stark asked for a savior, and settled for a slave."  
"I suppose we're both disappointments."_ **

_Vision remembered the parts of an old British caretaker. His coding had a...emotional side to it; something he did not know the use of initially. He saw Tony Stark look surprised at seeing him. But he didn't have the chance to decode the surprise or its reason because they were currently busy stopping the destruction of the Earth._

_Somehow though, he had a soft corner for the man who had wanted to create him. He almost saw him as a wounded child. Misbehaving but misunderstood as well. Another disappointment._

**_"We have to act now, and not one of us can do it without the others. Maybe I am a monster. I don't think I'd know if I were one. I'm not what you are and not what you intended. So there may be no way to make you trust me."_ **

_Vision was a sentient android. He didn't understand demons or angels. He didn't understand humans as well. But he understood that they needed him, not for what they thought they did but for what they couldn't even think about. The Norse God who had a hand in his creation seemed to understand it a bit. The righteous Captain didn't want to understand his logic, simply wanted to avoid any further destruction. The repressed doctor was trusting of Tony._

_And Tony gave Vision the choice to trust whomever he wished to. Which is why he joined the new Avengers._

_He wanted to set balance to the world. To continue, in a different way, what his initial coding JARVIS had started - caretaking. To care for the humans who couldn't protect themselves._

_It was only obvious that he saw an ally in the growing genius._

_\-------------------------------_

"I do not care about self-respect or ego," Vision began, looking thoughtfully at his hands "I wasn't given that curse when created. It is one thing I pity the humans of."

"Thanks, man," Clint muttered only to be shut up by a look from Wanda.

"You are welcome, Clinton," Vision nodded solemnly "When I was created, I was put in a position of stopping someone who was the closest thing I should have had to a kin. Ultron was a similar being, created for a higher purpose. But, I do not regret the actions taken to stop him. My priority was to save the helpless. It has always been that I believe."

"And still you went over to the side of the tyrants," Wanda pointed out nonchalantly, fooling no one of her jibe or anger.

"There were no sides I chose, Ms. Maximoff, " Vision was polite as always, acknowledging his friend's turmoil "To me, it was simply a matter of choosing the path to help the humans. Beings like us, with powers more than those given to the rest of the world, we have been given a terrible privilege. A double edged sword, if you may. Tony Stark and those who fought beside him, we saw a future where we ourselves could become the world's worst enemies. You must understand, I had seen the dark side of uncontrolled power. It doesn't bode well for the innocent."

"And what about our freedom? You wanted to stay under the thumb of mindless idiots who were bound to use us for their own benefits?" Sam's voice held no accusation, merely curiosity.

"I don't have things to hide, Sam" Vision cocked his head to the side slightly "I was created for the use of humans, so I believe I have always stayed 'under the thumb' of mindless idiots. But again, as I said before, I wasn't given the notion of ego or pride. I, however, was endowed with a contradiction of rationality and empathy. It is a bothersome feature sometimes, but it helps me view people as who they are instead of who they project themselves to be. I understand that humans are prone to greed, fear and manipulation. It is one of the hurdles to sieve the good ones from the bad, to put things simply. The Accords were rigid in methods but futuristic in idea. Wars don't start without heroes. Our villains are heroes who lose control. I was simply following my purpose of saving this planet from such possibilities."

"Even at the cost of your friends?" Steve asked, once again marveling at the notorious logical mind of his ex-teammate.

"Every war has its collateral Captain," Vision looked sympathetic, which was an unnatural look for him "A theory I am sure you understand the best among us. After all, weren't we all collateral for the safety of Sergeant James Barnes?"

Steve jerked back in disbelief at the accusation. But Vision didn't look angry or hateful. He simply looked peaceful, with a look of understanding in his inhuman eyes.

"He's got a particular brand of honesty, " Rhodes chuckled mirthlessly, looking at Vision "Bitter and hard hitting. Gives me the hives sometimes."

"I'd say he's getting a hang of shocking us," Natasha mused quietly, remembering her own awkward conversations with the Avenger earlier. 

"Were you in favor of the methods suggested for the containment of superheroes then?" Wanda spoke up, looking less angry and more calculative now.

"No," Vision replied, cutting off an exclamation from anyone with a raised hand "but I was in favor of discussing them and reaching a consensus for better methods. Something I believe Tony suggested a couple of times before and during the war."

"Do you blame us for what happened, big guy?" Clint asked sincerely, genuinely interested in the answer from probably the only sane of the lot.

"I believe that blaming people is what started the war in itself, " Vision said after a pause, sharing a look with Wanda, who widened her eyes before looking away "What happened was a clash of ideals, not of people. If the cliched 'blame' had been left out of the problem, then we could have been sitting in a different room with a different discussion in progress."

The silence in the room echoed of differing thoughts. Wanda was staring at her ex-friend and confidante with a thoughtful expression. She had always trusted him to be unbiased, until the war began. She had felt betrayed that he was siding with Tony Stark, despite all the atrocities that were sure to result if the Accords were followed. Looking back now, when she had a chance to do so without fearing an attack, she was not sure if her accusations were faultless.

"I chose Steve's side because I was against Stark," she confided, meeting the gaze from the rest of the room confidently "I have always been vocal about my distrust of the man. Iron Man and Tony Stark are not the same to me."

"Were not the same," Pepper corrected pointedly, eyes hard but controlled. Wanda faltered for a bit but nodded.

"Were not the same to me," she amended, trying hard to push out any guilt she felt for speaking about the dead "I cannot forget what I have suffered because of Stark's arrogance or irresponsible demeanor. My family, my home, My..my brother" Wanda swallowed hard before continuing "I get that people can change. They do, I know that. But inherent natures do not. Egos do not. The Stark family, right from the beginning, has had a penchant for violence. Not controlled or necessary, but violence for the sake of pride or power. The Stark Industries have been crusaders of destructive missiles. I am not judging Tony Stark as a genius. I am only judging him as a human being. The loss I have borne because of him are not things I would ever see repeated, especially not for some insecure politicians who wish to control me."

"Hypocritical for someone whose main powers are controlling others, don't you think?" Bruce did not think of himself as a brave man, but he was not without a snarky side to him too. Wanda leveled him with an intense stare.

"When you get cornered by people more manipulative and powerful than you, tell me if you'd like to be powerless Doctor Banner," Wanda shot back, eyes flashing red.

"Exactly," Bruce replied simply, his eyes holding a deeper meaning. Wanda frowned for a minute before catching on to the hint. The scientist was talking about the civilians who were powerless against those like herself. The Scarlet Witch felt a jolt on her inside, looking around to see the same doubtful hint in her teammates' eyes.

**_Ultron can't see the difference between saving the world and destroying it. Where do you think he gets that?_ **

She had said the very same thought during the Ultron mess. She had been sure that Ultron got that tendency from Tony Stark. She felt the eyes of Vision on her and looked up. This was also someone created by Tony Stark.

A monster and a savior. Both created from the same brain. 

She saw Rhodes looking at her with a knowing look and remembered pulling his core out. She had been angry. Furious that she was going to be controlled again. Going to be hurt again. She had wanted to win for once. To end the destructive forces once and for all.

She had wanted to defend her kind from the power-drunk aristocrats.

_**"If you stay here, you'll die. "** _   
_**"I just did. Do you know how it felt? "** _   
_**Wanda pulled out the core from the monster bot with a vengeance coursing thorigh every vein.** _   
_**"It felt like that."** _

She had almost killed Rhodes the way she had killed Ultron. And yet she wasn't in chains or under lock and key. 

"He wouldn't have allowed it," Rhodes said in a soft voice, as though he had read her mind "Neither of us would have."

Wanda's eyes met Steve's and she wondered if she had really not been ready to decide her beliefs objectively. Both of them had taken arms for a personal reason.

Now that her reason had ended, she didn't know why she didn't feel satisfied.

"You know what, I think I'll go next," Pepper Potts spoke up, distracting the attention from the now disturbed Scarlet Witch.

"Pepper, I don't think you were even involved in any of this. You're a civilian." Clint pointed out seriously.

The humorless smile was sad yet cold. "Believe me Clint, I was more involved than any of you were," Pepper laughed hollowly "I have been Tony's sounding board for the past thirteen years. He'd never have been part of this without my involvement."

"I only wished I had gotten more involved," Pepper mused and shared a look with Rhodes who smiled back.

"You wouldn't have stood a chance against superheroes, Ms. Potts. No offense," Sam shrugged apologetically.

"None taken," Pepper smiled smoothly "But I think you'd be surprised by what a wise woman in heels can do."

"Humble as ever, Pep," Bruce chuckled and got a small smile in return.

"Thanks Bruce," the SI CEO shrugged "I could have easily stopped all of you, with nothing but a computer, a business suit and a few brutal powerpoints. I didn't think it would lead to the level where I'd have to, but I guess I misjudged the maturity of superheroes."

"I think we all did," Natasha agreed and shared an understanding look with her long time friend.

"Well, even the smart ones make mistakes I guess," Pepper nodded and turned to face an amused looking Steve "I supported Tony and the Accords because of what they represented."

"Dictatorship?" Clint asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I said Tony not Nick Fury," Pepper smiled mockingly "but no. They represented control. Regulation. Moderation."

"You didn't trust us," Steve surmised, with a slight frown.

"Still don't," Pepper corrected "but that's just my inherent nature." The jab was clearly targeted at Wanda who looked taken aback but didn't acknowledge more.

"I chose to support Tony Stark because of who I am. A civilian, surrounded by uncontrolled superheroes."


	5. Pepper Potts - The Silent Shield

_**"You're going to kill yourself, Tony. I'm not going to be a part of it."** _

_Pepper had never seen Tony look this calm before. His eyes had always held a mad glint to it, sometimes she called it an adult mischievousness and the other times she called it Tony Being Tony. All of that had changed after Afghanistan. The glint was gone. Well, not gone technically, the man had still donated her 10 year worth art collection to the Boy Scouts. But that was something Tony did out of concern. And wasn't that a difference?_

_Because somehow, Pepper thought that he was trying to take on her role. Of being the protector - the caregiver. The thought made her feel warm yet uncomfortable at the same time. But she was good, everything was good. They got over Obadiah. They cleaned up the PR mess over Iron Man. Things were fine._

_Until Vanko._

__**" I need you... "**  
" I need you too, that's what I'm trying to..."  
"...to leave. Now."  


_For the first time in almost a decade, Pepper Potts didn't want to deal with Tony Stark. She could see him struggle with something beyond her but she couldn't get him to open up. She could see Natalie, the new legal girl, get an understanding look in her eyes everytime she saw Tony behave strange. Even Rhodey seemed to calm down after a few agitated weeks, getting an exasperated weariness in his face instead. Pepper, the all knowing Pepper, was oblivious. And it scared her to no end. She knew Tony. She had always known everything about Tony._

_And then the Expo incident happened._

__**"What do you mean you're not dying? Did you just say you're dying? "**  
"Is that you? No, I'm not. Not anymore. "  
"What's going on? "  
"I was going to tell you, I didn't want you to alarm you "

_Well, he hadn't died. But he had joined SHIELD instead, which technically, meant not living like him anymore. Pepper could see him change. Becoming a conflicted man, a tug of war between accountability and independence making him an internalized insecure person._

_The Avengers initiative hadn't helped all that much. At least not initially. She had lashed out at him for attempting the suicidal hero act, but he had gone off tangent, complaining about how a certain idol of his thought that he was just a big man in a suit. Pepper should have guessed the fore-coming struggle of Tony Stark the private fanboy and Tony Stark the restless superhero._

_The Killian mess had sealed the deal for Tony. He was officially scared. Pepper saw it in the way he got wary every time he talked about a new superhero or uncontrolled power. He was freaking out. It came as no surprise to her that he ended up creating Ultron._

_If the Avengers asked her, she would have said that Tony would have created him years back but he had no reason to do so. Till he saw the end of his world. The end of Avengers._

_\-----------------------------------_

"The Sokovia Accords were the biography of Tony Stark's faults and failures," Pepper began softly, her eyes fixing upon the wall behind Clint "But they were also the black box in case of a crash. A life-jacket when the ship drowned because of mad scientists, over-aged supersoldiers , irrelevant gods, rogue spies..you get the gist. It started out as the solution to every problem. I think we forgot to consider that sometimes easy solutions are the toughest problems."

"You found the loopholes before the problem started," Natasha guessed with a sharp look.

Pepper nodded and sighed softly "I did," she cut off a retort from Wanda with a hard look "but that didn't mean that I hid it from the others. We saw through the ruse of General Ross through the first few pages. I was sure that Tony would flip him the finger and walk out. He wouldn't want to be bound to an authority that could take away his suits from him."

"And still you supported Stark. I'm starting to think 'personal' is a term we all could use for our reasons," Clint spat, his face a dark sign of danger.

Pepper didn't flinch and met his challenging stare head-on.

"It was personal, yes," she commented with a firm voice "but not because of Tony. You seem to forget Clint that I lived with Tony and his suits. I know the extent of their power. The extent of his eccentricity. I love..loved Tony Stark, but I didn't support the Accords because of him. I supported them for myself. You see, I had grown up in a world where we didn't have superheroes. We had the crazies with power-mania and the crazies with a honor-mania. But both these sides didn't seem to have any superheroes. I felt confident that I could get justice against the bad as long as I had a clear reason. But then you guys came along. Gods with daddy issues, brain-washed sharpshooters, mind-controlling mutants. Not to forget, powerful men in iron suits. You toppled my normal world and decided that I needed to be protected. From whom, I didn't know. I was never told. It was for my own safety, I was told."

"You hated us?" Steve questioned, feeling thrown back by this new turn of thought.  _What other misconception had he sported about the people he knew?_

"No, not hated," Pepper corrected him with a smile "I was scared of you. Of what you could do if you ever lost control. And Steve, I had seen you guys lose control. Multiple times. Some times it was easy to clean up the mess. The property was replaceable. SI didn't have issue with that. But the people? We were starting to feel their loss higher than that of plain infrastructure."

Pepper took a deep breath and looked at Wanda.

"And then Sokovia happened. Something so big and devastating that we couldn't find it in ourselves to forget it," Pepper's voice strengthened, remembering the countless hate mail she had sorted through "It is easy, so very easy to say that it was Tony's fault. We all wanted to say it. At one point, I think even I did. But was something this big just the fault of an insecure genius? Or was it the failure of superheroes in general. To look above their petty issues. To look beyond their personal hurt. To be aware of their power and the necessity to regulate it. It was a reminder of the proverbial cornered prey that the civilians could become when faced with self-styled superheroes. We were helpless. We were angry."

"So you decided that putting superheroes in harm's way was the way to go?" Sam voiced with a frown in place.

"Yes and no," Pepper shrugged "Why shouldn't you be accountable? Why should things be a secret that would later only blow up and create a huge monstrosity for the people? Why put superheroes above the civilians? If a civilian commits a crime, he or she is convicted and tried, no matter how sad his backstory has been. There isn't an exception to a serial killer if he had been manipulated by someone else. There might be no major punishment, but there is always a trial. A right for the people to know why they had to suffer. If civilians, people who earn their livelihood by working in a cubicle with numbers or menial problems, can be held accountable for their actions, then why should superheroes be different?"

"Because we don't have the same enemies that civilians do," Clint bit out "When we are left exposed, our rivals don't pelt our cars with eggs or paint our homes black. They burn us down. They kill our families, tear apart anything and everything we love and destroy us completely. Our enemies carry guns and knives instead of rulers and microphones. One leak and our children get beheaded. One whisper and we are left widowers. And all that just because we decided to use our skills to help out the people. The very civilians you are comparing us with."

"I know. Which is where we went wrong." Pepper acquiesced softly, cutting short any other retort from the archer. He shut his mouth and raised an eyebrow.

"You admit that you were wrong?" Wanda confirmed with a suspicious stare.

"Not completely, but in certain aspects, yes," Pepper nodded sadly "I think we all figured that out even as we re-read and worked on the Accords. Tony figured it out before me, which doesn't say anything good about me, but it's the truth. Which is why we wanted to have a detailed discussion between all those who were involved in the issue. The pro-Accords and the anti-Accords. We wanted to talk things out, to figure out a middle path to get a better version. But to do that, we needed to show the public and the government that we were for accountability. That's where James Barnes came in."

Pepper shared a look with Rhodes before facing Steve straight.

"We had to bring the Winter Soldier in and make people believe that we weren't going to let the past be the past," Pepper didn't seem fazed by the slight growl from Steve "It was a gamble, a high stake one at that, but it was a necessary one. The Winter Soldier was an assassin who had caused destruction all over the country. I knew that he was a victim of mind-control, he was Bucky Barnes from WWII and he was the best friend of Steve Rogers. Tony knew it better than me. But we also knew that the public would never see him as that if we didn't give them a chance to lick their wounds. The Winter Soldier was still unstable and we needed to show the transition from the cold assassin to the actual Bucky Barnes."

"By throwing him to Ross' dogs?" Steve snarled, ignoring the warning look from Natasha.

"By keeping him under watch and rehab," Pepper answered with an admonishing stare "Honestly Steve, I'm surprised that you'd think Tony to be heartless enough to kill your best friend. We were in support of the Accords' basic belief but we weren't turning into mindless henchmen of the superheroes. We tried to explain that to you but I remember you shooting us down every time, just because you couldn't trust us. I suppose you couldn't really, but that wasn't completely our fault. You wouldn't listen to Tony even if he tried talking, don't deny it because I've seen you do it. We never wanted a war. Hell, we wanted the Accords so that there wouldn't be any more unnecessary wars. It was personal for me as a civilian, but even I wasn't willing to get you killed for believing in what you do."

The sharp barb hurt. Steve could feel it like a physical blow. He could read between the lines.

_You didn't have to start a war. You didn't have to fight one friend for another. You didn't have to endanger every one just because of your trust issues._

_You didn't have to turn into the jerk you once accused Tony of being._

"We played politics, I know we did," Pepper leaned back and considered everyone with a calm gaze "But if you think that I'm going to apologize for doing what I do well, then you're as wrong as Ross was. It was an act of self-preservation and I didn't destroy a city or rip anyone's heart out to do it."

The tension was high strung and palpable in the room. Rhodey could feel the antagonistic vibes radiating from many sides. Pepper wouldn't back down, he knew that. But he needed to protect her if any of the others lost their cool.

"We agreed to hear every person's reasons. I think it's only fair that we accept Pepper's reasons as being her's," Bruce declared softly at the end of the silence. Nobody disagreed with him but Wanda did look like she was about to say something before she quieted down and nodded.

"I'll go next," Natasha said in her usual soft yet dangerous tone, eyes not leaving the table.

"I worked as a double spy. I worked on both teams."


	6. Natasha Romanoff - The Third Eye

_**"The truth is a matter of circumstances, it's not all things to all people all the time. And neither am I."** _

_Natasha knew what she was doing. All the time. She never compromised on her privacy or her team. Loyalty was a learned trait for the spy, something she had battled innumerable struggles with. When she first met a SHIELD agent at one of her Widow missions, she had pitied his weakness. He was skilled, no doubt about that, but he had a beating heart that could bleed as easily as a physical wound._ _Natasha had long been trained to kill her heart before somebody got to it._

_But somehow, her pity for the SHIELD agent had turned into something else when she saw that he was disproving his loyalty to his organisation and choosing to save her. He was making a decision based on his heart instead of his head. The pitiful agent was offering her a hand of comradeship and security; a fallback in case she wanted a slice at a saner life._

_That was how she had made her first friend among the Avengers. That was when she had found her first protective streak for Clint Barton._

_The others had trickled in over time and through trials and errors. The steel personified Phil Coulson, the manipulative scorpion Nick Fury, the trigger happy Maria Hill. They started to form a band of twisted misfits. Of course, the real Avengers were more complicated. Trusting the repressed green monster came from recognizing the quiet genius who controlled him. Empathizing with the man out of time came after witnessing the grit of a skinny soldier from Brooklyn.  Relaxing around a thunder god came with acceptance of a good man under princely robes._

_And then there was the complex man with a glowing heart. Iron Man. Tony Stark._

**_"It's the end, the end of the path I started us on."  
"Nothing lasts forever." _ **

_She had written the first report on the billionaire. He was everything she wrote about. But what she wrote was not everything about him. He had proven himself to be more than that. The nuke into the portal, the AIM disaster, the independence of the Avengers. He had done all that without any needling or prompting by others. He was a man she could call a friend if in need._

_But there was also Steve Rogers._

**"Who do you want me to be? "**  
"How about a friend? "  
"Well, there's a chance you might be in the wrong business, Rogers."

_He was so much more than just Captain America. He was more than what Fury saw, more than what Coulson gushed about in private, more than what the museums showed. He was the man who would jump out the hellicarrier to fulfill a mission, he was the leader who fought for you against the world, he was the man from 1940s who was struggling hard in the new world but never let others carry his struggle for him. He was also the friend who would not hit back when he discovered who the Winter Soldier was. He was a true friend indeed._

_Natasha had fore-seen a similarity, however vague, between the two most complex men of her team. Both were good men painted in colors of glory. The only difference was that one saw the world in black and white while the other saw it in grey._

_At the end of the day, that was what had mattered._

_\-------------------------------------_

"What do you mean?" Natasha could see Sam's eyes popping out of his sockets in shock. She saw him turn to Steve for confirmation but the super-soldier didn't react.

He couldn't have reacted even if he wanted to. She knew that, saw the hint of stubbornness and defiance shine in his eyes.

"The Sokovia Accords came into light when SHIELD collapsed," Natasha started, unruffled by the stirring unease in the room "when we brought SHIELD down. It was part of a chain reaction, a consequence that was bound to come sooner or later. The public outrage over Sokovia grew multi-fold with the expose of the twisted governance of special agents. Of superheroes."

"And you cared about public outrage?" Sam didn't look shocked, simply skeptical. 

"I cared about what I was doing when I used my skills," Natasha shrugged, eyeing Steve's raised eyebrow "It just happened so that Stark agreed with me. The Accords had a window of opportunity to calm the raging storm. A chance at flat-lining rebellious punks who were using their powers to cause mayhem. It was logical."

"I am surprised you speak this way," Wanda observed coolly "I'd have thought a spy to be more careful of her privacy and secrets. Leaving a bread trail to your past."

"I believe Natasha laid out the trail with a few choice social media posts before the Accords came into picture," Vision reminded, regarding the Russian spy with an understanding look.

Natasha let a quirk grace her lips for minute before sobering up again.

"I didn't have any more secrets to reveal," she continued "and I knew how dangerous that was. But I didn't regret doing what I did. It was to balance the world. The Accords were offering the same chance. But they weren't perfect. Nothing ever is."

She paused and thought back to the last phone call she had made to Steve before the war went into maximum thrust.

"My head agreed with Stark. He was being logical and accountable. Not words I would have used for him some time back," she huffed in amusement and saw Bruce smile bitterly "But I also had an obligation towards Steve. I knew why you panicked. Why you were against the government. I knew your fears for Bucky. That's why I called you. To warn you."

"You called me to threaten me about an arrest," Steve replied deadpanned.

"You really are a durak, aren't you?" Natasha mused with a cold glint in her eyes "If I had to threaten you, I would have blown up your apartment and left a box of chocolates arranged as a message. I called to warn you about what you were doing."

"And what was that?" Sam interjected, his wariness about all these secrets growing by the minute.

"Destroying James Barnes' chances of surviving the 21st century," Natasha flicked her eyes to Sam before looking back at Steve "You cannot convince an entire country of an assassin's innocence by starting a war, Steve. This isn't a Lifetime movie where a hero gives a rousing speech and the people tear up and change their mind. Not even if the hero is Captain America."

"Bucky is innocent. He always was." Steve grit out through clenched teeth.

"But Winter Soldier wasn't, was he?" Natasha raised an eyebrow and cut off the protests with a hard look "You don't know the Winter Soldier, Rogers. You see your best friend, Bucky Barnes when you see him. You don't see the assassin who killed and trained other assassins to kill over 70 years. I do, because I was one of them. I was trained by him in the Red Room. To me, he is still James but not the James you want him to be. I know that he is innocent but his acts, however manipulated they were, cost lives. The past doesn't slide away without consequences, Steve. Nobody knows that better than I do."

"Yet you got a second chance at life, didn't you?" Steve pointed out with barely controlled anger.

"And who is to say that he wouldn't have gotten it without this war?" Natasha countered calmly.

"Are you seriously suggesting that the corrupt high-ties would have let a wanted criminal plead innocence?" Steve asked incredulously, shocked that Natasha would even think him to be stupid.

"I think the answer is the file in your hands now, isn't it Captain?" Bruce commented quietly, looking between Natasha and Steve. He had already suspected that Natasha was dubious in her loyalty towards one side. Somehow, he related to that.

Steve frowned at Bruce who simply raised his hands in a peace gesture. 

"Didn't you think about the lives of those who didn't want their secrets exposed, Nat?" Clint spoke up for the first time since his friend started her story. He looked disgusted and betrayed.

Natasha looked at Clint silently, weighing the amount of distrust she was facing from the man she had joined SHIELD for.

"I am cold, Clint, not foolish. The Accords weren't perfect. I knew that. Which is why I wanted you to agree to a compromise. If you had trusted me, trusted us, maybe you would have found out that we would fight for your protection. You would have learnt that Stark had hacked into your files and erased any evidence of your family. You would have known that we were trying to win back our right to be free, albeit after pretending to be docile to the power brass. If you had listened, maybe we wouldn't have had a war that very well ruined any semblance of trust from the people for us."

"Laura died, Natasha!" Clint bellowed, apoplectic with rage. But Natasha didn't bat an eye.

"That was Hydra, Clint," she explained softly, not caring that her best friend could easily put an arrow through her right now "We couldn't do anything about that. Not unless we knew where you had shifted your family. By the time we tracked you, it was late."

"Well, late doesn't cut my losses, does it?" Clint sneered, hand clenching in rage.

"It never does," Natasha agreed, not offering any further explanation or apologies.

"Tony told me about your wife," Pepper spoke up softly, eyes fixed on Natasha before looking at Clint "He mentioned being shocked and amused that you had a family that was as normal as normal could be. Said that he'd probably want one like that some day." She took a shaky breath before continuing "I cannot do anything to change your loss, Clint. But I can tell you that none of us ever wanted to hurt you. Any of you. Neither Tony nor Natasha would have authorized any attack on an innocent family. They fought you because they had to defend themselves, but they never tried to launch an offensive. We were trying to save people, Clint, not kill them for being related to superheroes. You might not believe it, but we didn't stop considering you our friends." 

Steve saw Clint's determined fury falter for a second. He knew how much the archer trusted Natasha. He also knew that Pepper did not have anything to lie about now. He remembered the countless number of times Natasha had tried to get him to stop fighting. How she had tried to explain that Bucky was not the issue right now. She hadn't sided with him but she hadn't let him or his friends die as well.

How had they come to this? How many mistakes had they made for Clint and Natasha to stand opposite each other and fight?

"Maybe we should take a break before the next.." Rhodes tried to break the tense atmosphere but Clint cut him off.

"No. Let's get this out in the open," he said with a determined look "I'm next."

The archer shot a hard look at Natasha before starting his reasons.

"I joined SHIELD to protect the world. I joined the war to protect my family."

 


	7. Clinton Barton - Nobody's Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a little weird for me. I hope it came out fine.

**" I see you with the Avengers, and, well... "**  
"You don't think they need me?"   
"Actually, I think they do. And that's even scarier. They're a mess."

_Clint met Laura on his first day of SHIELD. He'd stopped for a quick coffee before the big test, rushing out of his loft and down the street, still buttoning up his shirt and a tie hanging loose in the crook of his arm. The coffee was shitty and the barista was busy flirting with the guy behind him to hear him say 'no sugar'. He was sure he was going to have a shitty day ahead with bad coffee jinxing everything._

_And then someone dashed into him with piping hot coffee of their own. That was now trickling down his one good shirt. Did he mention bad coffee jinx?_

_"Man, someone has a death wish" Clint said furiously wiping the coffee drops off his shirt before looking up._

_"Well, for someone wearing a grandpa shirt, I'd say you do," the brunette wearing a pretty cute bitch face quipped, whipping out a napkin from her bag and dropping it in Clint's hand._

_Between snarky arguments, more napkins and backward flirting, Clint was late for his first day. Coulson had been pissed. But Clint had a phone number in his back pocket that didn't let him feel so bad for himself. That had been 13 years ago._

**_"It's your fault, it's everyone's fault, who cares. Are you up for this? Are you?"_ **

 

_The Ultron fiasco was the worst hit for Hawkeye. It wasn't the first time he lost a team member. He didn't even know if the Maximoff kid was his team member. Wait, scratch tha. Of course, he was his team member. He was a mess, but he was part of Clint's mess. He was the kid who wouldn't stop talking. Wouldn't stop pitting against murder bots. Wouldn't stop showing off his stupid speedy tricks. He was the Avenger who finally understood that saving is better than avenging._

_He was the idiot who literally took a bullet for Clint. It was the worst hit of his lifetime, watching a kid bleed to death because he wanted to save Clint's dumb ass._

**_"Are we still friends? "  
"That depends on how hard you punch me"._ **

_He'd seen Natasha with Stark when they went in for the Accords intro. He'd seen her meet his eyes for a second before looking away. But a second was all he needed. It was always what he needed._

_It was something he could have used to save Laura from a misjudged explosive. Another innocent dead to save Clint's ass._

_And he didn't know how not to fight anymore._

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------_

"I'd hung my bow up before this shit started," Clint closed his eyes tight, not wanting to look at Natasha anymore "I was gonna do the whole stay in a farm, raise my kids in a barn thing. Promised myself I'd stop shooting people and start shooting pictures of our memories. Sappy, cheesy, rom-com like life. I know I didn't deserve it after all the things I'd done but my kids did. My family did. She did." He didn't want to take Laura's name yet. It was too much too soon. 

Natasha wasn't looking at Clint determinedly, staring unblinkingly at her nails. They were painted red. Just like all the bloodshed she'd caused.

"When I first heard about the Accords, I'd also heard that Nick was dead," Clint chuckled bitterly "Didn't know which one was true. The second one sounded more possible actually. I mean, the whole idea of having a secret identity was that it would be a secret, right? It's why we use code names, why we have proxy job titles. It's also why we don't talk about our families. Not to anyone we don't trust with our lives."

Clint opened his eyes and stared impassively at Natasha, who was glaring a hole into her nails. 

"I got dragged into the Accords first when I got a call from Hill, who I didn't know worked against SHIELD anymore,"Clint continued, watching Pepper shift and get more comfortable "She said that General Ross was taking the Capitol by storm with a new idea. Something that was directly connected to me, because it was connected to Sokovia.  I took it in my stride, because we'd seen a lot of things like this before, right? Uptight, desk working, prejudiced jerks trying to lock us up for doing our jobs? I told her 'Okay, I'll keep an eye out'. Laid low for a while, tried to call up Wanda to check on her. She didn't sound so good, so I told her to relax. Told her things will bounce back. Avengers stick together, right? Right."

Clint paused and shook his head to clear the anger up a bit.

"Then the messed up mission in Brooklyn. God, that's ironic ain't it? That it picked up in Brooklyn?"Clint chanced a look at Steve who was barely holding back his hurt "Things just blew up faster than we could pack it all in. One second I'm chopping wood for the fireplace and next second I get a heads-up that there's a war coming. Thanks for that by the way, Nat, helped me keep my family alive for a little bit longer."

Natasha's eyes were blurring but she didn't acknowledge her ex-best friend's jab.

"I saw Stark talk about how we had to be accountable for what we do. We had to have boundaries, needed to be regulated he said. I dunno about you guys, but when you're trained as an assassin, you're told to hit the target and get the bad guy. No matter what cost. And the Avengers were also never told about being regulated or schooled before. All of a sudden, Stark, the same man who'd blast a city to save another, was telling that I was wrong and that I needed to inform every lay man about my past, present and plans for the future. Because the people couldn't  _trust_ me anymore. I gotta say, things are pretty blurry because people don't mind trusting us when we snatch them from an alien's claws but suddenly doubt us if we break their buildings to get them out. When we go out to fight, we know that we're gonna kill. It's not like we're given safety gloves to go fight otherworld creatures. We use advanced weapons. Poison arrows. For shit's sake, we use a guy with uncontrolled rage and gamma radiation strength on a populated city like it's a football field. We do all that because we want to finish the bitches who try to take our homes. Who try to come in and kill us. And the Accords were saying that we needed to sit down and be nice. Politely tell our enemies to fuck off because we didn't want to hurt civilians. I don't want to hurt civilians too, none of us do. But things happen when you're fighting. And they happen because we're trying to save the very same people. Collateral damage is a thing, as Vision here said."

Vision nodded serenely at Clint, acknowledging his point. Bruce took a deep breath and considered the archer with understanding eyes. He knew the pain the man was going through. But he didn't stop him because he knew that rationality or practicality wasn't going to change the void in Barton's life.

"Do you know why we had to stay on the run? Because we didn't  _want_ to trust you guys." Clint bit out, looking at Rhodey who didn't faze and maintained eye contact "We didn't want to trust people who were campaigning for independence and freedom of the Avengers one minute and the next minute brought up something that could very well kill all of us. Stark was a complex guy with a privileged life and some tiny bag of daddy issues that he used as a trump card everytime he fucked up. No Cap, don't look at me like that," Clint shook his head at Steve's disapproving look "He should have been on our side. He should have told the government to stick it and helped us fight them. He should have been the one who helped you with Bucky's vice. He should have been helping me blast the shit out of Ross and any son of a bitch who thought he was going to fuck us up by hunting our families. He should have stuck to being Tony Stark and not become some goddamn politician with a stiff neck."

"He was trying to do what all of us should have been doing since the beginning," Rhodes cut in, starting to get riled up with all the Tony hate.

"He got my wife killed Rhodes, so shut the fuck up with your fanboy shit," Clint snarled.

"Are you sure about that?" Bruce spoke up for the first time in a long time.

"Am I sure about what?" Clint turned his glare to the calm doctor.

"About your wife. Are you sure she's dead?" Bruce explained, speaking slowly and in a soft voice.

Clint backtracked and stumbled for a minute. He was expecting a different question.  _'Are you sure Tony killed your wife?_ ' What was Banner playing at?

"We found the mangled body of Laura, Banner," Wanda replied, the visual still making her guts go hollow.

"Bruce, what are you suggesting?" Pepper interjected with a frown.

"I don't know..I just, I read the file. It said that the face and lower torso were barely recognizable. I'm not trying to rile you up, Barton, calm down," Bruce raised a hand placatingly when Clint started to lunge forward, only to be controlled by Sam "You said that Natasha gave you a heads up about the war. And you shifted your family to a safehouse. The government, especially Ross, would have been looking to make an example out of an Avenger to get the others to surrender, right? And you are the only Avenger right now with a family. No offence to Scott Lang, but you know what I mean."

"It was her, Banner," Clint shouted in rage "I can identify my fucking wife without looking at her face! What the fuck are you pulling here?!"

Steve had to get up to restrain Clint by now and he looked at Bruce with a warning glance. But Bruce Banner's cogs were already ticking and he was looking at the still silent Natasha calculatingly.

"Exactly. You could identify her without her face. And when the missile struck the safehouse, your kids weren't there. They were some place else. Some place that had mysteriously stopped you from leaving to go back to your wife, for just the time needed to fire the missile. You were with your kids, fighting new agents when the other safehouse got blown up. There was no way you could have been there to save your wife. You had been late, just enough late for a chaotic attack."

By now even Pepper was staring at Natasha. The ex-spy was resolutely not looking at either of them and the others in the room were looking between the three.

"Bruce, I swear to god, if you don't come to the point soon, things are going to get ugly here." Steve warned, still holding the struggling Clint.

"Have you ever seen a post mortem, Captain?" Bruce commented casually, eyes sharp on Natasha's hands that had tightened a bit "After a particularly vicious accident or attack, it becomes really messy for us to get to know the cause of death. Especially if it's a mangled body. It takes days for families to be sure about identification some times. Birth marks, moles, scars, all these aren't always the best way to go. They're..changeable. I once met a detective who was having trouble tracking down a ghost killer. They had the suspected guy's body with them in the morgue, but they also had credible leads that said that he was alive. They had to use DNA matching to crack the case. Because even the finger prints were tweaked and manipulated. Things science and a sharp mind can do. Especially if there are two sharp minds, one of a genius and the other an assassin who's seen enough deaths to know the reaction it would spark."

"Bruce, are you suggesting..." Pepper cut herself off with a sharp look at Natasha.

"I'm just speculating here, Pepper. Why would Laura Barton be attacked? Why her, specifically her? We need to remember, the Accords were demanding a full reveal of every superhero's background. And when they weren't getting their way, they were bound to put us in our places by showing their power. They had Tony Stark, T'Challa, Natasha Romanoff and Colonel Rhodes in their hand. They had enough power to hit every place they wanted. But they would have wanted to hit closer home, to maximize the impact. They'd want to hit an Avenger. Now, if I know Ross well, and I do, he would go straight to the heart. He'd have known about Barton taking us all in during the Ultron incident. We'd all met Laura. We'd met all of them. It was personal for us. It was the perfect strategy to make things messy, to command submission. And he wouldn't have hit the kids, because then they'd lose the bargaining chip with one of the most dangerous assassins of the world. But they were forgetting that the Widow was always adept at creating facades. Double playing was an art she had mastered long back." There was no accusation, merely amazement and seriousness in Bruce's tone.

"And Tony?" Bruce looked at Rhodes, who was frowning hard "I think all of us know that he was a master at keeping secrets when he wanted to. Geez, I was there myself when we created Ultron and he convinced even me to stay quiet. He was also good at projecting."

"You're spinning a crappy thriller novel here, Bruce," Sam pointed out.

"Sometimes, the best plans come from fiction's plot lines, Wilson," Bruce smirked a bit, noticing Natasha look up and stare at him defiantly, "Don't they, Agent Romanoff?"

"It was a Hydra attack," Natasha replied vaguely, making Bruce's smirk grow wider.

"Which movie did Tony get the idea from?" he asked in amusement.

Natasha glared for a minute before giving up and huffing "Sherlock. The Reichenbach Fall."

Pepper was openly shaking her head and Rhodes groaned into his hands. Bruce started chuckling.

"What the fuck are you guys talking about?!" Clint exploded, breathing heavily in frustration.

"I think you'll find a missing brunette body from some morgue, Barton," Bruce replied wryly "And your wife stuck in some horrendously stupid Stark mansion."

"It's actually Harley's house," Natasha mumbled, glaring at Rhodey's mirthless chuckles.

"Wait, what?" Sam was thoroughly confused and Steve looked horrified. Wanda looked like she was about to blast the place down.

Clint was staring hard at Natasha, his eyes now clearly flitting between realization and indignation.

"Nat.." Clint's voice held no room for argument.

"We couldn't trust anyone outside and wanted to keep things a secret till everything was over. Also, it was Stark's idea, not mine." Natasha regarded Clint with cool eyes. But Clint could see the apprehension lurking behind them.

_Are we still friends?  
That depends on how hard you punch me._

"It was a stupid plan," Clint was barely controlling the truck load of emotions coursing through his head but kept his voice civil "and I need to meet my wife now. Also, you're an idiot, Nat."

Natasha shrugged, but even Bruce could see that she was much relieved now.

"So Laura is alive?" Steve confirmed, eyes large enough to bulge out. He was getting tired of keeping up with the mind games and the secrets.

"I'd say so, Steve," Bruce nodded and shrugged a shoulder at the shocked expression on the Captain's face.

"But why would Stark do all of this? So much trouble to hide so many things?" Wanda persisted, raising an eyebrow at Bruce.

Rhodes cut in and took that question.

"Guess we'll have to ask him that ourselves," he replied and turned to Clint "Barton, if you'd wait for a few more hours, I promise that I'll take you to meet your wife myself. Wherever she is."

Clint was confused but nodded. He was still reeling from the news of Laura being alive.

"What..Tony..what?" Pepper looked confused.

Rhodes' face did his patented 'sorry-top-secret' face "Sorry , Pep. He left a video message with FRIDAY. It was titled 'SHOW ME IF I'M NOT TALKING ANYMORE'. I'm guessing this is something the idiot wanted all of us to watch, because FRIDAY said that it was to be played only when all Avengers were in the same room."

"And you knew about this?" Pepper looked oddly betrayed.

"Just this morning. Got a call from his lab, from FRIDAY and was told to pick up his reactor and this file," Rhodey shrugged and attempted a calming smile.

He took out a holograph-projecting device from his pocket and threw it on the table. A bright blue light emerged and a large rectangular screen formed in the air.

A few seconds later, the whole room stilled when Tony came on screen.

"Hey guys! So,if you're watching this then that means I'm dead. Great, glad we got that out of the way. Now, let's talk business."

 


	8. Tony Stark - The Riddle of the Future-Past

 

"You know, for someone who's done this kind of thing before, I'm really sucking at finding a plan," Tony begins and then falls into a ramble when he realizes what he is implying "Not the dying thing, but yeah, I've done that too. Kind of, maybe? Hey, does a 70 second death count as death? Not that it matters, but really, Bruce, you should know this right? And if Pepper's there, then no I'm not talking about suicide, okay, now maybe you weren't thinking that but now I've said it. But no Pep, seriously, I get that I laughed about water intoxication the other day, but geez, I was kidding. So nope, not a suicide note. This isn't one, I mean. God, I suck at this!"

Tony huffed out a harsh breath and closed his eyes for a fraction. Steve saw Rhodey's hand clench slightly, like he was physically restraining himself from touching the screen. He didn't dare look at Pepper though. He didn't have that high tolerance for guilt. 

"Alright, alright, let's start over," Tony nodded briefly to himself, looking like he was giving himself a pep talk mentally "This is one chance you suckers get at knowing what's happening in my genius brain, so just hear me out. Not like you have a choice, but just...hear me out, okay?"

"I wanted to explain the whole mess that is the Sokovia Accords and why I'm doing this,"Tony paused and got a small grim smile on his face "Believe me, the irony is not lost on me. Me, actually voluntarily sharing information. But I think this time is an exception to everything. It's all so messed up that everybody is an exception."

"This whole thing started a couple of weeks after Sokovia. I'd tapped out, decided to stick to being Tony Stark and part time Iron Man. No more Avengers business, no more funny business. The whole nine yards of recovery. Bought a farm, yes I did Barton, planned to take vacations every year and everything. It was all so perfect, perfect planning. Like always, that's when the mess starts."

Tony has a faraway look in his eyes as he rubs his knuckles unconsciously "It never stops, the past. That's one thing I learnt long before the Avengers. But somehow, everytime the past caught up to me, I had a new weapon to push it back. Because that's one thing I'm good at, making weapons. Shields, armors, anything that'll help to fight back, I was good at it. I think we all were. But this, Sokovia was just up and above the tipping scale. It's one thing to save the world and be a hero but it's completely another when you have to save the world from yourself. Ultron was my thing, my mistake. I knew that even as I created Vision, who by the way, somebody please tell him to not mope around after this, okay? Seriously, he has a kicked puppy look worse than Cap."

Steve shook his head lightly at that. Tony always had a strange way of running in circles before he came to a point. There was a time before all this when Steve had constantly teased him about it. Now..now it all seemed so distant.

"Speaking of Cap," and now Steve's eyes snapped up again, noticing Tony's face morph through many emotions before settling on disappointment "Cap, cappy, cap. I can't even begin to tell you how incredibly, totally and absolutely.."

Steve steeled himself for the 'disappointed' blow. 

"-sorry," Steve frowned and involuntarily leaned forward "No, really, don't look all surprised. I know you have your surprised face on. It's a scary face, don't unleash it on my poor people." Tony tried to give his sneaky smile but failed spectacularly "Don't get me wrong, I'm not apologizing for the Accords. They're not something I'm gonna apologize for. Because I'm right, I know I'm right this time, Cap. We..we can't continue to be the way we are. We're reckless assholes who think we're gods. Well, in Thor's case, he's eligible to think that, but I don't think we should. No, I know that it sounds all wrong coming from my mouth, with my obvious love for playing god but honestly, Rogers, it's not worth it. It's not worth what happened to everyone there. The whole city, God, to think we're being called heroes!"

The self-depreciating smile is back and Steve is annoyed that Tony is making it about himself again. Annoyed and frustrated that he can't talk back to the infuriating man. And wasn't that a painful thought? That Tony was finally getting to talk to his heart's content and Steve was uneasy about that.

"I'm not sorry about making you a fugitive too," Tony pushes on and Steve can hear Natasha clucking her tongue softly "You deserve it, really, I'm not kidding. You gave me hell just to get a chance to talk and if I had to use _methods_ to get you to do it, then screw you, I'm not apologizing for it. Like I said last week, sometimes I just want to punch you in your perfect teeth and I don't care if one of them chipped because you were too much of a bull-head to just talk. No, I'm not apologizing for what I did. That's just..that's not something I can afford to do. But.."

Rhodey could see Steve's jaw working and has a half mind to call in his suit, just in case things go wrong. But Steve is still sitting and focused on the holograph showing Tony still talking. 

"But I can apologize for the other thing," Tony sighs and rubs his eyes wearily "The whole Bucky thing. I'm..I'm sorry I ever compared myself to him."

Steve can feel the other eyes on him but cannot make himself look away from Tony. He's always had this weakness, he'd never been able to look away from the goddamned man who was playing an upper hand even when he was dead.

"I-I guess I forgot what we truly were," Tony was chuckling out of the blue and running a hand through his hair "We've always been more rivals than friends and that should have been fine. But you know how things go, one minute you're having inside jokes about language and the next minute someone starts thinking that you're friends. I think I should have added 'lunatic' to the genius, playboy, billionaire, philanthropist thing during our introduction. Okay, can you just scratch that out, that's just weak. What I mean is, I shouldn't have thought that you'd choose between me and Bucky, that's just insane now that I think of it. I'd never choose between you and Rhodey, not that he's even a comparison to you Rhodey-bear. You're the best, no contest." Tony gave a cheesy wink and Rhodey barked out a watery laugh. 

Steve was crushing air between his palms. He knew clearly what Tony was referring to and the visual flashed in his mind.

**_" _Sorry_ , _Tony_. _You know_ I wouldn't do this if I had any other choice. But he's my friend,"_ **

**_Steve couldn't see Tony's face but heard a soft robotic gasp before things worsened_ **

**_"So was I."_ **

"Okay, now that I've gone and bloated Rhodey's head even more than usual, a few quick pointers to the others." Tony was clearly deflecting his own awkward situation but nobody could stop him now "Barton, you ass, the whole arrow in my ass was just low, even for you. It's a gorgeous ass and you are clearly not appreciative of spectacular art."

Clint snorted at that, still stiff but marginally relaxed 

"Also, if my calculations are right, and they always are, things must be normal now because if you're watching this then I'm dead and that usually sets things right," the sheer casualness of the statement almost made Clint want to throw up but he settled for a grimace "So that means that I finally get to surprise you with my brilliance. Clint, the whole thing with your wife? Well, guess what birdbrain, she's alive. Surprise!"

"That train's left the building, Stark," Natasha whispered almost fondly and Clint spared a look at her.

"Oh wait, you're gonna have to ask your bestie about the whole thing. It cannot be spoiled by a one-way conversation. No, it needs to have drama, setting and reaction. Hey, Natasha, you're now free to reveal the secret of our sisterhood!" Tony waved his hand with a flourish and it was almost as though he was still there between them. Steve heard everybody around him lighten up but he couldn't. There was just something too heavy to remove from his shoulders.

"Who's next? Hmm oh..I have absolutely nothing to say to Sam Wilson or Scott Lang, because no offence, but you guys suck at catching up with me," Tony says matter-of-factly but the eyes speak more.

"And I still beat your ass, grandpa," Sam muses to himself with a sad smile.

"And I anyway let you think that you beat my ass," Tony continued making Sam chuckle and shake his head in resignation "So nope, nothing to say to you."

"Romanoff will break out in hives if I say anything remotely emotional, so not endangering the safety of all the others near her," Tony shakes his head solemnly but Natasha simply raises an eyebrow when Bruce looks at her curiously.

"Pep," and if that isn't the most sad sigh-word ever, Steve isn't sure what is "Pepper, Pepper...Pepper."

Across him, Steve sees Pepper swallow hard and bow her head in an attempt to hide her expression from anyone.

"Just don't name your first kid after me, alright? And don't drown yourself in shoes if you mourn" Steve feels like bolting out of the room when he hears a choked sound from Pepper Potts. But because Tony can't hear it, the holograph doesn't react.

"Rhodey-bear, don't be an ass to my bots, got it? And make sure they're fed. Christ, they say I'm a workaholic but the number of times you forget to feed the kids is just..inhuman. Set an alarm, feed oil, don't forget." Rhodey simply nods solemnly and Steve wonders what kind of twisted friendship would have a best friend calmly tell another what to do when he dies. It was almost like giving instructions before committing suicide and Steve was finding it difficult to breathe now.

"Jarvis Jr.," Vision smiled a little at the name "Make sure our little witch doesn't fall back into the rabbit hole of doom, alright? Seriously lady, the amount of emo you have is enough to burst my head. Chill out sometimes. Relax. Get a massage. Make love, not war."

And a glass bursts in the room, with nobody turning to look at the undoubtedly furious face of Wanda. Nobody except Vision, who just gives her a serene smile.

Tony seems to have expected this and chuckles for a second, the impish grin making an appearance after God knows how long only to disappear too soon.

 

"And last but never the least, Bruce. It's been four whole months we've been apart!" Tony gives a small manic grin before starting off.

"Everyone, except my favorite gent, my Rhodey bear, is boccie-scum, wait you have to meet Dell Rusk to understand that insult. Widow, take Bruce to the Big Heron someday and introduce. Also, Factor Suds Out is an excellent book! Save a copy for our Captain, or just go and hack into our very own Friday library to get mine. Asap."

Bruce frowns and laughs at the same time at the absolutely stupid comment. Steve is sure that this is some strange scientist crazy thing and the others are also  looking between Bruce and the holograph with weird expressions.

"I'm starting to feel nihilistic and all these things, these ideas I started off with just sound strangely cryptic now," Tony paused, drumming his fingers on the table lightly and looking lost before continuing, "It's like I suddenly turned 53 or 67 over the past month. Way too quickly. And you know how I hate feeling old! I mean David Hubel must have felt this way too, you know before actually dying at 87. Did you know that more than 52 percent of geniuses have a mental breakdown that could destroy their life and peace? Look at dad, he lost his head when he was 46!"

The topic of Howard must have brought Tony back from his thoughts because they saw him shake his head and smile.

"I just...I just wish we'd stopped screwing around with Ultron," Tony shrugged and Steve could see Bruce's frown deepen. But the doctor doesn't comment, doesn't say a word.

"I know that I screwed up a lot, guys, trust me nobody knows that more than me. But this one, the Accords? We need something like that. Especially if SHIELD's down and superheroes are just wandering around like drunk hobos. Now, I know that you don't agree with some parts of the Accords, but we can always refine and reform things. The basic idea though, of accountability and being responsible - having boundaries - that's a necessity. That's the difference between us and the bad guys. And we blur that difference then maybe we should stop calling ourselves heroes and hang up our suits. Just, think about it, alright? Alright, I've wasted almost millions worth of precious minutes talking to a camera and it's starting to sound really stupid now, so yep, this is bye. Say hi to any new punks you bring into the group after me. Peace!"

And the screen stopped with Tony tiredly showing a peace sign. With him the talk in the room also stops. It's as though the present has stopped.

Steve is on the verge of breaking out. Thankfully, so is Rhodes.

"Let's take a five," Rhodes says before getting up and opening the door. Steve rushes out first, not bothering to wait for Sam or Clint. He is halfway through the hallway when he hears the clicking of heels catching up to him.

"Steve. Steve!" Pepper must have really fast legs because she is currently holding his arm and gently trying to make him turn around. He cannot look at her, cannot bring up his face and see her face. He can still hear the choked sound from the room. He cannot hear her say anything about Tony right now.

"It's not about..Steve, it's Bucky. He's here." the words make him snap up and look at her in horror.

"Wh-what?" his heart was palpitating because he was sure he had not told Bucky where he was coming this morning.  _Bucky was here. Bucky was here. The police was here. Bucky..._

"It's alright, Steve? It's alright. Breathe with me, c'mon," Pepper was gently breathing in and out rhythmically and after a few seconds Steve was pushing aire from his lungs to match her tempo. 

"God Steve, he's fine. He's safe. He's in the back-room. He's safe, I promise. Sam's with him now. He must have followed you here or maybe found out. It's okay Steve, it's fine, I promise." Pepper was being soft and understanding and for a minute Steve wanted to cry. But he couldn't. He had to get to Bucky.

And then they were walking back, Pepper not touching him but at an arm's distance, just there if he fell out again. It was heavy, the silence between them. 

"I'm sorry about Tony," Steve mumbled, pushing past his panic and emotions "I-I didn't want him to-I'm just...I'm really sorry Pepper."

Pepper doesn't say anything but nods. Steve isn't sure what he expected her to say.

"We-we weren't together anymore," Pepper spoke up as they take a shortcut to the place where Bucky is "when he-we're friends."

Steve doesn't know why she says what she does. He doesn't know what he has to make out of it too, but he knows as a fact that it didn't change anything.

"You'll always be his special lady," Steve said after a pause, not knowing if it was the right thing to say, but just saying it because he meant it.

Pepper spares him a look sideways and doesn't comment on anything.

When they finally reach the back-room, Pepper refuses to go inside with Steve.

"I really shouldn't," she says matter-of-factly "We'll wait for you to come back. Try to keep it short."

She left with a nod and Steve was left swimming in a whirlwind of thoughts before he took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

Bucky was sitting on a chair, head bowed between his legs. Sam was leaning against the wall, a cautious expression on his face.

At the sound of the door opening, Bucky's head whipped up and Steve felt his heart breaking again. The red eyes and unwashed tear stains were something Steve knew would be a constant in his life, for a long time to come. 

"Did I kill Stark again?"

The raw fear in the question makes Steve close his eyes tight for a second. Of course Bucky was charting up Tony's death as the second Stark in his kill column.

_**He's my** **friend** _

__Steve wished Tony would see this sight in front of him. Maybe then he would understand why Steve didn't have a choice.


	9. Bucky and Steve - Men From A Lost Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I really don't know if I'm doing this any justice, but I am really trying. This one is a bit of a filler+mystery, so no big emotional spill I think. Or maybe there is. I don't know, I'm too nervous. Please read and review?

Steve had long learnt that James Buchanan Barnes was a darn pillar. It was a curse and a comfort. When his ma had fallen to the cold, Bucky had taken control of Steve's life by the neck. There'd be food on the table, medicines by the bed, overgrown but warm clothes in the closet and a roof to live under. Sure, the food was half-cooked or burnt, medicines stolen or bartered, clothes wrangled from the abandoned houses and roof courtesy of an orphanage. But he'd done it, made sure that Steve survived and not just based on his own will-power. 

Bucky had painted a light at end of every tunnel the scrawny Steve Rogers built.

And then he'd grown into shoes that fit his large name. James Buchanan Barnes, the soldier who was off to save the country. Steve was probably jealous for the first time in his life.

Which doesn't mean that he hadn't been willing to warm Bucky up one last time before he left. It was the last time either of them had seen the loud-mouthed, experimental, cocky and skinny Steve Rogers. It was also the last time they'd  _experimented_. Bucky had kissed him softly on the forehead and said, in no uncertain terms, that he loved Stevie but they had bigger things to do than hide and explore their specific tastes. 

Steve had agreed, of course, but he was also relieved that his best friend wasn't going to change - no matter what phase of life they'd be in. Of course, Steve's experimental streak had become the changing point after that. He'd become bigger, stronger, faster. Different.

Bucky knew that was all bullshit. Steve was always strong. It just reflected on his physical strength too now, that's all. At least that's what he'd told Steve when they'd met again after the whole Schmidt shtick. Steve was just glad that somebody thought so. He loved being Captain America but he knew that he was, truthfully, Steve Rogers. 

And then Bucky had gone and fallen off the train. Leaving Steve grasping at falling straws of life.

Nothing had ever been the same after that. 

"You know, if you're gonna stand there all day, we should arrange for some coffee and dinner," Sam observed from across, still leaning against the wall and looking warily between Steve and Bucky, who was now back to burying his head between his legs.  _And now he was making double entrendes. Great._

"Hey Buck," Steve commented softly, walking across the room in slow, measured steps "Thought we were having late lunch after at Sharon's? Skipped the clock, did ya?"

No movement. No sound. Just deep breathing. In a way, Steve was glad that Bucky had come after him. The last panic incident had left a very trashed living room at Sam's house. Steve was sure that even though Sharon was gracious enough to keep an eye out for Steve, she would definitely not appreciate a rage storm.

"That's a nice jacket you've got, better than it was on Sam," Steve resolutely ignored the narrowed eyes glaring at him from the wall, "Did ya take the bike? Remind me to refuel it on the way back."

Sam mouthed  _Weak, Rogers_ and Steve had to agree. He really wasn't doing that well. Before the war, he'd been able to handle Bucky better but now, things had taken a worse look. It was like a dam had broken and Bucky was just willing to drown in it. It was worse than watching Bucky fall from a train.

"Buck," he tried again, close enough to let Bucky push him away if he didn't want Steve to touch him, "you okay? We...What's going on?"

The breathing seemed to have evened out a bit and Steve took a goddamn chance to place a hand on the hunched man's shoulder.

"Bucky?" this time it was just a whisper, a plea to god knows who.

"I need to go" The words were a mutter but Steve's hearing was good enough to pick up. He waited, patiently waited for the next part that was sure to come.

"I can't-all that blood--all those people, Stevie," Bucky sounded hollow, like he was scraping parts of him out with each word "Too much blood. Everywhere. Voices, Stevie, they're fuckin yelling into my brain. And this--another Stark."

Steve had to exert his entire control to not clutch the shoulder harder. It wasn't Bucky's fault. None of it was. If anything, it was Steve's fault. But he didn't speak, didn't interrupt the halting thoughts of his buddy.

"I gotta go. It's too much here. There, everywhere. Your lady--Carter--she's not safe. Nobody's safe. It's gotta stop, Stevie, please,  _make it stop_." the broken whisper at the end was a prayer and Steve wished he was God, just to take all of this away from the drooping shoulders of the broken man before him.

_**"We act like reckless gods..."** _

For once Steve wished Tony was right. But he wasn't a God. He was a man stuck between worlds.

"Buck, it's gonna be alright. We'll get through this, I promise. Trust me, please. I'm not-I can't lose you again. Till the end of the line, right?" Steve was trying to hold in running water in his palm, he knew it. But he wasn't about to let go without a fight.  _And this wasn't the first fight they'd had about this._

"You don't understand," Bucky looked up finally and his eyes were hard and set "This was all on me. It was either Stark or you. That bullet, it was gunning for you, right? One inch and it woulda been you. What then? What then, Steve? Stark jumped in and changed things and now it's both of us. We both got blood on our hands now. Captain America, the hero is  _dirty_ because of me. You think I don't know that?"

"It's not because of you Buck," Steve was slipping into his fight mode "It wasn't all about you. It was for all of us. You know it was for all of us, our freedom. Bucky, we all dipped our hands in this."

" _Sure_ we did. I'm not the others, ya idiot," Bucky snorted harshly "You don't believe that yourself. Tell me Steve, if it'd been this guy here, would ya have have done the war? C'mon Rogers, who're you fooling?"

"Stop deflecting," Steve commanded, hoping that Sam hadn't taken the barb hard "You're trying to get an easy way out. Buck, we gotta stick our way through this. This-this was all of ours."

"Stop lying," Bucky shot back, eyes flashing like the predator he kept hidden "This was personal. Stark was right, wasn't he? And now you're gonna take another bullet for me. Well, ya know what pal, that's not happening."

"Too bad," Steve had a clear understanding that Sam didn't want to be in the same room with two arguing supersoldiers, but he didn't have a choice right now, "You promised to stick by me till the end."

"And you promised to be Captain fuckin America," Bucky was yelling by now "And to never lie to me. Now you're breaking two of your promises and I gotta watch you take all this blame on your head? Not fuckin happening."

"I'm not taking the blame-" Steve started to protest only to be cut off by a dangerous glare from his best friend.

"I'm. Not. The. Others," Bucky bit out again, trying to hammer the words into Steve's head, "Why'd you come here, Steve? Huh? To compromise? Bare your soul? You really thought I'd not know, ya asshole? I've seen you do this before all this fat came onto your body."

"You don't know what you're-"

"You're faking it, Steve!" Bucky exploded, clenching his metal arm in an attempt to stop himself from strangling the guy before him "You're trying to act all unaffected and shitty so that the others get off being softer. You're fuckin lying on the wire, again, you moron!"

Steve didn't speak. Didn't dare open his mouth. 

"I saw the minute you knew it was wrong," Bucky raged on "The minute Stark fell, I saw you. Fuck you Steve, you think I haven't seen that look before? I saw you when I fell off that train remember? Why'd you start drinking again Stevie, huh? Is that also not related to all this? Is that some kind of  _other_ issue? Every fuckin day, the past god knows how many days, you're drunk off your mind. You think I didn't know? Keeping me in that damn apartment with your girlfriend as babysitter, you think I didn't notice? You're falling off everything! You came here drunk today too, didn't ya? Why's that Steve, why's that you had to block out your head before coming here? Scared? Of what exactly?"

"We can't fight now. We've got to keep our heads-" Steve chanted from memory, trying to put himself together faster than he was breaking.

"Keep our heads and do what? What's left to do, Stevie?" Bucky wasn't backing down, like he never did before too "What'd you say in that room? Did ya say that you were right? Did ya parrot some bullshit about not trusting the others? Or did ya tell the truth, like you should have? Do they know that you're sorry, Steve? Or are you being a fool about that too?"

"I believe in what we fought for. I can't-Tony was wrong about the Accords," Steve shook his head vehemently.

"Then why're you here?," Bucky countered, "Why're you here, Steve? It's all over, right? You think we're right, right? Then why come here? Why lie to me?"

"I had to. Rhodes deserves that," Steve was trying to stare at Bucky but the other man simply snorted again.

"You really find it that difficult to say it? That you're here because you're sorry about what happened? That you're sorry Stark died?"

"I'm not sorry that he died," Steve gritted out through clenched teeth.

"Bullshit," Bucky said automatically, "Say that to your drunken mug tonight."

"I'm not sorry, Bucky," Steve breathed out harshly, "I'm-I'm not-"

"You're what?!" 

"I'm angry!" Steve thundered and flushed red "I'm mad at him. I'm mad at that moron for stepping forward. I'm mad that he took a fucking bullet for me. I'm mad that someone got to shoot him down and that I was the reason for it. I'm mad that he didn't listen.  _He never listened_. When I told him that you were my friend, he didn't listen. He imagined that I said  _he wasn't my friend_. When I said that I couldn't work for the government, he didn't listen. He imagined that I said  _I wouldn't work with him_. Every time. Every fucking time I told him to not keep secrets from me, he didn't listen. And he didn't listen in the end too. I told him to never be an idiot and face things he couldn't take on, but he didn't listen. He should have let me take that bullet. I could have healed, damn it! He wouldn't have. He didn't! I'm mad at him, Bucky, because he didn't listen and now he's dead!"

There was a silence where Steve could hear his own breathing run ragged and closed his eyes tight. He didn't want Bucky to see him like this. Bucky deserved a stronger friend right now. He didn't need Steve's demons too now. 

"If it had been him and you'd seen the shooter, what'd you have done?" Bucky's voice was quiet, like it had been when they had been in an orphanage of Brooklyn.

"He wasn't me. I would have healed." Steve muttered brokenly and heard Sam sigh exasperatedly.

"You didn't kill him, Cap," Sam hit the nail on the head "And I think we all know that."

Steve opened his eyes and looked at Bucky, who was staring at him with closed off eyes. The silence extended for a few more tense minutes, before Bucky took a breath.

"Sam told me that the War...Rhodes told you about my rehab options," he said calmly and Steve nodded.

Bucky seemed to steel himself for a second before staring Steve down.

"I want to take them. I need help and if it's coming from Stark camp, I'll take it."

Steve didn't respond and Bucky continued.

"And you need to stop lying to yourself. Stop pretending things are okay, Stevie. He deserves honesty. Don't fall back now."

\-------------------------------

Bruce was splashing water on his face when he heard the sound. He stiffened for a minute before the hint of perfume told him who it was.

"You should really think about self-preservation around me. It's not always a good idea to sneak up on a tight-strung repressed monster." he took the towel from the rail next to him and wiped his face before looking up to see a poker faced Natasha.

"Are you okay?" Well, that was new. It wasn't everyday that Natasha Romanoff asked people about their well-being. Bruce pondered for a second before giving her an answer.

"I'm not murderous yet," he said and saw the ex-spy nod minutely before resuming her silent staring.

"I'm presuming that wasn't why you snuck into the men's loo," Bruce hinted and glanced at the closed door behind her with amusement. Natasha didn't rise to the bait but had a small quirk to her lips.

Bruce waited for her to say something but the redhead simply stared. After a few ticking minutes, he nodded his head to himself and side-stepped her. Of course, she blocked him again.

"This...is really not how communication works, Natasha," the doctor gestured to the washroom around him and pointedly looked at the door. 

"You know something," Natasha announced without preamble and Bruce was reminded just why people felt wary around the woman. 

"I know a lot of things, Ms. Romanoff, but you're going to have to be specific about this one," he acquiesced and saw an eyebrow lift slightly.

"Stark's video. You looked uneasy."

Bruce's eyebrows raised themselves "He was my best friend, Natasha. Even us scientists feel uneasy when our dead best friends talk."

The eyebrow lifted higher and looked more pointed. Bruce sighed after a few seconds.

"It's..probably nothing. Maybe just my imagination," he mumbled, running a hand over his face.

 "Bruce, I'd take your imagination over proven theories any day," there was no patronizing in the tone and Bruce felt amused at the direct compliment.

"He said four months, right?" Bruce started and Natasha simply nodded sharply "I just-It's been three months since we spoke and I just felt weird that Tony'd think it was longer than that. It was his birthday even, so I'm not sure how he could forget it. It's just-strange that he was being so random and wrong."

"And his message for you," Natasha hinted to which Bruce chuckled bitterly.

"I don't even understand what he meant. It was like he was talking about someone else or to someone else. Big Heron? Factor Suds Out? We've never spoken about any of those. And just-he was so personal and emotional about what he said to the others and mine was just. Well, crazy."

"He trusted you more than the others." Natasha was certainly not merciful of feelings and Bruce could see her calculative stare coming on.

"You think he meant something else," he confirmed with a cock of his head.

"Big Heron? I don't know a place of that name. Blue Heron was a restaurant we've been to, but nobody named Dell there," Natasha stated and Bruce could practically hear the cogs of her brain working.

"And Factor Suds Out, frankly, I've never heard of a book like that," Bruce pitched in, looking thoughtful himself.

"It isn't," the  _I checked_ was implied and Bruce always trusted Natasha's fact-checking.

"We need his message again-"Bruce was cut off when Natasha produced a tablet that had the message written. Of course she came prepared, Bruce thought in resignation.

"You think this is important," he asked Natasha, even as he re-read the message meant for him.

"He wasn't a fool," the ex-spy shrugged and Bruce knew that she meant a bigger compliment in those undermining words.

"Four months apart...boccie-scum, is that even an insult? Dell Rusk...Big Heron...Factor Suds Out," Bruce tried to pick out the strange words from the message "it sounds like a drunk hobo's message."

"Maybe there's a pattern," Natasha quipped and leaned in to read the message herself.

"Did Tony like a particular code language?" the ex-spy asked after a few seconds. Bruce considered the question for a minute.

"He liked bad puns, double entendres, anagrams, you know anything that made his jokes funnier," the doctor frowned.

Natasha frowned slightly, tasting the words on her lips before her frown cleared and she looked up at Bruce.

"Howard Stark wasn't 46 when he died," she said quietly and Bruce checked again to nod.

"And Tony never admits to being nihilistic, I don't think the word would escape his mouth ever. And since when does his ideas sound cryptic to him?" Bruce observed, trying to join the dots.

"The Nihilist Cipher" Natasha said after a minute, voice cold and certain.

Bruce snapped up at her and it struck him that the woman was right. Cryptic - Tony was more likely to use a slang word but he said cryptic. Crypts..ciphers. 

"There has to be a key here too," Bruce pointed out and re-read the message with harder focus.

"He mentions you," Bruce muttered to himself, "He specifically told you to take me to the Big Heron. Which probably doesn't even exist. But he acted like you knew the place."

Natasha stayed silent, letting the doctor work his way out of this. She had been suspicious the minute Tony started babbling about strange things. 

"Four months...Dell Rusk..What are you trying to say here, Tony," Bruce muttered as his eyes ran over the message again and again. Till it struck him.

"The pattern. There's a pattern," Bruce said in a hushed tone and Natasha went on vigil mode again "Look! Four months. Four apart. There are four words between each weird word."

"Gent?" Natasha asked sceptically, looking at the first word that should have been a hint.

"Maybe it's a guy, maybe it's someone he's hinting at?" Bruce was busy decoding the other parts.

"You said anagrams," Natasha reminded and circled each fourth word of the message, till the part of the nihilist cipher," Maybe these are anagrams."

Bruce nodded in acceptance and began feeding the odd words into the tablet, trying to decode a sensible meaning to them.

It took them fifteen minutes, between another tablet for Natasha and Bruce trying to make sense of every word obsessively.

When they finally came to a conclusion, neither was sure what to make of it.

"Well, according to the first part, including the anagrams, we have : Cosmic Cube, Red Skull, Widow, because I really don't think Id Wow makes any sense, Neighbor, Sofa Court Dust, Save , Captain, Hack and Friday." Bruce frowned deeply and saw Natasha jotting them down on her tablet.

"I think Sofa Court Dust isn't right," she said, not laughing despite the hilarity of the words.

"Yeah, maybe," Bruce agreed and then stared at the numbers he had picked from the message for the Nihilist Cipher.

"53, 67, 87, 52, 46," he repeated and thought hard about the key to this sequence.

:Maybe it's a default key?" Natasha asked, trying to think of a set of letters to decode this.

"It's got to be something special. Something nobody would think of except me," Bruce shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Something personal to you," Natasha agreed.

Bruce tried everything possible. Science Bros, Gamma Radiation, Tony Stark, The Avengers, everything. He let out a frustrated growl and Natasha laid a hand on his arm to calm him. He looked up at her and stared for a minute. And broke out laughing.

"Bruce...is everything alright?" Natasha looked wary but stuck by. 

"He..god, he is truly a genius!" Bruce shook his head and typed in the letters to the key. Natasha looked over and her eyes widened a fraction.

"You'd think he was trying to be discreet," she commented dryly. Of course he had chosen her name as the key.  _Natasha Romanoff_.

Both of them stared at the result when it came up.

"I think we need to find an Agent 13," Bruce offered finally and saw that Natasha had gone grim.

"I think we have to talk to a certain Captain as well. If  _Save Captain_ is anything to go by," Natasha declared harshly and Bruce could do nothing but nod.

 _Cosmic Cube, Red Skull, Widow, Neighbor, _________, Save Captain, Hack Friday_.

Well, Tony surely didn't like to die in peace, Bruce thought darkly and with a frustrated sigh as he wondered what exactly his best friend was hinting and why he hadn't just come out in the open about it.

Thankfully, they got Rhodes' message about re-assembling in the room and Natasha nodded at Bruce once before setting off. It was time to unravel some secrets.

 


	10. T'Challa and Thor- The Brain and the Brawn

The worst panic situations start with a polite knock. Steve had learnt that when he woke up to the 21st century.

Of course, that was cotton candy to this monster panic.

"Could you repeat that?" Bruce was asking the agent, who was stifling an urge to cower under all the intimidating superhero glares "And from the start, please? Barton, stop growling." The last part was sharp and directed at the archer who looked ready to snap.

"We-We were instructed to transfer the body of Tony Stark from the enclosure to the private cemetery. Two agents were supposed to oversee the transfer and were accompanying the carrier. They were halfway through when one of the engine failed and -"

"You decided to stop for lunch?" Natasha's voice was clearly filled with a deadly threat at the absolute stupidity that had happened.

The agent was stuck swallowing and darting eyes between Bruce and Natasha when the doctor glanced at the ex-spy, silently telling her to wait. He then nodded at the agent to continue. 

"N-No ma'am," Natasha raised an eyebrow at the 'ma'am' "I mean, yes ma'am. We didn't stop for lunch, but we had to stop to get the engine fixed. So we stopped and by the time it was fixed, we realized that..there was no body."

Bruce was glad for once that James Rhodes had left the building. He didn't want to imagine the showdown between a furious War Machine and the agents. Rhodes was better off launching his own search team.

On second thoughts, he needed to breathe himself. Pepper was busy snarling at someone on the phone but her eyes were on the agent.

The body was missing. Tony Stark was missing. Steve was sure there was some head rolling somewhere but he didn't really care at this point. He was close to knocking the agents down himself.

"Well, that means only one thing now," Sam observed from one end of the room, meeting the stare of Bruce when the doctor looked at him.

"And that is?" Bruce had to breathe harder now. Deep breaths.

"We look for him," the Falcon said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Steve saw Natasha eyeing the door and plotting the best way already. 

"All-all of us?" Bruce asked doubtfully, eyeing Wanda and Clint warily.

The archer sent a challenging stare Bruce's way. Wanda looked disinterested but Bruce had seen her mellowed down after the break. She had shown a flash of incredulity when the agent came with the information.

"All of us," Sam confirmed and looked at Steve with a meaningful look. The Captain didn't say anything but stood up and faced Pepper.

"I need my shield," he said firmly and saw Pepper pause talking into the phone for a minute "And we could use Friday's help. To track 'em down."

Bruce saw Natasha's lips quirk a millisecond but interrupted Steve with a half raised hand.

"Actually," he started and shared a look with Natasha "There's something you need to know. About Friday."

\---------------------------------------------------

It was bright when he woke up. Too bright. God, was that the sun or something? And could please shut it down, for the poor sensitive eyes here?

It took him exactly 3.5 seconds to understand the impossibility of his own thoughts.

"Wh-" he tried to open his mouth but there was only air coming out of it. Water, he needed water. Or ice chips, isn't that what people have? Or do dead people get something else?

"Here," a hand came in his vicinity and a cool solid touched his lips, which, hey, how was that happening "Drink, Stark. Entangle your thoughts later."

Okay, this was weird. And sad. Did he still have the name Stark, even in after-life? Oh come on! He wanted a better one, something cooler. And that was the second ice-chip, seriously, how does hell have ice chips?

"How does hell have ice chips?" he whispered the minute he got his voice back. Which, strangely, was the same that he had before he died. Damn it! He wanted something heavier, a good baritone kind. Why can't dead people choose how to live damn it?

There was a snigger from somewhere and he was sure that he had heard that one before. It was loud for a snigger. Something like an elephant's snigger, less sniggery and more soft trumpety.

"Elephant hush," he whispered, trying to adjust his eyes so that he could see his new hell-mates. 

"Hell-mates? Is this the kind of jokes I am to hear now?" the hand spoke up again and Tony was having a tough time raising his head to look at the face. Wait, the hand. Tony blinked twice, trying to clear his death-addled brain, but yep. The hand. It looked like an animal. Weren't hell-mates supposed to have boiled hands or something?

"I am sure you would not appreciate them, Tony. Boiled organs do not taste well I have heard," Okay Elephant-Man sounded way too familiar now. Eerily familiar. Almost like..

"Thor?" Tony whispered in shock and was surprised to say that yes, there were different kind of whispers too. But wait, back to the issue. Thor? In hell? Could he even die?

"I believe I could, someday," and yep, that was Thor talking, Tony was sure "Though I assure you, this is not hell, as you call it."

Tony had a fit of cough and he felt strong hands hold him down and the hand-voice commanding him to breathe.

On second glance, those weren't animal hands. That was a suit. With claws. Black suit with claws. Huh.  _Shit_.

"I thought you'd gone back to Waka-Waka?" Tony tried to keep the panic down. He hadn't gotten T'Challa killed. He hadn't gotten the fucking Black Panther killed, right?

"I detest that name," T'challa's voice was not severe, but rather sounded extremely calm, "And I had one final duty to fulfill before my departure."

"Are you dead too?" Tony didn't want to sound stupid because, hey, even hell might have ragging against the dumb ones, right?

He felt a soft scratch to his arm and  _fucking hell_ the claw. 

"Down kitty," Tony hissed and blindly lifted his other hand to rub his arm. So T'Challa wasn't dead. And he wasn't dead either, if the stinging pain in his arm was any indication, and that was going to hurt like a mother.

"Lower the fuckin lights will you? Eyes. My eyes. Hey, Goddy, block the sun," Tony tried to shield his eyes from the light but found his arm too heavy to lift that high. Thankfully, his cape-riding friend obliged and yes, this light was better for human eyes.

Which helped him see around him and okay, this wasn't hell. This was some kind of a lab. He looked closer and saw that there were two large machines, one similar to his arc-reactor and the other with an opaque dome that didn't show anything. No fun, opaque domes.

"Did you use magic?" Tony asked first, because he would rather die than have any kind of magic in him. And Thor was here, which could easily mean magic. Somewhere at the back of his head, there was a small panic building up about being alive, but he could prioritize for now.

With the lights lowered, he could see the Panther's face and Thor's golden man.  _Man, the God could seriously rock those beach waves_. He mentally rolled his eyes at himself and tried to focus on the people before him. 

Thor looked at T'Challa nervously but the Panther didn't flinch. Maybe the mask helped with that.

"Logic and intelligence outweighs magic sometimes," the Wakanda king declared and moved to fiddle with Tony's bed to help him rise up a bit. 

"But I died," Tony said slowly, like he was explaining to a three year old "Heart stopping, brain freezing, no breathing. You know, dun dun dun, the end."

"You watch too many cartoons," T'Challa observed and Tony hissed again, which of course lead to Thor petting his arm. He wasn't a cat, he was just feeling catty dammit!

"What happened?" Tony settled for an ambiguous question, now observing that he was sitting half naked, well, topless, but still. 

"You were shot, you were declared dead, there was a funeral, we borrowed you from the agents and now you are alive," Okay, Panthers were not allowed to be flippant, Tony was sure of that now. Because that sounded like a horrible explanation.

"What do you mean declared dead?" Tony tried, observing the Norse god and Wakanda king move seamlessly around him like they had a routine.

"I believe the Midgardian doctor declared your heart to have stopped," Thor answered, casually changing a tube that was attached to Tony's arm, "As Loki once said, people believe what they want to believe. And see what they wish to see."

Tony hated riddles. He loved puzzles but hated riddles.

"Hey T'Challa, translate that into science will you?" he turned to the Panther who was re-circuiting what looked like an elaborate heart. _Interesting_.

"The bullet that hit you pierced your sternum but managed to leave your body too. You were hooked up in the M.S. and they gave you three hours. We had someone willing to save your life and fed you a chemical concoction of TTX and some other drugs I shall never speak of with you," Tony protested at that but T'Challa just carried on "You were declared dead by the doctors who obeyed our 'willing' and we convinced our willing person to suggest a private funeral for you. It helped us get time to come up with a compound solution to repair your body and when we did, the Norse God picked you up from the carrier that was supposed to send you to the old Stark cemetery. And now you are alive."

Tony looked at Thor who was suppressing a smug smile. It reminded Tony of an earlier time and an earlier himself.

"You picked up my dead body from a hellicarrier?" he confirmed slowly.

Thor simply nodded like a proud puppy.

"And what is the 'solution' you dumped into me?" Tony thought he was being strangely calm for all the shit he was hearing, but nothing wrong in believing some crappy science fiction right?

"Part of it was science. The other part...Ask the Thunder God," T'Challa said and he didn't sound all that happy but he didn't sound pissed too. Just a little annoyed.

"An apple a day keeps the Midgardian healers away," Thor said smugly and Tony just..blinked.

He blinked. And then blinked. And to be sure, he blinked some more.

"Thor, don't tell me, don't you dare tell me that you gave me a fucking..golden apple. No, don't tell me, do.not.tell.me.that," Tony ground out slowly, trying to breathe through his panic. T'Challa was inches away from holding him down and knocking him unconscious just to stop the panic storm.

Thor simply smiled and nodded.

And then they found out that yes, Tony Stark did need to be knocked out by Black Panther after all.

When he woke up, Tony was surprised to find that he was no longer topless.Or in a lab.

The room looked like it had seen better days. Or better curtains to be exact. And a better bed, Tony thought as he felt the springs squeak with every movement he made.

"Easy there Tony," And there was Thor again, looking partly guilty and partly determined. Tony remembered the awakening, the Black Panther, the weird hell-mates thing, and the golden apple. 

He took a deep breath and paused all thoughts. No more attacks for Tony. No more tantrums. Time for answers.

"Why'd you save me?" he asked softly, looking straight at Thor.

Thor cocked his head and looked at him surprised.

"Because you are my friend," he said as an obvious answer.

"That's a reason I've heard before," Tony mutters to himself before rubbing a hand over his face, "Thor, you don't know what happened. The war, the Accords...You should have just-"

"No, I shouldn't have," Thor said firmly and Tony thought he heard thunder outside, but Thor looked pretty calm "Anthony, we are a team. That is what you told me we are. And we do not fight each other. I have learnt that with Loki, fighting between family does not give anybody peace or victory. The war you had, it had no reason. No necessity. It was a conversation we should have had. Yes, I said 'we'. Am I not your friend? Am I not part of those who fought at Sokovia? Being a God does not make me any less worthy of discussion, Anthony."

Tony stared at his hands and tried to stop the guilt waves from drowning him.

"I had it all figured. It was the perfect solution. It was all there," Tony whispered, rubbing his forehead hard "And then it wasn't perfect anymore. Just a hand away. All I needed was a hand's help. And missed it. It-He was shot and I saw the perfect opportunity. One bullet and it's all over. One hit and I don't have to face them anymore. Why'd you bring me back, Thor?"

The Thunder God crouched in front of Tony and calmly took his shivering hands in his own large ones.

"Because you need to fix this, Tony," he said, soothingly, like those rare moments he would turn into Thor the big brother, "I wish I had come sooner. Maybe I might have stopped it all, maybe I might not have. But it happened and now the war is over. But Tony, no war can be ended without healing the scars. There is too much to repair. Our friends need us, need you, to come back. And you cannot do that by staying dead. Valhalla does not require you yet, Anthony, but our family does."

Tony wanted to say so much. Thank Thor for saving him? Protest to being saved? He didn't know. So he simply stuck to letting Thor hold his hands and breathed in the silence.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

"You're sure this is right?" Steve asked as he watched Bruce rapidly rework Friday's coding. It was like watching a pianist run a masterpiece, but he had seen THE maestro already before so Bruce wasn't surprising him. It was nothing like watching Tony.

"You know what I do Steve," Bruce said even as he wormed his way through all the holes in Friday's code. Christ, who had tried to break her? "If we need to get to Tony, we need to do this. Something is fishy here, Cap. Even you should see that, right?"

Steve stayed silent and let the doctor work his magic. Natasha, Clint and Sam had already gone to wrangle as much information they could from the agents who had been with Tony's body last. Wanda and Vision were currently scouring the areas where somebody could possibly take Tony. Pepper was fending off the media and government with practiced precision.

Steve was stuck trying to figure out the code of Tony Stark. He thought about the message they had decoded.

_Save Captain_

It had taken them two whole days to re-create Friday from her broken pieces. Two whole days of doing nothing but wait on Bruce's genius. And wondering why somebody would need Tony's body.  _Couldn't they let him rest in piece at least?_

He was cursing the dead genius with every fiber of his body. He was also cursing Bucky for breaking his stronghold. Why was Tony trying to save him? And from whom? Natasha hadn't let Bruce tell him everything in detail and somewhere Steve didn't blame her. He didn't think he was ever going to get her to trust him completely again.

"We're in," Bruce said and Steve leaned forward to see the blue codes re-align themselves and exploding in perfect sync. It was like watching fireworks.

"Any chance to trace him?" Steve asked, gripping his shield tight.

Bruce frowned hard "This can't be right," he muttered frustratedly and Steve looked at him for a second.

"What's not right?" Steve asked with nervousness.

"This..this shows that..how is this possible..this shows that-"

"Daddy's back. C'mon Brucie, you can say it."

Steve froze and felt Bruce freeze too. The voice, how could that be? He had heard that voice so many times that it was in hid brain. But then Bruce was turning and Steve saw shock paling his face. And he had to turn too. He had to turn and see..

"Tony"

Bruce whispered the name and then Steve couldn't react because there was a Hulk incident and Tony was laughing. 

 


	11. The Mixed Bag of Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a filler again, I think. Will bring out the full-fledged action from the next part onwards. Read and review please? <3

One second he was laughing and the next second he was being swooped up in a big, green hand. And then he thought he was going to go deaf by roaring.

"What the-Bruce! Bruce, calm down. Banner, I know you're in there, seriously, I don't even have my armor, Banner come out, Hulk go in. Go to sleep!" Tony was struggling in the tight grip and trying to stay as still as possible, at the same time. It ended up looking like he was having to pee urgently but Tony Stark did even that with style and he didn't care if Captain Wonderpants was watching. 

Hulk brought him close, closer and closer to his face, till Tony ended up balancing his hands on the big guy's nose.  _Don't freak out, don't freak out, don't freak out, WHY ISN'T THE FUCKING CAPTAIN HELPING?!_

There was a beat of silence where Tony actually felt Hulk sniff him. He had so many good doggy jokes at the tip of his tongue but despite what Pepper thought, he did have  _some_ self-preservation parts in him, thank you. 

"Tin-Tin?" Hulk growled and Tony heaved a sigh of relief internally. 

"Hey Dum-Dum," he grinned cheekily "buddy, you gotta use the fresh-mint I made you, seriously, it's like winds of warthogs up here, whoa-"

Being cradled by the Hulk was so not what he wanted right now. Seriously, the guy was super warm, worse than a furnace and the man-boobs were seriously green up close. Tony tried to look down at the other bulky guy in the room but Ste-Rogers was simply standing there like a Madame Tussaud's. 

"Okay Big Guy, there there, you're cute and cuddly but I'm gonna start freaking out now. You think you can let the prickly puppy out now? Hey, I think the doctor would like to see me too, yeah?" Tony squawked, desperately hoping to land on ground without bruises this time. He must have done something right during some past life because Big Green simply snorted, practically blow-drying Tony's hair with that wind, before setting him down.  

Tony landed on wobbly legs but in one piece and watched Hulk frown and shrink into himself till the green changed to tan and big-burly baby turned to small-hairy genius.

Who apparently wasn't as happy as the Other Guy. Bruce looked a little tired from the transformation but the frown and glare was set. Before Tony could open his mouth and try explaining anything, he was being lifted by the neck and pushed against the wall. By a very pissed, very blonde and very not-the-person-he-wanted-to-see Steve Rogers.

"Who.are.you?" the voice was low and deadly, the kind Tony knew no man ever wished to hear without wanting to ruin his pants. Tony tried to claw the hand holding him tight but he understood soon that he was in no way a match for supersoldier strength driven by rage.

"What? Use your eyes! It's me, Rogers," he wheezed and he could see Bruce controlling his green tinge but not interfering the struggle. So, okay, Bruce didn't believe he was Tony too.  _Hulk was smarter than these two, sheesh!_

"Ro-gers," he tried again and saw Steve's eyes narrow.

"Who sent you here?" Steve asked, face way too close to Tony's for the genius' comfort "Why are you impersonating Tony? Who are you? You have seconds to live, so I suggest you use them with a name. Who. Are. You?"

Probably years later, Tony would look back at this moment and think 'Hey, I could have handled that better'. But right now, his self-preservation instincts were dwindling in face of indignant anger. Which usually led to assholery.

"Who are YOU?" Steve thundered again and Tony couldn't resist it.

"I am Groot," he wheezed in a bad impression and saw Bruce's eyes twitch a bit. Steve was still furious, at god knows what, but confusion was creeping in.

Thank God for Friday though. 

"Captain Rogers, I can confirm that this is indeed Mr. Tony Stark. I would recommend you to leave Sir right now if you do not wish him to die again," the voice filtered through and Tony could see Bruce edging forward now.

"Tony?" he asked hesitantly and put a hand on Steve's shoulder to tell him to stop.

"I like hugs but could we please try the shoulders instead of my neck?" Tony answered and saw Bruce's confusion vanish only to be replaced by ridiculous fondness.

Steve must have caught on too because the next thing Tony knew, he was dropped on the floor like a hot potato. He collapsed in a heap and coughed his way into devouring some air. Bruce was by his side in a flash, patting his back and softly telling him to calm down. 

"Shit-Seriously...I die  _once_ and you think I want to make it a habit?" Tony croaked and felt Bruce pinch his shoulder lightly before rubbing soft circles over it. 

"You need to work on your entries, Tony," Bruce's voice was strained with happiness yet pain and Tony looked up cautiously and saw the doctor rapidly blinking back his panic and trying to smile, but looking constipated instead.

"Hey, hey, c'mon doc, don't do this," Tony tried for joking but his voice must have sounded desperate in some way because now Bruce looked more constipated, "hey, short story: Not dead. Brucie, you can't drop your lethal emotional rays on me now. C'mon, once you turn into the Hulk and the next moment you turn into the Sulk. No, no, don't glare, seriously. Be sciency, be normal, sheesh, are you wearing purple? I told you, no to purple. See, now I'm gonna get you a better wardrobe and-"

"Tony", Bruce chuckled at his rambler friend and shook his head, but let go of the genius, giving him his mandatory and necessary space.

Tony breathed in deep and thanked his stars for the reclamation of space. He leaned his head back against the wall and grinned at Bruce before he heard a choked sound and looked up to see an extremely pale and ghost-like Steve Rogers.

Steve was sure he was hallucinating. There was a Tony Stark at his feet, sitting in a rumpled but casual state beside Bruce. There was a Tony grinning and making horrendous jokes. There was a Tony without a bullet hole in his chest. He could feel his breath freeze up in his lungs. There was ringing in his ears and he could predict that in a few second he was going to collapse in a heap himself. A choked sound escaped his mouth and he saw Tony look up and meet his eyes.

The minute he met the too familiar brown eyes and recognized the flicker of pure Starkness or cheekiness, he could feel his world coming down around him. Distantly he heard Bruce call out for him softly, asking him if he was okay. But Steve couldn't speak. Couldn't look away from the brown eyes that now held a challenging glance.

His feet moved out of their own will and he found himself rushing out of the floor, desperate to get away far. He didn't stop when he ran down the stairs. He didn't stop when he came out onto the streets. He didn't stop when he found himself walking across streets that he couldn't count. He didn't know how he reached the empty stadium. Didn't know how long he had been speed walking.

He only stopped when he had walked into the empty basketball court and crumbled into a heap in the center.

And then he clutched his head in his hands and broke down. 

\-----------------------------

"So, you're telling us that Thor and T'Challa," Bruce looked at Tony for confirmation for the pronunciation and got a nod "tricked everyone into believing you were dead and then got you back by kidnapping you from a hellicarrier and hooking you up to an Asgardian apple. Am I missing something?"

"The pinching, you missed the claw pinching," Tony pointed out sagely and heard knives scratching metal from Natasha's direction. Because he was still from the coming-back-high, because he was still pissed about meeting Rogers and seeing him walk out without fucking inquiring about him and because he was, well, a little shit, Tony did what he always did.

"It's knife to see you too honey," he turned and batted his eyes at the deadly ex-spy. He was saved from a flying knife by Bruce's timely push. 

"Oh losing your touch there darling," Tony observed and saw Natasha open her mouth to say something but heard a yell that was definitely not hers.

"YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!"

Tony had exactly 5 seconds before he felt the 163 pounds of Mama Bear barrel across the room and land a clean right hook on his jaw.

"Ow fucking ow!" Tony clutched his jaw and landed backwards but didn't get a respite because there was a Rhodey on his body now. Trying to strangle him. Such fond friends he had.

"You-absolute-asshole!" Rhodey ground as he shook Tony vigorously, "How dare you get shot?! How dare you fucking die, you dick?! Did you think?! About us?! I'm gonna kill you again!"

Tony was seriously getting tired of all the choking and knife throwing and yelling. But this was Rhodey. His Rhodey. And even while being shaken, he could see the tightly controlled tears in his best friend's eyes. 

"Can't..die on..you again," he muttered in between shakes, "You'll...just...come..drag me to...some stupid...secret base...and lock me in."

"Damn right I will!" Rhodey snapped before looking at Tony sharply, dark eyes frantically checking his face for a minte, before he was pulled into the patented Rhodey-Bear Hug.

Behind Rhodey, Tony could see the second part of his Defense Squad. Pepper's face was tightly drawn but the stray tears and hitched breathing were there.

"Can I just give you my card and let you buy shoes for the rest of your life?" he asked her from the crook of Rhodey's neck. 

"I don't need your card. I already have access to all your money," Pepper replied with a fake air before her voice cracked "It's going to take more than the world's shoes to make up this time."

"A koala bear?"

"Not even the entire zoo."

"I'm going to be tortured with paperwork, aren't I?"

Pepper gave her shark smile, "Just 12% of my work."

Tony chuckled at that and then Rhodey was chuckling too, and Pepper was stepping forward without a care to the room of superheroes. Tony didn't care about his reputation that day when two of his best friends squeezed him tight in a group hug.

"Hey, is Birdbrain with his population yet?" Tony asked when he got out of the hug and tried to discreetly get his suave back on. No one was fooled, but Natasha rolled her eyes slightly.

"He's with them right now," she informed him with a droll expression, which was Natasha's expression for everything, "And he said 'tell the dick to keep his butt safe for my target practice'."

"Ooh, so many suggestion in one message," Tony replied with a waggle of his eyebrows, getting a thwack on his head from Pepper.

\----------------------------------------------

"So who was the 'willing person'?" Pepper asked with an arctic tone to her voice. Her eyes were boring into Thor, who could very well have buried himself under a blanket, with the nervous child look.

"Well, Lady Pepper, it is not the nature of a warrior to break his word to-"

"Either you say the name or you partner Tony on all the paperwork I am going to drop on his head for this," Pepper said drily and saw Tony raise hopeful eyes to the Thunder God.

Who seemed to share Tony's fear for paperwork.

"Lady Hill," he blurted out and looked sheepish that he had broken his warrior code. But Tony shared a sympathetic look with Thor, because he shared the brotherhood of paper-pain.

Thor had arrived about thirty minutes after Tony's arrival. Apparently, he had provided free passenger service to the Black Panther who had to leave for Wakanda due to 'important matters'. The proud smile he had borne while entering had been swiped clean when Natasha and Pepper cornered him with their practiced 'mature' glares and perfect eyebrows. He had been brave at the beginning, but Tony knew how the ladies cracked their victims like nuts.

Tony was truly envious of T'Challa. The bastard was really smart with escape plans.

Pepper glared at Thor for another minute before marching off with an obvious call to a certain Hill, to deliver a mixture of thank you and fuck you in highly eloquent poetry. 

Tony suggested that Thor take a break and get some rest which the Norse God readily agreed to. 

Which was how Tony was left alone with a grim looking Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff.

"What happened to Friday?" Bruce cut to the chase and Tony bit his funny answer when he saw Natasha's warning look.

The billionaire sighed and rubbed a weary hand over his face.

"You guys heard of the Red Skull, right?" he asked and saw Natasha's eyes reflect recognition, "Well, let's just say that he has an amazing cube that helps him control anyone and any number of people."

"The Red Skull broke Friday?" Bruce asked with a frown marring his face.

"No, not technically," Tony shrugged, "That was me."

Natasha and Bruce shared a tense look before turning their full attention to Tony.

"Explain."

\--------------------------------------------

Steve was bone-tired by the time he reached his apartment. Emotional pain always took a higher toll on him than physical pain.  _Especially when a dead man you have been mourning terribly, comes back to life_ , he thought tiredly.

He knocked the door of his house and heard shuffling feet come closer. The door opened and he met brown eyes that had become a strong support system in the past few months.

"Oh Steve," Sharon sighed and pulled Steve closer into his arms and closed the door softly. Steve didn't have any energy to resist and simply clung to his girlfriend, Sharon Carter, the woman he had met as Agent 13.

 


	12. Invisible and invincible pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's coping with his return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Severe trigger warnings. Self-harm and self-loathing. I request anyone with any chance of being affected by the above to please skip the portions written between * *. Your well-being matters much more than this piece of fiction. I love all my readers and ask you to please take care of yourself and use discretion while reading. You are valuable. You are important. You matter. Lots of love.

 

***** **Warning for trigger starts here** *****

On the fourth count he let his head fall forward and sucked in a hollow breath.

On the fifth, he felt his rectus abdominis tear. 

"Sir, I would recommend," Friday starts in an obviously pinched voice but Tony mutes her with his command. She isn't JARVIS. She doesn't have the upper-hand over Tony by account of emotional connect or experience.

She is not his best friend.

The suit in front of him, Mark XIX, swings back and delivers a particularly fantastic hit to his ribs.  _Yeah, right there. Pain. Blood-drawing and breath stopping pain._

"C'mon sucker," Tony wheezes, letting the pain cloud his mind and wanting that final blow. The one to shut his brain completely and block out all thoughts. "C'mon buddy, one more. C'mon!"

The suit didn't react to baits but this was a command. A command from his creator to knock him out.

The roundhouse kick hit him exactly where he needed it to. His power button. His temple.

The blackness was the most welcoming friend he had met since his arrival.

***** **Warning for trigger ends here** *****

When he woke up, devil knows how many hours later, Tony looked down and saw that he was still tied to the posts. Breathing was tough but he was thankful that his face had been spared.  _Couldn't let the others find out._

"Friday, full lights," he bit out and blinked under the harsh lights, "Also, Code Constrictor off. Time to get out of these." he gestured to the cuffs on his hands and feet.

When he he felt the cuffs release him, he almost fell face-forwards but was held back by a whirring Dum-E who gently held Tony's arm in his claw. His oldest AI didn't have any speech but Tony could feel the despair in the soft whirring sounds.

"Thanks, buddy. Now scram, go do something useful for Daddy," Tony shooed his bot away fondly when he was finally sitting down on his workshop stool. If Dum-E first placed a wet cloth and brought the first aid kit before leaving, well, Tony was kind of grateful for that.

It took him a long time to fix his injuries on the outside. He had experience with this, he was good at this. But somewhere along his thoughts, he was also glad that Pepper and Rhodey hadn't come to the Tower today. They weren't as easy to fool as the others. Well, they were probably fooled because Tony had refused to come out of the workshop and also maybe because he had staged an act that he was going to Malibu for a while. The things technology and video chats could do was something just short of genius.

It had been a week since his 'resurrection' and Tony was extremely busy trying to patch back the broken pieces he had left during the war. So what if he wasn't all that good patching himself back? The whole Cosmic Cube mystery was lying heavy on his shoulders and he was handling everything the best way he could. The conversation with Bruce and Natasha a week back was still clear in his head.

_"We should just take her down," Natasha decided calmly, like she wasn't discussing killing someone she had personally known and been friends with._

_"One day, some day, I am going to get really drunk and be horrified by your thinking but not right now," Tony replied with a finger pointing in her direction, "And no, we are not taking down Sharon Carter."_

_"Stark, she tried to kill Cap once, she's not going to miss the second time," Natasha countered calmly. Because Natasha could show even anger in calmness._

_" **She** was-is being used by Hydra's voodoo. Seriously, Vader, if that's not one reason to get her out of the freaks' influence, I'd start to think you're actually a robot,"_

_"She has been compromised. She is a threat. To all of us."_

_Tony was beyond tired at this point. They had been discussing this issue for the past two hours and the Russian ex-spy was **always** coming back to the same point. A couple of months back, Tony might have just agreed. But not now. Not after having tracked the Agent and having hacked all her information._

_"I've got two words for you Romanoff: Clint. Barton."_

_He was expecting a punch, he really was. But he didn't back down or look away from the sheer cold of Natasha's glare. It was probably good that even Natasha was wary of Bruce._

_"Children, please," the doctor breathed softly, not budging an inch from his place in front of the holograph rapidly flashing the details of Carter,"Tony, I'm glad, really glad, that you're finding a new sense of humanity but we're talking about a manipulated trained agent who is living with an oblivious Captain America. Not to forget, the very same agent, we're definitely not pleased to know, who shot you. What are you thinking?"_

_There was no incredulity or accusation in his voice and Tony was really thankful for that. Banner was being genuinely curious about Tony's intentions._

_"Look, I know that you guys think this is some sort of homicidal mission, but it really isn't," Tony tried again, pointedly ignoring Natasha's glares, "I've been monitoring her for a while, I told you. There's a tomb full of evidence that this is the Red freak's work but the one pulling the shots isn't him. I can't get through to the real hands, which fucking sucks and is pretty insulting honestly because I can dig into **everyone** and that isn't even a joke, but yeah ok, this 'Doctor Faustus' guy is fucking invisible. It's like he doesn't exist. Anywhere. But he keeps popping up in Crossbones' file, in Carter's private call list and god, stop staring Bruce, you know I looked into the private lines, he even comes in Bu-Barnes' file."_

_This was the first time he was acknowledging the Winter Soldier by his other name and Tony would have laughed at the irony of the situation he was using it for but hey, he wasn't below low-blows._

_"If we take down Carter, which again is seriously a suicide attempt for us because we already tried to take down one Hydra manipulated soldier once and that lead us to a fucking civil war," Tony shrugged casually, because he was so not going to break his record of calm assholery, "we'll have no link back to the real dick. And also, it's not like I'm suggesting that we leave Captain Spangles alone in the hands of an assassin, because I don't really think that's a good move for national peace and I'm all about peace. I'm just saying that we need to keep an eye on her and use the sneaky hand instead of going all Rambo. Honestly, genius beats guns anytime, ask Bruce."_

_"I don't think I'm a good judge of that," Bruce replied wryly and Tony rolled his eyes cheekily._

_"And the Cosmic Cube? What about it? You destroyed your own AI because you were afraid that you were going to be influenced by it and use Friday to destroy the world," Natasha's voice was dull and snarky but her face was impassive. Which probably meant normal for Natasha._

_"That..is true," Tony deflated for a second but picked up again, "but I also created a murder-bot because I was trying to save the world from aliens, which the murder-bot thought meant **us** , strange how that worked, right? Anyway, genius minds can need a break too sometimes, in fact you'd do well to know about a particularly insanity-prone person called Reed Richards, who I cannot believe I compared to genius. I think I'm sick, am I sick? Friday-"_

_"What she meant," Bruce cut in with a small sigh "is what our future plan is about the Cube. We found the Tesseract once, we could probably find this one too,"_

_And that is where Tony's anxiousness set in, because he hated the word 'impossible' and he was meeting it right now._

_"You should know right now how much I hate the sentence falling out of my mouth," Tony began with a grunt, "I mean really, I loathe AIM, detest Hammer, am absolutely repulsed by Hydra but this sentence just takes the cake."_

_Tony breathed in dramatically and looked at a spot between Bruce and Natasha._

_"We can't trace it. At all. It has some sort of a jammer that covers it from any technology. Grade-A level shitfest, but yeah, it's almost like its wearing an invisibility cloak."_

_Bruce looked at Tony for a minute and then looked at Natasha before sitting down and taking his glasses off._

_"Well, shit."_

The truth is that Tony is getting tired of chasing invisible straws. He has no clue how the Cube looks, what kind of environment it can be kept it, what energy it can hold, nothing. He also has no clue about the mysterious Doctor Faustus. If he hadn't analysed Carter's behavior for over weeks and compared it to Barnes', he would probably have never come to the conclusion of brain-washing. In some small part of his brain, he wishes they could just do what Natasha said and be done with this. But as soon as he's thought that he feels sick. Or maybe that's just his torn ribs talking.

As he tried to put his shirt back on, he felt his arms curse him. And heard the hiss of a door opening.

"You missed a spot in the back" Natasha's low voice streamed through and Tony froze for a minute.

"My AI isn't faulty so I'm guessing you played your cheat card," Tony replied nonchalantly, his tone belying the panic inside. _They knew. They knew. They're seeing him at his weakest. They knew..._

"You're not the only genius around here," Natasha said casually and came forward, slowly coming to stand in front of Tony.

"When'd he figure out?" Tony knew it was Bruce, of course it was Bruce "How many furniture broken yet?"

Natasha didn't reply and simply took the wash cloth on the table and offered it to Tony.

"One left between your shoulders. Clean up," she informed him calmly and didn't look at his face, opting to glance at the holographs open around her.

Tony looked at the cloth and back at Natasha. She knew he couldn't reach the wound. But she also knew that he could very well hurt himself if he panicked. She was not forcing him to let her help.

Typical Natasha.

"Begging does it for you, huh?" Tony asked conversationally, trying to understand what game they were playing here.

Natasha shrugged without looking at Tony.

"Usually truth does the job well enough," Tony heard Bruce's voice from behind and had an immediate flash of panic before seeing that it was just Bruce and not Hulk.

The doctor was carrying a tray of medicines and wads of cotton that made Tony want to crack a sexy nurse joke. But he could see the fight Bruce was rallying against Hulking out and pushed back his humor.

There was an unnatural silence for a minute where Tony had a good mind to just ask them to fuck off. But Bruce had a mug of coffee on the tray too, the bastard. And Tony never turned away a man with coffee.

Sighing to himself he dropped the cloth and slightly turned his back to Bruce in a show of acceptance.

"I'm not going to apologize," Tony said after a while, when Bruce had finished properly fixing his bruises.

Natasha raised an eyebrow but shrugged her acceptance.

"We should probably not split our assignment though," Bruce said calmly "I could use your help in eliminating regions off the possible Cube locations list."

"Or we could wait for you to come back from Malibu" Natasha quipped and Tony was impressed at her controlled sarcasm.

He could read between the lines. They were giving him a choice to either share his crazy with them or let them patch him up everytime he hurt from it.

"Can I get another coffee?" Tony asked with a fake smile but he knew that they understood. It was a stunted apology. An olive branch for lying to the only people who were helping him in his secret mission.

Bruce gave him a scrutinizing look before nodding. Natasha didn't throw anything at him so that meant a yes.

They sat discussing their findings for a while. Nobody mentioned anything about the past week's absence or the lying.

At the end of it Natasha told him to call her if he ever wanted to go to 'Malibu' again and left with a nod to Bruce. Who was fiddling with Tony's things.

"Bruce?" Tony called out cautiously, noting the other man's pointed ignoring of him.

"I want JARVIS back" Bruce said without preamble.

Tony paused and wondered if they were going to discuss his particular 'issue'.

"Is Friday not-"

"I don't trust her. The-the Other Guy doesn't trust her" Bruce's voice was tight.

Tony wanted to ask what had happened when it struck him. Bruce didn't true Friday because she wouldn't do what JARVIS would have done. She wasn't as sneaky or familiar as his old AI. If Tony had pulled a stint like this with JARVIS, the AI would have found some loophole, any loophole and contacted someone. He had grown up with JARVIS. The AI knew how to beat Tony at his own game.

Friday was obedient and loyal. But she respected the hell out of Tony to try and overrule his stupidity sometimes.

Tony felt a twinge of guilt at lying to Bruce then. He didn't want to hurt him or anyone else. He just wanted an exit for all the madness and fear lurking in him. The pain from everything he had done. He didn't apologize for what he did but he also knew that Bruce hated Hulk overpowering him. And that always happened when Tony was hurt or hid.

"Okay" Tony acquiesced carefully.

"I also hate eating alone," Bruce said, now looking at Dum-E.

"Now you're just emotional blackmailing me," Tony whined and saw Bruce shrug.

"I asked Natasha but she usually goes to meet Clint and Laura for lunch everyday," Bruce replied, patting Dum-E.

"Fine," Tony huffed "One meal everyday. With coffee. In my workshop."

Bruce still wasn't looking at him but nodded.

"Clint's fine" he said after a pause.

"Didn't ask," Tony retorted, though he was secretly glad that Birdbtain was doing okay "How's the family?"

"Still getting over the Sherlock thing," Bruce replied with a chuckle and Tony snorted.

"Wilson's complaining about 'maintaining old bird wings," Bruce informed.

"He's woefully ignorant about the miracles of timely repairs," Tony groused "Tell him to send them in through Jarvis Jr."

"Hmm" Bruce hummed "Vision seems to be helping Wanda with her PTSD."

"I didn't create a genius for nothing," Tony said airily "He could probably stay in the fifth floor here. The Maximiff kid could be an excellent Halloween party planner. The Avengers base there is pathetic enough to be an insult to the word pathetic."

Bruce hid a grin and simply nodded.

"Thor spoke to T'Challa. It appears he wants to discuss Midgardian kingdoms,"

"I think Panther is going to officially sober Thor of his perkiness. Disaster is approaching!" Tony mocked with a chuckle "You think Wakanda guys like fruit baskets? I should probably send some just for the heck of it."

Bruce didn't object and walked around slowly till he was before Tony.

"Barnes is starting therapy today. Steve's with him."

Tony didn't need to ask why. But he had another question.

"Sergeant Manbun know I'm alive?"

"He sends his regards," Bruce replied before smirking a bit "And promises to turn you into a football for his kicking ass practice when he's out of rehab. Extremely vivid imagery."

Tony chuckled at that. When instead of if. Barnes appeared to be more logical than his best friend. Speaking of whom..

"Any strange activity with Uncle Sam?" Tony asked as casually as he could. Thinking about Rogers usually felt like dancing on nails. Because dancing felt good and nails felt horrible.

"Still alive" Bruce replied with a small smile.

Tony nodded and looked at the holograph before him.

"Carter's still fluctuating between herself and Zombie Carter" Tony informed as he watched the feed from the hidden cameras Natasha had installed at Steve's apartment. Tony was really not surprised that Steve was being all gentlemanly and never went beyond chaste hanky pankies. Not that Tony was being a Peeping Tom, because geez, Carter was Aunt Peggy's niece if not anything else and he was definitely not going to insult her by doing ...that.

The cameras were not fit in the bedroom and Tony always got Friday to watch and report any strange activity when Steve and Sharon got...romantic. The feed was on automatic mute whenever that started and Tony indulged in his other projects for that while.

He was a sicko but not a pervert.

"Good" Bruce said and Tony blinked to realize that he had just said that out loud.

"Okay, that's all for now," Tony said and faked a yawn "Time to sleep. It's late. Whoooo so late. See ya later Brucie-"

"Pepper and Rhodey love you" Bruce cut him off softly "They're glad you're alive but they might need some...reassuring. I know I need it often."

Tony looked down and expected a reprimand for what he'd been doing. Something. Anytime now.

Nothing came.

He looked up to see Bruce simply standing there calmly. Waiting for Tony.

Tony sighed and nodded. It wasn't a promise or a confirmation. It was just an agreement to consider. Bruce was apparently satisfied.

As he was leaving, the doctor paused at the door and turned with a small grin.

"See you at lunch Tony."

Tony returned the smile softly and nodded. See you at lunch indeed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next part will be Steve centric. Sorry if it's going too slow. I'm trying to find time to go faster but still struggling. The Stony interaction will start full fledged after Steve's coping. Till then, thanks for bearing with me! Please read and review?


	13. Gluttonous Guilt of the Strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for triggers: Severe bullying aftermath mentions, PTSD and anxiety issues. I request anyone with any chance of being affected by the above to please skip the portions written between * *. Your well-being matters much more than this piece of fiction. I love all my readers and ask you to please take care of yourself and use discretion while reading. You are valuable. You are important. You matter. Lots of love.  
> Also, this one's for imgonnadie. I'm sure that isn't your name, but I wrote this today only because of you. There now, your headstone can wait a little longer <3

It was the sixth time he had disappointed Sharon. He was sure that she was disappointed. She had to be, right?

But she simply smiled, kissed his cheek and went into the bedroom wishing him a good night.

Steve sat still for a long time, willing his breath to run normally. When he told Clint about this hesitantly once, the archer just told him that he was getting excited and he should 'just do it'. The only problem was that he didn't think he was excited.

He thinks he is scared. Because he's sure that if he was excited, some things were supposed to be..well,  _up_.

The supersoldier raised a shaking hand and ran it down his face. This was not how things were supposed to be. He had been through wars before - gruesome, devastating, global wars. And still he had never had his body failing him like this. Never had his mind disobeying his command. 

It was like he was back to being a 16 year old boy who couldn't dare touch himself after a particularly nasty piece of bullying.

******* **Warning for trigger starts here** *******

_He couldn't hide his limp today. Steve was staring at the broken leg and cursing himself for letting things go too far. He should have used that new punch Bucky had taught him last week. He should have not thrown away the garbage lid at the taunts. He should have done something, anything. Because now he wouldn't be able to hide his limp till tomorrow._

_The orphanage was in the first floor of the ramshackle they called a building. Fifteen steps. There were fifteen steps between humiliation and freedom. His leg was killing him, the broken bone jutting partially through his calf, but Steve Rogers couldn't afford to think about it._

_He wouldn't let the bullies win. He wouldn't let them take away his dignity._

_By the time he dragged his fast fading self to his room, he was sure that there was a blood trail through the steps. It wouldn't make a difference though. Punks of the orphanage always got beaten up. He could always escape notice, as long as some other kid was bleeding like him too._

_Steve knew there would be._

_There was no shower or hot water to wash away the pain. In the brown old 2x2 bathroom, there was nothing but a rusting mug and a broken bucket with a quarter of old water. Steve was fine with that. He just needed enough water to wipe off the blood, because blood was the only thing he didn't have enough. Guts, sass, them he had in gallons. Blood and flesh? Well, the Good Lord couldn't give everything to everyone, could he?_

_It took him twenty minutes to clean himself, dipping his old shirt in the water and carefully wiping his body. He was almost clean, he saw, except for his - his silent flute. Bucky hated that name, said it made it sound like something weird. But Steve found it classy, well, at least he did when he read the secret books found hidden in dumpsters._

_He could see that he had to clean that part too. It was also bleeding slightly. Steve clearly remembered the kick that Johnny had aimed directly. It hadn't hurt as much as the words though._

_"Hey, Johnny look at **that** pretty bone in Rogers' pants"_

_"Wellll, lookie here, my my Rogie, you must be havin' quite a lotta bones to hide one in ya pants. Mind if I see?"_

_Steve could still feel the panic he had felt, jolting from his spine to his toes when he saw them looking at him with the leer only pitiless bullies could pick up. He could still feel his hands jerk slightly as he remembered struggling, cursing all of them as he tried to pull his arms away from the iron grasp of the overgrown teens._

_It hadn't been his fault. It was not something he could control. He didn't like it but it had happened. He didn't want it, no matter what anybody thought._

_He dropped the wet cloth with a plop on the dirty floor, feeling his breath quicken faster than the wings of a humming bird. He couldn't do it. Couldn't touch it, even if he had to clean it. No, it had to remain dirty for now. Just like he felt._

******** **Warning for trigger ends here** ********

It had been more than 80 years since those days. Steve shouldn't be connecting his present days to that of a weak boy struggling against heartless bastards. This wasn't a fight against bullies. This was supposed to be a romantic night with his partner. His dame. With a woman he trusted.

Then why were battle-scenes, muscled men with ruthless eyes and forgotten alleys stilling him now, when all he was getting was gentle touches and soft kisses? Why was his breath turning cold when he connected Sharon to Peggy, to the days he had forgotten? Why was he failing in his own home, when everyone saw him as a success out in the world?

Steve barked a harsh laugh under his breath. 

"How wonderful Rogers," he muttered to himself, pulling on his hair, "you can swing a goddamn shield but cannot pick up your own sword."

Even as he said it, he knew that this should be the last of his problems. Surely a lack of libido was less on the gravity ladder when compared to the others. Bucky was staying with Sam and was going to join rehab tomorrow, Sam was going to join a support group as counselor, Clint had finally rejoined with his family, Wanda was moving in with Vision god-knows-where. Steve had his people to think about. He was a leader. A soldier. He wasn't a 16 year old boy anymore.

His eyes slowly took in his surroundings, trying to reassure himself that he was stronger than any past. This reassurance was stopped short when his eyes landed on the small box Natasha had given him three days ago. Natasha, the woman he had grown to respect and distrust at the same time. Natasha, who had taken the first step and came visiting him with a curt apology and a peace offering. Like she was the one who had to apologize. Like she was the one who had started this whole mess.

******** **Warning for possible trigger** *************

Steve stood up from the couch so fast that anybody watching would have gotten a whiplash. He could feel the now familiar waves of terror wash over him. Sometimes they came slowly, like a warning before a deluge. Other times, they came like an unexpected tsunami. Wrecking, drowning, freezing. It was the tsunami today. Steve had long learnt the science of silent panicking. It had a routine, a guideline.

Check if the others around you are calm. Are asleep. Are not noticing you. 

Sharon's light snore told him all that he needed to know.

Now go to the one place you cannot escape your fear. Steve could remember the words from Sam's PTSD brochure that told that it was okay to be afraid. But Steve had a routine. Had a coping mechanism. He had to face his fears. What leader would he be if he didn't face his fears?

The bathroom. Shut the door. Fill the bathtub. Don't strip. No, he couldn't go easy on himself. He couldn't discount the weight of soaked clothes dragging him down. Face your fear. Face it completely.

The first step into the cold water brought up the first spark of internal conflict.  _It was cold_. He couldn't stop though, always had to walk it off. If you get killed, walk it off, right? 

Steve waited till he was completely soaked, only his head bobbing above the water. He knew what the others would say if they saw him. Knew that they would never trust him to help them with their fears. Maybe Tony had guessed this. Maybe he had guessed that Steve was weak, maybe that was why he never trusted Steve to help him. 

And the head went in. Steve closed his eyes, letting the water show it's power over him. Reminding himself that he wasn't perfect. He wasn't strong enough. No amount of serum, no amount of training or missions could take this away. It was the truth. That is why he had turned into them, right?

He had turned into a bully.

That was what he was now, wasn't he? He was Johnny, Tim and every other faceless terror he had battled all those years back. He remembered how Tony had felt, bruised and broken under his and Bucky's punches. He remembered how Rhodey's heartbeat had dropped when he let Wanda pull his core out. He remembered the shock that went through Tony when they shook hands with the hidden EMP. 

He was a bully. And bullies didn't deserve good things. Maybe that was why he wouldn't deserve Sharon too. She was bound to be disappointed by now. Steve knew that he would be disappointed if he were dating himself.

A mirthless chuckle left his mouth, causing bubbles to form in the water. God, the people had been right. He was a pathetic leader. A pathetic man with a God complex. Steve was just glad that nobody else saw that he already knew that. The least he could do right now was let them rant at him without bringing his own problems into it.

There was a faint ringing in his ears and Steve thought that finally, the water was going to silence his thoughts. But being a super-soldier came with its bag of banes. He realized that the ringing was coming from his pocket. His water filled pant pocket, where he still had his phone.

Steve had a good mind to ignore it. But he couldn't. He was a leader, a soldier. And soldiers never shied back from calls of duty.

Pushing himself up, Steve took a big lungful of air. The phone was still ringing. 

"Hello?" Steve forced his voice to sound normal.

"Hey Steve," the answering tone of confidence and calmness made Steve want to groan.

Of course it was Sam. It was always Sam.

"Sam? What's up?" He couldn't panic, couldn't let out anything.

"Nothing much," Sam's voice could carry a shrug like no one else, "Just wanted to know if you were up for some Call Of Duty and pizza."

Steve chuckled bitterly at the irony of the words.

"What?" Sam teased, seemingly unaware of Steve's reason for laughter, "You too cool to play with us Army Bros now? Oh come on Cap, it's our last night of freedom."

"How's that?" Steve frowned slightly.

"Well, you know," Sam chatted casually, "tomorrow Bucky goes on vacation and I go to school. So, last night of freedom."

Steve chuckled for real at Sam's comparisons for rehab and counselling.

"I could very well be engaged in other activities right now, you know?" Steve offered, squashing down the sarcastic laughter in his head.

"Dude, bros before hoe..ow, Bucky , stop it man! Okay, okay, bros before  _birds_ ," Sam emphasized on birds, clearly meaning the earlier word he was going to say.

"Is Bucky alright?" Steve asked with a faint smile.

"I'm always right, ya jerk!" Steve could hear Bucky's voice coming from somewhere near Sam and felt a small part of his tension unfurl. Bucky was being normal today. He was being sassy. He was playing Call of Duty with Sam.

With his own life getting caught up in his brain's cages, Steve was glad that he got to touch some semblance of normality through Bucky. Even if technically, his best friend was supposed to be damaged goods.

Ironic how the world sees what it wants to see.

"-and I can't let him do that. Steve? Are you listening?" Sam's voice brought him back from his thoughts and Steve shook his head.

"Yes, yes, I'm listening." Steve knew that Sam could pick up his lie from a thousand miles but he had to keep up pretenses.

"So you're coming,right?"

Steve had a good mind to say no. He had to complete his ritual. He had to face his fears, right? But somehow, the phone call had distracted him from that mission. 

Somehow, visions of burnt battle-grounds and bulky bullies were now replaced by blurred visuals of a couch with two of his best friends, pizza and X-Box.

Steve let his head fall low and breathed deep. His earlier tightness in the chest was a bit looser now.

He thought about Sharon. About how he wasn't being there with her now. But Sam's teasing voice and Bucky's sass were louder than those thoughts for now.

"Okay. Give me fifteen minutes." Steve said and heard Sam rant about how Steve's fifteen minutes always involved Batman jumps and roof-races.

He might still be a bully but as Steve heard his friends' voices overpower his own thoughts, he imagined that even he could take a break from his fears for tonight.

Till there were people who were willing to pull him up from drowning with their demands of friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extremely short? Not enough? I don't know. I was getting exhausted by the end of this and couldn't go further. For anyone thinking that Steve was being different from canon, I'd like to say that you might be right. But I might be right too. The point is, I see Steve as an equally broken soul. He isn't perfect. Not by a long shot. Because he's seen too much, learnt too much and risked too much. So anyone who had doubts about Steve in the chapter, please give me the concession that he's a character of a fic that is currently focussing on his guilt bringing out the worst of him. I hope you guys allow that for me.Maybe I'll do better in the next chapter. Because the next chapter starts Steve and Tony's full fledged interactions. Whoo boy, now that's gonna take a lot of energy ;)


	14. Intentionally Hateful Saviors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings here. Phew! If I haven't bored you off yet, I hope you have a good time now, because my favourite part starts. The Steve-Tony interaction. It's not gonna be pretty though. Maybe kinda painful too.
> 
> P.S: I was listening to Just A Dream by Sam Tsui and Christina Grimmie while writing this (because it's 100 times better than the original). If this whole chapter sounds like a dream to you, you know who to blame. :P

It had been nearing two weeks now and Tony was simply getting frustrated with the plan. They had tracked every frickin person from the old SHIELD. Every 'doctor' and 'faustus' was being checked on. Tony had to admit though, it was a clever touch, having the moniker of a tragic Christopher Marlowe play. Quite fitting, but definitely not helping them. He was following Sharon Carter like a hawk, and he doubted even Hawk-eye had better vision than his cameras. Natasha had been visiting Rogers quite a lot and Bruce was onto a tiny lead on the Cube, that was adamantly not sharing with Tony.

Something about Tony being 'an intrusive overenthusiastic zealot about theories and would simply mess up any chance of orderly inference'. Tony thought that Bruce needed coffee more than him.

It wasn't that Tony didn't have anything else to do other than play watchdog though. Pepper had come through on her threat and his workshop was being bombarded by her calls every hour or so. Repairing your crumbling company and re-establishing your image were not as easy as building AIs. Speaking of which, his hands were down to the elbows in recreating Jarvis.

Bruce was right, Friday wasn't cutting the deal like his old friend did. This of course, led to constant visits from Vision, who would hover around Tony whenever he was around, the android's actions belying his poker face. Printing the basic coding from Vision's mind to an AI was like cloning your kid. Vision was happy to help though, constantly making Tony feel like he was the android's kid instead of the other way around. It was creepy yet charming.

Maybe it was this uncomfortable situation that distracted Tony. Or maybe it was just his personal bad luck movie playing after a pause. 

"Tony, you need to get out now," Bruce burst into the workshop, looking like Ross was here. Was Ross here? Tony racked his brain to remember if Thor and T'Challa had fed the overgrown moustached mongoose an apple too. Nope, not that he could remember.

"Bruce, I really like the Big Guy, but if you're gonna freak out, please don't do it in front of the kids," Tony commented casually, without even looking up from the coding he was doing. 

He heard footsteps come closer and before he could react, saw Bruce bring the security cam footage to the front. And, well, huh.

Tony thought about his possible escape routes for a second. Then he thought about the possible scenarios that could happen if he escaped. Then he thought about the consequences if the angry kangaroo outside came to know the truth. 

"Maybe he's here to socialize? I mean, I  _was_ dead for a while or so. Maybe he's here to- Oh alright, don't give me the  _look_ ," Tony snapped when he saw Bruce glare at him. Sure, a red and bubbling Steve Rogers was threatening his AI to get in because he wanted to have a tea-party. There was obviously only one reason.

"Is Natasha in the Tower?" Tony asked, even as he got up and updated Jarvis. Vision seemed to come out of his trance and looked at Tony and Bruce curiously.

"She's gone to meet Pepper," Bruce shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Seriously Tony, if he finds out and freaks-"

"Jarvis?" Tony cut his friend short and clapped his hands once, "Let the Capsicle in, will you? And switch on his good ol' drum roll. Let's have some fun."

"Wait, Tony what-"

The blaring sounds of  _Frozen Heart_ began and Bruce let out a strangled sound. He saw Tony take off from his seat and swagger to the door where he turned and gave Bruce an exaggerated smolder.

"Brucie? Do you wanna meet a snowman?"

Bruce was left struggling between exasperated laughter and anxious reprimanding as he followed Tony up to the common floor. This was going to be a really bad day for his Hulk-less streak.

Tony was ready with his staging the minute he felt Ste- _Rogers_ barge into the floor, like the caveman he was. Though his back was turned to the door, Tony could easily imagine the expression on the blond muscleman's face.  _Like a bubbling volcano_ , his mind provided helpfully and Tony was reminded why he preferred mute buttons.

"What the hell is this?"

Tony had to give the man some credit. He wasn't yelling yet, though on second thoughts, that probably would have been better. Tony was great at screaming matches, you should ask Pepper. Calm conversations? Yeah, he had to turn this thing around to his forte now.

"Well, this is my Tower and this is my science partner and this is my table and, oh hey Rogers, I thought it was Pepper with a bad cold," Tony turned around casually and raised a dramatic eyebrow, acting ignorant of the other man's entrance.

Tony could see why people were scared of Captain America's fury. Red face, wide blown eyes, bulging arms, perfect hair. The man was a poster boy for big, brooding and overbearing.

Thankfully, Tony had experience with the kind, years of it. He could see the anger radiate from the Captain and was tempted to ask Bruce if it was some sort of electromagnetic source that was causing the guy to literally tremble with anger.

"Did you bug my apartment?" oh, so straight to point is it?

"Yep" Tony made sure to pop the last letter. The more obnoxious he was, the faster this was going to end. 

Steve looked stunned for a minute like he was expecting a different answer.

"You never came home-to the apartment"

Tony caught the word home but filed that away in some corner of his head. He cocked his head and considered the Captain coolly.

"If you think that I can't bypass lay-man security and break into a normal apartment, you must have known some other Tony Stark all this time."

And yes, the furious and righteous mountain man was back.

"Wow Stark, just when I thought you couldn't fall any lower, you go and prove me wrong." Steve chuckled bitterly.

"You know me, I live to disprove mythical theories," Tony shrugged cockily with a fake grin.

"That's my house, Stark. It's not your playroom to play Peeping Tom," Steve sneered, not mincing any expression.

"Oh I'm sorry, isn't everything my playroom? Is that apartment different? Jarvis, why didn't you get me a welcome back present yet? Buy me the apartment!" Tony pouted and clicked his fingers.

Steve took a dangerous step forward, eyes flashing blue fire.

"Not everything is for sale, Stark. Some people have actual homes with real families living with them. Maybe you don't understand that. I should have known." Wow, wasn't this guy out to win this round.

"Families, like the ones we forgot to freeze for your future use? Wow, where did you get free nonagenarians, Cappy?" Tony was putting his all. C'mon Cap, finish it. 

Steve's fists were clenched but he didn't punch yet.

"You knew that I have a lady living with me now and yet..You couldn't even consider the privacy of a lady. I expected Howard's son to be better raised." Steve spat through clenched teeth.

Tony didn't let himself freeze at that. He had to push on. Had to get to the clincher faster.

"Yeah, well I expected Mr. Righteous to be better than a cradle-snatcher. But hey, great expectations lead to great disappointments, huh?" Tony shrugged carelessly and saw Steve step closer, face darkening than the current shade of red.

"This is a criminal offence, Stark. You invaded my privacy and my life. Oh wait, isn't that what you were always planning to do? The campaigner for the Accords. The new age-dictator Tony Stark. Maybe I should give you a few tips from the last one I met." Steve hissed and Tony could actually feel the heat off the towering man's body.

"Is that after or before you kill me again?" Tony struck gold and saw the expression falter on his opponent's face. He didn't waste time and charged through.

"Did you really expect me to not keep an eye on the guy who had tried to kill me not once, not twice, but thrice? Because really Capsicle, that's foolish even for you." Tony pulled on his own best fake pity expression.

"You-you think that I want to kill you." Steve repeated, his rage slowly draining to be replaced by mild horror.

"I don't think, I know. Look at you even now, ready to strike the blow." Tony gestured slowly to the curled fists half risen and Steve fell back a step like something had struck him.

"I would-I would never.." Steve tried to say something before he paused and drew in a deep breath. Tony maintained his cold expression and crossed his arms to add effect.  _C'mon Rogers, c'mon, react and run. React and run._

"Really, Rogers? Because you own a killing machine and call it a best friend. I don't think I can trust a guy who would do that and have reason to kill me," Tony delivered his final punch and waited for the result.

Steve looked into Tony's eyes with a closed off expression and stared for a second, his jaw working and lips pursed tight. Finally he breathed out and looked slightly defeated.

"You know, Stark, for a minute there, I was actually glad that you were back. That you were safe and healthy. But now...it seems that I was wrong. You're a sick man, Stark. I pity you." Steve breathed out with tired eyes considering Tony. Tony could feel the words cut through his defenses but kept the pretense on.

"Glad you pity people who take bullets for you," Tony commented softly, his voice low and cutting. He saw Steve's eyes widen for a second with guilt before it tightened and he shook his head.

"No Stark, I pity people who would rather take bullets than stand by their friends," Steve declared with an air of finality, "Stop interfering in my life. You're not worth my time." 

Steve dropped the Mini-Cams he had brought with him on the floor and stormed out of the floor. Tony stood rooted to his feet, eyes still lingering on the spot Steve had last stood. He knew that he had hurt the man beyond repair. But he had to do it. He had to convince him that he was the one spying on him.

"You know that he will never trust you again," it wasn't a question, because Bruce knew that there was no two answers to it.

Tony didn't reply and simply closed his eyes, taking a breath.

"If he had known that it was Natasha, he would never have let her come anywhere near Carter again," Tony started softly, "We need her on the ground. She has better chances of saving him and Carter than you or I do. If he suspected her, then it's all over. And it was easy to shift the blame on myself."

"Tony.." the voice was a sad sigh and Tony shook his head.

"No Bruce, we can't be emotional right now," the genius reminded his friend, "One wrong move and all of this will be for nothing. We have to do whatever it takes."

Bruce started to say something when Tony simply clapped a hand on his shoulder and soldiered on towards his workshop. Where he would probably spend another day stewing in self-hate.

Steve stormed out of the Tower and stopped a few feet away from the gate. He looked up and checked if there were any cameras. He knew the usual locations of the Stark Tower cameras. Once he was sure that nobody could see him, he found a private spot behind a bush and sank to his feet.

The cutting words were still making him bleed. He couldn't stop his hands from clenching his hair in an attempt to pull them all out.

This wasn't Tony. This wasn't the Tony Stark he knew. Tony would never do this to any of his friends. 

 _Maybe he really didn't consider Steve as his friend anymore_.

Steve threw that thought away for now. He had to get back to being in control. He couldn't break apart now.

When he found the first camera this morning while dusting, he had almost panicked. Memories of SHIELD, Nick Fury and Alexander Pierce had flooded his mind all at once and he was stuck breathing through a panic attack. Thank God Sharon was out today. He didn't need her to see him like that.

Then he had meticulously combed through the entire apartment. Every corner taken apart, every furniture hollowed out. At the end of it, he had almost thrown up. There were cameras everywhere. It was like being in an exhibitionism video without consent. 

And then he had seen the 'Stark' engraved on the chips inside the cameras. 

"Why? Why would he do this?" Steve muttered desperately to himself, "After all that he did. After saving my life. After sending Bucky to a safe rehab. Saving Laura. Why would he do this now? What went wrong?"

Steve was an emotional and righteous man but he wasn't called an expert tactician for nothing. He had studied people and their minds. He had thought like criminals to nab them, imagined himself to be a Nazi to figure out their ideas. 

He was not just brawn. 

He replayed the entire conversation in his head again, ordering his body to calm down at the remembered barbs. He remembered the posturing Tony had done. How it looked like he was expecting him. How he had slipped into the arrogant mask he had perfected over the years. The cocky head tilts, the sneers, the cold eyes. Steve broke apart every single second again, because he couldn't ignore his gut feeling that he was once again being fooled by the genius in some way.

**_You know me, I live to disprove mythical theories_ **

**_If you think that I can't bypass lay-man security and break into a normal apartment, you must have known some other Tony Stark all this time._ **

**_Hey, great expectations lead to great disappointments, huh?_ **

Deflecting statements, Steve realized with a start. Tony had deflected every single question to a barb he had known would hurt Steve. 

_Provoke them to protect yourself._

He distinctly remembered every time Tony deflected topics to hide his secrets. He had considered Tony as his friend, as his teammate. And Steve always observed such quirks about his friends.

"What are you hiding Tony?" he wondered to himself, feeling his rage and panic calm down and his brain kicking back into focus.

Steve sat there on the ground for a few minutes, charting out any possible reason for his conclusion. In the end, he got up with a renewed determination and turned to go home.

If there was even one percent of chance in his theory of Tony hiding something true, Steve would put his everything to find out what it was. If Tony couldn't trust him, it was fine. He never trusted people who had fought him all that much. But Steve was not going to let another misunderstanding cost something bigger this time. 

What he couldn't do during the war, he would do now. He was going to relearn Tony Stark and find out what made him scared enough to spy on Steve.

Tony could bullshit all he wanted about feeling threatened for his life. Steve wasn't going to buy it now that he had personally got a taste of how much Tony Stark could do to save his friends, even if he didn't consider himself their friend. 

Steve had a mission now. And he was going to play it the way Tony wanted. If the genius wanted Steve to hate him, he could easily fake that till he found out the truth.

Steve was so lost in his thoughts as he power walked back home that he didn't notice a pair of beady eyes follow him from afar. Someone with a glowing cube in hand and a sinister look on his face.


	15. Mindless Routes Of Martyrdom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am no expert of hypnosis. So if I mess up in that aspect, I apologize.  
> Sharon Carter is a wonderful human being. I just wanted to put that out there in case anyone thinks that she has to be villainised to uplift the main pairing here. She's a self made woman. She's also a victim of some serious mind control things. Just something you should know before we proceed. No victim blaming or bashing please? I know that you guys are far more mature than that kind of behaviour but it doesn't hurt to send out a PSA right?  
> Trigger warnings for implied mind manipulation, serious invasion of privacy, stalking, misogyny and emotional manipulation. You know the drill. Please read and review :)

Sharon could see her target stepping back from her range. Hunched shoulders, tight-strung arms, restless feet. The Doctor had been right, this man was weak. Not fit to be the leader of the country - the symbol for the world.

"Sharon?" the voice cut her thoughts and her eyes focused on pale blue eyes looking at her with a concerned frown.

_You're an actress with an assassin's mind. Your duty is to infiltrate his life. Never forget, you must make him trust you._

"Hey there Steve," she slipped into the role the Doctor had trained her for and flashed an easy smile, "Sorry, zoned out for a minute. How was your day? Made new friends, broke new records?"

Steve seemed to be satisfied with the normalcy and returned the smile softly, "Not really, though I did get the groceries. And I didn't use my Captain voice."

Sharon chuckled at that and grabbed an apple from the table before crashing on the couch, "Well, good for you. Any news about Bucky?"

"He's..alive," Steve shrugged with a sadness that always came up whenever Bucky was mentioned, "It's just- I know that this is helping him in the long run, but- I just wish I knew to do something more than just visit him."

"You're doing enough, Steve" Sharon replied from memory, watching the man sigh and sit beside her on the couch, "You saved him."

"I think it was the other way around," Steve mumbled and leaned sidewards to rest his head on Sharon's shoulder, "I just-It's all so strange now. Things have been going good ever since...well,  _after_ " it was clear what the 'after' meant because that was how Steve's life was now: Before the war and After. It had been the same seven decades back, but this time, this time there's a hit too close home to forget.

"Things going good are a problem?" Sharon asked with a frown, not knowing where this conversation was going. Was this something that required her to be impromptu or could she rely on her bank of practiced lines?

Steve's head rolls back and rests more comfortable against the couch, still touching her hair with his forehead, "Not the things maybe. I just wish-I just wish that there was some indication, some mark or sign I could get that things wouldn't get worse. Or maybe get a warning this time. Before I lose something." Steve's voice turned small and tired on the last word.

"You've still got your friends," Sharon consoled, grasping at the well-prepared tools ready in her mind, "You've got your life. You've got me."

Steve relaxed a bit at that and looked up to smile gently at Sharon.

"Yes, I do," he repeated and held such trust and faith in his eyes that Sharon could hear a distant voice screaming at her to leave, "I've never said this clearly, and I really should have, but...I want to thank you, Sharon. You've been my friend and guide in the most difficult time when I thought I didn't have anything, nothing was mine to keep and...I'm really happy that you're mine."

Sharon's face must have twitched, frowned or done something because Steve took that as an indication that he should speak more.

"Not that I mean you are-God, no! I didn't mean it like that. Oh darn, I'm such a-," Steve flustered and sat up properly to start again, "I would never claim to own you. You're one of the few constants of my life now. I just-I thought about all the reasons you could still be with me and I have a worryingly short list. Take off 'Being Captain America' and it's an empty paper. So I just wanted to thank you. For being my friend and support. And for loving me."

She didn't understand what set it off but Sharon could feel an unfamiliar panic start in her chest at the trusting eyes in front of her. She clenched her hands to stop them from trembling and did her best to not screw her face.

_Mission. Mission. Focus. Focus._

_No! Let me out! Stop it! No!_

The second voice came out of nowhere in her head and Sharon gasped sharply, bringing Steve's attention to her completely.

She didn't calm down but controlled her body enough to fool Steve into thinking she had. She waited till Steve got up to answer a phone call and waved him off with a tight smile when he held up two fingers to signal he'd be back in some time. As soon as she saw the last of Steve disappear around the door to the balcony, she launched herself into the bedroom and locked it shut.

_**"You're one of the few constants of my life now."** _

Sharon brought a shivering hand to her chest and clenched at the place right above her heart. She had a good mind that she was having a heart-attack.

_**" I just wanted to thank you."** _

There was a mild buzzing in her head that was being compounded into something worse by the roaring in her ears.  _Focus!_ , she commanded herself mentally,  _This is a mission!_

 

  _ **"For being my friend and support."**_

Her feet shuffled forward of their own volition towards the bedside table. Yanking open her drawer, she fumbled for her private phone, the one she kept hidden in a box of tampons.

  _ **"for loving me"**_

The number is flowing through her fingers even without her eyes registering them. This had happened only once before, this panic, and that too was only when that bloody resurrected, self-sacrificing idiot had jumped in front of her target. Things would have ended then if the meddling martyr hadn't taken the bullet instead.

_He did the right thing! You can't kill Steve! Steve's your friend! Please, let me out, I can help!_

The line on the other side clears and Sharon pushes back the strangely familiar voice back into her head.

"Hello-Doctor?" she clears her throat one more time and tries again, "Doctor, It's back again. I-I don't know-"

"Agent," the smooth and softly strong voice glides in deftly, wedging between her words, "I need you to calm down. Breathe for me."

And Sharon does. She breathes in rhythm with his own.  _In. Out. In. Out_. The voice was dimming but she could still feel its invisible ghost touching her brain.

"Now, tell me everything."

It was always a command. Sharon had been a good soldier and the Doctor was a true commander. Somewhere in the darkest corner of her tired brain, Sharon sometimes wondered when she had started trusting him. But she never entertains that thought. Not when he placed a gun in her hand and imperceptibly nodded. Not when she woke up with a serene smile after one of their sessions and found that she had tried to claw her hair out at some point. Not when she was commanded, never told, to drop hints about moving in with Steve.

Not now, when she told him about the incessant voice in her head that was making her mission difficult.

"I don't know what it is," she says in conclusion with a tired pinch between the bridge of her brows, "It is strangely familiar" and wasn't that the kicker, because it sounded..well, like herself, "I seize up at the strangest times, when I could be easily completing my job. I don't-I need your help again, Doctor."

There was a noncommittal humming from the other line before a rustling of paper chimed in.

"Tell me Agent, is this always only when the target talks about you?"

Sharon thought about the question carefully.

"No," she amends and recollects the last time she felt the Voice, "No, it also happened two days back. He came back from the Stark Tower-"

"Tony Stark's home?" the question was sharp and made her feel like she had disappointed someone terribly.

"Yes," she reiterated though doubtful if she was saying it right "He came back and spoke at length about him. Tony Stark and his ideals. He mentioned something about wanting to repair his familiarity with his teammates. I just-I don't know what it was, but when he kept mentioning Stark and him saving Rogers from the bullet, the Voice was there again."

"And what did it say, Agent? The Voice." the question was calm, maybe a little too calm.

"She said," Sharon unconsciously changed the pronoun as she tried to remember the exact words, "'Tony, talk to him. Trust him.' I tried to push it down, Doctor, but my head. It begins to hurt. What does this-"

"It is the effect of strain, Agent," the voice cut in smoothly and still in command, "I see that you are putting your entire effort into your mission, but the strain of it is showing. No worried, we can fix that. Let us move our next session to tonight. Same time, same venue. I expect you to be on time."

"Yes, sir." the reply was involuntary, like it always was.

"Good. Do not think about anything but the mission, Agent. Soon we shall put all of this behind us."

Sharon's hands were steady when she finally put her phone down. The Doctor was right, he'd always been right.The mission, that was important.

But as she left the room, she could still feel those ghost fingers touching her brain, scrambling at it to get attention.

Miles away, a red-haired man in a white overcoat put his phone back into his drawer and sat back with a frown. He could see the struggle between the Agent he had created and the Sharon Carter still trapped inside her brain. 

He needed to proceed with his plan faster at this rate. If his puppet broke the strings, his own cover would be blown too.

And then the great Red Skull...

 _No_ , he thought as he glanced outside the window, straight at the big ugly Tower across him,  _This time they would not fail._

And if somebody tried to stop him, he would very well like to make a new puppet, the Doctor smiled and rested his hands on the table calmly.

\---------------------------

"And you're sure about that." Steve repeated into the phone, frowning hard and looking into the distance in confusion, "Clint, I know that I can trust you, I'm just trying to make sure that we don't make any mistakes this time. If we take this information to him and we can't prove it-"

"Steve," Clint's voice was sharp and unflinching through the line, "I'm a goddamned professional. And this is Stark we're talking about. You take the Declaration Of Independence to him to prove a point and he'll talk his way into making you believe that it's a toilet paper replica. We have what we want. What we need is to go down there and get this shit sorted. The last time I saw somebody talking about a Cube, I lost my fucking mind. I think I'm good with that one time. We need to know what dumbass move Stark's planning."

Steve paused for a minute, absorbing all the information he'd gotten. Tony might have been the most brilliant man on Earth for all he said, but even he could not beat Clint Barton at spying. Natasha on the other hand, Steve was glad that she'd asked to meet Bucky yesterday. If she'd been in the Tower, she would have definitely caught on to Scott's 'Ant-Cam' or at the very least, have destroyed the mini-cams Steve had returned Tony.  _Strange how some tricks backfire huh Tony?_ he thought wryly as he remembered Clint's plan to spy on Tony using his own cams. Steve already had one of the chips he had removed from them when he had been furious. All it took was a few good hours in the hands of some very good, freelance hacking (that Clint will never reveal to anyone) and they had been in.

"I wonder how Jarvis didn't pick up on our work," Steve remarked thoughtfully and heard Clint chuckle.

"Cap, there is something you should learn called 'emotional blackmail'. There's also a person you should meet called Wanda Maximoff. The combination works wonders on people as well as androids. Scary but lethal," Clint was grinning and it bled through his voice.

Steve felt uncomfortable for a minute at the hint. Vision was always loyal and honest. Wanda using her relationship to get him to betray Tony was--well, it was about as underhanded as Tony using his 'almost death' to spy on Steve. The Captain shook his head lightly. Now was not the time to think about ethics and morals. Steve had learnt over the past year that they were relevant only when all parties involved were susceptible to them.

Thinking about Tony, Steve was convinced that he shouldn't be wallowing in guilt about a small sleight of hand of his privacy if it meant finding out about the genius' humongous secret.

 _Kind of like Tony spying on Nick when Steve first met the genius_ , Steve thought with a grim satisfaction. He had excellent replies to the obvious accusations he would face when he confronted his old friend about whatever he was doing. 

"Meet me at the Tower in an hour," Steve decided and ordered, "I think it's time we all had a nice catch up and chat."

"Oh and Clint? Bring in some emotional manipulation too." Steve added as an afterthought and heard the archer's affirming snort. If he could trust his little analysis of Tony from before, he knew that they would need some sort of an upperhand that the genius wouldn't know to deflect. Tony had never been good with emotional conversations. If Steve was going to play dirty, he might just very well commit to it completely.

Ending the call Steve thought about the last time he met Tony. The man had been infuriatingly sharp in his barbs and the wounds had still not healed. But Steve also remembered what had happened when he last avoided a talk with Tony.

Yep, no more wars.

"Going somewhere?" Steve heard behind him and turned to see Sharon standing with an uncertain smile.

"Just to meet some friends," Steve replied with an easy smile. Well, it wasn't a lie technically. "Could be late. Pizza and movie night when I come back?"

Sharon looked closer for a moment but then nodded and grinned. Steve relaxed and walked back in to get ready, touching her shoulder for a second in silent thanks.

As he drove his bike to the Tower, Steve wondered if maybe he should have told Sharon too. She had been part of the team too, right? Maybe? Kind of? He sighed as he turned a corner. It wasn't that he couldn't tell her,

He just had an uncomfortable feeling about sharing something he wasn't even sure of yet. 

By the time he rounded into the Tower's entrance, Steve saw Sam, Wanda, Scott (Steve had a brief doubt about him before he dismissed it), Vision and Clint. Who had brought Laura along.  _Emotional manipulation_ , Steve thought in approval. Reluctant, but approval nonetheless.

"We're really going to attack Stark in his homebase." Sam verified as they looked up at the monumental structure "Doesn't he have an AI that could fry us with laser beams if he got angry?"

"We're not **attacking** him," Steve replied firmly before smiling a little, "And besides, we're not going in without preparation."

The pointed glance at Wanda and Vision made Sam smirk and nod. 

"So are we waiting for the fat lady or do we start this show now?" Clint asked in a bored tone his mischievous eyes and restless finger the only indication of his amusement of the situation.

Steve sucked in a breath and squared his shoulders.

"Let's do this."

\------------------------------

Clint knew that this was a horrible idea even before he goaded Steve into it. Of course it was a horrible idea, anything that involved forcing Stark to tell his secrets was a bad idea.

Clint had a bunch of water arrows in his memory that were proof of that.

But he also knew that he wanted to punch the goddamned asshole for making him believe that his wife had died. Punch him in the nuts. And then maybe buy him a shawarma as thanks for saving Laura.

He wouldn't say 'thanks' but maybe Stark would be too gone in the nut-punch pain and shawarma pleasure to notice that.

All this would happen only when he met the Mummy Returns standby in person. He couldn't do that alone, with all his own emotionally incapacitated brain possibly urging him to put an arrow through Stark's suit and say something like "Now you look truly holey-er-than-thou."

Nah, him doing the whole reunion and schmoop alone was out of question. With Cap and the entire team there, if Clint did put an arrow into Stark, he could just chalk it up to 'piercing the thick tension around the room'. Also, the new Cube mess he had heard about didn't make him happy one bit.

He didn't need to imagine Stark with Reindeer Horns to know that it was going to go a similar way. Disaster with a big D.

Something similar to what was going to happen now, Clint thought as he saw Natasha staring at them from inside the elevator. Well, no thanks for small mercies then, huh?

"Hey Nat," he called out as the others stood rooted for a second, watching Natasha's thunderous expression with unease of different levels. If Clint didn't know her better, he'd predict that she had been waiting for them.

She was creepy that way. His damn creepy best friend.

"No" Natasha said calmly, looking straight into each person's eyes. She didn't have any weapon in hand, but Clint knew that it only meant that she would maim them harder with her secret armory hidden underneath all her casual clothes.

"Well, nice to know that your answer to unasked questions remains the same as to asked ones," Sam replied with a small nod and Clint had a teeny thought of warning him not to mess with her when she was raising her left eyebrow.

 Which just happened. Hello Natasha's last warning personified curved strip of hair.

"You don't have authorization-"

"Authorization?! What's this, the Parliament?!"

"-to barge into our home-"

"Now it's home? Okay, who're you and where is Natasha?"

"-and threaten us."

"Well, alright," Clint agreed with a shrug.

Natasha sent a short glare at him before noting Laura standing beside him. On seeing her, the ex-spy's eyes widened a fraction.

Emotional manipulation, Clint thought with mild satisfaction.

Natasha opened her mouth to say something when she got a call and she looked down with a frown. Her frowned deepened when she heard whatever the other person said.

"Are you sure?" she asked softly before her eyes flicked up to meet Steve's and looked annoyed for a second before going blank.

"Alright, fine. But you're in charge for the next two weeks." she said into the phone and cut the call. Her sharp eyes looked up and went straight for Steve's.

"Don't screw it up more" she says directly before moving aside and letting the others in. Steve wants to ask her what she means by 'more' but he figures that he'll get to that after his little chat with a certain Stark.

He should have just asked her, he thought when he entered the common floor and immediately sensed the unease. There is nothing wrong with it on the surface. The furniture, the tech, the whole thing looks fine. But looking at his team, he realizes that they have noticed it too.

There is a sense of absolute melancholy in the air. It seeps into them the minute they step into the floor, every pore of their alert senses filled with a bout of suffocating dampness. 

For a second Steve wondered if there was some mysterious gas that had leaked that was doing this. But he didn't think that even Tony could be that paranoid.

"What're they doing here? What're you doing here?" Tony's voice came up from the bar and Steve saw the half-done bottle beside him. Well, he was probably going to have a tougher time than he admitted maybe/

"Bruce called them up" Natasha came around from behind them and didn't react to Tony's spluttering.

"Banner! Oh the sneak!" Tony swayed slightly on his feet and looked in the direction of Bruce's lab, "Jarvis, tell Banner he's dead. He's dead meat. Wait, he's shawarma!"

"I'd really prefer to be something non-edible" Bruce Banner came around from the stairs and Steve saw Tony's eyes narrow before he was pointing a finger accusingly.

"You! You..Why! No, you know what, no, this is my Tower and I say no. Get out. All of you." Tony made a shooing gesture with his hand but his slight stumble on the way to the couch ruined the words.

"Good to see you too Stark," Clint commented with a half amused look and smirked wider when Tony flipped him a finger without looking.

"Well Mr. Stark, if anybody had to fuck my husband, I'd rather it be me," Laura spoke up from beside Clint with a small smirk of her own, "though I do think I'm flattered that you have interest in him too."

Tony froze for a moment before forcibly relaxed himself onto the couch.

"Ah, so Mrs. Barton, back from the safehouse?" the genius commented, still not looking at the team.

"Yes, I believe I am. And congratulations, for being back from the dead." Laura smiled and pinched Clint on the arm when he snorted obnoxiously.

Tony's shoulders shrugged from the couch. "Not that big a deal. Still celebrating though." a glass of whisky rose up in his hand and Tony waved it sloppily still refusing to look at anyone.

Steve had half a mind to make an impatient sound and scowl. Bruce sighed, removed his glasses and gestured all of them to enter. 

Steve hesitated for a second but the others had no such qualms and went over to the living space, seating themselves on various furniture. Nobody commented when Natasha chose to stand behind Tony directly. Clint raised his eyebrow slightly but didn't say anything otherwise.

"Well, since you all don't seem to understand the concept of no and privacy, I'm just going to sit here on my couch and watch TV if you-"

"We know about the Cube" Steve cut Tony's rant off quick, knowing that it would only get longer, confusing and diverting if let grow for long. 

"Well, good for you." Tony replied with an imaginary hat-tipping.

"That's it? That's all you're gonna say?" Steve was losing his patience a bit with the other man's indifference.

"Okay, I congratulate thee Steven, for thy accomplishment of comprehending this magnificent Cube structure that seems to have taken -"

"Maybe I should say it this way," Steve interrupted again, crossing his arms and staring at Tony "We know that you are hiding valuable information about an unknown Cube that may possibly be as threatening if not more than the Tesseract. This valuable information could well be the source of the next intergalactic, international or intra-hero war. So when I say that we know about the Cube, I mean that we know it is something you think exists and we'd like to not be buried under another disaster."

Tony blinked and opened his mouth but shut it. And tried it again.

"Well, shit Rogers, mouthing memos again?" there was no hint of teasing but there was no heat as well so Steve let it go.

"What's going on, Tony?" Steve asked again, trying to get the man to look at him properly but not catching his eyes.

"What's going on is an invasion of privacy," Tony retorted with a huff, "Seriously, get out and go talk gobbledygook to someone else."

"We can help," Steve tried "If it is trouble and the world needs us, we can help."

"Not if someone else needs you though" Tony muttered to himself feebly and when Steve asked him to repeat it, he simply waved a hand angrily.

"My research is none of your business, Rogers," Tony grunted with a small frown "Stay out of it."

"If your 'research' is about something that can destroy the world then I believe it is everybody's business."

"I assure you, you cannot be more wrong. Now shut up or leave. Actually, shut up _and_ leave"

"What's the Cube, Tony?"

"Shut up usually means silence, grandpa."

"Is it like the Tesseract?"

"Did you even have silence in the 40's because you don't seem to get it."

"Have you tracked it yet?"

"Oh my God, stop leaning forward! Seriously! Personal space!"

"Who has it? Is it Loki again?"

"Bruce! Get the Rogersoctopus away from my couch!"

"How long have you known? What powers does it have?"

"Rogers, shove.off."

"Should we be ready for another battle?"

"If you say another word, then yes."

"Doctor Banner, what do you recommend to find it?"

The speed at which Tony got up rivaled only the speed of Steve getting up too. Both men were just a foot away from each other, seconds away from either ripping each's throats up or going into a full-put battle. Tony looked like a crazed animal and Steve looked calm but had a full fight-alert stance. There was absolute silence in the Tower, filled with tension and nerves. Clint thought it might be a good idea to use that arrow he had thought about.

"The Cube, or the Cosmic Cube, is a energy source that has the power to bend minds to the will of the user," Bruce's calm voice flitted from the ottoman and Steve perked his ears, though his eyes still didn't leave Tony's. For the first time since they entered, he had gotten the absolute attention of the shorter man and Steve wanted him to maintain it till he got all his answers.

"Bruce.." Tony growled lowly but the doctor didn't flinch a nano-inch.

"It isn't the Tesseract but has powers similar to it. This one isn't from the Gods though. It's more local," Bruce continued as though he hadn't heard Tony at all.

"How local?" Clint asked at the same time Tony said "That's enough Banner and none of your business Barton."

"Somewhere in Earth's terrain," Bruce replied wryly and saw Sam raise both eyebrows, "It's actually the brainchild of Cap's old friend."

Steve could see first strands of panic seep into Tony's eyes but didn't relent. It was either now or never. And Steve had a horrible foreboding about who Bruce meant.

"Hydra?" he asked calmly, not letting Tony break away from his glare.

"More precisely, Red Skull," Bruce nodded with a bad taste in his mouth. The entire room's focus fell on Steve simultaneously at the mention of the presumed-dead villain. 

Steve felt the world slip from under his feet. His eyes widened and throat clenched painfully.  _No, no, how is this possible?_ He clearly remembered the death of Schmidt and the horrendous days after it as well. But Bruce wouldn't lie. Not about something this big.

He could see Tony's eyes skim through an endless stream of emotions. Anger, fear, pain, betrayal, empathy, concern and back to fear before it settled on haughtiness. Or a bad imitation of it. Steve wanted to rail at him, rain thunderstorms on him for not telling him. Red Skull! That was Steve's past. His demon to battle. His arch-enemy. And Tony had hid his return from him. 

"None of my business, huh?" Steve asked softly with a bitter smile and looked away before Tony could respond. He resolutely ignored the other man, instead looking directly at Bruce, who was now looking at Tony with concern.

"Doctor Banner, I don't know about the science of it, but I could help you in any way poss-"

"Actually, Steve," Bruce cut him off kindly, looking once at Tony before looking back at Steve with resolve, "You can do much more than what we can at this point."

Steve had a sarcastic thought of Tony not agreeing to that. He could hear the other man's deep breathing, could almost feel him trying to get Steve's attention. But he wasn't going to comply. 

"Let's start then" Steve told Bruce who nodded but looking past Steve at Tony.

\---------------------------------------------------

It had been the worst nightmare come true for Steve. Red Skull was alive. There was a Doctor Faustus who had could manipulate people.

And Sharon.

Steve breathed in another stale puff of air deeply, trying to unblock his heart. The news had hit him like a military tank. Sharon Carter. His girlfriend. Peggy's niece. Doctor Faustus' puppet.

Steve didn't know how he had stood in the room, without breaking anything and still listening to all that Bruce had said. He could hear words like  _mind control_ and  _impersonation_ thrown around but he hadn't been able to process anything then. Except for the utter feeling of betrayal.

Sadly, it wasn't Sharon who had betrayed him, according to Steve. It was someone he had once considered a trusted teammate. A friend. Someone who had never stopped ranting about keeping secrets from people about their own lives and safety.

He felt betrayed by Tony Stark.

Steve remembered whipping around and staring at Tony when that piece of information dropped.  _Please tell me you didn't know_ , he wanted to say  _Please tell me you didn't hide this from me._

One look at Tony's eyes had given him all the answers he needed. Steve was thankful for his supersoldier digestion because if not for that, he wouldn't have been able to stop the bile in his throat. 

As soon as Bruce had given them all the information they needed, Steve had nodded, thanked the doctor and excused himself for a minute. That was how he was here, in the terrace, contemplating all his life choices.

He knew Sharon was innocent. A sick thought entered his mind and he felt his heart twist all the more. She was no better than Bucky - manipulated, controlled and dominated against her will. Steve wanted to break something real bad.

They couldn't do anything about her yet though. Sharon was the only way they could get to Faustus, whoever the hell he was. Steve racked his mind for every face he had known during the war. Any person who could have access to Sharon and have a link to Hydra. So far he came up with nothing more than Rumlow. And as much as Steve hated the guy for being who he was, even Steve knew that Rumlow could not have been Fautsus. He didn't have what it takes to be a mind-controller.

And then there was the part where Tony had known all this even while the war was on. Steve didn't know how to react to that. Should he be thankful that Tony hadn't killed Sharon? Or should he be disgusted that the man had let someone be manipulated even after knowing the truth?

"I-uh" the voice from behind was familiar enough for Steve to not turn around "Bruce says that there's dinner if you're interested."

Steve knew what Bruce had sent him to say. And honestly, Steve was in no mood to hear it. He didn't want an apology, because it didn't mean anything when somebody forced you to do it. He wanted answers.

"There's a great deal of punching and back-slapping going on with the others," Tony said with a snort "I think Natasha might be ganging up with Barton's wife to torture him with some dessert they whipped up."

Steve's jaw muscle jumped but he didn't turn. 

"Look," Tony continued like he hadn't heard Steve's silent refusal to talk, "I know you think I did this to screw you over or something but--"

"How?" 

Tony paused and looked up to see if Steve had really spoken. "How? How what?"

"How can you presume to know what I think," Steve said in a soft voice of anger "when you cannot know what my friends, my family means to me?"

There is a moment of silence and Steve feels Tony come around and stand beside him, looking at his face with a tight look.

"I didn't do this-you think I did this to hurt Carter?" Tony's voice has a tinge of incredulity and that only spurs Steve's anger more, "to hurt you?"

"I am not a fool, Stark" Steve replied in a low whisper of promise.

"Wait, when did I say--"

"And I do not intend to be made to feel like one. Especially by you." Steve enunciated each word with clarity, still not meeting Tony's eyes.

"If you're gonna be talking to empty space, the I think I don't have to try," Tony pointed out in frustration.

"You and I are not friends," Steve declared with finality, at last turning to look Tony square in the eye.

Tony looked taken aback from whatever he saw in Steve's eyes but the supersoldier didn't care. The genius recovered soon enough though to shift back to his normal smug face.

"You made that plenty clear during the war" Tony retorted, but somehow it came out more as a question than an accusation.

Steve stared till the other man went quiet. When he felt sure that he was not going to be interrupted again, Steve spoke calmly, with undercurrents of his anger still strong.

"When you hid Ultron from us, I told you that we will solve the problem together. I repeat that today." Steve hardened his look when it appeared that Tony would interrupt "We will find Red Skull, Doctor Faustus and the Cosmic Cube. We will make sure that Sharon Carter is made free from any control. And then, when all of it is over, we will never meet again. No contact, no information about each other, nothing. You will go your way and I will go mine. When this is over, we will be utter strangers who will never acknowledge each other's existence."

Tony simply stared at Steve. "Strangers," he echoed softly like it hadn't struck him.

"Strangers," Steve repeated on a firm whisper, his cold blue eyes boring into Tony's stunned brown ones. When Tony said nothing more, Steve started to walk away and stopped at the door only when he heard Tony's question.

"You really think we can be that? Strangers?"

Turning his head slightly to the side, Steve gave the only answer he had.

"I think we already are that."

Steve skipped the dinner, thanking Bruce though, for the offer and the information. He could see that Bruce was now feeling guilty about betraying Tony, in some weird sense. But Steve had no thought or care for that now. He wished everyone good night and stalked out of the Tower.

If he could feel a pair of eyes staring at him from the terrace, he didn't care to look back.

He had long learnt to ignore the looks of strangers.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.   
> I couldn't skip this hurt, sorry. These two have a horrible habit of hiding, lying or 'sacrificing' things for/from each other. Seriously, they would be a couple counselor's field day. I'm just trying to clear out as much of air as possible. But boy, does Steve make a dramatic exit, huh? :P


	16. Living In An Incubator

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to start off by saying this: The readers and reviewers of this fic are totally divine. I mean it. The amount of confidence you've shown in me, the love you've given each character, the amount of time you take to analyse each part of a chapter - I am mind blown. I cannot thank you enough and I will always treasure each and every one of you.  
> Now, to the matter of this chapter. As we saw in the last chapter, things went horribly when Steve found out about the whole secret. I hated myself as I wrote his dialogues. So. Much. Pain. I love that man but I had to make him say such hurtful things. I needed chocolates to get over it myself.  
> But here's the thing. Tony Stark is a guy who can give back as good as he gets. He's been silent, tried to be responsible, tried to defer to Steve as often as he can. But something's gotta give. He frickin died and came back. There's gonna be repercussions and some people *side-eyeing Steve* are going to be in for some rude shocks. It's not ALL going to be in this chapter but you'll start getting hints of it. Please do not think that I'm going to ignore Steve/Tony relationship. They're going to be endgame and hopefully everything we wish for. But when's the end? That we'll have to wait and read.

When Tony was a fresher at MIT, some raggedy senior cornered him in during lunch and asked him a dumb question.

"You believe in Newton's Third Law?"

Tony had been drunk in the afternoon, angry with life and smug off his last win at the Hacks bet. So of course he went on a spiel of what he believed in and what he didn't. 

They hadn't touched on Newton at all. Tony didn't even remember half the things he said. But he did remember that he'd  scarred the guy for life.

You see, Tony himself was a proof of the law. Well, philosophically at the very least. His father, mother, guardian, ex-girlfriend and even best friend had tried to change him. Tried to make him a better person, using a variety of resources and methods. But the result, as always, was the opposite. Personally, Tony thought that Pepper and Rhodey's methods were more preferable but his parents and butler had tried hard too. His parents in their own unhealthy way, but eh, he'd always known that the Starks were genius megalomaniacs who should never be allowed to repopulate the world.

The Starks also never listened to sane advice, so that might have led his parents to drop him off as their legacy. He didn't care. He had enough things to worry about to make time for his tragic sob-story of a twisted childhood. 

Like what he was going to do with his latest atomic photon missile, a thin pencil like cylinder that would disintegrate people. It was kind of like a human incinerator in a tobacco pipe. Tony decides to put two in his suit.

It had been a week since the night that Tony referred to as Bloodmoon. It had left everyone bleeding, some of them physically too if Clint's bloody nose should be taken into consideration. Tony doesn't think it should, because it was Natasha who hit him and everything Natasha does is deserved. That's a mantra Tony chants to himself every morning and every night before bed. Still, he knows that what happened that night should have basically been the end of the Avengers.  But according to Jarvis, they're still up and into it, chasing cold leads and hot arguments. 

Tony didn't know about it. Because Tony had quit the Avengers.

He was now focused on his company, his suits, his tech and his life. Well, maybe not his life, because he didn't have one right now beside the work of his workshop. He had gone to a SI meeting yesterday evening, had signed documents without complain today morning and was going to go to the Maria Stark Foundation Charity Gala next week. He was closing off the Avenger part of him and taking a path where he didn't have to deal with people who were crazier than him and had powers he didn't without a suit.

"Sir," Jarvis called out, remembering to wait till Tony was alert to continue, "Doctor Banner is outside. He wishes to speak with you."

Tony didn't turn around to see anything. He simply worked on improvising his suit.

"Request declined, J," Tony called out calmly, "And darken the doors. I've had too much of privacy invasion for this week."

He had spoken to Bruce after Bloodmoon. Tony understood his point of view. Of course he did. He always understood Bruce, because Bruce was his bro. His science partner. His doctor.

What he had also realized this week was that Bruce was also not infallible or unbreakable.

Tony remembers Bruce coming to him immediately after Steve left. He'd apologized, no hesitation or excuses given. He'd told Tony of his own fears, his need to get help, their need for assistance from the others. He told Tony of his guilt from Ultron. His despair at having been a part of the reason for the Sokovia Accords. His bitterness regarding the war and his desire for all of them to just get along.

Tony understood all of that. He could understand Bruce's fears. He accepted the apology, because he knew how hard it could be when someone didn't accept your apologies. But then he proceeded to calmly inform Bruce that Tony was done being an Avenger.

He'd asked Bruce to not question or persuade him about it. Surprisingly, Bruce hadn't. He had just give Tony a heartbroken look and apologized again but agreed not to take decisions for Tony.

After that, Bruce had tried to come and have his usual lunch with Tony every day but the billionaire would just ask Jarvis to politely tell the doctor to not disturb him.

You see, Tony trusted Bruce with his life. He just didn't know if he trusted him with his thoughts anymore.

He hadn't taken away any resource or privilege from any Avenger. He had given them as gifts before and Tony never, ever took back gifts. Even as a shitty boyfriend, he never did that. It was an insult he spared himself from. And with all the insults he had been getting these past months, he didn't want to add one on his own.

The idea of being an Avenger, of saving the world was an aphrodisiac for someone like Tony. He could be the hero, beat the bad guys and fly off into the sunset, quite literally. But like every aphrodisiac, this one had become an addiction too. Tony wasn't new to addiction. He'd swam through oceans of alcohol and crossed dunes of drugs. He knew the temptation of staying addicted. Of not caring about yourself sometimes.

Tony knew about being all powerful in a haze and then spiraling down into an abyss when reality knocked. Which is why he had decided to cut off his addiction before it finished him.

No more Avengers for him. He'd help though, in providing the suit to Rhodey, because maybe Rhodey did really understand the concept of teamwork better. He'd also help in Intel for Bruce and Natasha, if he is ever needed desperately.

No addiction could be cut off in a day, right?

He had heard the terror alarm go off this morning and took three steps towards his suit before stopping.  _Not an Avenger_ , he had reminded himself before downing three cups of coffee straight. He didn't have alcohol anymore. He didn't think he could, without remembering Bloodmoon. Also, he was better distracted when he worked. The alarm had stopped in exactly two minutes and Tony hadn't gone up to check if Bruce and Natasha had gone to assemble.

That had been in the morning. That had been five hours ago. 

Tony had checked up on the situation though. It had been a Doom's day.  _They could handle that_ , he thought with a shrug,  _what could possibly go wrong with an enemy they had handled about a million times before?_

"Sir, I must inform you that Agent Barton is attempting to contact you," Jarvis' voice sounded irritated and Tony's eyes automatically went to the vents. 

"Decline, J," Tony repeated and added as an afterthought, "Shut all vents. And how'd he get into the Tower? What's going on with the security?"

"He was invited by Thor, Sir"

Tony paused working and frowned. He didn't even know that Thor was back. But if Thor was back, he didn't mind the God staying in the Tower. And it was not like Thor knew about the Bloodmoon disaster.  _Maybe I should talk to him someday soon_ , Tony thought doubtfully. Thor had actually saved Tony. He could give the guy some credit for that, at least, right?

He was busy checking the schematics of his suit when Jarvis spoke again.

"Sir, Captain Rogers is requesting some time to speak with you," Jarvis informed and Tony raised an eyebrow.

"'Requesting'? His words or yours, J?"

"Would you like me to relay the exact message, sir?" Jarvis asked with a hint of amusement.

Tony thought for a minute. There was no reason to listen. None at all. But he had a strange nagging in his head. Steve Rogers never requested him to do anything. He had commanded, suggested, informed, decided and done everything that he thought a 'leader' would do. Bunch of crap.

But here he was requesting. Tony was a curious mind by nature. This sudden shift of words was a puzzle. He loved puzzles.

"J, tell him I'm busy." Tony tried. If Rogers retorted or demanded to see him, then Tony'll be assured that things were normal. He could go back to hating the guy in peace.

There was a few seconds of silence and Tony almost forgot about it when Jarvis spoke again.

"Captain Rogers conveys his gratitude for the consideration of his request and apologizes for intruding," Jarvis informed and yes, there was definitely a hint of surprise in his AI's voice, "He also requests you to consider -"

"J, play the video." Tony cut him off mid-sentence. This was freaking him out. Was this an ambush? 

The blue screen flashed in front of him and Tony could see Captain America with his cowl down, standing in front of his workshop.

_"Hello Jarvis" Steve said softly, eyes going up to the ceiling like he always did._

_"Hello, Captain," Jarvis replied stiffly, still remembering the fight from a week back, "Do you require assistance?"_

_"I-Jarvis, could you please tell To-Mr.Stark that I request for a bit of his time to speak with him?" Steve asked politely. There was silence after that, as Jarvis passed the message to Tony. Steve was staring ahead at the darkened door, his shoulders hunched and eyes strained but still standing._

_"Sir is busy right now, Captain Rogers," Jarvis informed after a few seconds in his prim voice. Steve looked like he expected that and nodded. Then he looked up directly into a security camera and spoke._

_"Mr. Stark, thank you for considering my request. I apologize for intruding without permission. I wish-I was wondering if you could spare some time to speak about the Avengers later. We had a problem today with Natasha and we could-we could use your assistance if possible. -"_

Tony cut the video off and dropped his own holograph. 

"Jarvis, where's Natasha?" he asked calmly. She was the only one who hadn't done him any harm, who had trusted him despite her tendency to not trust people. 

"Ms. Romanoff is presently in the medical ward, sir" Jarvis replied after a quick scan and Tony was out of his chair immediately. He used his code to open the workshop door and found himself facing a stunned Steve Rogers.

"Tony, I -"

Tony side-stepped him and walked swiftly towards the elevator. He didn't hear footsteps behind him and honestly, he didn't care either. Natasha was NEVER in the medical ward. She hated that place. If she was there, then it meant something had been fucked up real bad.

When the elevator door shut, he could see Rogers walk up to it like he was going to say something but Tony didn't stop the doors. The two floor journey was going way too slow for his liking and as soon as the elevator stopped and doors opened, Tony was out, striding the floor with determined steps.

He could hear the noises from the ward even as he rounded up to it.

"--tried to reach him but he's shut us out." Clint was saying in an annoyed tone.

"He has every right to shut us out. He's angry." Bruce replied with forced calm. Tony felt a slight twinge of emotion at that. Bruce may have betrayed him once but he was still his friend. 

"Yes he is and what is happening here?" Tony asked as he strode into the ward with a practiced confidence. His eyes scanned the room and found that every single person looked like they had been dragged through a dirt road and then passed through a clothes shredder. Thor and Vision were the only ones who didn't look hurt and Tony didn't even want to know how Barton was bleeding from the thigh. 

Bruce stood up hastily from the stool he was in, holding a bandage that he was clearly typing on Wanda's fore-arm. Tony's eyes met Wanda's and for the first time ever, he saw vulnerability and pain more than anger. He didn't linger there though, knowing how uncomfortable he made the young girl. His eyes went back to Bruce and he raised an eyebrow.

"Doom went boom?" he asked with fake humor, in an attempt to show Bruce that he wasn't angry enough to not care right now.

Bruce, the intuitive man that he was, got the message and gave a bitter smile "Something like that. He made his own Ultrons. Not even close to the real ones," Bruce hastened to clarify when Tony straightened sharply, "But with enough speed and strength to keep us down."

"Apparently not for long," Tony observed calmly, though his insides were boiling, "You did get him, right? Or do we still have Doomsalot partying outside?"

Bruce gestured to Vision and Thor with a small smile "Nah, we had our own thunder and lightening show," he said as Thor straightened and gave Tony a small grin, "Though it took some time to gather them up. Also, we had to do some long distance calling to get our God back."

Tony nodded at Thor with a wry smile "Yeah, I guess it's time you got yourself a phone, big guy" he said and Thor chuckled but nodded.

"I apologize for not ending it sooner," Vision spoke up and Tony turned a surprised look to him, "I believe I got caught up in taking down the associates too long and--"

"You did your job, Jr.," Tony cut him off, his soft spot and trust in Vision not letting him let his creation put it all on himself, "You won, that's what matters."

"Yeah? Doesn't feel like it." Clint spoke up from his chair, not looking up but bitterness clear in his voice. Tony frowned at that and looked back at Bruce who looked strained again.

"There was an explosion and...Natasha was closest--" Bruce stopped, clearly controlling the Other Guy and Tony heard Clint swear under his breath.

Tony didn't ask any questions. He knew the strange friendship Barton shared with Natasha and also knew about Bruce's feelings about her. He looked at the corner where the patient quarantine was situated. Usually he would never go there, his hatred for hospitals and such, but he also knew that nobody else was going to give him any answers now.

Steeling himself, Tony walked towards the cubicle, ignoring the movement he saw from Sam, who looked like he was about to say something. When he reached the door, he stopped and took a breath. This was Natasha. Invincible Natasha. She'd be fine. She'd be absolutely fine.

Oh how nice lies sound.

Inside the cubicle, he saw Laura sitting on the bedside chair with her head bowed slightly. She didn't look hurt or such, but Tony knew that she had come to make sure that Clint didn't go mad or get himself killed. Tony's eyes took in the machines placed near the bed. There were a hell lot of them for somebody to be fine. Slowly, as though preparing himself for a jolt, his eyes slid down and landed on the bed itself.

If he had held anything in his hand at that time, it would have been in pieces. 

He must have made some sound because Laura's head shot up and she turned to see Tony with wide eyes.

"Tony.." she breathed and stood up immediately, having no qualms about walking to him and pulling him inside, "Thank God, you're okay! When Dr. Banner told me that you hadn't come out for a week, I told Clint to use his monkey tricks and go check on you. I'm so sorry, Tony! God, they're all such fools! You didn't deserve that, nobody deserves to get ganged up on!"

Tony had long learnt that women were much more fierce and stronger than men. His mother, Pepper, Mama Rhodes, Natasha, Maria Hill - the list could go on and on. Sure, he had also met his own share of irrelevant, irritating and obnoxious femmes but the stronger ones overshadowed them any day. He had flirted aggravatingly, put them down many times, been insufferable to them and made so many mistakes, but they had always seen through him. That was one reason he had stopped messing around unnecessarily with women. They deserved all the respect they fought for. Looking at the fierce expression on Laura Barton's face, he felt that belief getting re-affirmed. 

Her own husband was hurt and outside but this woman was strongly objecting to something that had happened to  _Tony_ a week ago.  _She_ was apologizing, despite the fact that she had done absolutely nothing. Tony didn't know if she was foolish or absolutely amazing. He settled for the second option.

"Is she-Is she okay?" he had to clear his throat of the sudden choke it had formed and quickly diverted attention to the woman on the bed.

Laura sighed and looked back at the bed with tired eyes.

"No," she shook her head, not opting for the cliched 'I don't know', "She has shrapnel and shards stuck in her torso, internal bleeding from broken ribs piercing, her calves were crushed under some boulder or something and might sustain TBI too. Okay is not something she's going to be for a long time."

"She'll be fine. She's got amazing recuperative strength. I mean seriously, the amount of injuries she's sustained in the past missions is --"

"She's not okay, Tony," Laura cut him off gently and gave him a firm but understanding look, "This will take some time. A lot of rest and therapy maybe. But yes, in time, she'll be fine."

Tony had become familiar with Laura under extremely stressful conditions. But he had seen a strength and will in her even then. When she had tricked him into meeting Nick in her backyard, he was impressed with her sneaking ability. But he also knew that she had done it to bring the team back on track. She was a logical person, a nurse. She didn't live in false illusions, something she had proven by sticking with Barton despite all the risks that came with him.

When Tony had whisked her off the safehouse to save her, he had expected a struggle. A fight or a torrent of abuse. He hadn't expected a calm glance, analyzing and weighing him, and a firm agreement. He still remembered the words she had said when he had left her in his personal safehouse.

_"When all of you are done fighting with for your toys and tidbits, we're going to have a long chat about proper communication in a family. Okay?"_

He had considered her foolish in that moment. Now, well, he was re-evaluating all his choices.

Tony looked around the cubicle, in an attempt to calm himself.

"We should get a TV here," he commented flippantly, pushing down any emotional outburst, "A coffee machine too. Maybe a couple of vending machines? The wallpaper needs to go, god I hate white walls! Maybe something more red based. Or gold, I don't know, gotta ask Pepper. And then maybe we could get a nice plush couch here--"

He stopped when Laura placed a hand on his shoulder. Looking back he saw that she had a sad smile on her face.

"You should go out and get the details" she suggested softly, her hand warm and soothing on his shoulder, "You're better when you have data. I'm better as the nurse."

"I'm not an Avenger anymore" Tony corrected her, his words coming out more bitter than confident.

Laura silently looked at Tony, her eyes observing and analyzing. Tony squirmed under her attention but gave her a fake smirk in an attempt to cover up whatever she was searching for.

“Clint and I separated after Cooper’s second birthday,” Laura mused, eyes looking behind Tony at some spot, “I was getting sick of being scared for him all the time and he couldn’t leave SHIELD.”

“I really shouldn’t be knowing this,” Tony replied in a rush, attempting to block out whatever she was saying, “I honestly am not the right person for confessions or secrets right now.”

Laura waved him off impatiently and with a quieting look.

“It’s my business and I’m telling you. He knows better,” she shrugged nonchalantly, “We were young, confused and had a kid we both loved. It was a disaster. The screaming and yelling whenever he came home, it was horrible. It was like we had a battle-ground and not a home.”

Tony was desperately looking for any exits to escape this but he was also curious about this information. He didn’t know much about Barton’s life and if Laura was willingly giving him something, he could take it, right?

“After a couple of months, we decided to stop talking about it. Just mind our own business and push the cart forward, you know?” Laura chuckled at that “We were really young and confused, I guess.”

“One day, Clint almost killed Cooper,” Tony held his breath but Laura was still continuing. He imagined the face of the kid he’d seen at the Barton home and shut out the images his mind was conjuring. “It was an accident, don’t get me wrong. I was out to visit my parents for a couple of hours and he was at home for the weekend. He didn’t know about Coop’s peas allergy. He thought the kid just didn’t like them. I think he was trying to be a smart parent, but it kind of backfired. He fooled Coop into eating his chicken and snap peas, though I have no clue how he did that. When I came back home, there was a cop there telling me to reach the hospital.”

Laura stopped and Tony had a strange urge to comfort her. But Cooper was alive, it was all over and he knew that he wouldn’t be of any help by comforting now.

“I was furious.” Laura resumed, her voice soft again and a little sad, “The doctors had saved him just in time. Clint had panicked and didn’t know how to control the anaphylaxis. My kid had almost died because his father hadn’t paid attention. When Cooper was alright, I packed my bags and left for my parents’ home. Told Clint that it was over.”

“I didn’t see him or keep in touch for three months,” Laura said calmly, fiddling with her wedding ring unconsciously, “Then one day I got a call from a guy with a voice of a robot telling me that he wanted me to meet him at a café. When I said no, he dropped in at home. Bloody intruding poker-face and his sneaky entrances!”

“Coulson,” Tony guessed with a small chuckle and Laura nodded with a smile of her own.

“Scared the shit out of me when he gave me a binder of information about Clint’s missions,” Laura shook her head in disbelief, “I thought this was some kind of new torture format, showing scary pictures of your husband swinging around buildings like a goddamn monkey. I threatened to call the police. He showed me his SHIELD badge. I swung a frying pan in his face.”

Tony laughed out at the image and Laura rolled her eyes.

“He didn’t leave though. Calmly sat there, holding an ice-pack to his face and told me about Clint’s job. After a couple of missions, I told him to stop. It was too much to know. Too much to imagine. He agreed and shut up. Then he showed me pictures of Clint in the last three months.”

Laura took a deep breath and sighed. This time Tony didn’t hesitate to place a hand on her shoulder. Laura smiled at that but continued.

“He looked like shit,” she said bluntly, “I could have found zombies that looked better than him. He looked like a guy who had lost everything. He looked, well, he looked like he was dead inside.”

“I had three months of anger at him so I didn’t just melt and run into his arms,” Laura pointed out to a curious Tony, “I just told Coulson to keep the pictures with himself. He didn’t force me. He met Cooper and gave him a small bow and arrow play-set. I almost shot the guy in his ass but Coop was happy. Before he left though, he said something to me that I couldn’t forget.”

“ _You can quit teams. But you can’t quit families.”_

Laura was now looking straight into Tony’s eyes. “It took me and Clint a lot of work, but we understood that. Right now, I’m looking at another situation where that line applies.”

Tony tried to look away “It’s not worth it. I can’t get insulted at every point and turn just to stay with them.”

“Then you kick their asses and tell them that,” Laura said firmly, “The Avengers are not a team, Tony, it’s a family. You guys don’t _know_ how to survive without each other. If one of you is a mess, then the others have to untangle the mess. You don’t have to bow down or bow out. You know your worth, you know what you can do. You tell them that. You shut them up if they talk trash. If they gang up on you, you get your AI to lock them down and cut them off from things they like till they get their heads out of their asses. You push, you hit back. But you never quit. You keep fighting for them and yourself, even if they fight back. You can stop calling yourself an Avenger, Tony, but you cannot quit your family.”

Tony stared at Laura speechless for a minute. His eyes then flicked to the sedated Natasha and came back to Laura.

“You realize that you just told me to kick your husband’s ass, right?” he asked with a small smirk.

Laura smirked back “Whatever it takes.”

“Why’d you tell me your split-story?” he asked, buying time before he had to decide his next move.

“Because you and Steve are going through your own strange divorce right now and the kids are gonna suffer. They’ve already started suffering.” Laura asserted, her eyes straying to Natasha for a second before she stared back at Tony.

“We’re not getting _divorced_. We’re just—we—we’re just not friends.” Tony declared, flailing his hands slightly.

“Doesn’t matter. You’re still family.” Laura said casually, like it was the simplest fact of the world.

Tony frowned at that but sighed. He was no good at arguing with wise women.

“Why me though? Why not Captain Itchypants?” he muttered in vain.

Laura chuckled at the nickname but patted Tony’s arm “Because you can.” She said, not telling that Steve can’t. Tony liked to imagine that she said Steve can’t. It made him feel better.

He stayed silent for a minute, observing the calm beeping of the machines before him.

“I think I should find out how shitty the Captain’s plans were for the mission,” he said after a while and saw Laura’s eyes light up with mischief.

“Give them hell,” she said and Tony gave her a two finger salute with a smirk on his lips.

Yep, fierce women were the best ever.

When Tony came back into the ward, he saw that most of them were bandaged by then. Except for Steve, who was standing in a corner, looking like a lost puppy. Tony felt like yelling at him for not being logical and a million other things, but he could also see that the guy was stewing in guilt. Tony knew the power of guilt. He also knew that this was the only time he could make his move.

"So, how exactly did you guys screw up?" Tony asked aloud, putting on his most annoying bitch face on, "I mean apart from trying to fight high-tech androids with arrows and magic."

He saw Wanda and Clint bristle but also knew that the idiots had to be knocked down a peg if they were to ever survive such a fight again.

"We were handling it fine," Clint grunted and Tony raised an eyebrow at him. "Was this before or after you realized that your arrows did not have the capacity to pierce their armor? Because if I remember right, you still have commercial or ex-SHIELD arrows. I haven't made you any in, well, ever since you tried to put one in my ass."

Clint shut up at that but his eyes spit fire. Tony felt better by the minute. He could handle an annoyed Barton, in fact he preferred an annoyed Barton. The guy was easy to challenge when he was annoyed.

"What about you, Voodoo Woman?" he turned to Wanda and smirked harder when she tensed, "Magic no match for logic? Or were you busy trying to find out if Doom had built weapons before he became crazy?"

Vision was in front of Tony even before Wanda snarled. Tony was disgruntled at that and patted Vision's shoulder to make him move. He could handle himself. He could handle anything right now.

"Big talk, Stark. Where were you?" Wanda spat, the insecurity and guilt now clear to Tony behind the anger in her eyes. 

"I was busy not stirring up a fight to avenge anybody or take mindless revenge." Tony shot back and saw the young girl's eyes widen in shock for a minute at the barb. But before she could recover, Tony had moved on to the next person.

"Redbull didn't give you better wings, Falcon?" he asked Sam with a cock of his head. He was pleasantly surprised though, when Sam didn't rise to the bait or bite back. He simply looked at Tony with a serious face and shrugged.

"It's your design. I should have asked for help from you," he said before meeting Tony's eyes straight "I'm sorry. I'll ask next time, if that's okay?"

Tony could see that he wasn't talking about the wings. Everybody could see that he was talking about making assumptions or accusations about Tony. In that moment, Tony felt that maybe Sam Wilson was as good a guy as Rhodey always told him to be. 

"If there's a next time," Tony allowed and saw Sam nod with a small smile. He wasn't going to offer everything at one go again. But he could keep things open.

"Size didn't matter this time, Antosaurus?" he asked Scott who was looking at Tony with a thoughtful expression.

"A little bit of science and tech-knowledge would have made the difference," Scott replied honestly, clear in his indication of what he meant. Tony saw Bruce shake his head with a chuckle and waggled his eyebrows at Scott.

"Well, flattery will get you everywhere, Scotty boy," he said and Scott made a mock innocent face.

"But I was talking about Justin Hammer," he said and Tony narrowed his eyes at him till Scott rolled his eyes and winked.

"Your sense of humor is as big as your ant-ego" Tony quipped back and Scott chuckled at that.

"At least it's better than Doom's. Guy can't take a joke well and blows up an entire city."

Tony shrugged in agreement, glad that Scott was being easy and cool. His eyes next landed on Bruce and felt bad at the sad smile he got.

"The Other Guy wasn't willing to talk to me too I guess," Bruce said with a pathetic shrug, "Things got a little out of control, huh?"

"Nothing that can't be fixed," Tony replied before adding as an afterthought, "Brucie-Bear."

He had forgiven Rhodey and Pepper for far bigger things. Bruce himself had forgiven Tony for far bigger things in the past. He remembered the look on Bruce's face when he had asked if Tony had really made a deal with Ross in the Civil War. Tony had known what Ross meant to Bruce, but the doctor hadn't made an issue out of it. He had simply told Tony to forget it and made things easier around the Tower.

Right now Bruce was feeling guilty and Tony knew that he wouldn't have done what he did if he hadn't been scared. Things may get awkward sometimes in the future but he wasn't going to remain angry at the guy who was among the few that stuck with him. 

Bruce's smile said what he thought of Tony's olive branch acceptance. 

The only person remaining was a big old blonde Captain America. Tony wanted to have the confrontation there itself, right in front of everybody. But he also remembered that right now, this was a medical ward where somebody was hurt. No, this had to happen in private. Taking a deep breath, he walked towards the door.

"Jarvis, make sure to check all of them for internal injuries and monitor Natasha for me," he rattled off with each step, "And make sure that nobody disturbs me till I say otherwise."

"You wanted my time to talk," he said when he neared Steve, still not looking at the guy and finding it hard to keep his tone casual, "You've got five minutes. Gym, now."

Without looking back, Tony walked off, footsteps following him after a moment. 

 _Laura better be right_ , he thought to himself viciously.

\----------------------------------------

Tony chose the gym for a very particular purpose. He knew that both their tempers were at all time highs. He also knew that there might come a point when one of them might lose control. Tony wasn't willing to let Steve wreck his workshop or the environment in it. 

He had heard Steve come in behind him.  _Now or never_ , he decided and turned around to glare at the other guy.

And immediately wished that he hadn't. 

Steve Rogers was a formidable man when he was in control. He was a monster when he was angry. He was a big cuddly bear when he was shy or happy. But there was one form of him that Tony hated. The lost puppy.

His face and hands were covered with dirt and scratches that were still healing. His uniform was torn in the arm and Tony had a sudden bout of anger at that. He had designed the uniform himself, and it wasn't supposed to tear! He chalked this up to one more thing he was going to make Doom pay for when they met next. An insult to his genius creations was definitely not something Tony Stark forgave.

The worst part about the sad form in front of him were the eyes. The fire, the cold anger and the determination that Tony had seen a week back was gone. There was no hatred, no betrayed leader look. This was a pathetic ghost of the man who had pushed Tony at every turn ever since they met. 

"She's not dead, you know?" Tony winced internally even as the words slipped out of his mouth.

"She could have died," Steve mumbled and okay, point to be corrected. The voice was definitely the worst part about the sad form in front of Tony. For a moment he almost told Steve to cheer up, to not blame himself and to think about ways to dunk Doom in a vat of lava. But he reined in himself. If he gave in now, then he would never get a chance to level things between them. He'd never get the chance to make the idiot see what he was missing. Tony was angry at Steve for what he said but he also wanted the stupid idealist to look beyond black and white. That was the only way they could ever get their jobs done.

_**"You know your worth, you know what you can do. You tell them that. You shut them up if they talk trash. "** _

"You gonna talk or listen to me first?" Tony asked, giving him a chance if he wanted to vent out once before Tony began. Steve looked up and opened his mouth but shut it again.

 _Okay, so it's going to be the Tony show_ , he decided and breathed in.

"You're a fucking moron," Tony began and saw Steve flinch but pushed on, "You were a moron when you thought Nick Fury was God, were a moron when you thought SHIELD was the church and an even bigger moron when you thought that I was trying to kill James Barnes."

Steve was now looking at Tony and a small frown was settling in between his brows. 

"I wanted to get the Accords in place to save the world from people like us, people like me," Tony continued, pointing towards himself, "After Sokovia, you have no clue how scared the people got. No, you don't, you don't know it like I do." Tony raised his hand and stopped Steve when he opened his mouth to interrupt, "I had whole binders filled with people's opinions. Pepper's binders, so you should have an idea of how thorough they were. It was sick, some of the things that happened. I tapped out of the Avengers because I was terrified of what I could do when I decided to get ahead of myself. I still get ahead of myself, but at that time, it was dangerous. Ultron was a brilliant idea but it got messed because we screwed up. Bruce and me, but mostly me."

"When the Accords were suggested, you know the first thing I thought? I thought, 'Isn't this the kind of neat thing Cap would say?'. It was pages and pages of accountability, responsibility and following orders. Your kind of words, not mine. I didn't know that somewhere in the Potomac, you had puked those words out and had begun talking about my kind of things. Freedom, independence and privacy. It was all kinds of twisted. I thought somebody was playing a prank."

Steve was staring at Tony with a thoughtful expression and Tony was just glad that he didn't have to fight yet. So, he continued.

"I tried to get you and your running ass to come and talk things out. Boy, you sure know how to make a guy chase after you, huh?" Tony chuckled wryly at the memory of searching for Steve, "Then I tried to get Natasha to talk to you, because the one time we met, you acted like I was trying to lock you up with Ken dolls. You know, you almost made me question the power of Natasha's eyebrows when even she couldn't get you to understand or talk. It was the worst thing ever, thinking that Natasha Romanoff could not get a guy to talk."

"And then things got out of hand. You began to play Big Momma with your bestie and I had to handle an annoying Ross. God, are all Rosses annoying? I didn't like the guy even in that Friends thing." Tony frowned in thought and saw Steve's eye twitch but not with anger "Anyway, you made me want to punch you in your perfect teeth, as I have already told you once. So obviously, I decided to use more sneaky means to get you out of your rabbit holes. Man, you even gave Friday a headache with all your James Bond shit."

Steve relaxed a bit but still raised an eyebrow. Tony rolled his eyes and continued.

"Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, you decided that I was looking for a war," Tony's voice got serious, "Which by the way, is the very definition of wrong assumption. Before I knew it, I had news about you and your 'team' collecting weapons and hitting bases. Of course I couldn't very well sit and do yoga while you played bandit. So I decided to fight back. And then people who had no clue about what we were fighting about joined in. Seriously, did Lang even have a clue about what the Accords meant?"

"Anyways," Tony barged on, not allowing Steve to butt in, "things got way overboard and we were going at it like a bunch of wolves. I think I wanted to stop at one point. It was all getting pointless. The very thing I wanted the Accords for was getting in the way. But then you had to go after Rhodey. Dick move, Rogers, dick move."

Steve didn't say anything but his eyes did soften and reflect guilt. Tony wasn't impressed much but he knew that even Steve knew it was a dick move. 

"And then our threesome fight. Don't look so surprised, it was just that. So much tension, I thought we were going to start ripping each other's clothes off," Tony said with a mock shudder and saw Steve sigh like he always did when he decided that he couldn't argue something stupid with Tony because Tony always won the stupid arguments. 

"I didn't even  **understand** what we were fighting about, honestly. What was it, really? I wasn't even hitting you and both of you were going at me like I was a punching bag. Seriously Rogers, did you miss my gym that much?" Tony kept his tone light and words sharp and saw the cringe on Steve's face. "You were so fucking defensive, like I was the one who had electrocuted you with a fucking EMP hidden in my hand. What was that?! Did you read some book on Sneakos 101 or something? It hurt like a bitch, Rogers and I'm telling you right now, you should be careful about every handshake I ever give you because I'm gonna get you for that someday, you jerk." Tony pointed a finger at Steve and saw the other guy lower his eyes for a moment.

"But somehow, hail whatever force awoke, things ended. Not the way I wanted it, but it ended. And then of course, it had to go down the drain," Tony rubbed his forehead with the back of his palm tiredly, "I saw the laser point before you did, okay Rogers? And as much as you think I hate you, I'm not that big of a monster. There was a gun, you weren't wearing your suit, I wasn't wearing mine and I didn't have time to get a shield or something. I took the fucking bullet because I made that choice. Just the way I made the choice to carry a nuke into an alien portal. Shit, that sucked worse than this!" Tony had to breathe because the mention of the portal always made him anxious. Steve was silent and Tony didn't speak for a few seconds, concentrating on his breathing. He opened his eyes again and looked back at Steve, who was looking more concerned at this point.

"I don't give a fuck if I'm not your friend, alright? Let's get that straight right now. I don't have time to pacify you every time you think I meant to hurt you, even if I fucking tried to save your ass." Tony's voice hardened for a minute and he glared at Steve who had the decency to look a bit guilty "I saw a chance to save you and I took it. Big deal. You crashed a plane into the ocean when you had a chance and pulled a fucking helicopter to a base with your bare hands to save people. You're as much of a psychotic asshole as I am. Talking shit about morals or big old American values doesn't make you any better than me. I. Saved. You. End of story. If you want to look for hidden messages or fortune cookie prophecies in that, do it in your own time. Don't waste mine by insulting my choice at every turn. I don't answer to you. I am not your fucking minion. I am a guy who has my own mind, a genius mind at that. If I take decisions, I take them for myself. If I save you or Bruce or Laura Barton, I do that because I want to do it. Not because I want you or anybody else to think better of me. What you think about me is your business, not mine. I was Tony Stark before you and I will be Tony Stark without your approval. If I choose to save you, just fucking get saved and say thank you. Don't glorify yourself on my actions."

Steve's eyes flashed for a minute but he looked a bit shocked. Tony was glad. He wanted to shock the hell out of the guy.

"The Cube was my discovery," Tony continued relentlessly, "I found out about it when you were busy putting your PTSD affected best friend through another hell of a war when you could have just sorted things out using your big brain. I took time to look beyond the war and noticed a code in Rumlow's system that had some message about Red Skull. I cracked into the systems and decoded the resurrection of your old friend Red Skull and his good friend Doctor Faustus. I observed your girlfriend acting weird when she deflected from pro-Accords to anti-Accords. I understood that she was being manipulated when I got Friday to scan her once and found her brain activity going haywire. Sure, I didn't tell you anything about it but that was because I didn't trust you. You think I should tell you everything, Rogers? Why? What have you done to earn that trust? What would you have done? Gone Tarzan and banged Carter's head to get her back? And then what? How would we ever get to this Faustus guy? I've seen you get all huffy and offended when people betray you. When people aren't black and white. Guess what Rogers, the world isn't black and white. You can't win over every war with a shield and super-serum muscle. Somethings are won through brains and I have them more than you do. Don't you dare deny that!"

Tony was breathing hard by now and noticed that Steve's eyes had widened. At one point the Captain had looked like he was going to interrupt but Tony hadn't let him.

"You don't ever give me a chance to do things my way because you think I'm a twisted asshole who doesn't care about others. The twisted asshole part is true, but seriously Rogers, where the hell do you get off calling me not caring about others? What is it going to take for you to get off your high horse and see that I'm not your enemy, just a guy who thinks differently?" Tony threw his hands in the air and almost yelled "You being pissed about Carter's manipulation is fine, it's normal even. But why am I the villain? Because I knew that you were going to freak out and probably blabber about things to Carter herself? And why shouldn't I think that? You keep telling me to tell you everything but have you ever told me  **anything** about your things? Did you call me when your best friend was back and you decided to call in Lang to break him out of a fucking high-facility helicarrier? Did you tell me when you decided that SHIELD was the enemy? Did you even care to tell me when the Winter Soldier came back, Rogers?"

"He doesn't do that anymore," Steve muttered softly, but not angry, simply trying to placate Tony.

"He killed my parents, you asshole!" Tony burst and saw Steve flinch completely, "My father, okay, he was a bigoted bastard who screwed around with things that Hydra might have had an eye on. But there was one more person in that car. A woman who was the only thing that had kept me sane for years. Her name was Maria Stark. My mother, Rogers. The only person who had ever considered me anything more than a 'creation to carry on the Stark legacy'. I know that Barnes was manipulated and tortured for years, but WHY does that mean that I should forget what happened to my mother?! I deserved to know about his return! I deserved to hear it from you! You knew that he and I have a past and yet you thought that I should give him a rousing welcome the minute he came back. You didn't even have the courtesy to tell me in person and give me time to understand things! I had to find out about his return from fucking Thaddeus Ross! How do you think I felt when a man I thought I was friends with didn't even think to tell me that big a fact? WHY do you think I should have trusted you when you did  **nothing** to earn that trust?!"

Steve was shivering slightly at this point and Tony could feel something wet on his cheeks.  _Damn it! He didn't want to cry! Not in front of him!_

"I screwed up a lot, Rogers, but you screwed up too," Tony said after getting his breathing under control, "I don't care if you agree, but that's the truth. And now, our differences almost cost an Avenger. I quit the Avengers a week back because I couldn't deal with your bullshit anymore. But now it's done. It's over. I'm not leaving. You obviously can't handle this thing on your own and if you're too big of a prick to ask for help, screw you. There are others who are going to be affected here. And I'm done backing out because of you. I'm going to track down the bastard, whoever has the Cube, and then we're going to shut this thing down for good. You've got a choice here Rogers. You can either work with me or without me on your own. But if you think that I'm going to sit quiet while you patter around doing things your half-assed way, then you're a bigger fool than you've proven yourself to be. So, here's the deal. You're not going to lead the Avengers on your own. I'm going to lead too. Co-Captains, if that's what it's called. We get a schedule and lead missions alternately, shifting the role of leader between us so that we don't kill each other. But you're  **not** the sole in-charge here. You either play nice or I'm gonna finish this on my own. You've got a minute to decide."

Tony had never seen Steve Rogers completely silent. It was a strange sight but something felt good in his chest on seeing it. He could clearly see a range of emotions run across the guy's face. Guilt, fear, sorrow, horror, indignation, sadness, again guilt and finally calm. Tony was surprised that there was no anger.

"When do we start?" Steve asked finally, in a calm but peaceful voice. It wasn't an apology but Tony didn't expect that so soon. This was more of a temporary truce. He'd take what he got.

"Now." Tony replied and saw a ghost of a smile flutter on Steve's face before he nodded. 

 _Maybe I should yell more often_ , Tony thought to himself, feeling at peace after a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that I promised kicking of asses and Steve waking up but I felt that Tony would much rather ignore Steve altogether than bother with him again. Tony is most likely to hurt back with words and that is happening. He won't forget what Steve said to him but he is also concerned about Natasha. Steve is highly susceptible to carrying the world's burden on his shoulders. When Natasha got hurt because of him, he felt like it was his personal loss. Laura is an unexplored character in the MCU but I found her extremely perspective in the short scenes she came in. I hope I portrayed her well enough :)  
> A side note: I actually brushed up a little on some facts and found that Tony is a Gemini and Steve is a Cancer. Which is my problematic fave OTP of the zodiac. My lifelong love is a Gemini and I'm a Cancer. We fought tooth and nail for seven years, seven LONG years, before we reached a semblance of friendship. It was hard, bloody hard, but when we started talking normally and didn't attempt to kill each other at the smallest excuses, we found something rare and lovely. It is only now that I understand why I am so obsessed with this pair. God! They're idiots, absolute idiots before they get together for real. But from personal experience, when they will get together it's kind of like the best of both worlds. Problematic OTPs FTW <3


	17. Retired Humanity In Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahem. So. Hi. Yesterday, after I updated the last chapter I think I felt a lot of tension seep out. Writing confrontations is HARD emotionally. But I enjoyed it towards the end, so no big deal ;) As I mentioned in one of my comments, we'll be alternating between Tony & Steve's POV a lot. That may swing the story back and forth, through all kinds of extremities, but I find that a necessary evil if I have to get them both right. This one is Steve's POV. I observed a lot of people, actually most of us, siding with Tony. I hope I can show through this chapter how Steve is growing too. *Fingers crossed*  
> P.S: Steve isn't dense. He really, really isn't. He just needed a good knock on his head. If you know the same Steve as me, you'll know that he can handle dry humor as good as the others. He just needs to understand when Tony's being funny and not.

Steve looked up from his files and saw the engineer-doctor duo mumbling gibberish to each other, completing each other's sentences and moving around the lab like they were synchronized ice-skaters. This was the tenth time in an hour that he was feeling stuck and irritated but also concerned because he wasn't getting anywhere with his work. it was also the tenth time he wondered what in the world he was thinking when he thought he could make everything magically okay with a certain 5'9" genius.

It had been three days since his temporary truce with Tony, or as Bucky liked to call it, 'The Anti-Cold War'. Three days of awkward silences, stilted conversations and not meeting each other's eyes.

"Yeah, that's gonna help" Steve heard a voice behind him and turned to see a not-so-amused James Rhodes holding a WARMACHINEROX mug of coffee in one hand and a phone in the other. 

"Don't you have tanks to drop at palaces?" Steve asked blandly, before turning back to his file. He was not going to get into the same old argument with Rhodes. After the time at Bucky's rehab, he never wanted to try the sarcastic prowess of the James² or even one of them. 

"You're actually twitching like a faulty wire and that file looks tired from being flipped over a million times," Rhodey ignored the lame attempt at humor and settled on the couch next to Steve,  pointing at the file with his mug, "Super serum not helping the super reader?"

Steve didn't answer again but made sure to bump into Rhodes' shoulder when he was about to take a sip of his coffee. Rhodey, the graceful bastard, simply tilted the mug Steve's way. 

"Really? Really, Rhodes?" Steve barked in annoyance as hot coffee spilled down his arm, staining his only clean grey t-shirt. The Colonel simply took a smug sip of his coffee with a raised eyebrow.

"You know, I don't think you meeting Bucky is all that a good influence after all" Steve informed him making angry swipes at the coffee drops on his hand, "Or being around Sam as well. You're no good at being a mature."

"I'm friends with you  _and_ Tony Stark. Pretty sure mature isn't a word used for people with an unhealthy obsession for crazy ass superhero friends." Rhodey replied and snatched the file off Steve's hand, calmly reading through the latest data they had gathered about the Cube. "Also, I'm gonna let Barnes have a go at your ass for that comment. You're not gonna like metal punches, man."

"You do realize that he is  **my** best friend?," Steve shot back with the smallest twinge of amusement, "Just because you meet him every day and call him Barney doesn't mean he'll pick you over me."

"Don't be jealous, Rogers. It's the James code. No Tony, Dick or Steve can understand that," Rhodey commented with a shrug, "Also, we're co-founders of the 'Not Just A Side-Kick Unless You're Talking Martial Arts' club. Not to mention, we've had years of dealing with best friend bullshit. We're practically rehabbing together."

"I wouldn't have guessed that after all the sweet words I got from you the last time," Steve muttered sarcastically, picking up another file and viciously going through it.

Steve didn't know if Tony knew about this, but his best friend was the only person to have dropped a jug of ice-water on Steve's head and calmly say "You waking up now or do I need to drop your ass in a penguin circle?"

**One week before the Truce:**

_Steve was absolutely conflicted after last night's face-off with Tony. It was the worst feeling, knowing that he could STILL not inspire enough trust in a teammate (ex-teammate, a voice reminded him snidely) to tell him something this important. This was the Red Skull, for God's sake! Did Tony really think that he knew better about the rodent-faced monster than Steve, who had fought him personally? Did he really think that Steve would not want to fight Hydra and its sick games? Did the dumb-head really imagine that Steve would be alright finding out about Sharon one fine day when she would have gone way too far into somebody's mind games? Did he NOT know Steve at all?!_

_"Good morning, Captain," the receptionist smiled as he entered the M.S Facility where Bucky was currently put up. It was not one of those typical hospitals or therapy centers which made people want to dig a hole through the ground and eulogize themselves. It was more like a veteran's home, or a retirement home, where people could hold on to their dignity without having to answer to nosy officials._

_Steve was thankful to Tony for this but he was still not any less furious about yesterday._

_He nodded and smiled at the pretty brunette before taking the stairs to the second floor, where Bucky had a room facing the east. Whoever did that must have been either really intuitive or have done some extensive research because Steve knew that Bucky loved waking up with the sun rising. Years of being shut in a cryogenic chamber could make anybody hate the cold and appreciate warmth._

_When he reached the door, he took a deep breath and calmed himself. This wasn't the time to act moody, especially when he knew that Bucky would sense something off with just a look. Steeling himself, he put on a small smile and knocked. He had learnt to knock after a certain incident with a panicked Bucky and a metal hand around Steve's neck._

_"If you're boring, wearing a Captain America dress or Barton, get out. If not, get in." the reply came and Steve opened the door with an eye-roll._

_"You're all sunshine and rainbows, Buck," he greeted with a mock smile to see Bucky kiss his mouth & pat his ass without breaking his rhythm of push-ups._

_"You break your rhythm and you lose, soldier," a voice came from the bathroom and Steve froze till he saw James Rhodes come out, wiping his face on a towel. Rhodey saw Steve and for a second the super-soldier thought he saw the Colonel's eyes flash but the next second he was being ignored._

_"Sit your ass punk," Bucky told from the floor and looked up slightly at Rhodes, "And the only one who's gonna lose today is someone with passwords in all-caps, **sir**_ **.** _" The 'sir' was snarky and Steve heard Rhodey snort before flopping onto a chair in front of the bed._

_Steve knew that Rhodey had been visiting Bucky from Day 1. He was after all the person in-charge of Bucky's rehab program. He was supposed to oversee the progress in regular intervals, to keep the government appeased that they weren't just sending the Winter Soldier off on a holiday. What Steve didn't know was why Colonel James Rhodes was sitting in Bucky's room at 8 in the morning, sweating like he had gone through a marathon and monitoring Bucky doing push-ups. Steve had never come this early here but he had also not been this frustrated since the rehab started._

_"You catch any flies, you tell me how they taste, alright?" Steve jerked back to the present to see Rhodey talk without looking at Steve, still concentrating on distracting Bucky with a yo-yo that he had found from God-knows-where, "I've got a question on Quora and it sounds like an interesting thing to know."_

_Steve snapped his mouth shut and blinked. "You two start your day slow today?" he asked, in a hopefully casual tone as he moved inside to stand awkwardly near the bed "Exercising during breakfast time?"_

_Bucky huffed as he counted 300 under his breath, "Stevie, you're the only one who thinks eight in the morning is breakfast time. You and the annoying rooster."_

_"You're the only one who thinks 11 is the breakfast time. You and the sloth." Steve shot back, still wondering what the situation was currently._

_"And the Colonel," Bucky corrected before huffing a loud '314' and slapping the ground with both hands before getting up with a bounce._

_"314? That's pathetic, James" Rhodey shook his head and caught the towel Bucky threw mid-air._

_"It's one better than your 313, **James** ," Bucky mocked back as he snatched another towel from the bed, "Seriously, you're almost worse than Stevie here in the 30's."_

_Steve wondered **when** he did 300 push-ups before the serum but didn't get a chance to answer because Rhodey was coughing into his hand with a fake smile._

_"I'm sorry, did I hear another another howling story, because your bullshit screams pathetic," Rhodey said and Steve frowned when Bucky flipped the man off with an amused smile._

_"What exactly is going on here?" he blurted out and saw Bucky look at him in confusion, "Seriously, what are you two doing?"_

_"It's called talking normally, Cap," Rhodey answered, now considering Steve with cool eyes, "Sounds like a familiar concept?"_

_Bucky frowned at Rhodey for a minute and then frowned at Steve. "What? Am I missing something?"_

_"The part where you and Tony's best friend are exercising together, with push-up contests at the crack of the day? I think yes." Steve knew that he was being unreasonable even as the words left his mouth but honestly, was this even normal?_

_"Me and--Steve, Rhodes comes in every day," Bucky reminded Steve with a pronounced frown, "You know that. We face-off in push-ups just for fun. What's so strange in that? You and Sam run your rounds every day too, right?"_

_"I think he's referring to the 'Tony's best friend' part," Rhodey cut in smoothly and gave Steve a scrutinizing look, "Because if I'm Tony's best friend, then I shouldn't be with the Steve Team, right?"_

_"Wait, what?" Bucky asked, staring at Rhodey who was looking strange. Steve didn't answer but didn't deny Rhodey's question as well._

_"What's going on here?" Bucky asked aloud when he saw the staring match between Rhodey and Steve continue "Did something happen that I should know of?"_

_"How's the empty spot in the Avengers looking, Cap? Found anyone to replace yet?" Rhodey asked in a disguised calm and Steve felt the hackles on his neck rise._

_"I'm sure we can find someone who doesn't have a psychological lying problem." Steve replied with the same calm._

_"You two punks gonna tell me what's going on or do I have to beat someone up here?" Bucky asked with the first hint of irritation entering his voice._

_Rhodey stared at Steve for another minute before breaking off and looking at Bucky._

_"You should ask Cap here. He's the one looking for a new Avenger." Rhodey informed with a small nod "You know, now that there's no Iron Man in the scene."_

_"No Iron Man--Did something happen to Stark?" Bucky asked, now looking at Steve, " Steve, what the hell happened now?"_

_Steve gritted his jaw in silence for a minute but Bucky just walked over and pulled him to sit on the bed with a firm look._

_"Start talking, punk." Steve heard the patented You're not screwing up on my watch' tone from Bucky and felt his resolve crack._

_Bucky listened to the whole mess silently, apart from the few times he frowned, groaned or glared appropriately. When Steve told him about the Red Skull, Bucky froze and inched back but Rhodey had already expected that and calmed him with a grounding hand on the shoulder._

_"So the past never truly dies, huh?" he asked finally with a bitter laugh, "And here I thought me and you were ghosts."_

_Steve took Bucky's right hand in his own and tried to convey calm. "We'll get him this time, Buck" he said with a promise in his voice "Together. The Avengers will bring the bastard down."_

_"The Avengers who aren't ready to trust each other?" Rhodey asked in controlled judgement "Because I think you'll last two days against the tech Hydra brings. This guys are trained to be loyal. It's in their systems, no offence Barnes."_

_Bucky frowned but shook his head. " None taken" he replied and looked at Steve curiously, " He's right, Steve. It took Stark's best tech just to get the info about Skull being alive. I get that he was a dick for hiding it from you but honestly Stevie, I don't think we can get the snakes down without his brain. He may be strange to you but he found out about them when nobody was lookin'."_

_Steve narrowed his eyes "Buck, he spied on me and kept Sharon's condition hidden from me. You think we should be ignoring that?"_

_Rhodey snorted mockingly "Yeah, because that's what matters right now." he said and cut off Bucky's look with a wave "No really, what, you actually are gonna act mad about a guy with trust issues not trusting someone who picked a frickin war with him because of a difference in opinion? What'd you expect, a binder with a bow and an invitation to a sleepover?"_

_"I expected honesty." Steve shot back "Is that really that outdated a concept?"_

_"It's a give and take concept," Rhodey pointed out with a grim smile "If you want someone as complex as Tony to simply trust you with his research, you'd better be either Pepper Potts or me. And I'm not even gloating about it."_

_"Yes, you are," Bucky butt in with a pointed look at Rhodey before turning to Steve, " But he's not completely wrong, Steve. We just went through a whole friggin war. And I get that you're right in expecting honesty in this case, but really bud, it doesn't sound like the guy was doing anything other than trying to help. In a stupid ass way but yeah, help us."_

_"Are you-- I can't believe that you're not seeing it." Steve shook his head in frustration " This whole scene happened with Ultron and we had to go through a LOT. I'm not saying Tony was the only one at fault but he could have told us, told me about his plans for Ultron. When you don't talk to your team, you don't have all your chips in your corner. Somebody always gets hurt."_

_Steve had a second to react but before he did, it was over. Rhodey had picked up the jug of ice cold water from the bedside and simply poured the whole thing on Steve's head._

_Bucky had jumped up and was glaring at Rhodey, before he shook his head and snatched the jug off the Colonel's hand. Steve took a gasping breath but sat glued to the wet bed, looking shocked at Rhodes._

_"You waking up now or do I need to drop your ass in a penguin circle?" Rhodey asked calmly" Because you're living in a dream world. Listen to yourself, will you? You're talking as though you and Tony bare your hearts out to each other every night and kissed each other's boo-boos before Ultron. Who're you fooling, Rogers? Yourself? Tony? Or all of us who're stuck between you two? Let's get something out now, you two idiots suck at communication. And playing nice. You both can't wait for chances to go at each other's throat. It's embarrassing how much you two act like an old married bickering couple but this time your bickering is costing us way too much. So he didn't share his secret with you. What are you, in kindergarten that you're gonna unfriend him everytime he doesn't share his stuff? I can't even--Is this even real?" Rhodey looked at Bucky at the last line and Steve found that his best friend was shaking his head with a sigh._

_"I think what the good Colonel means," Bucky said with an eye roll at Rhodey "Is that you can either crib and complain about Stark not trusting you. Or you can do something that'll make him trust you. Steve, I fought beside you in the war, remember? We didn't exactly shower flower petals on Stark. And he didn't roll red carpets everywhere we hid. If he didn't say anything to you, maybe it was because he didn't know how you were gonna react? You basically told the guy to be a stranger after finding out. You think he's gonna be open after all this?"_

_"Man you're lucky that Natasha likes you," Rhodey was shaking his head with an annoyed expression, "Last night when she called, I thought she was gonna mount yours and Tony's head on the wall."_

_Steve stared incredulously "Does everyone think I'm wrong?"_

_"Everyone knows that both of you are wrong." Rhodey corrected "We just expected you guys to grow a pair and talk it out, unlike the million times you preferred to fight it out."_

_Steve stayed silent for a while, digesting this information. The water dripping from his head was the only movement in the room._

_"What do I do now?" he asked finally, looking at Rhodey with a determined expression._

_Rhodey and Bucky shared a look between themselves before the Colonel turned to face Steve with a firm gaze._

_"You listen." he said "With Tony, if you lose your focus while listening, you never catch the important things. You understand that he isn't out to insult you or be your enemy. He's a stubborn sonofabitch and if he's decided to give up on you, you don't have a chance. But if you get a chance, you grab it and you hold on. He's snarky, prickly and annoying but he won't give up on you if he really cares. If you ever get a chance to get him back on the team, because it's really his choice now, you listen carefully before you speak."_

_Steve didn't know if that would work. But if he was given a chance to get his team back on track, he'd take whatever he got._

_Unfortunately for him, opportunity presented only a week later. And under the worst circumstances._

"We haven't fought in three days," Steve informed Rhodey primly "Also, he's leading till tomorrow. I got paperwork, actually sorting through all Doctors under ex SHIELD database. I'm busy."

"Uh uh," Rhodey said sceptically "And by not fighting, do you mean you guys spoke normally? An actual conversation?"

Steve didn't dignify that question. Because he wasn't sure if what they had shared were conversations. Were monosyllabic exchanges conversations?

Rhodey sighed and muttered something that sounded like 'Lucky bastard Barnes, escaping this shit with rehab' under his breath. He clapped a hand on Steve's shoulder and got up.

"Well, maybe you'll have some success soon," he said and gestures towards the lab, " because I'm pretty sure Tony's trying to burn a hole through your head with that glare."

Steve snapped his head up and caught Tony staring right at him. The stare wasn't hateful or murderous but more annoyed and a tad bit confused. Steve saw Rhodey smile at Tony through the glass and walk away, giving Steve a small salute.

Steve saw him go and looked back at the lab to see that Tony wasn't looking at him now. He also observed that Bruce wasn't in the lab anymore. Steve hesitated for a minute. He didn't know how Tony would react if he tried to talk to him. The truce was going well till now. What if he screwed it up again?

But he also knew that somebody had to make a move first. The awkwardness was stifling and Steve knew that it wasn't healthy for anyone. Taking a deep breath, he got up and began walking towards the lab.

At the entrance. Steve wondered if he was allowed to go in. Did Tony have some restricted access here? Was Steve banned? He wasn't sure about anything right now.

Only one way to find out, he thought and steeled himself before looking at the ceiling.

"Jarvis," he called out in a clear voice, "could you open the door for me, please?"

The few second wait was excruciating for Steve. But when the door opened, he felt half of his tension melt.

Okay, so he wasn't banned yet, Steve thought thankfully, before shuffling his way into the lab.

Only to come to a standstill about six feet away from Tony, who looked up and stared like a deer in the headlights.

Steve was sure that his face wasn't any better. He had a million things to say but none seemed the riggt way to start.

_If you get a chance, you grab it and you hold on. He's snarky, prickly and annoying but he won't give up on you if he really cares._

"I need help," Steve started, making sure that he wasn't ordering Tony "I've been staring at these files for an hour and I think I'm getting nowhere. You know any better way that could help? I'd appreciate anything right now." Steve offered a small smile and a shrug, wondering if he was being stupid. If Tony had even 1% interest in mending things with him and Rhodey was right, he could probably--

"You could just ask Jarvis to scan for you" Tony replied and Steve's eyes widened with hope, "I mean, I know paperwork's your pace but Jarvis is better at this sort of thing. If you want, that is."

Steve almost bristled at the pace comment before he stopped himself and listened. He took a minute and observed Tony's stance. The nonchalance was big and bold but on a second glance, Steve could see the restless tapping of the fingers against the desk, the strained expression on his face and the almost painfully careful pose. With a clarity Steve realized that Tony was as nervous as himself. He went through his words again and surprisingly found that Tony was offering help, not trying to gloat.

"Pretty sure he's faster than the SHIELD systems," Steve grinned wider, now relaxing minutely "The time it took to trace the Tesseract on the hellicarrier? I think Barton would have watched an entire episode of his CSI show in that time."

Tony frowned at that, looking suspicious for a minute. Steve forced himself to ignore that and moved to open himself a holograph where he put in the requirements he had short listed according to his latest Intel on Faustus's possible characteristics. He wasn't kidding when he said that he knew about Hydra better than Tony.

For a few minutes nobody spoke and the only sounds were of two men working on their parts.

"Is something going on between you and Rhodey?" Steve was a bit taken abck when the question came out of nowhere, but years of training made sure that he didn't jump.

He turned his head slightly and gave a half hearted shrug to the other man. "If by something you mean your best friend and Bucky turning into strange gymming buddies and unleashing weird nicknames for my things, then I guess yes. Do you think he's also a resurrected guy?" Steve asked, pausing as he entered his information into Jarvis' systems.

Tony was still staring at him but waved his hand as a vague permission. "Barnes and Rhodey give you nicknames? Do they get your disapproving stare too?"

Steve would have given Tony a disapproving stare at the question a few weeks back. But now he was surprised to know that actually listening to Tony's words made his meaning clearer.

Steve chuckled and shook his head, "Nah, I just added gum to their shoes and swapped their waters with vodka."

There was absolute silence following the confession before Steve gave in to his curiosity and turned to look at Tony.

Who was staring at him with an open mouth.

"You-gum-you- what?" Tony sputtered for a minute before pointing a finger at Steve vigorously "You pranked them? You absolute troll, you!"

Steve decided to push for advantage and winked in reply "I wasn't born yesterday, you know?"

Steve never knew how much he missed it till he heard Tony chuckle. He grinned too and shrugged casually.

"Now you're using Jarvis Jr's line!" Tony shook his head mockingly and Steve could see him physically relax "You're an absolute disaster, Rogers. Copycat and troll. What would the people say?" Tony had a smirk and Steve smirked back in response.

"Well, I'd say they'll howl with laughter" he quipped and heard Toby groan with a chuckle.

"Bad puns, pranks and trolling." Tony counted off with a cheeky grin "I think you're losing the stick up your holy rear there, Cap."

"Don't spoil my reputation there, Stark," Steve replied deadpanned "I was once an adorable Showgirl. People wanted autographs on pictures of my radiant face. I had my own trailers and make up kits. I have a holy everything."

Tony stared for a minute, looking horrified. And then proceeded to burst out laughing.

Steve grinned and continued working, even as Tony told Jarvis to record the conversation and make it his alarm.

Maybe all he really needed to do was listen and understand a joke, Steve thought to himself as he felt the first stir of relief wash over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could NOT resist making Bucky and Rhodey team up. I tried. I tried hard. But come on! They're both James, they're both best friends with self-sacrificing dorks, they were both termed side-kicks, and yet they continue to pull themselves up every time they fall. For once I don't really care if I'm going OOC, I just HAD to do this. Really, can you imagine this being in canon? I would give a million imaginary bucks to see James² starting a group to discuss 'How to keep your best friend in line and be a badass'. Also, I had a MAJOR writer's block mid-way, which may or may not have confused me on the flow. 
> 
> Did you think Tony was going to go around glaring daggers at Steve all the time? Did you imagine Steve bossing around and not taking the truce? Did I surprise you? Was it a good surprise or bad one? Can you digest what I'm writing? Can you see that I'm freaking out in a cool way? Did you leave a review yet?! :P


	18. Unmade Patterns Reunited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoooo boy. We got some jokes and some attempts at a calmer truce in the last chapter. This one's going to have a move ahead on Faustus and the team focusing on Sharon (did you think I forgot that the woman was trapped in her own mind? Nope di doop.) Also, guess who's awake again? ;)

It was cold when she woke up. Not the kind of cold that would pull your skin and cut your lips. It was more of a chill that began from your veins, between your ventricles, and coursed through your body, leaving you paralyzed and frozen. It was the frigidity of fear, of helplessness and that is what made Natasha let out the tiny gasp from her pale lips.

 _Alive, breathing, white._ The first observation from her eyes calmed her brain. It was logical. It was real. She attempted to turn her head but there was a pull, a yanking ache in her neck that prevented her from trying after the first second. She blinked her blurring eyes till the white morphed into walls and the buzz cleared into beeping. She had heard this beeping for too many years to forget what they meant.

She was in a hospital. Her eyes caught sight of a 50 inch Stark TV on the wall before her and changed her deduction. She was in the Stark Tower medical ward. 

"Nice jump you got. Out from the bot and into the boom." she heard the quiet voice beside her and let out a huff.

"You're on the ground. Nest displaced?" she rasped despite her voice coming out as 90% air. It didn't matter, Clint always understood what she meant.

She found an ice chip coming into her vicinity and opened her mouth dutifully. She'd grouse later about being nurtured by the usually-hurt-one. It took her three attempts to test her voice properly and one look to quell any attempts from Clint to help her.

"Doom?" she asked, prioritizing her concerns. Clint just looked at her with his jaw ticking.

"Vision and Thor. Bastard ran with his ass on fire." the archer said with a shrug and smirk in place. It was difficult but Natasha managed to roll her eyes. They always let Doom go alive. It was a masochistic pleasure, to torture him with humiliating defeats every time.

"Good. Now get out." she said and closed her eyes, not wanting to answer the obvious questions he was going to ask. She didn't have to answer them, but Clint always had this annoying little face he had mastered that would make her say something. Or annoying pokes that would make her want to break his fingers.

"I'll break it painfully and slowly, Clint. Get out." she muttered when the archer poked at her arm in an annoying rhythm. She could actually feel his grin in his pokes now. She could easily go to sleep while ignoring him. She had done that before. But then he would prank her later and things would just get bloody. Despite popular belief, Natasha really didn't like blood staining her fingernails.

"One question. One question and you leave." she said after thirteen more pokes. Clint poked once more and she snapped her eyes open to glare at him. 

"You're an ass, Nat" he grinned cheekily and Natasha sighed at maturity levels of men she chose to be friends with. It was almost equal to the level of sensitivity the KGB had.

"Enlightening, Clint." she commented and felt him flick her hand with his finger "Do that again and Laura'll have to put you back together using glue."

"Nah, you love me too much to kill me, "he replied with a confident smirk "Which is why, I'm gonna be the greatest guru ever and let you in on a secret. You ready for it?"

There was a pregnant pause before he leaned in and spoke in a stage whisper.

"You don't punch hard enough, itsy-bitsy."

Natasha's lips quirked but she raised an eyebrow, giving him a judging look. She knew what he was talking about, of course she knew. Natasha knew what Clint was talking about even before he opened his mouth. His kid hadn't been named Natasha just for a show. Or Nathaniel, curse Clint's sperm. 

They had never really spoken about their current status after the whole war mess. They didn't have time or the right words. It was one thing to fight assholes and another to fight your asshole. Clint was her idiot, the one guy she had trusted enough to call family. The one person she'd fight an alien god for. The brother she'd wear an arrow in her necklace for, because he wouldn't let her get on the battle-field without him having her back.

The one person she had hated fighting the war against. 

"You're forgiven. Now, get your fish breath out of my face," she said primly and heard him chuckle. 

"Hey, I'm not saying sorry to you. You broke my fucking bow just to save an intern. And I still have one question," he pointed out and leaned back, putting his hands behind his head lazily.

"What're you gonna do when these numb-nuts realize that you jumped into that explosion site voluntarily?" there was a forced grin in the question and Natasha spared him a look that said he was pathetic at threatening.

"You were supposed to cover for me. You sucked, I landed in a heap of concrete and singed my hair. My story's better than yours any day." the ex-spy informed him and saw the challenging waggle of his eyebrows "Also, they're infants who bicker too much. I always get stuck picking after you guys. Nothing new."

"You almost got Doom killed in your stunt. Seriously, Hulk was gonna make a smoothie outta him." Clint quipped with an eye-roll. Natasha remained silent at that but made a nonchalant face in response.

"Stark's back?"

"As co-captain. Think you placed way too high a bet." 

Natasha raised an eyebrow at that. Co-captain. That was...interesting. She knew that Tony would come back to the Avengers when he would hear of her condition and had calculated the risk keeping that in mind. If there was anyone on the team left who hadn't betrayed Tony yet, it was her. She was also the one person Steve would feel guilty about getting hurt. It was the perfect window and she had taken it. Had stumbled perfectly and fallen off her perch onto the rubble where she knew one of the bots would attack. The rest would happen on it's own. She had known that Clint would figure it out. It wasn't as though Natasha would be stupid enough to not detect a weak spot while fighting someone as stupid as Doom. Of course, she had hoped that Clint wouldn't figure it out till Tony and Steve talked, and it seemed that she had hoped right, again.

"You dug yourself pretty deep this time though," Clint commented as he looked at her body pointedly, "you're gonna play Sleeping Beauty for a while now."

"A couple of days," Natasha scoffed, mocking the very thought that she would stay out of the next missions.

"Yeah, try that with the guy who's making the rules," Clint snorted as he plucked her chart off the side and waved it at her, "You know, you had to pick a doctor who wears green well. I mean, come on, there's a lifetime of jokes right there and not to mention all the geeky stuff you'd deal with in the bedroom. I dunno if I should pity him or you."

This time Natasha glared for real. "We're not--"

"Oh, cut the crap, Nat," Clint cut her off with an impatient wave of his hand and a frown, "You like him, he likes you. You've got emotional constipation, he's got intelligence diarrhea. It's a match made in heaven. Or just a crappy old Stark Tower."

"It's nothing you know," she whispered fiercely and repressed memories of the time she had hope for what Clint said, "There's nothing. We're nothing like that." The 'not anymore' was implied and understood by the archer who was chuckling mirthlessly.

"Yeah, no, nothing. Right," he said with a scoff, "I get that you don't wanna talk about it and I'll shut up. But seriously, if you're gonna continue lying to yourself and let him hide behind his stupid ass excuses, give me a head's up. I've got 50 bucks riding on it and Laura's 5 years record to break. Her confidence in you two is painful, I gotta say. Maybe I'll finally win a bet this time."

Clint tapped her arm as good bye and got up before she could ignore the IV and punch him. Before he got out the door, he turned and gave her a small smile.

"Try not to jump on my watch next time, okay?" he said with only a hint of seriousness in his eyes.

"No promises" Natasha shot back, her smirk a promise in itself.

\-------------------------

 Life didn't always deal an engineer a fair hand. Some days you could drink a hot cup of coffee without letting it develop a skin on its surface. Other days you'd find oil instead of milk and metal buts instead of hazelnut cream swirling in it. Of course, you could have a miraculous day and enjoy you coffee in leisurely sips without worrying about a burning workshop. But miracles were usually events that didn't touch Tony's life until he was dying.

Stuck on his fourth cup of terribly brewed coffee, thanks to Bruce's affiliation with the tea people, and cursing his body for not having an automatic dirt repellent system, Tony finally decided to go take a shower. It had been 20 hours of working on an elusive cube and Tony was square with himself about his limits today.

Nothing could come in between a desperate man and his shower.

"Sir, Ms. Romanoff has awoken."

Well, except for a woman.

Tony chugged the last sip of coffee in his cup and marched out of the workshop, bee-lining towards the elevator. The ride up was punctuated with three different permutations that could possibly track an invisible cube and two different speeches that he could deliver to someone who was going to be stuck in medical for a few more days and could claw her way out if she wished.

When he entered the ward he was surprised to see three men: Barton, Bruce and- of course, Steve. Tony caught the supersoldier's eyes and bit back a smile, remembering at the last minute that a few small jokes weren't indication of a familiar friendship. He had learnt that the hard way once and was going to stay within his bounds this time.  _Professional and polite_ , he remembered the mantra Pepper had adopted years ago when she had first met him. Steve and him could crack jokes all they wanted but there were still lines to be toed. Well, at least till Tony's brain reminded him of the mantra.

"Are we waiting for the clock to strike 12?" Tony asked with a raised eyebrow and saw Steve roll his eyes slightly but refrain from commenting.  _Progress, no reprimanding_ , Tony thought to himself with a reluctant appreciation. 

"Actually, Doc and I have met her already," Clint replied as he lounged on the brown sofa, his eyes lazy yet sharp, "but Cap's been waiting for you. Perils of co-parenting." The snarky jab was less hostile and more teasing, so Tony didn't rise to the bait and simply walked over and patted Clint's head patronizingly. He should probably consider himself lucky that Clint was more scared of Bruce's frown than annoyed with Tony's stupidity.

"Let's go" Steve didn't give Tony an opportunity to stretch it further and stalked off to the cubicle, but strangely not before giving the genius a look that meant that he better be following him.

Tony didn't usually follow, but when a sighing Bruce Banner shepherded you, you should probably just do it.

"So...you're a cat too" Tony blurted when he first saw Natasha stare at him. The sigh from beside him did nothing to dissuade him from smirking and he saw Natasha's eyebrow rise slightly with amusement.

"I think you both are way past nine lives now" Steve's voice was deadpanned and Tony frowned for a moment before he saw the Captain's eyes teasing and challenging him. 

"You're one to talk and shush, you can't steal my moment here Captomaniac" Tony waved his hand airily and heard rather than saw his co-captain chuckle dryly. Professional and polite was good but if he could have easy and calm right now, only a fool would complain right? 

And Tony Stark was the opposite of fool. 

"Well, I'm glad you two have such concern for me," Natasha observed dryly from the bed, eyes tracking the two men and their temporary ease, "Which I'm going to use to ask this - What exactly is happening here?"

There is a beat of silence like the one before a storm destroys a house. And then there is a ringing.

Steve muttered a perfunctory apology before grabbing his phone from his jeans and walking out of the cubicle.

Which left Tony and Natasha alone. A question hanging between them.

"You two are talking" Natasha stated, no question about it.

"Sassing" Tony corrected.

"You're an Avenger again" Natasha bludgeoned on.

"Co-Captain" Tony righted her again.

"You're not friends though"

And that was the clincher, wasn't it? The real quicksand to cross. The one little fact that had always stayed constant, ever since Tony met Steve. They weren't friends, weren't what they appeared to be to the world.

"I think it's good" Natasha commented before Tony could reply, getting a deep frown from the genius, "You two make the most complicated kind of friends. Either one of you would have to bow or change to keep the friendship going. It would be bad for the team."

"Well, I am truly glad that you haven't lost your saccharine tongue there, Dr. Freud" Tony snarked bitterly, knowing that the words shouldn't slash through his walls but when had Natasha Romanoff ever missed her target?

"And I'm glad that you've still got your chip stuck on your shoulder" Natasha shot back calmly, unflinching in the piercing stare she was giving Tony, "Sugar-coating is not our style, Tony. People like us, we do not function well with false ideas. You need to have more realistic expectations if you want to -"

"Pot, Kettle" Tony cut in, gesturing pointedly towards Natasha and himself, "Seriously, getting a reality check from you is the last  _real_ thing on this planet. Need I remind you of your fantasy tryst with a certain best friend of mine who went missing for  _six bloody months_ after your version of true love's kiss? What are you even -"

The arm was twisted before Tony had even a chance to react. He knew that Natasha was fast but weren't injured people supposed to have slower refractory periods? And lesser strength, because  _ow_.

"Don't you dare, Tony" the whisper was deadly and low, but accompanied by a small flick to his forehead, which probably meant that he was going to retain his arm after all, "You don't know what you are talking about. And I'm not trying to hurt you."

"Heard that a million times before" Tony gritted, pointedly not trying to escape from the vice-hold, because he wasn't going to let his pain show, "Learnt to not accept false promises or assurances. Also, could you please get a manicure? This is horrendous, even Pepper would agree"

"The last time you two tried being friends and failed, we had a war at hand," Natasha's voice had gone softer but her words were no less sharper than before, "So yes, you two have  _not_  been good for the team as friends. But.."

Tony was struggling now, because he really didn't want to hear this or  _anything_ from Natasha right now. A sharp tug on his arm made him yelp slightly before a small hand petted his hair as apology.

"But..you two are not good for yourselves without each other too. The last time you saw him getting hurt, you died. The next time he sees you getting hurt, he might do the same too."

"You need morphine. Or Prozac. Get the fuck off, Romanoff" Tony could easily make a commotion or push her off if he really tried but he also knew that he wouldn't hurt Natasha. He always had twisted friends like that.

"You need to listen,  _durak_." Natasha said in amusement and a hint of affection, "Your friendship could be bad for the team, but a lack of it will always been bad for yourself. That is all you need to remember."

"You need to remember that you're still in my Tower. In a medical ward nonetheless. Fucking OW!" Tony fumbled when his arm was released suddenly before he lost his balance and fell to the ground. 

"You like me more than you hate me" Natasha said as explanation and shrugged with a smug little grin when Tony flipped her off.

"Yeah? I have no idea why." Tony snapped as his ass hurt from the fall. 

Natasha's retort and smirk were cut off when strong footsteps barged into the cubicle and Tony turned slightly to see a tensed and cold looking Steve.

Tony had a smart quip ready on his lips but when Steve's eyes met his and he saw the panic in them, he bit it back viciously.

"Tony-I-Faustus"

"Sorry Romanoff, can't sit and chat, got captaining to do and worlds to save. Stay alive till we're back." Tony ranted as he got up from the floor and stalked out of the door, pulling Steve along by the arm. Whatever was causing this panic in the calm and collected Captain, Tony didn't think it was something anybody else had to see. He somehow managed to get Steve to the couch of the ward outside the cubicle and pulled him down to it. 

"Rogers, breathe. Fuck, you're actually shaking. Calm down, come on, breathe with me. Rogers..Cap? Steve!" The last word seemed to bring Steve out from his panic and Tony put all his stray calmness into action to not make any sudden movements.

"I'm..sorry, I'm sorry" Steve collected himself quickly, running a slightly shivering hand through his hair before he seemed to mentally shake himself and slipped back to normalcy, "The call, it was from Bucky. Well, Rhodey actually but ..Bucky remembers Faustus from his time with HYDRA." 

Tony didn't miss the part about Rhodey but also didn't miss the hasty change of sentences. He had known, of course he had known about Rhodey visiting Barnes. He also knew that it felt weird, knowing that his best friend and Steve's best friend were getting along better than him and Steve.

Apparently this was one thing Steve agreed on, if his expression while mentioning Rhodey answering for Bucky was anything to go by. 

"Tell me everything." Tony asked, letting go of Steve's arm finally and waiting for the information overload that was sure to make his brain explode.

In the end it was a little short of exploding but enough to make Tony whistle in amazement. Angry amazement.

"HYDRA is really just a big bag of dicks, huh?" he said after listening to the whole thing and thinking about it. He could see Steve's shoulders lose a fraction of the tension at that and felt a mysterious triumph.

"A bag of dicks with mind-controlling powers" Steve added and Tony had to physically restrain himself from laughing at the unintended innuendo. One look at the veiled mischief in Steve's eyes and Tony relented to a snort.

"So we need to go get this specific dick now" Tony decided and got up with a renewed determination only to have his wrist held by a cold hand.

"No! Not yet..Tony, we need to...We can't risk it with her.." Steve was trying hard to find the right sentence and years later Tony would wonder how he got the thought right, but right now, he simply did.

"Cap, get Carter here. And Maximoff." he added as an afterthought and ignored the frown he got from the other man.

\-------------------------------

"You're sure this is a good idea?" 

 "Well, this is an idea. Good or not, we'll find out when it's over" Tony shrugged as he sat beside Steve, watching Wanda interact with Sharon. Sharon looked furious yet confused, struggling against the clamps that bound her to the chair. Her eyes kept drifting towards Steve, even though the room had a one way mirror and Steve was the only one who was supposed to be able to see her.

Steve had tried to fight Tony on the idea of holding Sharon down while they attempted to free her mind using Wanda's powers. It was inhuman and invasive, he said. Tony just gave him a look that said that the whole point of mind control was being inhuman and invasive. Not to forget, Tony had not made a single comment about Sharon trying to stab Steve when they tried to get her to cooperate. 

It was a lucky day in some ways. And it was unlucky when Tony could actually read people's feelings.

"She's going to be fine, you know?" Tony said after a couple of moments, eyes alternating between his phone and the window, "Maximoff's gonna get her out just to spite me" Steve didn't know if he should be offended or amused but he also knew that there was a strange truth in the statement. Getting Tony to antagonize Wanda had been one of the reasons the Avenger had agreed to this. Apparently, a challenge from Tony was something that could get Wanda to do pretty much anything.

"I'm sure Wanda will do her best, that's not the matter," Steve paused and closed his eyes slightly, "It's just, I don't know what to think about this anymore. Sharon and I - what do we do after this? How do we move-"

"And that's where we should stop" Tony aborted any further sentences with a hasty hand wave, "Look at me Rogers, look at who you're talking to. Are you looking? Good, because I'm sure you don't want to complete that rant to me. This is me, Cap. Tony Stark, relationship disaster extraordinaire and your rival, well, kind of rival I guess. Co-captain, maybe? Anything that isn't in the friend-zone of therapist realm. You come to me for suit upgrades. You come to me for tech solutions. You even come to me for coffee recommendations. But this? This whole messed up relationship therapy thing? You don't come to me for that.  _You_ don't come to  _me_ for anything remotely close to the word relations, unless it has the word 'public' before it and even then, you go to Pepper. Please tell me you're clear because I'm going to burst into flames if you're not and continue to think of me as your Agony Aunt."

Steve was looking red by then and Tony did not know if he had truly crossed a line or if Steve just had indigestion. Which was curable, he knew that, thanks to some really bad Bruce takeouts. What he also knew was that the silence was getting deafening and he needed noise like oxygen right now.

Which was why he pumped his fist in the air when he heard a scream coming from the interrogation room. 

"Finally! I thought Witchy Girl would crack Carter faster than a nut. This took way longer than that and  _whoa!"_

Steve's grip was always strong, vice-like, spelling pain and no-nonsense for those who were ill-fated enough to have their arm stuck in his palm. It was a discovery Tony was never happy to have made, one of the very few rarities of his life. But he knew it and right now, he was in it.

"No" Tony knew that Steve had Tarzan tendencies and he would love to find him a Jane who would appreciate single-word grunts but Tony was not a Jane and he really did not appreciate one-word grunts, especially when his arm was being squeezed into a puree.

"I am going to regret ever asking this question and it is going to go into my Stark Hall Of Fame for regrets but still..No what, Rogers?" Tony was using his calm voice and trying to remember if this was his day of captaincy or Captain Hoo-Haa's.

"You're not going in there. Not when..not till I say so," Steve changed his sentence to something more acceptable and squared his shoulders like he was expecting a fight.

Which Tony was more than willing to give. But he also was a non-stop idea generator and something struck him that seemed viable with Steve's wish.

"Okay" he replied simply, going lax in Steve's grip.

Steve did a small double-take and then narrowed his eyes "Okay? You'll..wait?"

"Yeah, go talk to your girlfriend. Figure out the puzzle. Do your whole shindig. I'll wait, actually, I'll do my real work till that. I've got real work, you know?" Tony shrugged and bit back a hiss when Steve released him and he could feel blood flow again.

Steve was staring at him with confusion, suspicion and a tinge of guilt painting his face, which only made Tony slip on his indifference mask and a truly arrogant smirk.

"Okay. I'll..thanks, Tony" Steve relented and breathed deep before turning to go. Tony was itching to turn around and run himself, but he knew that he had to be sure of Steve getting in before he could start his plan.

Right before entering the room, Steve paused and turned around, looking Tony straight in the eye.

"When I said that Bucky was my friend, I did not mean that he was my only friend. Just-just thought you should know that."

Steve did not bother to listen to a reply and walked in, letting the doors close behind him with an ominous hiss. 

Tony did not know why he ever bothered to remove his arc reactor because that would have certainly helped him avoid the sudden ache in his chest. Heartburns were so easy to avoid when all you had to worry about was a shrapnel and some palladium.

"Fuck you Rogers, fuck you so very much," he breathed shakily and cursed his life choices vehemently. Then he simply stood up and walked out of the waiting room, forming the action plan to track down a certain elusive Doctor with the help of a James who was certainly not  _his_ best friend.

\----------------------------------------

There was a thin line between unavoidable and unnecessary. Wanda Maximoff had learnt that when she was seven and standing in front of a HYDRA facility. She didn't always stay on the right side of the line but she had prided herself on not messing with the line. She didn't dismiss the line, even if she was on the wrong side of it. It was the most misguiding moral compass but in a world where children volunteered to be experimented on by mad men, it was a small price to pay to even  _have_ a moral compass. 

She and Pietro had learnt to walk the thin line with expertise for years. Years, till she had heard of Tony Stark entering a facility to destroy it. There were also others, the Avengers, his comrades and team but Wanda's ears only picked up two words: Tony. Stark. 

Later, much after an entire city was laid to waste, she felt for the first time confused about where she stood. She had lost her brother, the only constant in her life till then, had become an Avenger, had protected people and had also learnt to control her powers.

But she had also been part of a war that had almost destroyed everything around her. That had threatened to exterminate every person who had respected her. And yet, she had done it all with only two words in her head.

Tony. Stark.

"She's alright?" Steve asked for the millionth time and Wanda came out of her stupor to see the great Captain look at his unconscious girlfriend with something akin to fear.

"She will be fine, Steve" Wanda assured him, having felt the mind-control break herself. It had been hard work, exhausting and draining, but she had managed to free Sharon Carter from her own mind. The relieved look in the Agent's eyes moments before she fainted had been the only gratification of the entire endurance.

That and the belief that Wanda had been able to contribute in something more than simply snark and vicious comments. The voice in her head that said that this was because of Tony Stark's idea got silenced brutally.

She knew that she was wrong in many assumptions of the man but forgiveness was a difficult trait. Forgiving someone else was easy, but forgiving yourself? That was as difficult as feeling an empty heart.

"Where's Stark?" she asked abruptly and saw Steve's head snap up with a wary look. She could read the caution in his face, the crease of his forehead spelling suspicion, the tension around his eyes screaming obstinacy and the tightness of his lips hinting loyalty. For the first time since she met him, Wanda wondered if Steve even knew what he was loyal to. But she was glad that at least one of them had the trait. 

"I do not wish to hurt him, Steve" she clarified bluntly, unclenching her fists at her sides, "I might not like the man but I must accept..he is the Captain right now, isn't he? He is the one who gave me this task. It is only fair that I show him the results."

"Okay, but I'm still not sure if I should tell you about Tony," Steve offered sheepishly and then got a calculating look in his eyes," Or  _where_ Tony is right now, exactly. It's been..an hour since we were here and he's still not come in to...JARVIS?"

The AI took a minute to respond to the command-call.

"Yes, Captain?" It was back to Captain instead of Mr. Rogers or Captain Rogers. Wanda didn't know if Steve noticed it but JARVIS seemed to be gradually accepting Steve back to normalcy even if the soldier wasn't doing it himself.

"Are you allowed to tell me about Tony's whereabouts?" Wanda blinked and wondered since when Steve had become so considerate about Tony's privacy and freedom. But Steve looked sincere and his voice did not have a trace of doubt. He was actually determined not the break Tony's privacy if he had forbidden the AI from something.

Wanda doubted if Steve even realised it himself.

"I do not have any specific restrictions regarding Sir's information right now, Captain" JARVIS replied politely and Steve nodded, apparently a habit he had cultivated from before.

"Then could you please tell me where Tony is right now?" It was not a command or an order, things that had been natural to expect from a Captain. This was a request, something you would do to a friend's parent.

"I would request you to move away from all breakable machines, Captain," JARVIS' answer was not what they expected and Wanda could see Steve's jaw clenching and body tightening at whatever inference he was drawing.

"JARVIS, is Tony is danger?" And yes, that voice was definitely the Captain America voice.

"Sir is physically well, according to my calculations" JARVIS was never deflective and that was the last change Steve needed right now. The entire conversation was setting off warning bells in his brain.

"JARVIS, Where. Is. Tony?" Steve was not a man to be messed with, even if you were an AI.

"Are you asking this as a friend or as a co-captain?" The question seemed to take Steve aback for a second, but it was only a second before Steve answered.

"I agreed to become a co-captain only because he is my friend." The answer was vague and not what should have been, but the silence from the AI sounded like an accepting shrug.

"Then I must inform you that Sir is currently in M.S Trauma Center, Psychiatry Section and is accompanied by Sergeant Barnes and Mr. Scott Lang." The sentence was not finished before Steve barged out of the room, muttering a string of curses under his breath and repeating the same name after every curse: Tony.

Wanda would have followed him out but remembered Sharon at the last moment and decided to stay back. She was surprised though when JARVIS spoke up one last time before she heard Steve's footsteps fade.

"Good luck, Captain"

The Scarlet Witch wondered if Steve Rogers even realized that he had chosen to go after a man he had warred against over the woman he was supposed to be in love with.

In the end, she only sighed and reinforced her belief. Things always circled around, began and ended with two words in her life after all : Tony. Stark.

\-----------------------------------------

Tony tried to get up from under the rubble but fuck, his suit had not been this mangled since the 'Threesome Beating' during the war. He tried to call for help over the comm and belatedly remembered that the asshole they were after had successfully taken out the communication with a fucking blue ray aimed at Tony's suit. For a second Tony had wondered if it was some sort of freeze ray because really, that was so much better than reality. But it had been a blast from the weird-ass Cube energy.

Tony was starting to get the feeling that maybe, just maybe, this whole idea had been bad. But then he recalled almost getting his hands on the sneaky bastard and let loose another blue streak. Seconds, that's how close he had been to capturing the damned Doctor Faustus. Seconds and he could have  _ended_ this whole thing.

He remembered Barnes' warning of not getting close to the guy, remembered Vision deflecting the Agents who were conveniently influenced by Faustus and unfortunately also remembered Faustus' words. 

_"You will not stand before us this time, Stark. Not you, nor the Captain. You will fall, just the way you did in your petty war."_

Steve. Fucking hell. Tony can easily imagine Steve's horror when he finds out that Tony had decided to take Barnes to go hunting for Faustus. Without informing anybody else. Not that Tony ever believed in informing, but right now, stuck beneath a rubble too heavy for his draining energy, Tony knew that maybe he had crossed a line. 

It had been so simple. So attainable. Distract Steve, get Barnes, go get the mysterious asshole using Barnes' description. When they had zeroed in on the Doctor, Tony had already planned his victory speech. Barnes had informed him before hand that he would not lie to Steve but had also agreed to crush the asshole who had caused all the misery to all of them. 

Fucking hell. Tony couldn't even find out if Barnes was alright right now. The last time he had seen him, the guy had tried to shield Tony from an attack and had been blasted away from the window. Tony shut his eyes and imagined creative ways to kill himself before Steve got hold of him. He had endangered the guy's best friend. The very friend Steve had gotten into a frickin Civil War for. Tony could very well have invited everyone to his second funeral.

"-kill him! Tony! Tony, I swear to God, answer me or I'm gonna beat the shit out of you!" The sudden voice was nearing and Tony was jubilant for an instant before recognizing who the voice belonged to. Then there was confusion and back to jubilation.

"Rhodey?" Tony winced at the crack in his voice and cleared his throat before trying again "Rhodey! Hey buddy, here! Look down, look down. Don't step on me!"

"He's there!" And this was not Rhodey's voice. Before Tony could panic completely, he felt someone lift the rubble off of him and heard chunks of it  _thrown_ across. He had minutes, scratch that, seconds before the same hands that threw away his rubble now held his arms and pulled him up. A clean, sharp pull, like he weighed nothing more than a toy.

"Does anger make you stronger or something?" The question was out of Tony's mouth even before he could bite his tongue and he heard a sharp gasp before somebody pulled his helmet off and flung it away. Tony was going to make a comment about being dramatic before he looked up and winced.

An angry Steve Rogers, he had seen before. A furious Steve Rogers, he had seen during the war. An apoplectic Steve Rogers, he could imagine.

A deadly Steve Rogers with bloodshot eyes and almost purple veins bulging in his neck? Tony started to word his funeral invitation.

"Hey, Stevie? We could use him alive more than dead" Tony heard an amused voice behind Steve and heaved a sigh of relief. So Barnes was a cat too or maybe he was better at jumping out of windows. Tony quickly caught sight of Vision moving aside the ruins of the building, Barnes limping slightly but looking inordinately amused and alive, Rhodey looking murderous, which let's be honest, Tony had seen before.

And then finally, finally he dared to look at Steve again and found that nope, there were still bulging veins and bloodshot eyes.

"I missed him by seconds?" Tony offered and immediately heard Rhodey's sharp muttering of 'idiot' before Steve's grip tightened briefly.

The next second Tony found himself on the ground, on his ass. He had been dropped like a hot potato and right now, he could see how tall Steve actually was. He was about to protest, about to rant and rave but was cut off when Steve turned around sharp and spoke.

"Everyone back to the Tower. Rhodes, get Bucky discharged and then get him home. If he is fit to go on a _mission_ he is fit to get out of rehab. Vision, assist the officers in clearing the mess. I want everyone at the common floor in an hour."

"And what about me?" Tony asked, more out of curiosity than fear.

Steve actually vibrated with tension before he answered.

"I'm taking you home. We need to talk."

For the first time in his life, Tony wondered if Pepper was right after all. How exactly was he going to remain professional and polite after this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was travelling for the past week or so, guys. I thought I could update on the go but I got distracted by life :P. I know how much it sucks to wait for fanfic updates, I do, but I'm hoping that you guys will still be interested in my ramblings a week later. Sorry to have dropped and run, but c'est la vie :(  
> Please tell me that you haven't forgotten this fic or me, because I haven't forgotten any of you <3


	19. Picking Old Scabs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have any of you written or read something and thought to yourself, "Oh shit, what have I done?" Well, this chapter is something like that for me :P  
> Enjoy! <3 Since this is exactly one month after Christmas, consider it a belated fireworks show ;)

The drive back home was silent. Too silent. Silent enough to make Tony wish there were potholes or traffic jams on the road; something to create some sort of sound or diversion. He had a good mind to play some music, loud music, but he didn't know if his own ears could take it right now. Exhaustion was a bitch, and awkwardness on top of it was the dog's shit. 

He wondered why Steve thought it was a good idea to drive himself. Tony did have drivers and he didn't even want to know how Steve got one of his cars out of his garage.

"Did you lose your bike?" Tony asked finally, knowing that there would be no perfect way to start a conversation anyway, "Fling it at some brat who broke traffic rules? Did you break it? Because I can have a look at it. Or get it looked at by someone. Or upgrade it, because seriously, you can always upgrade bikes. See that's the difference between cars and bikes, it's all about knowing how much to -"

"My bike's in the Tower" Steve cut in and closed his mouth, showing that the conversation was over. Which, hello, was never okay when you were driving with Tony, did the man not realize that?

"But this is  _my_ car." Tony prompted, comparing the situation to a woman's delivery. With Steve, every conversation was like a delivery. You had to push and push and push just to get a little inch out.

Steve was still driving, the lights of the road playing up the drama effect on his face.

"Which  _you're_ driving. With keys, because this one doesn't have my voice recognition. Which somehow you found out." Tony jumped from observation to observation, hinting the inevitable question, which really was not the big question today.

"You're particularly observant today" Steve replied and again clammed up, but Tony was alright with that. He could manage with short sentences, as long as they were not hissed, grunted or hooted.

"I'm  _always_ observant, which proves that your observation of my observing capabilities are simply deplorable or slow but that's a conversation for later," Tony waved his hand dismissively, "The question in my observation this time though, is this. It's the perfect one, which means that you have no two answers to it. Why exactly are you driving me back home in my car, Rogers?"

"Have you ever tried babysitting?" Steve asked calmly making Tony frown.

"What does that-Who in their right minds would leave me with their kids, unless they were trying to get the kids blown up or convert them to minions?" Tony wondered out aloud and turned towards Steve.

"Seat-belt" Steve commented without taking his eyes off the road and Tony raised his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry, are you telling me that my car, that has the best security features and the world's most effective AI protecting it, along with the most advanced tech in the -  _what the!"_ Tony swerved to the left and almost squished Steve when the soldier took a last minute sharp turn and rammed the accelerator like it was a stomping battle.

"Seat-belt" Steve repeated with no change in his tone but a slight smirk that was out of place on his face.

"JARVIS!" Tony commanded sharply, slightly glaring at Steve.

"The seat-belt is to your right sir," JARVIS spoke from the stereo system and Tony cursed the day he decided to make a snarky AI.

"Okay, I'm getting out of here-"

"If you could wait for another three minutes, we'll be in the Tower and I'll explain everything," Steve told him seriously and Tony had a million retorts on his tongue but bit them back when he saw that Steve was giving him a choice. Also, he  _was_ tired from getting pummeled by an entire building's concrete. So he remained silent for the next three minutes. 

The Tower had Barton, Barnes, Bruce and Rhodey crowding in the common floor but Tony had no interest in facing all of them together right now. Also, Steve was walking towards the gym and Tony remembered the last time they had a conversation in that place. He didn't want to have a repeat of that but knew that delaying this showdown was going to end up in possibly another blow-out.

He shook his head when Bruce stepped forward and looked at Rhodey who, for the first time, looked tired and shook his own head in response.

 _Time to face the music_.

\---------------------------------

The gym was barren when he entered. The dull glow of the hot lights highlighted the boxing ring set in the center, bringing up flashes of  _Rocky_ movies in his mind. Tony didn't visit this area of the Tower often, since he got his workout with all the suit runs he did regularly. Also, with Happy quitting and Natasha bedridden, he didn't have good sparring partners. His occasional self-destructive times with one of his suits taking shots at his body were not workouts by any manner. They were part of his self-styled healing regime. But they were never in the gym, where the others could come and go freely. He liked working out alone. Liked letting off steam in the silence of overbearing loud music drowning his thoughts. Liked being with himself when he was down.

Looking at the man standing in the boxing ring, looking at his hands quietly, Tony wondered if maybe he was with himself only. Steve seemed to be lost in some other world.

"I'm not all that good at listening," Tony began as he announced his presence and observed that Steve wasn't reacting, "but I get that you want to talk. And that's strange for me, I usually hear that from Pepper or Rhodey but this is you, which is strange. But hey, here I am, so, up and at 'em soldier! Let's rendezvous somethings then!"

"Put on the suit" Steve said silently, still staring at his hands, "let's go a few rounds."

Tony had clear memories when it came to landmark events of his life. Quotes, actions, looks - if they made significance in his life, he remembered them. The first challenge/insult/fight Captain America had thrown his way was one of those memories. The Helicarrier, Loki, his own stupid dialogues, everything came to the forefront with a simple sentence. 

"I thought you said, you wanted to talk" Tony replied cautiously, his eyes finding his suitcase suit lying near the ring.

"I do, but sometimes you've got to let out steam before you let things simmer down," Steve clarified in a quiet voice, eyes shifting to the suit, "Put on the suit, Tony. Please."

Tony raised an eyebrow at the 'please'. Mostly, when people called him for a fight or were planning to kill him, there were no 'please' or 'thank yous' thrown around. Either Steve had finally lost it or this was all some kind of trick situation. But Steve was right there and his suit was right there too and Steve wasn't sneering in his face this time.

Tony excelled in horrible decisions. It came right on the heels of genius ideas. So, he walked towards the suitcase, flipped it open using his foot, let the suit slide into place on his body and climbed into the ring.

It took exactly 2 seconds for the first punch to land on him.

Admittedly, it was Steve's poorest aim till date, but Tony weaved and took a jab of his own, finding relish when it landed on target. Steve didn't falter, not even a budge before he began a series of ruthless ducks, jabs, weaves, hooks and hits. If Tony hadn't been busy ducking from them and landing his own answers, he would have realized that almost 80% of Steve's attacks were off-target. When Tony realized that, he hissed and backed.

"You're slacking there, Cap" he warned "Playing the age card?"

"Eyes in the game, Tony" Steve replied before heaving the armour-covered man up and bringing him down on the mat, albeit lightly. Tony jumped back and focused harder on ending this game.

"What purpose..are we achieving here?" Tony grunted after a particular push made him stagger a step back before he ducked a punch and delivered his own.

Steve didn't answer and took a blow to his jaw when he missed a duck from Tony's hit. Tony swore in frustration as he watched Steve spit out blood from the hit but not backing down yet.

"Oh for Christ's.."Tony spit out finally and lifted Steve off the mat before bringing him down and holding him there "There, done. Stay down. Goddamit Rogers! What the fuck are we doing?!"

Steve was heaving slightly, blood streaking the corner of his mouth. But he stayed down and tapped Tony's arm that held him. 

"You...You out of steam yet?" the super-soldier grunted as he looked up at the face-plate looming over him.

"Are YOU? Fuck Rogers, were you  _trying_ to get yourself broken? How out of practice ARE you? And what the hell is all this?!" Tony demanded, relaxing his hold on the man below him and lifting his face-plate to glare at him properly.

"This is a better way to do it, isn't it?" Steve replied, glaring back at Tony who frowned hard.

"Do what?"

"Hurt me. Hurt the team. Everything you're trying?" Steve shot back.

Tony jerked back at that and squinted hard, like he was trying to figure out who Steve was.

"Okay, are you drunk? Is that it? Because what in the fuck does that even mean? How can you possibly make this about yourself? Fuck Rogers, you're trying to outdo  _my_ narcissistic record!" Tony barked with a self-depreciating laugh.

"Isn't it about me though? About how you hate the fact that you're helping me? The fact that you're stuck with me on the team again? Isn't it always about having to work with Captain America?" Steve barged on as he stood up and turned a full glare on Tony.

"Are you..? Do you hear yourself?! WHY would I help you if I hate you?! You're making even less sense than before now, you sanctimonious idiot!" Tony threw his hands up and shook his head.

"Then is it about Bucky? Is it because he's getting better instead of getting arrested? Is it because Rhodey's helping him?" Steve took a step forward and barreled with his questions.

"Holy Fucking..Rogers, do you even hear yourself?! You think I'm mad that Barnes is getting better or that Rhodey's doing his job?! Have you finally lost it? What are you going on about?!" Tony yelled and stepped forward himself.

"The reason, Tony! What is the damn reason?!"

"I had the chance, Barnes was available, your  _girlfriend was out of mind control_ and I took a chance!" Tony retorted.

"I'm not talking about that!"

"Then what are you talk-"

"YOU, Tony!" Steve yelled finally "Your addiction to putting yourself in harm's way, in death's face at  _every_ available opportunity! Your idea of yourself not being worthy of being safe! Your thought that your team will not support you, if you  _talk_ to them! The whole martyr syndrome, Tony, that's what I'm talking about!"

"What do you care?" Tony hissed in retaliation even as his heart sped at the insinuations Steve had made, "I was going to save your as-"

"You were going to die!" Steve exploded and Tony shut his mouth, taking a step back, "You were going to die, again. And it would have been because of me. Again."

Tony saw Steve heaving, face red and eyes bright. For the first time, Tony saw a vulnerable man standing in Captain America's skin. A man with shivering hands, traumatised eyes and throbbing vein in the neck. This was Steve Rogers, Tony realized, not Captain America. This was a scared, frustrated, Steve Rogers. 

"I care" Steve began again, in a soft whisper, "because you were laying down on the wire, again. I care because when I reached the building, I found everybody else except for you. I care, because you took a fucking bullet for me. I care, Tony Stark, because you are an idiot who doesn't care about yourself. I care, because..you are my friend. And I cannot for the life of me understand, how I should stop caring about that."

Tony could hear his own breathing and Steve's breathing echoing in the gym, ragged and ruined, like gasps of life snatched from death's claws. He saw Steve run a shaking hand through his hair and found himself staring at a weary man instead of a strong leader. An imperfection in a perfect cover.

"I know that I am snatching your right in accepting my friendship here, but honestly, I don't even remember stopping our friendship," Steve continued, shaking his head with a pained look, "When the war began, I screwed up, I bullied you and I threatened you. But I don't know if I stopped being your friend. Is that twisted? Maybe. Is it true? Yes. I know what you heard when I chose to protect Bucky over fighting by your side. I remember what I said. But Tony, I also remember what I didn't say. I never said that you weren't my friend. I chose him over you. But I never rejected your friendship. Does that make sense to you?"

"Does it make sense to you?" Tony whispered back, even as he felt the words drill themselves into his brain.

Steve chuckled bitterly at that. "Strangely, it does," he said and looked at Tony with a sheepish look in his eyes, "I just-I thought that I had only two choices. With Bucky or against him. I saw the Accords and saw all the horrors it would pose to us. Really Tony, it was like SHIELD all over again, just with our consent. And it freaked me out. Actually, I'm surprised it didn't freak you out. It was the anti-thesis of all that you represented, wasn't it? But anyway, I was mad at it. And because you were leading it, I was mad at you."

Tony wanted to get in there and debate some more on the Accords, but he couldn't get his opening because Steve was continuing.

"You were mad at me too, weren't you? Something about punching my perfect teeth?" Steve looked up and smiled a bit before becoming serious again, "But I suppose you handled it better than me. Because you actually tried to save people and I was indirectly putting everyone I cared about on the line. So much so that I almost killed you."

"And then I actually killed you" Steve raised his hand and cut off Tony's protests "No, I get it, I know. But that bullet was meant for me, wasn't it? And you took it. The very man I had once accused of never laying down on the wire, actually took a bullet for me. It was the worst day or my life, you know?"

Tony had an urge to tell Steve to stop because he didn't understand how the guy was falling apart over Tony's decisions. It wasn't even Steve's fault this time.

"Did you know that I got drunk every day after that?" Steve asked and scoffed to himself when Tony's eyebrows vanished into his hairline, "Yeah, me, the guy who should probably never get drunk, got pissed every day till the day Rhodes called us in to talk. A couple of glasses were never enough, so I actually drank the entire bar. I think there might be a couple of bars with my record on their walls by now."

Steve chuckled to himself bitterly and muttered 'stupid' under his breath. Tony felt his breathing go lean for a moment as he imagined a drunk Steve coming home evry day, trying to drown his memories in stinking breath and hangovers.

"But you came back. Like the proverbial savior, or whatever people call it now, you came sauntering back into the Tower and suddenly, I didn't know what was happening anymore," Steve mused and scratched his arm unconsciously, "What was I supposed to do? Should I apologize? Should I go back to being friends? Were we even friends anymore? What did your resurrection mean for us? Questions, Tony, I don't think I've had these many questions since I was chosen for Project Rebirth."

"And then we screwed up again," Tony supplied, almost to himself.

"And then we screwed up again," Steve agreed and cocked his head while looking at Tony, "You didn't trust me and I panicked. I know now that I hadn't earned your trust, but years of being Captain America messed up Steve Rogers' thinking I guess. I poked and prodded and you withdrew. It was like being back to Ultron. The only difference was the lack of chopping wood."

Tony snorted at that and Steve smiled a little, grim but still a smile.

"I know why you went today, Tony" Steve said finally, looking at the genius straight in the eye, "And honestly? I don't blame you for it. You took a chance. With my own track record, maybe I would have done it too. What I do feel upset about is not that. It's about the fact that you thought I wouldn't help you. The idea that I would stop you from taking your decisions. It is a perfectly valid thought and I- I want to apologize for that."

"I've undermined you from the beginning, Tony" Steve said, taking a step forward, "and I know that this changes nothing, but I still want to apologize for that. For all that I've insisted on building an open team, I know that I've not given you the freedom to make your choices. Some times, I've been right in doing that but-but the other times, when I should have asked for your opinion, I didn't. And  _that_ is why you decided to go alone today. You were wrong, don't get me wrong. You shouldn't have underestimated Faustus or gone without backup, but I was wrong too, for not inspiring trust in you. Trust works both ways, doesn't it? And if I expect you to trust me, then it is only fair that I trust you too. I didn't do that for most important parts of our journey till date and I am sorry for that. I hope- I hope that I can get a chance at trying again, a chance at maybe gaining back your trust, but that is up to you and you alone. You are my friend Tony. It is I who lost that title in your eyes. If you ever decide to give me a -"

"Red hair" Tony cut in and Steve frowned to see the genius looking at him with a weird yet relaxed expression on his face.

"What?"

"Red hair" Tony repeated with a smirk, a genuine one, "Beard, pot-bellied, tall, burly monstrosity. The Faustus guy, Rogers, keep up" he chided when Steve's frown deepened. "I missed him by seconds and he literally vanished into thin air. It was freaky even without Loki's horns and staff."

Steve stared at Tony for a few minutes in silence. He wanted to get an actual answer to his questions, talk about all the issues that they had and possibly discuss the possibility of renewing their friendship. And then he realized that this was Tony's answer. Tony Stark, who hated talking about feelings or emotions or similar nouns. Steve remembered Pepper telling him that Tony would always look constipated whenever they spoke about emotional things. 

He was also the guy who would never voluntarily give information, unless he was giving you an opportunity to work with him. This was his offer. His tentative hand of peace or friendship or whatever possible. And Steve realized that this was better than whatever answer he was expecting.

"I suppose you didn't take a picture?" Steve asked with an amused tone and saw Tony relax further, smirk deepening.

"You wound me, Rogers." Tony mock-chided before snapping his fingers "JARVIS has his entire health chart and biology recorded and you ask for a picture. How archaic of you, old guy."

Steve rolled his eyes at that and Tony winked. 

"So unless he's hiding out in Mars or Venus, we should be able to nail him" Steve commented and Tony made a clicking sound with his tongue.

"Well, we could pull in a favor from the Golden Palace of the One-Eyed Daddy if he jumps realms," Tony offered and Steve sighed with a small smile.

"One day, you are going to get struck by lightening and I'm not going to swing my shield at Thor" Steve quipped, making Tony scoff.

"I believe the term you were looking for was 'bitch-slapped' and I don't need your frisbee to protect my beautiful ass, Rogers." Tony tutted airily and raised his nose slightly.

"Tony, you are not a lady, even by dog-standards" Steve shot back "And stop gloating over your ass. It really isn't as significant as you consider it."

"Now that was plain hurtful!" Tony gasped as Steve snorted.

"Yes, yes, you'll get over it. But those bruises from your spectacular surrender to concrete won't heal on their own. Get them checked out?"

"JARVIS can scan me," Tony tested Steve's limit.

"Add Bruce to the equation and we have a deal." Steve offered and saw Tony roll his eyes.

"You know, using words like 'equation' and stuff will not always get you your way," Tony commented as Steve shrugged, "I'll show Bruce my beauty scars during our next date." he acquiesced with a flourish of his hand and Steve nodded before stepping out of the ring and walking towards the door with a smile.

"Hey Rogers?" Tony called out and saw Steve turn with a questioning look, "next time, don't go to the bar. I've got a better collection and company."

Steve raised an eyebrow but relaxed and nodded softly before exiting the gym.

If Tony smiled softly to himself for a couple of minutes after that, well, JARVIS had seen him doing weirder things and this was probably one of the good ones.

\---------------------------------------------------

Sharon felt her head spin every few minutes, with new memories filling her empty spaces with each passing moment. Initially, when she woke up, she had screamed and tried to claw her hair out. The sudden freedom from captivity of within her brain was overwhelming and horrifying. It was probably good that Wanda and Sam had been by her side. If she had been alone, she probably would have hurt herself fatally, trying to block the feeling of violation from spreading throughout her body.

She felt like somebody had raped her mind. She felt dirty.

When she had heaved out her food and emptied every scream possible, she had been coaxed to lay back and relax. Sharon wondered if they even knew what they were asking of her. How could she relax after having known what she had done?

She could still feel the ghost sensation of a gun in her hand. The trigger pressing against her index finger. The shot of a bullet in her ears. The vision of Tony blocking her target. Blocking Steve. Red coating Tony's silver suit. Red. Red. Red everywhere.

"Sharon?" the soft voice made her head snap up in fear and she saw Steve standing at the door, looking cautious but determined. Steve. He was here. He was alive. He was not her target anymore.

"Go away" she whispered, clenching her hands on the linen of the bed. Steve's eyes noticed the movement, of course they did. But he didn't go away or come in. He simply stood there, in the line of her vision.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Sharon," Steve said in that same soft voice, "I just wanted to know if you were okay."

Sharon laughed at that. Her hysteria poured out of her lips and she laughed bitterly.

"You are not going to hurt me?! I tried to kill you and you're telling me that you- Are you even real?! How the hell will you hurt me if I hurt you first?!" Sharon spat "You were my target, Steve. You were my mission. You think YOU can hurt me?!"

"I hope I don't" Steve replied and took one foot forward into the room, "This wasn't you, Sharon. This whole thing, this was HYDRA. This was mad scientists and magic and things you and I are not capable of. You didn't hurt me."

"Yeah? Is that what you tell yourself before you go to sleep now?" Sharon asked as she looked away from Steve and glared at the floor, "Is that what Tony Stark says too?"

"Tony's fine, Sharon" Steve explained and took another step forward, "He knows mind-control. He knows you. He was the one who first found out about Faustus. He doesn't-he would never blame you."

"Well, he's fucking crazy too then" Sharon commented harshly and clammed up.

Steve didn't push the conversation but slowly came inside, giving enough time for Sharon to react and tell him to leave if she wanted to. Finally, when he sat on the bed beside her, she didn't say anything but held her body tight and ready to spring.

"You're going to be fine, Sharon" Steve said after a few minutes of silence, "I'm going to help you. We're all going to help you."

"I don't love you" Sharon bit out "I'm not your girlfriend. I don't-that wasn't me. I can't be that-"

"I'm not talking about us," Steve cut in softly and saw Sharon tense for a second, "You're my friend, you've always been my friend. I'll always help you out, no matter where we stand."

Sharon didn't reply and both of them sat in silence, Steve looking at her and Sharon staring staring at the floor.

"I'm sorry" Sharon whispered after some time, closing her eyes and bowing her head slightly.

Steve sighed "Me too. But we'll get over this. You'll be fine."

"I don't think so. I don't-I don't know if I'll ever feel like myself again, Steve," Sharon whispered and blinked back the tears in her eyes.

"We'll figure it out then," Steve replied, "Something new, something different. Whatever it is, we'll figure it out. Together. All of us."

Sharon remained silent and Steve just sat there, letting her absorb those words, waiting for her to accept them at her own pace.

"Is he dead yet?" Sharon asked after a couple of minutes and Steve shook his head.

"Not yet"

"Good" Sharon pronounced "I want to see the bastard die."

Steve was never a man of unnecessary or pleasure-seeking violence. But he knew what Sharon meant.

"We will" he promised in solemnity "We'll get him soon."

Sharon nodded and went back to silence, Steve keeping her company. There was nothing romantic in the silence, but somehow, this was the most comfortable moment Steve had shared with Sharon. A moment of solidarity. A moment of pain.

A moment for messed up pasts and agreeable distances.

Steve looked up and saw the one way mirrored window and somehow knew that Tony was standing on the other side. 

Yes, this was a moment he felt peace in. Strange, satisfying peace. And Steve was ready to stay in it, for as long as it existed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't fit Bucky into this one. But he'll be coming in from the next chapters. Also, Faustus and Red Skull shall be regulars too. Till tomorrow, sayonara my lovelies! Please read and review! <3


	20. Snail Paced Races Of Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heylo my lovelies! I'm kind of in a good mood today. Okay, I'm in an absolutely amazing mood :D So I thought to myself, what could I do to make it even better (because I'm a greedy person like that). And the answer was simple: I'm gonna try to make my favourite readers happy too! And that's not just by updating, because duh, I'd do that anyway. But this is something different.  
> I'm gonna play a small game with you all. In this chapter, I'm going to hide TV/movie/book quotes and references in the story. If you get it right and comment the quote/reference along with the movie/book/TV show it's from, I promise to write a fic for you on YOUR chosen couple from the Avengers world. I'm not telling HOW MANY references are there too (hey, can't spoil the entire game, can I?). It won't be delivered within a day but it will come and it will be done for you. The rules of this game will be mentioned in the end notes. So read the chapter first and then let's play!

Turnabout is not always fair play, Bucky thought to himself with a scowl as he watched Jame- _Rhodey_ discussing something serious with Thor, who was currently wearing a fucking leather jacket like he's posing for a fucking magazine or something. And Bucky can see Thor unintentionally (because if it's intentional, there's gonna be some words or actions involved) rubbing shoulder and arm against the shorter man. Rhodey never lets people do that unless they are his closest friends, Bucky knows this from observing him constantly, and watching him behave so naturally with Thor is kind of giving him a complex here.

Especially when Rhodey hadn't been even looking Bucky's way ever since yesterday. Since he accompanied Tony fucking Stark to go hunt a HYDRA psycho. And almost got him killed.

The ex-sergeant sighed and took another swig of his beer. He really didn't like the fancy stuff Stark drank, despite whatever Barton said it's awesomeness was. Beer was familiar. Beer was friendly with him. Beer was his thing.

Like his friendship with James had been.

"You know, for someone with a history of dealing with angry assholes, I'd tell you to either put down the beer or be prepared for a glass-pierced hand soon," he hears a prim yet amused voice behind him and very convincingly doesn't jerk, because really, he didn't think Pepper Potts was going to kill him with some tablet she was holding.

"For someone who's had experience with dealing with PTSD upped superheroes, you've got real self-preservation skills sneakin' up on me like this," Bucky observed and heard a dry snort before Pepper came around the couch and sat gracefully on the matching chair before him. Bucky notes the way she subtly aligns herself to block his view of Rhodey and raises an eyebrow.

"You don't talk to me" he commented pointedly, raising his beer bottle and gesturing to her, "Not unless you're trying to get me shipped off to some desert or somethin. Is that what you're doin?"

"Yes, Barnes, I'm here to ship you off to Sahara," Pepper replied with a neutral face and Bucky had an actual moment where he thought it was true, "because of course I can do that with Rhodey right there guaranteed to sign on the necessary documents for that."

Bucky shrugged painfully and took another swig harshly.

Pepper's face softened for a moment and Bucky thought he heard her mutter 'unbelievable, every single one of them, emotionally constipated little fuckers' before she crossed her legs and leaned back, eyes still strained on the long haired man before her.

"You're an idiot" she said matter-of-factly and Bucky admired her for taking the chance to insult an ex-assassin without any weapon to defend herself. Then again, this was Tony Stark's house with an AI that obeyed Pepper more than Tony, so maybe she wasn't being reckless after all.

"Coming from the ex-girlfriend of another idiot, I'll take that as a compliment" Bucky replied, stroking the neck of his bottle with a small smirk.

"Oh nice, picking the ex-route. Original," Pepper nodded mockingly "about as original as your eye-laser glaring technique that is having no effect at either Rhodes or the God with him."

Bucky scoffs around a gulp and it comes out more as a gurgle. Pepper frowns a tad but says nothing.

"Hey, it's not like the guy's my only friend. And I think you're confused between me and the red-underwear kid, what's-his-name? Superman, yeah, him" Bucky snapped his fingers and places his bottle down on the table. Without a coaster. He had innumerable techniques to annoy Pepper Potts.

"Sure" Pepper replied dismissively, "So why exactly did you think joining Tony for his Incredibly Insane Idea trip number 3000? Because I thought you would have got a better influence over the past weeks with Rhodey."

"You mean apart from the fact that it would have been an excellent plan if Red Riding Hood hadn't thought of raising his own army of cube-y Agents?" another voice answered from behind Bucky and he half-groaned. 

"Oh great, another Nosy Nancy. Let's all cuddle and braid each other's hair after we finish this" Bucky grunted deadpanned as Tony rolled his eyes and crashed on the couch way too close to Bucky. It was like these people didn't know the concept of personal space at all. Tony, Clint, Pepper and  _Thor_ , Bucky though viciously. He remembered Steve telling him about something similar and felt glad that he and his best friend agreed on the same things even now.

"Nosy Nancy. What are you, a grandpa?" Tony scrunched his face in the face of Bucky's glare, "Oh wait, you are. But hey, still, you're supposed to be cooler than Steve and saying actual curse words instead of food things like _fudge_ and  _hot-dog_. Also, why're we talking about Rhodey here?"

" _We're_ not talking about Rhodey" and "Because Barnes is feeling ignored by Rhodes like you're feeling ignored by Steve" clashed and there was silence following it.

Tony looked at both of them with an unblinking stare before he met Bucky's eyes and both of them glared at Pepper.

"I'm not feeling ignored!"

"WHY would I feel ignored by Cap?"

Pepper just looked at both of them , rolled her eyes and stood up to walk away. Sometimes Tony felt Pepper majored in Evil Smugness along with a dash of Masters in Maturity.

"Your girl's got some serious issues you know?" Bucky asked Tony as he put up his feet on the coffee-table and Tony scowled at him.

"Yeah, well, she's got to have  _some_ fault behind all that perfection," Tony shrugged and put his own feet up on the table, ignoring Bucky's raised eyebrow "which doesn't mean that you're getting away from what she said, because hello, Pepper has the greatest observation skills and that's certified by a genius himself. Me, if you're wondering. So, what's this bullshit I heard about you and Rhodey-Bear? Do you-Does he-Hell, did you take a shine to him, Barney?"

Bucky didn't even look at Tony as he pushed his feet off the table with his own right foot. "I'm going to spare your neck this time and let you see another stupid sunrise, but here's a hint: Don't meddle. He's your best friend, fine. But if you're gonna screw up  _my_ friendship with him because of some stupid insecurity-"

"Not very good at this whole subtlety thing, are you?" Tony cut in with a saucy wink and laughed when Bucky's metal hand clenched "Chill your panties Barney, I'm not a jealous dick when it comes to Rhodey. Well, not  _that_ jealous. We've been friends for double decades, man that's longer than the pirate eye Fury has. He's his own person dude, he comes second in my Maturity list and first in my Badassery list. If he's gonna take your bubble butt in and consider you to one among his minions a.k.a friends-kind of things, he's gonna do it despite all our dumbass plans. Well, you might get a couple of whacks to your head and some quotable punch-lines, but hey, it's a small price to pay for all the horrible mothering he's gonna do."

"Did you just give me your blessing to be friends with your friend?" Bucky asked with a small hint of a smirk and a tinge of mad gleam in his eyes.

Tony snorted and waved his hands vaguely "Hey, if it's that what you're looking for before you get off your ass and go apologize to him" the genius said airily, a smug grin in place at the eye-roll he got from Bucky.

"Yeah? Well, maybe I should give you a fee or something for such a valuable piece of shit" Bucky replied with a thoughtful expression.

Tony waggled his eyebrows and Bucky narrowed his eyes before adopting an evil smirk.

"Oh  _I know_ " Bucky drawled in his way-too-amused voice and Tony frowned slightly, "how about some word to the wise about your new  _co-captain_?"

Tony was about to drop a sassy response about how Bucky shouldn't be giving anything 'wise' to anyone when the long-haired man barged on with a pointed look.

"It's free advice Stark, take it or leave it. But hey, won't do you no harm to take it," Bucky began before his voice got serious and he held Tony's gaze, "Don't dance around with Stevie. No, I'm serious here, ya jerkball. The guy's not good with word-vomit like you and I are. He's more of a push-it-down-and-erupt-once-in-a-century kinda guy. But he's not your enemy. I've seen his enemies and most times, they're mine too. But you're not one of them. What happened during the war, that was all ego and no brain. He's all mother hen and shit when he's not pissed. I kinda think he's done his Steve brand of mothering to you too, sometime before you two started your whole pissing contest. This whole Avenger thing here, it's nice. It's not something everybody gets. I know that. Don't let it break again over some stupid idealistic bullshit. Leave those to the guys who're running for the throne. The knights always sound better than the kings anyways. Stay a knight. Don't try to be king, it's not worth all the hype. And also, he's my best friend. So when I say that he's smart enough for your shit-brained ideas, take the word and trust it. He made me zip-line in the Alps. The guy's a worse adventure junkie than you."

Tony didn't know what it was about this horrible fashion disaster sitting before him that made him speechless, but something did. He let his tongue rest for a couple of minutes before grinning slyly.

"Jerkball? Really?" he asked and Bucky narrowed his eyes briefly before letting out a short bark of laughter and getting off the couch.

"Yeah well, it's called keeping with the times, grandpa" he sassed and Tony flipped him the finger, "Thanks for the shitty suggestion about James. They're useless."

"Thanks for the terrible tips about Cap. They're gonna make amazing joke fodder later" Tony shot back but winked at Bucky before the ex-soldier rolled his eyes and walked towards Rhodey who had just looked up and noticed them.

Tony really did get the worst of snotty strays to keep. But eh, he liked the entertainment. And he's getting confident nowadays that one of them isn't going to kill him because let's face it, even death has a heart.

\--------------------

Bruce decided to stop searching when he felt the first sweat drop trickle down his temple. It was never a good indication, when he sweated in an air-conditioned room, without doing anything physically exerting.

It usually meant the destruction of people, property or physics laws. The Other Guy had really no respect for all the three.

Ever since he had found out about Faustus' near-miss capture, Bruce had thrown himself into tracking the cube again. The last time, he hadn't found a single trace of of it. This time he found more traces than he could possibly imagine. It was like HYDRA was producing multiple cubes and that knowledge was making his head hurt.

Sometimes he wished he could switch off his Banner side and just let the Other Guy loose. Maybe then some God-syndrome scientist somewhere wouldn't dare to play around with things that just should not be played around with. 

Bruce sighed and removed his glasses, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. 

"The last time I saw you sigh like that, you disappeared for six months," a soft and deadly voice came from behind Bruce, presumable from the entrance of the lab, "This time, I'm hoping we get a two week notice instead of just a puff of air."

Bruce smiled despite himself and put his glasses back on but didn't turn.

"If my calculations are anywhere near right, we might have only two weeks to survive as free men. And woman" he replied, rolling his shoulders slightly to relieve the tension there, "Also, I thought you had doctor's orders of bed rest for another week?"

"Well, my doctor is a workaholic himself, so I just made a presumption of him being a hypocrite. And I never take orders from hypocrites," Natasha commented with a lilt to her voice, still not coming forward.

Bruce breathed in and pushed himself up from his chair to turn around and bit in a wince.

Seeing Natasha Romanov in a wheelchair was not helpful for his blood pressure. Or his heart. The former mattered more right now though.

"You should really take this doctor's  _advice_ though," he corrected softly, noting the slight narrowing of the redhead's eyes, "His uh.. _personal assistant_ has a very strict eye about regimes that aren't followed when prescribed."

Natasha cocked her head and coolly looked at Bruce from head to toe, in an excruciatingly slow pace.

"Is the third person speech a regularity with you? Because it might become a pet peeve for me soon," the ex-spy offered with a small twitch of her lips when Bruce rubbed his neck with a hand awkwardly.

"Natasha..."

"Bruce..."

"Clint!" the third voice came from above and Bruce groaned lowly while Natasha simply raised an eyebrow when Clint jumped down a vent and landed between the Doctor and her.

"What? We're all doing a weird re-introduction of ourselves here, right?" the archer asked with a mischievous raise of his own eyebrow, "Or were you guys having a moment here?"

"Oh they can have an entire millennium and we'll still be interrupting, Birdbrain," a fourth voice came from the entrance and Bruce saw Tony entering with a flourish, Steve right behind him, shaking his head at the dramatics of the genius, "but I guess that's the whole point of tragic love stories. Love 'em but can't tell 'em. Or tell 'em too soon and then run into a sword or knife or cannon or something. What was it that the 13 year-old-punk from that balcony story did?"

Bruce frowned but Steve coughed slightly with a small grin.

"Romeo, Tony and it was poison," he answered but Tony simply gestured to him with a  _exactly_ wave, "Which has got nothing to do with our job right now, so let's focus team. Bruce, you've got something for us yet?"

"I think I've got too many things actually," the doctor said, straightening his glasses and turning back to the screen, "It appears that Faustus and his Red Head are generating many more cubes as we speak. It's difficult to locate the core cube with every cube they create being identical reflections of it. It's like they're trying to create an army of cubes. And okay, you should look now." Bruce moved aside as Tony crowded into his space with a grin and took over the system himself.

"And to think that we let Thor take away the Tesseract the last time," Natasha observed with a grim smile.

"I tried to take it back... but it was too late" Tony shrugged and heard Steve cough again, "Cough drops, Jarvis!"

"No thank you, Jarvis," Steve cut in hastily with a slightly annoyed look at the back of Tony's head, "Could we split up and take out all the places you've located so far?"

"If you have about fifty of us and all radiation-proof, yeah, maybe" Bruce shrugged and saw Steve's eyes widen, "They're spreading throughout the world, Steve. It's not exactly a science fiction where you just lock onto them as a whole and blast them off. We're going to need an actual plan this time before we act."

Tony smirked a bit at those words and could feel Steve's gaze on his head. Some things were truly memorable.

"So what exactly are we looking for right now?" Clint asked as he watched Tony's fingers fly around the holographic screen.

"A loophole. A gap in the web. Something that'll help us zoom in on the actual bastards creating this." Tony muttered "Because the Faustus character is also apparently multiplying along with these cubes. Or maybe he's just replicating his ID signatures through his cronies."

"Why do we always get the crazy ones?" Clint asked himself aloud, getting a raised eyebrow from Steve.

"Considering all other evil men who want to destroy the world are sane?" he asked in amusement and saw Natasha shaking her head exasperatedly.

Tony grumbled something in frustration under his breath and Steve frowned worryingly at him.

"Sheep, they're all sheep, everyone of them" Tony muttered out loud and Bruce shook his head at Steve when he frowned deeper in confusion.

"Not important," he informed with a wave of his hand and Steve raised an eyebrow but kept quiet. They heard the lab door open once more and saw Sam enter with Scott in tow.

"We late to the party?" Sam asked in general and Natasha rolled her eyes before gesturing towards Tony.

"Maybe we're missing something here," Steve tried again, looking at Bruce with a hopeful expression, "Maybe we're going about this the wrong way. We've seen Faustus, we know the cube's energy, maybe we just need to focus on either one of them instead of both. What if they're both in different hands by now?"

"Then we all despair and die," Tony answered before Bruce could open his mouth, "Honestly Cap, you really think me and Bruce, especially me, no offence Brucie, would make the wrong choice when it comes to this? This is science. This is our zone. Trust me, you can't find the treasure without the map here. And that brings us to the key of the map. Which is...aha! Gotcha!"

Tony blew up a picture of a marketplace like setting, where a red circle was drawn around a slightly pixelated figure of a man walking across, head only side-profiled by the camera.

"Recognize the place, Romanoff?" Tony asked with a gleeful smile that did nothing to lessen the icy glare from the ex-spy.

"You cannot be serious," Natasha grit out and Bruce frowned slightly at her before observing the picture and reading a small sign in the background of it. His own eyes widened a fraction and a small chuckle escaped his lips.

"He is  _so_ not going to like this," the doctor shook his head ruefully even as Tony waggled his eyebrows in manic delight, "He is going to throw us out of there within seconds if we take a fight there, Tony. You know he will. He hates it when we try to mess up the already twisted peace there."

"Yeah, but it's not him we're after," Tony pointed out with a wagging finger, ignoring the confused expression on the others, "We'll just make him do the dirty work there, if he's so particular about us not spoiling his precious soil or whatever crap he pulls. Which really shouldn't be a problem because hey, the guy loves me. I'm adorable to him. He conspired with  _Thor_ to bring me back to life, so yeah, I think we've got a very good chance here."

"Is there any chance us mere mortals could understand what's going on here today?" Scott asked finally, looking between Bruce and Tony with an amused smile.

"That" Tony pointed to the picture behind him with a wide grin, "is Wakanda. The land of our dear old grumpy ass Black Panther a.k.a Prince T'Challa. Or is it King now? Whatever, the point is, that the man in that picture with a red halo around his face is Crossbones. Also known as Rumlow, Cap's old friend. There's a cube identification in Wakanda right now and I'm willing to bet my ass that Crossbones is involved. And with what my ass is worth, that's a pretty good bet. We get him here, crack him and juice out some info and we might be able to save the world easier."

"But I though T'Challa threatened to skin your ass if you ever thought of entering his kingdom to fight?" Clint asked with a pointed stare at Natasha who glared back at him.

"Yeah, which is why we're going to get the Black Panther himself to bring in this delivery for us," Tony answered like it was the simplest solution in the world.

"And how're we gonna do that?" Sam asked as the others turned to Tony, tension thick in the air. The billionaire was silent for a second before turning around to face him with a grim smile.

"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse" Tony replied in his best imitation and felt an arrow whoosh by his ear "Oh come on! It's never a good time for that?!"

Steve didn't dignify the question with an answer and simply gave him a  _look_.

"I hope you offer him your entire treasure, Stark, because whatever you've got, he's got it more," Sam informed him with a serious nod.

"Then maybe we need to be more creative with our offers," the voice from behind all of them was controlled but firm and they turned to see Sharon standing by the door, eyes determined.

"You got something we can use, Carter?" Tony asked before Steve could get all worried and tell Sharon to go rest. 

Sharon looked at Steve who was physically restraining himself from objecting and looked back at Tony with a challenging smirk of her own.

"How about the names of all HYDRA scumbags who have created problems in Wakanda and are trying to siphon Vibranium from there?" she offered and Tony matched her smirk with his own.

"You're a terrifying enemy to make, Ms. Carter and I for one am glad you're back on our side," he said with a small salute and saw Sharon shrug but look pleased.

Steve thought for one amused second that he was witnessing the beginning of a terrifying combination of Tony Stark's wildness and Sharon Carter's ferocity. HYDRA would never know what hit them, he thought with a small smile to himself. 

\------------------------------

Miles away, in a dark corner of the world with sunlight meant to burn and not warm people, a red faced man watched as another blue cube came into existence and enthralled the most powerful man of the world at present. The President of the United States of America. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Was it too boring? I know that it doesn't have much angst or Stony feels, but since this is a story about everyone, I thought I'd give our leads a break and focus on pushing the story forward. I'm planning to make Steve and Tony interact more soon with a very special role for Steve. It might make things interesting for us. I was in a fun mood today, so I wanted to have a fun and quick chapter. Don't know if it paid off though :P  
> Also, yay for T'Challa coming back soon!  
> You know how much I love your feedback, right? Please, please, please do comment <3  
> Okay, now for the rules of the game:  
> 1\. Pick out the exact reference. Only one reference guess. And give the source (the movie/book/TV show)  
> 2\. If somebody gets it right before you, they get the fic-gift. I love you ALL, but I think even I have limits to how many fics I can write :P  
> 3\. I had to put a rule number three just because I like three better than two. There's no rule number three :P
> 
> Alrighty! I think this could be fun. Do you? ;)


	21. Playing Between Lights And Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stony interactions ahead. Along with a dash of kickass T'Challa & Tony friendship .  
> Also, we're continuing the game in this chapter. Catch a reference and get a fic. Also, please check if anybody else has got your reference right before you. If so, your answer will be held invalid. Come on mi amigos, I know you can crack it this time! :D

Threatening bad guys, emotionally blackmailing friends, saving the world and similar ideas tend to mess with meticulous plans and binder schedules of a billionaire. Tony knew that from years of experience and probably decades of hearing Pepper say "Tony no". 

But this one was a biggie even by his standards. He was supposed to be at the Maria Stark Foundation Charity Gala tomorrow and he had responded to Pepper's call of reminder with a confused "Huh?". So of course Pepper was mad which made Tony more nervous about it because he remembered one part of this whole agenda. This was his first gala after the war, which meant that this was a test of everything he represented, as a person, which wasn't much and what the public thought of him being an Avenger again.

It was all very morbid for his sanity. He kind of felt like going all Blondie on somebody's ass. Which led to a whole bunch of Freudian slips in his work and he was NOT okay with that.

That was how he found himself locked in his workshop for the past 30 hours, aggressively taking apart and recreating suits.

"Sir, Captain Rogers is requesting entrance" JARVIS informed and Tony waved his hand to signal no.

There was a moment of silence before he heard JARVIS again.

"He says that he has coffee, sir."

Tony snorted through the wrench in his mouth before taking it out. "Nice try, Cap but nope. I've got coffee with me right here."

Another beat. "He says that this one is freshly brewed, with none of your instant powder and has fresh hazelnut cream in it."

Tony looked up thoughtfully and raised an eyebrow.

"Sergeant Barnes is also accompanying him and says that he would let you have a peek at his arm now."

Tony had no two answers with that kind of bribery. The door opened with a hiss and Tony found two insanely muscled soldiers strolling into his lab, one with a large cup of steaming coffee and the other with a shiny metal arm.

"You're getting better at manipulation there Cap," Tony informed as he scrambled to snatch the coffee cup from his hand to inhale it down, "using your own best friend and everything. Very Verbal Klint if I may say so, your thinking. Oh God, I needed that!" The coffee was doing wonders already and Tony kissed the cup before he placed it down.

Steve didn't say anything and merely hopped on the stool nearby, thinking to himself how Tony was just a very expressive and extremely human jeremiad. Bucky looked at Steve and then back at Tony before he shrugged lightly and took a chair to himself. 

"Sure, make yourself comfortable" Tony commented lightly before frowning at Steve, "You have two hands, don't you? Couldn't that warrant two cups of coffee? Anyway, I shall discount that discrepancy due to the fact that you finally saw the light and understood that my ingenuity needs to be bestowed on the crappy tech from HYDRA maniacs, I approve of that you know -"

The rant was cut short when Bucky peeled off his polo tee and flung it neatly on the couch behind him. Tony opened his mouth and closed it before blinking at the shaggy haired man smirking at him.

"Okay, that was strangely arousing and I might have to adjust my pant. Cap, look away you blushing maiden," Tony chided theatrically and got a snort from Bucky along with a glare from Steve, though the glare was aimed at Bucky more than Tony. 

"Are you gonna be up anytime today?" Steve asked the genius and sighed when Tony raised an eyebrow, "Not that way, that you always are. I meant back to the world of the living. Join all of us for food. Lunch. Dinner."

"What do you mean I always am up  _that way_?" Tony asked with a huff before turning to Bucky and gesturing to Steve, "Isn't this some sort of sexism? Or slut-shaming? Captain America, the Kinkmonger!"

"The things you endure" Bucky replied deadpanned before extending his metal arm invitingly, "Now shut up and do me, Stark."

Tony had the most interesting response to give but Steve glared at Bucky again and extended a pre-disappointed stare towards Tony. The genius sighed to himself , muttering 'spoilsport' under his breath and pushed his own chair closer to Bucky's arm.

It was surprisingly easy, talking to Bucky, even if the ex-soldier resorted to mere grunts and monosyllabic answers once Tony had opened his arm. He recognized that the guy had come to him only because his arm hurt and that Steve was consciously not hovering around them, both of which he was strangely grateful for. The tech in his hands was making him enthralled too. But the fact that this had been forced on the guy, had been patched on him while he was conscious, fighting against it, trying to decline an alien piece of supposed evil on him, the very thought of that made Tony clench on his breath and re-evaluate any sarcastic comment he would have made in a time before this.

Or maybe it was just the effort it would take to untwist his tongue after Bucky would twist it up if he even tried to crack a joke about it. 

"Pepper said that the gala is tomorrow" Steve commented from behind and Tony tutted softly under his breath.

"Okay new rule? Don't start a sentence with 'Pepper said', 'Pepper says' or anything Pepper" the genius muttered as he carefully untangled a particularly tricky knot of wires in the arm, "It just makes the whole thing sound like some PTA meeting. And yes, the gala is tomorrow. T'Challa is supposed to come too, though I don't know if the guy would appreciate seeing so many assholes in one place."

"He's used to us by now, so wouldn't be too hard for him," Steve shrugged as he studied the suit plans Tony had forgotten to close, "Are you planning to go alone?"

Tony finished putting back the last piece of metal right on the arm and clapped his hands lightly. When he looked up he saw Bucky looking at him with an amused smirk and frowned before turning around to see Steve look at him with an expectant stare.

"Uh, what?" Tony asked before he remembered the question, "Oh yeah, going alone. Yeah, I dunno Cap, maybe. Pep's gonna go with Happy and with all the goodwill agenda she has planned out right now, I'm not sure I should be booking the March girl to be eye-candy or something. Why?"

"You're going alone." Steve clarified dubiously and Bucky must have understood something in that tone because he was starting to sport a slightly devious grin.

"Yes, Steve, I am going alone," Tony confirmed slowly, eyes flitting between the super soldier and the smug looking ex-sergeant, "I'm not afraid of the dark anymore, Mommy."

Steve rolled his eyes at the teasing but then crossed his arms and looked at Tony with a calm expression.

"I'll come with you"

Tony was really glad that he wasn't drinking anything right now because he wasn't sure Steve would have appreciated a projectile shower on his face.

"Are you out of your mind?" Tony blurted out after a moment, chuckling to himself, "Why the hell would I take you with me?"

Bucky tense at that and he almost butt in because he saw Steve tense too but Tony was still rambling.

"I mean, isn't it weird enough that I'm gonna have to go to a stupid gala and face obnoxiously rich, plastic people, which hey, makes me a hypocrite but whatever," Tony waved a hand dismissively, "it's strange enough that I'm gonna have to go to a gala where people are basically going to ask me why I'm not dead anymore and I'm going to have to lie because golden apples and Norse stories are SO not the way to go with those brains. And then the whole part where I'm going to be worshipped by garlands of dirty slippers or whatever it's virtual equivalent is, by the media, for having created a war that probably ruined everybody's faith in the Avengers. And to top that, you want me to take you, Captain America, with me to the flea market of scavengers so that I make you a target of their scavenging too? Seriously, did you hit your head in the morning or something?"

There was a moment of absolute silence which was shattered when Bucky doubled over and howled with laughter.

Tony raised an eyebrow at him and turned to look at Steve. Who was giving him the 'you're an idiot and I'm going to ignore your verbal diarrhea' look with a small smirk.

"Okay, I'll not come with you," Steve said and Tony nodded gratefully but the super-soldier barged on, "I'll come alone. I'm sure I can get an invite from Pepper. And I'll get some for the others too-"

"OTHERS?"

"-though I'm not sure Natasha should come, which means Bruce wouldn't come as well-"

"Wait, what are you-"

"-and I'm not sure about Wanda so maybe Vision won't come as well-"

"For the love of..Rogers, Stop!" Tony held up a hand and narrowed his eyes at Bucky who was still snorting through laughter "What are you talking about? Why do you people want to come to the gala? I mean, if it's for the booze and babes and food, then okay, I get it, not really, but okay. But you could just host a party here without the scavengers coming in, didn't you listen to me about the scavengers?"

"They can't be worse than the Germans," Steve shrugged casually.

"Hey, Germans were good for some things, these people are not," Tony pointed out indignantly, "Without Germans, you wouldn't have any of the Indiana Jones movies"

"Without the scavengers, we would never get over the rotten corpses," Steve said and then paused because it didn't make sense in the current context, "You get my meaning."

"Cap, I don't need this right now," Tony sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with a finger.

"And we can't avoid this," Steve defended himself, " It's not just about you, Tony. If Black Panther is also going to meet you there, then it would make a lot of sense for HYDRA to plan an attack at the gala. I know that you have the suit and are capable but we could find a possible lead there maybe. Also, I think it would be a good change for all of us. Being cooped up and having stilted conversations is not how we're going to build back the team, right?"

Tony looked gobsmacked and shared a look with Bucky who simply mouthed 'mother hen'.

"If we were playing a game of Bullshit, you would have won by a mile" Tony told Steve pointedly, "Cap, I get it that you're trying to be the good guy here and okay, you guys can come, I'll get you the invites, but please don't ever do this emotional speech thing with me again? I mean, can't you just be an ass who demands an invitation or crashes the party? Do we have to do that thing, where I say something, and then you say something, and then somebody cries and there's like a moment?"

"Well, we could discount the crying part maybe," Steve said with a poker face and Bucky shook his head, "But no, we don't have to do this thing, as long as you try not to get squished under buildings or take this punk here with you on your adventure trips."

Bucky made an indignant 'hey' noise at that but Tony simply considered it and shrugged.

"I could get a danger whistle added to the suit if you want, " he offered mock-seriously, "Hey, maybe all of us should have one. You too, Cap, don't think I don't know about your secret addiction to craziness. But would the whistle be too advanced for the guys from the 40's? You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and… blow." Tony quipped and ducked the thump on his back even as Bucky roared in laughter.

"You two are stupid, I'm gonna go back to beating Wilson's ass at Wii." Bucky announced and jumped off the stool before sauntering out of the workshop.

Tony waited till the guy left before he turned to Steve and grinned with wide eyes.

"Are you trying to mother me?" Tony asked incredulously, jerking his hand away from Steve's grasp, "I thought you wanted the friend role, not the mom's."

"Well, a boy's best friend is his mother," Steve retorted calmly, picking up the empty coffee cup and scoring a basket into the trash-bin across him "Now, do we have to continue this here or can we go get some food and get back to real work?"

Tony groaned into his hand before shaking his head in mock disgust, "Horrible, horrendous, absolutely pitiful. You're a real psycho, Cap." The dark haired man reprimanded the statement but got up and followed Steve out nonetheless. The price he had to pay to get rid of Norman Bates, Tony thought to himself with an internal chuckle.

\------------------------------------

In the end, Tony felt a little better about taking the entire team to the gala, when the press fell into a frenzy over too many people to interview. He looked around him and smiled into his champagne glass. The Avengers might be dirty when it came to their work, but when they cleaned up, they could beat A-listers at their game.

Natasha had threatened to do bodily harm if she wasn't involved in the event, so she was stuck with video monitoring and helping Bruce keep an eye out for energy signature matches. Barton had taken one look at the 'monkey suit' dress code and had decided to stick to being the eyes from above. Bucky had decided to keep Barton company, because he was not sure if he could handle any idiot who wanted to poke and prod at his metal arm. Rhodey had opted out of the mission because of his military work. Scott was apparently busy with some Cassie related business and Vision was at the Tower, deciding to stay back as back-up. 

Which left Steve, Sam, Thor, Wanda, Tony and Sharon in the field. T'Challa was running late, which Tony understood as being part of the whole 'fashionably late' golden rule they had to follow if they wanted to remain cold snobs in front of the media.

Tony was pleasantly surprised when Wanda agreed to come but his biggest glee came when Sharon decided that she was going to be a part of it. He had a sneaky feeling that she was fast growing on him the way Pepper had decades ago. He wondered if people like them had a separate diet for having bulletproof veins and guts. If so, he had a good mind to go up to the chef and drop in a not so subtle "I'll have what she's having" hint. He wished he had that kind of don't-give-a-damn spine, which he maybe had at one point of his life,but nowadays it was just a fake attitude.

"Aren't you supposed to socialize?" he heard a voice from his right and grinned into his flute before looking at the amused face of T'Challa, "Or has Tony Stark finally gotten tired of all the glitz and glamour?"

"That'll happen the day T'Challa finally decides to revise his wardrobe to something that isn't the colour of death," Tony replied with an exaggerated sigh, "Seriously Panther, fire them, whoever does your colours. Having black coffee every day is fine, having a black soul every day is also fine, but wearing black all the time? Even Goths spice it up sometimes, you know?"

"Just for that I would gladly let her give you a taste of her thunder," T'Challa commented as he snatched up a champagne of his own and looked meaningfully at Tony.

Who simply huffed and muttered under his breath "Of course it's Storm."

"Is that the lady who is supposed to help me with the HYDRA criminals of my home?" T'Challa asked as he looked at Sharon, who was engaging conversation with a French diplomat.

Tony nodded with a small grin and whistled under his breath, knowing that the comm would enable Sharon hear it. As expected, the blonde woman in the striking midnight blue sheath gown turned slightly and rubbed her nose with her middle finger.

T'Challa chuckled at that and Tony shrugged in a 'what can you do' gesture.

"Very well then," the handsome dark man agreed and placed his glass on the counter behind them, "Rumlow is under my bounds right now. There is not much information I could extract out of him, but whatever I have is in this drive". He handed Tony a sleek golden pen which Tony knew doubled up as a drive.

"Well, this is certainly a 'my precious' moment," Tony commented as he pocketed the pen just as he felt somebody move up close behind him, "And who might this be? Oh hello there, Osborne"

Norman Osborne was the worst kind of vulture known to Tony's world. If T'Challa's slight freeze beside him was any indication, his twisted mindfuck was famous even outside the country.

"Hello there Tony, Mr. T'Challa," Tony internally cringed when the guy used his first name. It made it look like they were friends or something, which, if you knew Tony even an inch you would know, is not true. T'Challa simply regarded the man coolly, using his royal bitchface to the hilt. Tony wished he could do the same, but he knew that Oscorp was a valuable competitor in his market and Pepper's warnings about playing it safe rang in his head. He figured he could heed them till he remained sober.

"Wow, nice Hades look you got going there Ossy," yup he was going to screw this up, "How's the underworld doing?"

"I should hope that you'd know Stark," Norman replied through a cold smile, "Aren't the dead supposed to know all about the underworld? Well, at the very least, you?"

"Oh stop it, you" Tony mock-gushed and heard Clint mutter 'drama queen' in the comm, "Always with the compliments with you. Did you have the appetizers here? It's just what you'd like. Pigs in blankets. I'm sure it'll remind you of home and give warm, fuzzy feelings."

T'Challa's elbow nudged Tony's and he didn't know if it was a variation of a fist-bump or a warning sign. He was going to go with the former for now.

Norman's eyes grew colder if possible and he raised his whiskey glass to Tony.

"I'm sure I'd like them, Tony," he observed before his gaze flitted to Pepper who was standing in the middle of the room, "Though I should think I'd prefer a tall glass of something dirty instead. Think I'll find something like that here?"

Tony knew all about innuendos. Hell, he was a master of them. His grip on his champagne flute tightened but he was saved from a scene by T'Challa.

"I'm sure you could try by the men's loo, Mr. Osborne," the Wakanda prince offered in a frosty tone, "I hear you'd find something that matches your taste by that side."

Tony heard Wanda chuckle over the comm and had to bite his cheek to avoid doing so himself.

Whatever Norman was going to say further was cut off when a fourth member joined them and towered over all of them. Thor looked formidable in his Asgard robes but in a customized wine red tuxedo he looked like the hottest version of 007.

"Greetings, honourable T'Challa" he addressed Panther first who quirked a smile, "and to you too Tony. And who might this old sir be? Are you the in-charge of this magnificent hall, sir? I must impress upon you, you have maintained excellent cleanliness in the gentlemen's lavatories. I have just used them and I am satisfied with their maintenance."

Tony was extremely close to choking on his laughter and was never so glad when he caught T'Challa's eye and the man nodded imperceptibly, signalling that he'd handle this. Making a flimsy excuse of wanting to talk with someone else, Tony escaped from the situation but not before clapping Thor on the shoulder and winking at him.

God, he loved the sneaky bastard and his fake innocent act.

"He really has the confused look down perfect, doesn't he?" a voice asked from his left and Tony snorted as he found a hand holding his elbow and guiding him to the farthest corner of the room.

"Yeah, well, it pays to be a God sometimes, I guess" Tony replied and saw Steve offer a small smile as response, "Speaking of confused, lemme ask you something Rogers, why exactly are you stuck here, when your girlfriend is also right here, in the same place? Shouldn't you two be using the rooftop for some beautiful view and kissy times?"

"Can it Stark or get ready to kiss your ass away," he heard Sharon's whisper over the comm before Steve could reprimand him, "Wilson's got a breadcrumb of some trail. I'm going with him to check it out. Steve, stay here with Tony for another five minutes and then meet us in the garden. Barton, eyes on Norman, something's fishy with the asshole. Natasha, check in on me. Carter out."

Tony raised an eyebrow to Steve who simply mirrored him and muttered his own "Roger that" into his comm.

"Is he always this way?" Steve asked after a beat and Tony frowned, "Osborne I mean. Is he always this creepy or is today something special?"

"He's a creep since eternity, Cap" Tony shook his head with a bitter smirk, "In fact, he's one of the few guys I think I have any competition with in assholery."

Steve frowned at that "You're nothing like him, Tony. Maybe you were before, but you wouldn't do that anymore. You've changed a lot and not in a bad way."

Tony cocked his head at that and regarded Steve seriously for a moment before he slipped back into his charismatic mask and chuckled.

"Nope, still an asshole here," the genius declared in mock-pride, "takes an asshole to handle others, Cappy."

"You handle these people because you have to," Steve pointed out and gazed around at the room of loud and elite people, "Not because you want to. There's a difference. Believe me, I know."

“You don’t get it, Elsa,” Tony shook his head and casually picked up a final flute of champagne from a passing waiter, “You need to have something special, something unnaturally amazing to handle these crackpots. It’s not something everyone has.” He shrugged a shoulder and lifted the flute in Steve’s direction before gulping the drink down.

There was a beat of silence when Tony focused on Steve's navy blue tuxedo sleeve, in an attempt to hide his bitterness that was surely reflecting in his eyes.

"God's gift to ballroom notoriety," Steve observed with a poker face and Tony choked on his champagne before giving Steve a hard stare. _Did he just make a balls reference?_

"You're a terror to humanity, Rogers," Tony commented after a minute, amused tone negating the seemingly harsh words and placing the glass down with a small grin.

"I try," Steve shrugged, "And our five minutes are up. Time to go now, Mr.Stark" Steve ordered in a droll voice before shepherding Tony out of the room, with Clint humming Big Balls in the comm.

They were just about to leave the room, one foot out of it, when the first string of shots were heard. Tony had just seconds to react before he felt a warm body fall over him and shield him from bullets that were fired his way.

"Steve! Fuck, Cap, get off me!" Tony yelled in panic and breathed in a relieved gulp when Steve got up, "What the fuck are you doing? When a bullet is fired, you duck and avoid it, not show yourself and take it!"

"Sorry, learnt from the best," Steve grunted with a shrug and Tony wanted to hit the man or chuckle but he was being pulled away by strong hands "Put on the suit, you got it, right?"

"Yeah, yeah I got it. Go handle the others," Tony pushed Steve away and reached into the cuff of his sleeve to press his emergency suit button. Steve grinned manically at that and Tony shooed him away again, spreading his arms, ready for the suit to attach itself. As Tony watched Steve run into the room again, he also felt the pieces of his familiar red armour fly in from behind and attach themselves to his body.

"JARVIS, you ready?" he asked when the faceplate got fitted.

"For you sir, always" the AI replied grimly and Tony grinned as he transformed into Iron Man once again.

\-------------------------

It was utter chaos and Steve was ready to just burn the entire place down. He could hear Bucky and Clint argue about the number of HYDRA soldiers forming by the minute, could see Sharon and Wanda take down mind-controlled men ruthlessly and could hear Natasha tell him that Bruce was on his way down there since he couldn't stay put off the field anymore.

"Falcon, any idea how they're multiplying?" he huffed as he jumped over a glazed eyed man who was firing at everyone like he had been trained for it all his life. Steve smashed his shield onto his head and bit down a curse at the next guy who took his place.

"All I'm seeing is tuxedo guys going stiff and then turning into freakin gymnastic assassins here, Captain" Sam replied as he fought two bodyguards of some celebrity, "This is some sort of freaky voodoo stuff here!"

"It's not magic, it's science" Wanda countered as she covered for Sharon before blasting off two men who were firing at her, "Something is common in all of them. Something they're wearing or maybe something they have in their body. This is science here guys, I know that."

"Yeah, then what does our science geek say?" Bucky grunted as he slammed into three men and punched through them, "Stark, what you got?"

"I don't have time for that here" Tony sing songed in a tensed voice as he took care of the men who were spreading onto the streets, "But right now, we need to get to the control center instead of finding the common factor." When Steve tried to argue with him, Tony switched off his comm.

He had understood the priority when the first twenty people turned into seventy within five minutes. Somebody was controlling them. Somebody was sending the command from somewhere. And the genius had a strong feeling that he was looking for his old redhead HYDRA friend. Tony ran the scans through Jarvis and waited impatiently for the confirmation.

“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon…aha, got you!” he muttered triumphantly under his breath and switched his comm back on.

“-you listening? Iron Man!”

“Cool the spandex, Cap,” Tony cut in, “I just found the shepherd. He’s in the fifth floor.”

Clint asked “What shepherd?” over the comm but Tony knew that Steve would get the meaning. He had explained the ‘sheep’ reference to the guy in detail.

There was radio silence for a minute and Tony wondered if Steve really didn’t get it. He looked down and saw the tense lines of Steve’s body. So he got it. Then why wasn’t he giving the –

Oh. _Oh._

“Your call, Cap,” Tony clarified with a small smile and eye roll hidden behind his face-plate. Stupid loyal boy scouts and their stupid promises to keep, he thought in slight fondness as he marvelled that Steve hadn’t broken ranks. This mission was Tony’s turn to lead according to their schedule. But Tony knew that Steve had a personal score to settle with Doctor Freakenstein.

“Bring him in and kill him later,” Steve bit out harshly through the comm, obviously controlling his rage and Tony gave him a two finger salute before soaring through the floors, Falcon right behind him.

"Alrighty Beak-O, let's get ET home" Tony mused as they rushed into the fifth floor, knowing that Vision would be joining them soon, if his work at the third floor was done.

It took Tony a few seconds to recognize the heat signature from the AV room. He sped u there, letting Wilson follow him, and burst open the door to an anti-climatic sight.

Doctor Faustus stood in the middle of the room, alone and without a weapon. Well, if you didn't consider the shining blue glowstick he had in hand a weapon, that is.

"Time to come back from the West, Witchy dear," Tony announced as he kept his repulsors armed and ready. Beside him, Sam was also ready with his weapons, silently glaring at the mammoth of a guy.

Faustus simply cocked his head and smiled a dead, cold grin at Tony. If he didn't know the temperature of the suit, Tony would say that he almost froze.

"Hello, Mr. Stark, Mr. Wilson," he said in a soft and lilting tone before turning to look out the window, "Isn't it a wonderful day today? So much peace. Such silence. Almost as beautiful as the first day of winter. Do you like winter, Mr. Stark?"

"Yeah, but not so much recently," Tony replied, keeping his nerves in check with mock-casual conversation, "One of my buddies has an allergy to the season you see. Something thanks to you guys, I think."

Faustus' grin widened at that and Tony felt Sam bristle next to him.

"The Winter Soldier, of course," he rubbed his beard fondly and had a faraway look in his eyes, "Brilliant work by Dr. Zola. One of our most prized creations. Surely you know the value of a prized creation, Mr. Stark. You are a creator yourself too, aren't you? Just like us, you too have a dream you wish to create into reality."

"I think you've got me confused with the guy with the most embarrassing mustache of all ages here," Tony quipped and shrugged vaguely, "Maybe you didn't get the news, what with being dead yourself for a long time. The guy's dead. And so is this kinky dream you're talking about."

"And so were you, weren't you Mr. Stark? Dead? But here you are again. Alive and strong," Faustus smiled like he knew something and Sam was a hair's breadth away from firing, "Quite alike me, indeed."

"Whatever makes you sleep at night, gorgeous," Tony offered before inching closer and commanding, "But right now, you're coming with us. It's time to take a break from this whole God syndrome vacation. So, chop chop, let's go."

"I would love to come along, Mr. Stark, I really would. I have always admired your suits and would love to look at them closer," the redhead maniac mused before tutting to himself, "But unfortunately, I cannot do so right now. So, terribly sorry Mr. Stark, but I'll have to end you now. Sorry."

Tony's repulsor and the blue energy light clashed in the middle and for a second before he was pushing Sam back with his other arm, and the genius thought that he heard Steve's yell in his ear for a second. One second of blinding brightness where Tony relived the explosion in the portal.

And then there was sweet darkness, lulling him into nothingness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of hurt/comfort coming up in the next chapter. Also, we'll be losing one of our villains too. All in all, I think we're on track. What are your views?


	22. Just A Little Too Tight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I've got about four fic gifts to write now and honestly, I'm way too excited about it!   
> This one's a bit angsty and hurt/comfort based. I wanted to explore a bit of feelings and friendship building before I moved forward into the next part of the plot a.k.a Red SKull.  
> So please let me know if it was a good idea?  
> Also, NO GAME in this chapter :D

A ringing sound is never a good sign to wake up to. It doesn’t matter if it is the mild ring of a doorbell, an annoying ring of the phone or an unnatural ringing in your ears. If you were prone to a life of the first two, then you might just be disgruntled and bitter. If you were prone to a life of the third, like Tony Stark, you would realize the true meaning of the words: Not again!

Blinking tired eyes that seemed to be stuck by glue, Tony risked a glance first to his left. If he found a hunched over Pepper or Rhodey there, then he was going to be screwed with dreadful paperwork, timely meals and regular ‘checking on’ calls to both. If nobody was there, then he was going to have to be prepared for some sort of maniac waiting to take some important part of him. Like his brain, for example or just his ideas.

There was nobody sitting on his right. He recognized the room then. The tinted bronze panelling on the wall was achingly familiar. It had been the only part of his room that he had designed. The rest had been Pepper.

So he was in his room. Without anybody sitting beside him. And a ringing sound in his ears.

“On your left” a bored voice announced and he wincingly turned to see Sam Wilson lounging on his favourite recliner.

“You’re supposed to be on the right” Tony tried to say but it came out as croaks so he shut his mouth and tried to swallow. Fortunately, Sam was smarter than him about the biology of a body used to insane alien attacks, and brought him ice chips without hinting. A couple of chips later, Tony found his voice again.

“You’re supposed to be on the right” he commented, wanting to make sure that the guy knew what he had croaked before.

“Yeah? Well, you’re supposed to stop dying” Sam shrugged before sitting back on the recliner, “By the way, who’s Jason Wilkes?”

Tony frowned and gave Sam his best arched-eyebrow.

“Nah, I was just going through this little autograph book you had in your medicine drawer, which dude, who does that? Anyway, this little black book had all mumbo jumbo about numbers and equations from different people. But this little page was dog-eared and it had the name Jason ‘Willie’ Wilkes. So..” Sam trailed and waved his hand vaguely.

Tony sat gaping at the man before his mouth snapped shut and he sighed “Don’t you military guys have some kind of code about not invading into people’s priva-oh okay fine!” the genius rolled his eyes at Sam’s disbelieving look, “Wilkes was the Bruce of the 40’s. He was the only sane guy around my dad, well, apart from Jarvis. And Peggy, but she was a woman. Jason Wilkes or Willie as I knew him, is one of the reasons Dad didn’t blow up or get melted. He was a cool guy, you know, like Bruce is now.”

“So he and your dad were like the Science Bros of the old times?” Sam clarified as he hid a smirk behind his fingers.

Tony shrugged in acceptance before his eyes softened briefly, just a second, at the book Sam was holding. And then the nostalgia was gone.

“You should throw that away. It’s ancient. Probably has germs of about six decades of so in it. What was it even doing there? Must have been Pepper. She and her damned addiction to nostalgia, it’s depressing is what it is. And why are we going through this now? What happened? Did we get Rudolph?” Tony asked seriously and Sam resisted the urge to shake his head at the bad joke.

“Faustus is dead.”

And just like that, Tony felt his ears ringing again. Though this time it was accompanied by a moment of dizziness too.

“-Tony? Dude, can you hear me?! Steve! Hey, guys!” Sam was not hovering over him but before Tony could tell him that it was a bad idea to call anyone, there was a pale and concerned face almost right next to his face.

“Oh for fuck’s sake – Thor?! Get off me buddy, you’re not exactly lightweight,” Tony groaned as he tried to push the overgrown puppy God off him. The muscle-mountain flashed a grin and moved off with a bounce in his step.

“I told you didn’t I, Captain! Idun’s Apples never fail! Tony could not die again,” Thor announced and grinned like the Cheshire cat.

Tony noticed Steve then but the Captain had frozen a bit, before his poker face came on. Standing to his right were Bruce, Clint, Wanda and hey T’Challa. But before he could make a comment about that, there were another set of footsteps heard and two other people rushed into the room.

Tony _knew_ that Pepper and Rhodey weren’t going to let him go this time.

“Everybody out” Steve commanded and Tony wanted to tell him that it was a stupid idea but Steve looked wrecked himself and he was using his unflinching voice, “You can hassle him later. Out, team. Come on.”

Surprisingly, nobody fought Steve on it. Maybe it wasn’t all that surprising, Tony thought to himself wryly, this was Steve Rogers, the kid from Brooklyn who apparently had threatened to beat up guys twice his size when he wanted.

Tony blinked at that thought. It was horrifyingly easy, how he had referred to Cap’s authority and strength as attributes of _Steve Rogers_ and not Captain America.

“Stay Rogers, Christ, it’s better if you stay,” Tony heard Rhodey bite out and looked up to see his best friend have a hunted look in his eyes, despite his calm exterior, “You can stay. You should stay.”

Tony wondered why he felt that emphasis was made on the _You_ of the sentence even though Rhodey’s tone didn’t seem to suggest any of that. But he could also not deny that he didn’t bother that Steve was here.

Maybe he could help Tony shield any emotional tsunami Pep and Rhodey were going to unleash.

“You’re talking aloud” Steve supplied helpfully and Tony actually looked at the guy for the first time since his awakening. And oh boy.

Tony didn’t know if he was the one who had nearly died or Steve. Because the good Cap looked like he was just missing a coffin. Did the magic cube turn Steve into a vampire? Was this how real vampires looked anyway? Stephanie Meyers could go screw herself then.

“Talking loud again, ass” Rhodey quipped before crashing on the bed beside him and holding Tony’s right shoulder in a vice grip, “I’m gonna tell you this one last time, Tones so listen to me straight. You. Cannot. Die. On. Me. Again. Are you listening? You get it? You just fucking can’t. You, stupidly heroic bastard that you are, cannot go around testing your nine lives theory anymore. I’m not gonna be able to sit around and catch you every time you try so I’m asking you to stop dying. Be Iron Man, be whoever who you want to be all you want. You wanna go after HYDRA, fuck I’ll bring in my bells and whistles too. But you ever stop breathing again and I’ll- _fuck Tones_ ”

There was one time, about 18 years ago, when Tony had last seen James Rhodes almost crumble and struggle to breathe. It had been when his elder brother had died in a thug accident. The vice like grip on Tony’s shoulder strengthened for a minute and Tony didn’t wince, because he couldn’t breathe through the fact that _he_ was causing this breakdown.

“You bled out in my arms last time, you bastard,” Rhodes breathed after a second and Tony saw Pepper take a step closer to place a hand on the soldier’s shoulder, “I can’t-Fuck, Tony, just stop dying on me will you? Just-please.”

“Rhodey..”, Tony blinked back his panic and started to offer a witty retort but Pepper seemed to know him better and cut in soft but firmly.

“I know that it wasn’t you fault and that you are alive, Tony, but you’re our family,” she said bluntly and Tony weakly protested only to be hushed by a look, “If you didn’t have Idun’s Apple juice or something in you, you would have died, _again_. And that is a risk in the job you do, I know that, but we still can’t let you do it to yourself. When you died the last time, James and I didn’t know how to move on. We almost didn’t move on. And now that you’re here, alive and back to being you, it scared us when we thought that we would lose you again. We’re not blaming you, it was HYDRA who did this, but still. Just-welcome back and try not to get blown up more than we can handle.”

That was Pepper’s version of ‘we love you’ and Tony grinned weakly. He patted Rhodey’s hand on his shoulder and clicked his tongue.

“Hey, does this mean you guys will finally move in here, you know, to actually just stay?” he teased and Rhodey cuffed his neck lightly before slapping his arm and getting up.

“Yeah, no thanks, and don’t go thinking I’m letting you off the hook for painting a red star on my suit’s ass,” Rhodey warned him lightly and Pepper raised an eyebrow but Tony just winked at her.

“You guys should talk, I’ll just go out and – ” Steve’s offer was cut off by Pepper.

“No, Steve, we’ll just be on our way now,” the redhead was giving Cap a mysterious look and Tony saw the blonde guy pull his unreadable Captain America mask, “You should probably get back to work. Analysing the whole situation and making forward plans. Take care, Tony, I mean it. And don’t worry about Norman. I’ll handle things. We’ll talk later, okay?

Tony nodded when he saw Pepper give him a small smile and the CEO smiled wider, ruffling Tony’s hair lightly before she signalled Rhodey and both of them left the room with goodbyes to Steve.

Which left Vampire Steve and Mummy Tony alone.

“You should really get a brain to mouth filter” Steve chuckled wryly and Tony blinked before shrugging.

“Hey, vampires look good. You should be complimented. At least that’s what Tumblr tells me. Must be Meyers’ fault. Not like you sparkle or something. Do you sparkle? I’ve never seen you shirtless in the sun. Have I?” Tony ranted and looked at Steve giving him a disbelieving look before he shook his head slowly.

“I don’t think so, but I don’t sparkle,” Steve acquiesced but his smile wasn’t reaching his eyes and that was making Tony’s hands itch, “Faustus is dead.”

“Yeah, Wilson told me,” Tony waved his hand before sitting up and noting that he wasn’t in all that pain anymore, “Steve?”

“Yes?”

“Why am I not dead?” Tony didn’t mince words and gave the Captain a hard look when he cringed, “No, don’t do that, we both know that I should have died with that force. If Red Riding Hood is dead, and Rhodey’s little impromptu opera is any indication, I should have been dead. And what’s this about Idun’s Apple and shit? Why’s that important?”

“I should maybe get Thor to come and – ” Steve tried to get up and go but Tony cut through swiftly.

“Don’t you dare, Steve” Tony warned, hating how his voice cracked but keeping his eyes trained on the other man, “You know what I’m asking here, you know what I want to know. Thor’s a God, he won’t get it. You wanted to be my friend, right? Friends do this. Don’t fucking run from me, Rogers.”

Steve froze and looked like a deer in the headlights, staring at Tony who was fast falling into his own world of panic.

“You survived because you have parts of Idun’s Apple strength in you,” Steve began softly, in a controlled voice, “When Thor and T’Challa injected the essence of the golden fruit, you were given the strength to heal and a stronger defence mechanism. When the energy of the cube hit you..”

Tony watched as Steve clenched his fists and actually breathed through his teeth like he was traumatized just by saying it. The sight was horrible, even heartbreaking maybe. But Tony knew that if he stopped the man now, he would never get the entire thing out.

“When the cube’s energy hit you,” Steve resumed after a pause, his eyes staring at his fists, “you died. No, I’m not kidding here Tony. Your heart stopped beating and your body was cold. Sam…Sam brought you down and we thought…Even Bruce roared but nothing happened. But Thor was determined. Said you would come back and that we needed to give you time. When Panther supported him, Bruce agreed and we got you here. I don’t know all the science behind the apple’s powers but Thor says that you’re partially invincible. Like –”

“Like a super-soldier” Tony breathed and Steve had to look up at that voice, had to answer Tony’s unbelieving stare and let the other man see Steve’s own tightly restrained anxiety.

Steve was a man who loved silence. It was a medicine for the maddened mind sometimes. A solace for the tired and a companion for the yearning. But today, right now, sitting in front of a man who had been told that his life was changed forever, that his body was not what he remembered, this silence was not the friend he wanted. He wished for Tony’s noise now – anything, any sound that would tell Steve that he was still Tony and he was actually alive.

“Does this mean I can jump off buildings and you won’t yell at me anymore?” Steve blinked and then observed Tony properly. He could see the sly smirk pasted on the face and the waggling eyebrows, but he looked further. The confused swirl in his brown eyes, the tense tendon on his neck, the tight crease of the sheet his hand was holding. The advice from Rhodey came flitting back and Steve knew his answer.

_Listen to him. To what he actually says._

“I’d always care when you’re on the field, Tony. You’re my friend. The care part comes with the package.” Steve smiled and saw Tony blink in return before a small but genuine smile replaced the smirk.

“You should not be allowed to say words like ‘package’, you know?” Tony said and Steve heard _thanks_.

“Well, if I have to deliver a package to someone, what do I say then?” Steve asked innocently and Tony heard _anytime_.

“You don’t say it, you just go and give the damn package,” Tony shot back, stifling a laugh. Steve was sure he heard _you’re a troll but you told me the truth so you’re okay too_.

“Alright. I’ll just… give people the package directly from now on,” Steve agreed and waited till Tony nodded before scoring his last shot, “right in their hands.”

Tony choked on his breath and saliva before glaring at Steve who only shrugged but winked horribly and that set Tony off. The howling and barks of laughter could probably be heard in the farthest of the Tower but the occupants of the room were simply not bothered enough about it to stop.

“Seems like they’re okay” Sam observed from outside, sitting next to Bruce on the floor.

“Yeah, seems like they are,” Bruce replied and offered the other guy a smile, “You’re sure you’re okay, right? We did checks and scans but if you’re feeling even a little bit – ”

“I’m fine, Banner” Sam rolled his eyes at the ridiculously shy but over-protective doctor, “Tony didn’t let me stay in the room when it happened. Guy packs a wallop in his push, d’ya know that? He completely faced the psycho on his own. I almost kinda want to hit him for that, for being all..all – ”

“All Tony?” Bruce prompted and got a huffed laugh from Sam in return, “Yeah, he does that a lot. Actually, I think all of us do that a lot. Thinking about the others and being weird about it. Sometimes I think we need to start thinking about ourselves first. Try to be selfish but you know, not in a _selfish_ kind of way.”

“Like making friends for yourself and not for the team” The voice came from the right and Bruce saw Natasha wheel her way towards them with a soft smile that he had come to relate, was meant for him. The thought terrified Bruce, made him want to run away again. But whenever he thought about acting on that thought, he found himself delaying it to a later date.

“Damn right” Sam muttered and Natasha snorted at him with a grin, “No seriously, if I hear one more person tell me that the Avengers should play nice for team-effort, I’m gonna blow something up. If we want to be friends, it’s supposed to be for us, right? No matter what others think, what _people_ think, if you wanna be friends, you be friends. Can’t things stay that simple?”

“We’re superheroes Sam, things aren’t simple for us in any manner,” Bruce laughed but raised a hand to be placating, “But you’re right about the friends part. We should be friends because we want to. Should be together because we like being together.”

“Exactly” Natasha agreed quietly and Bruce looked up to see a pained but fond expression in startling green eyes. Bruce had long since forgotten what it felt like to see someone have that fond expression for him, _despite_ him, and knowing that Natasha – a woman who had seen him at his worst and stood through it too – was looking at him fondly? It was doing things to his heart that he didn’t know to handle. Because desire, lust and passion he could handle. He had seen that in people. But fondness? That was something reserved for people who were lovable and endearing. Bruce felt the monster inside him pause raging for that minute, like it was appeased by a morsel of some medicine.

The doctor nodded softly at her, not trusting his voice. Sam seemed to sense something off but didn’t react immaturely, simply remaining silent in the moment.

“You’re good people, Bann-Bruce,” Sam said after a minute and the doctor cleared his throat, “I think-I think we all are. We just need to accept that at some point of time, whenever that comes.”

Bruce nodded and rested his head back against the wall.

“We also have one enemy less, so maybe we’ll get more time to think about it,” Natasha mused and Sam chuckled, saluting her with two fingers.

“Yeah, maybe this time we’ll actually catch dinner before somebody works voodoo on someone or somebody starts a screaming match,” Sam offered with a cheers gesture.

“Or somebody runs off to get squashed under a building” Natasha commented with her own cheers sign.

“Or we have a gala where Thor explains lavatory cleanliness” Bruce pitched in with a serious look. Sam and Natasha looked at each other for a minute before breaking out into laughs of their own. Soon, Bruce joined in with his own quiet giggles and it somehow turned into a laughing party.

When Steve and Tony poked their heads out of the room and Steve hissed “What’s all this hullaballoo?”, Sam simply whispered “Loo!” and that got them cracking again.

In the end, when all of them left for their own rooms or work, Bruce felt lighter than ever and was smiling to himself when he realized that Sam had left a small black book on the floor.

Picking it up, he noticed that there was a pencil inside and flipped to the page it was one to read the name Jason Wilkes below a line that made him smile.

_It’s always okay to be you. And being ‘okay’ is sometimes better than perfect._

Above it, there was a small piece of paper clipped that read in Tony’s handwriting: The Bruce to dad’s Tony.

Yep, he thought to himself with a soft smile, it was good to have friends after all.

\-----------------------------

Tony got out of the bed-rest order as soon as he convinced Bruce that he was more than fine. And as soon as he got out of bed, he went down to the workshop and shut himself in.

He felt fine, physically he did. But his mind, his biggest part of existence, it was fast spiraling down and clashing against every thought available. 

_Invincible. Apple. Dead. Faustus. Dead._

Words that he tried hard to suppress, hard to tear out and throw away, the same words were clawing their way into his brain and shutting him out. He hated magic. Fucking unnatural things. But the very same magic he hated had saved his life. Twice.

He owed his life to magic.

The panic and frustration was clawing up his throat, making his skin numb wherever it touched. He could feel his body crave something, anything to remind him that he was human. That he was normal. That he could bleed.

"JARVIS, Code Constrictor" he gasped and peeled off his shirt with fumbling hands.

"Sir, I do not think - " the AI began cautiously, only to be cut off by a keening sound from Tony.

"Fuck, JARVIS, don't think! Please, please..I need..Code Constrictor, you bastard!" There was the anger he wanted.

"Sir, maybe I should call - "

"Code Constrictor or I'm overriding you, J" Tony warned and knew that his AI could calculate the amount of damage Tony would do to himself if JARVIS wasn't even on to keep an eye on him.

The AI wasn't human but he didn't have anybody other than Tony to call...family. Going against every code that projected him to not do it, JARVIS activated Mark XIX and hoped for a miracle.

Unfortunately, miracles did not occur for artifical intelligences. Even if they were only one shade shy of being human.

 

When Steve saw Tony go into his workshop with an easy grin, he finally felt his facade crumble. The shivers started and he had to rush to his old room, that thankfully still opened to his old codes, and shut himself in. 

He could feel Tony's beatless heart under his fingers. He could hear the comm crackling and Tony's voice ending over it. He could see himself tell Tony to catch Faustus first and kill him later.

 _Your call, Cap_.

It had been his call. It wasn't even  **supposed** to be his call. But Tony had told him to take it. He had given Steve a chance to deal with things.

And Steve had made the wrong call. A call that had killed Tony again. Tony had died because of him, for the second time. Steve had screwed up again. First Bucky, then Tony, then Tony again.

He felt the ice again, starting from his navel and blooming upwards slowly. The frost was slowly inching towards his heart, towards his lungs. There was too much room and too less air. He needed to feel again. He needed to go under again.

This time the routine came more easily. The bathroom here was more private, no one would hear him. No one would be disturbed. So he began.

When he pulled his face down, into the bathtub, he kept his eyes open. No use shutting them. He could still see the same things, even with his eyes shut. So he let the water fill his eyes, itch against his whites and prickle against his retina.

The water was his oldest friend, the only friend who would listen to his silence. He let it fill him, fill his ears till the thoughts were muffled instead of sharp. He devoured the numbness seeping into him. There were no clock ticks, no timers to keep him in check. There was just Steve repenting for another screw up.

Maybe it was because of his numbness that he didn't hear the frantic calls in a British voice after a few minutes. Maybe the thoughts were why he didn't realize that there was somebody above him who would still be watching.

 

Tony swore as his feet slipped a bit on the floor.  _Fuck_ , he swore in his head and ran on. His wrists and torso were still sore and his body was probably hurting a million ways, but his brain was on full-on active mode.

Fucking Steve Grant Rogers.

He didn't bother calling out the codes to Steve's room since JARVIS was opening things for him as and when he reached them now. Tony skidded into the room and frantically looked around.

"Steve?! Rogers, where the fuck are you?! STEVE!" his eyes were wide-blown and panicked but then he forced himself to think and looked towards the bathroom.  _Fuck_ , he swore again, for the millionth time since he ran out of the workshop.

"Steve? Steve...oh fuck no" Tony almost hit the wall when he rushed into the bathroom, propriety be damned, and saw the sight in front of him. Fucking hell, he thought viciously and rushed forward to pull Steve out from the bathtub. At the last moment, right before his hand clutched Steve's, he stopped and jerked back.

If he pulled Steve out now, there was a very good reason for the soldier to react horribly and hurt both of them.

His eyes snapped to the bathtub and he had another idea.

In minutes, which were longer than anything Tony had borne, the water drained from the bathtub and Steve stuck to the bottom of it, wet clothes and body clinging to each other.

"Steve? Steve, come on! J, get Br- fuck no, Bruce would not be able to..fuck, Rogers, get up! Wake up for me here," Tony pulled Steve out of the tub gently, wincing as his arms hurt like hell at the pressure, "Steve? Fuck...Soldier! Wake up!"

The barked command seemed to do some trick and closed eyes flashed open to reveal blue orbs tinged with red. Tony didn't know how much he appreciated blue till he saw them and decided that he never wanted to see them in this situation again.

"Steve? Steve, hey there buddy, it's me, it's Tony. I got you, alright? Just, sit up for me, alright buddy?" Tony didn't do calm, he never learnt how. But the thought of what could have happened seemed to teach him a thing or two. Steve was clearly still not completely awake and was dazedly blinking at Tony.

"It's okay, it's fine, we're okay," Tony babbled on and made a quick decision before stepping into the tub himself and pulling Steve up against him, Steve's back to his chest, "I know buddy, I know. It's good, alright? We're good."

Steve seemed to be slowly coming back from wherever he had gone and took a shuddering breath, "To-Tony..."

"Yeah bud, it's me, don't worry, we'll just sit here, alright?" Tony kept his hands on Steve's arms and rubbed them rhythmically, up till the shoulders and down to the wrists, "No hurry, just sit here with me, alright?"

Steve seemed to struggle against Tony's grip though, "No..no..was wrong...bad call...bad leader.."

Tony was going to have some strong memories of this later but he focused on the babbling mess in his arms at the moment.

"It's alright, Steve, we're all fine. We will be better after this but we're all good here Steve. You're fine, I'm fine, everybody's fine. I got you buddy, it's okay."

"Bad call...you died.." Steve mumbled on and Tony cursed silently before making up his mind.

"Steve!" he called out sharply, though his hands continued to rub the man's arms. The sharp name seemed to snap Steve out of his daze and he looked down and around with horrified eyes.

"No! Oh God, this..you...you saw..I'm sorry, Tony..I didn't...shit" Steve struggled for real this time but Tony simply put his head forward and rested it on the blonde guy's head firmly.

"Nope, we're gonna sit here for a while. Both of us. C'mon buddy, let's just sit, alright? I wanna sit, sit with me, won't you? Just a few more minutes" Tony muttered and felt Steve tense for a minute before relaxing a bit but not leaning back into Tony. The genius was fine with that as long as they were sitting. 

After a few more minutes of silent sitting, Steve breathed out and Tony actually felt the remaining tension seep out with that breath. He didn't stop rubbing Steve's arms though, noting that they were still cold and experienced a shiver between minutes.

"We should get up now" Steve said softly after a while and Tony did nothing but nod against the back of Steve's head. But he gently pressed Steve down when the man started to get up, and got up himself. Walking to the cabinet in the bathroom, he pulled out two large towels and padded back to the bathtub. He hesitated then, wondering if he should just offer it or leave it there. But when he noted Steve staring at him, open and vulnerable, he surprised himself by softly draping one towel around the big guy.

"Hold it tight," he instructed gently and saw Steve blink before nodding and clutching the towel closer. Tony draped the other towel around himself, in a show of solidarity and an attempt to equalize things in the bathroom.

They sat there, Tony before Steve, both wrapped in bog fluffy white towels. A few more breaths later, Steve took a deep breath and wiped his face.

"I'm sorry" he whispered and Tony had to actually bite his tongue to let the man continue.

Which he didn't for another few minutes but Tony waited. When Steve opened his mouth again, Tony praised the virtue of patience and decided to try it more often.

"I'm broken" Steve exhaled finally, "I can't-I'm not strong enough. When I screw up, I need this. I don't know what's wrong with me but I need - I can't fix it. Don't know how."

Tony Stark was never a man who shared secrets, even if you tried to pry it out of him with a wrench and lever. He didn't do that, sharing things. He liked being selfish about them. About his pain, his miseries, his past and problems. He liked keeping them to himself. Maybe it was because he didn't think there was anybody who was as damaged as him. No one as twisted as his demons to understand him.

No one as broken as him. 

And here was the man, the idol of his life, bared and open in a way that was so much more than just skin or show. Here was Captain America, scratch that, Steve Rogers, broken and shattered in a manner that mirrored Tony.

Somehow, this was the moment Tony really looked up to Steve. Broken men had that code in them, to recognize when one of their brethren strived to be a better man with the broken pieces in him. This was the moment that Tony finally accepted that Steve was just another coin like him. Just another life that had a head and a tail side to him.

This was the moment he finally felt free.

"Code Constrictor," Tony began on a choke before clearing his throat and continuing, "I have a suit, Mark XIV who I use to, well, hurt myself. When I can't take all the perfection and good things happening to me because of some screwed up reason? I employ the Code Constrictor. That's where I was, before I came here. In the workshop. I was getting my ass kicked, voluntarily, by one of my suits."

Steve looked up and let his eyes roam over Tony's face. Tony seemed to hesitate a minute before he let his towel drop and painfully opened his unbuttoned shirt wider, to show the cuts and bruises. And the blood. Tony saw Steve's eyes widen at that, panicking a moment before they seemed to soften and meet Tony's eyes.

It was the understanding look between two broken men. Two men who lived dual lives. Men who didn't know a way to release their pain and resorted to things they were afraid of telling the world about. 

It was like finding home in a wasteland.

"I'm sorry" Steve said again but this time Tony could see that he meant it for both of them.

"Yeah, me too" he answered with a nod. 

When they finally decided to go back to the bedroom, Tony told Steve to go first. He told him to change out of the wet clothes and find drier ones. Steve hesitated till Tony gestured to his own blood stained body and told him that he'd be back in a few minutes.

The experience of cleaning himself up in Steve's bathroom was surreal for Tony. Surreal but grounding. A reality check that Steve Rogers was just another guy who bled and stood back up.

When he came out of the bathroom, shirt soiled but thankfully part dry, he found Steve sitting on the bed in an old Dodgers sweatshirt and trackpants. He should have left, could have just gone out and let him be, but there was some wall broken between them now. Something had happened that demanded that Tony sit on the bed too.

Maybe the bed was an asylum for damaged superheroes with broken lives.

"I don't like the water" Steve spoke first and Tony didn't look at him but remained silent, "It doesn't-it doesn't help much."

"Yeah, well, water is pretty lame," Tony agreed before grinning softly, "I mean, it just sits there and does nothing. Useless, lazy thing."

Steve chuckled at that and nodded.

"I like sparring though" Steve continued after a beat "But not to train. Just sparring. Letting off steam."

Tony was not a genius for nothing. He could see where this conversation was leading. A week or so back, he would have shot out of the bed and rambled about going somewhere.

Right now, the idea seemed...less bad.

"I could spar with the suit on," Tony replied and breathed before adding, "Instead of standing in bondage like porn or shit."

This time Steve's grin was soft, obviously having ignored the porn bit.

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Next time, stick to the damn schedule."

Tony looked at Steve and saw him look serious but with a hint of softness in his eyes.

"Okay, Steve" he relented and nudged the supersoldier's shoulder.

An hour later, when Bruce came searching for Steve in his room to ask if he saw Tony, he was surprised to see Steve and Tony sleeping on the bed, on either ends of it, but still sleeping peacefully. 

That was the first time Bruce was actually okay with letting Tony skip his meal and went to eat alone before he stopped by Natasha's floor.

Holding the lunch firmly in his hand, he walked towards her room, thinking that maybe, he didn't need to have lunch alone after all.

When JARVIS saw Bruce enter Natasha's room, the AI felt his codes lull back to normalcy.

Things weren't great, but for the AI, 'okay' was good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it good? Okay? Not bad? Feedback is like ambrosia! <3


	23. Endurance Is For The Educated Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys. Had an emergency at home and couldn't find time to update. Hope the chapter isn't too disappointing. Will buck up and update faster from today :D

 Sharon breathed in and out for the hundredth time. It wasn't like regular breathing, this yoga she was practicing. It was like the slow motion video of her own body. She could feel everything. See her thoughts. Know the minute her stress began to unfurl and seep out her pores.

"Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt. It is so big."

And then there was this. Sharon grunted through an exhalation and kept her eyes closed.  _Not. Again._

"She looks like one of those rap guys' girlfriends. But, you know, who understands those rap guys?"

_Don't kill Stark. Don't kill Stark. Don't kill..._

"Are you going to pick that?" Sharon opened her eyes at the voice and saw Steve smiling down at her softly, while gesturing towards her cellphone.

"Not done yet" Sharon murmured through closed lips and eyed the cellphone beside her with distaste "It's just Stark. Can't pick up now."

"Mmmhmm" Steve replied doubtfully and grinned wider when the ringing continued more aggressively as if in revenge, "The best idea is to put it on silent."

Sharon harrumphed at that but finally picked up the offending item and growled into it.

"This better be good, asshole"

Steve didn't comment on the change of her expression from irritated to confused to annoyed and then something vaguely amused. When he saw her roll her eyes with a smile on her lips, he grinned too.

"Yeah, yeah, okay..no, no, don't! Bloody he-Tony, don't even start that!" Sharon snapped at something, though she looked up at Steve and rolled her eyes as if in shared misery, "No, it's not a good idea to do that. No, no matter  **what** the estimates are. Wait, what does-that doesn't even make sense, ironbutt! Yes, it's a nice one and no, it's not allowed. Tony. No. Okay. We'll talk later. Yes, yes, I'll not leave.Okay. Oh shut up, you idiot."

Sharon flipped the phone off and Steve wondered about the fond yet exasperated look on her face. The last time he had seen this kind of a normal expression on her face, she had been controlled by Faustus. After that, when she had come out of it, she had plunged straight into Avenger work. 

Steve had hardly seen her out of the field. He winced internally and heard a voice that sounded uncannily like Natasha asking him whose fault that was. And now, seeing Sharon talk to  _Tony_ so freely, out of everyone, he felt a little... small.

"I'm sorry" the words rushed out of his mouth before he could think a better alternative and Steve saw Sharon tense, "I shouldn't have just abandoned you after.. _after_. At first I thought that it was just some space we both needed and that we'll straighten things over, but now I see how childish that was. What happened was just not right. I should have tried to talk, should have approached you instead of just waiting for something. I-I'm sorry, Sharon, I really am."

The blonde woman fiddled with her phone for a minute, silent and still tensed, but not bolting yet. Then she breathed out deeply and her shoulders relaxed infinitesimally.

"I actually waited for this moment you know?" she began in something just above a whisper before her voice grew stronger, "Some part of the whole growing up with a Captain America fan side in me wanted to have this moment, where you'd come and do some grand gesture. Or apologize and then-I don't know, we'll have some Disney moment I guess?"

Sharon chuckled at that and Steve smiled too. Both the grins were bitter but accepted.

"But I don't actually want that," Sharon looked up and shrugged casually, "Yes, I know, strange that somebody doesn't want Captain America -"

"It's not strange. It's perfectly normal. Nobody would -"

"It was a joke, Steve" Sharon cut back in with a harsh look but then softened and smiled, "See? This? This is what I meant. It's not your fault Steve. It's not my fault too. What happened and how we took it, we wouldn't be normal if we didn't screw up. And you can't be the bigger man all the time. You panicked, you had every right to. I didn't like it, but you don't have to do things because people like it.  You're your own person, you know?"

Steve nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"But you were my friend" he stressed with a shake of his head "You are my friend."

Sharon grimaced a bit. 

"Yeah, the next time you break up with a girl, don't start off with that" she said with an exaggerated wince and rolled her eyes when Steve looked a bit ashamed, "Don't do the whole kicked puppy look too."

"I'm not trying to break up with you" Steve retorted mullishly and Sharon narrowed her eyes analytically.

"Yeah? I wish you were." she muttered under her breath before clearing her throat "I really don't want to be the girl who broke Captain America's heart, so I'm just going to make things easier for both of us here. Do you love me?"

Steve could feel the automatic response of 'Of course I do' trying to fall out his mouth but Sharon had him under a hard look and he reconsidered his answer to something more honest.

"I don't not love you" he offered after thinking and watched Sharon raise an eyebrow, "I still like you."

The  _but_ was clear even without voicing it out loud.

"Well, I don't not love you too" Sharon replied with a teasing smirk, "And I still like you. But that's all there is. It's not love. Not the kind expected out of us."

Steve didn't say anything but gave a slow nod.

"Why did you love me before?"

The question made Steve startle as a million flimsy reasons came to mind.  _You're brave, you're beautiful, you're someone I could respect always_. They were excellent reasons. But were they  _his_ reasons?

"You're my friend" Steve began, clearing his throat and rubbing his neck for a minute before continuing, "I don't have a lot of friends. I do like a lot of people but I don't have a lot of  _friends_. You became friends with Steve Rogers and not just Captain America. You're honest with me and you understand me. You made me feel comfortable and well...you were a...you are a..."

"Beautiful woman?" Sharon completed the sentence with an amused knowing smile that turned into a chuckle when Steve shrugged sheepishly, "Steve, I'm not going to rant at you for appreciating my beauty, you know? I know I'm beautiful, I take care of myself. Getting credit for that is a good thing." The teasing made Steve relax a bit and nod. Sharon was glad for that before letting her face turn serious.

"I'm always going to be your friend, Steve. Always. Because I know you. The guy behind the cowl. And because I know you, I can say this honestly. I don't need you, Steve," Sharon didn't mince words but kept a soft tone and a soft smile, "and this isn't some sort of blatant rejection or shtick. It's just a fact I realized over the period of the mess that's been the past few weeks. You're a great guy and one of the best friends anybody can ask for. But when it comes to more than that, to a relationship, you're not what I'm looking for. And somehow I have a feeling that I'm not what you're looking for as well. I'm your friend, your teammate, your support. You're the same to me. But Steve, we're bullheaded, both of us. We make the worst decisions sometimes and during that time, we need people to pull us back and talk tough, not walk along with us. Me and you, we're too similar in that way. It's easy for us to fall into a pattern, be idealistic and try to make the world perfect. But if this whole thing has taught us something, it's that you can't make somebody or something perfect. It's the imperfections that make the world tick, that keep things going till tomorrow. I need someone who can fit into my imperfections. Somebody I don't feel guilty pushing back about. Somebody who can be the south pole to my north, so that my world spins in balance. I just need someone -"

"Different" Steve supplied and Sharon looked at him with misty eyes and a tight smile, so Steve closed the gap and carefully hugged her.

"I'm sorry" Sharon mumbled against his shirt and Steve sighed but nodded.

"Me too, Sharon. Me too. But I understand what you're saying. And I think-I think I agree."

Sharon pulled back a bit to look more carefully and saw Steve look at her with serious but understanding eyes.

"I do agree. And I'm glad that we could talk this out" Steve smiled and found a returned small smile, "Because I'm still going to be around, you know? And maybe I'll give the lucky guy some good shovel talk when it comes to it."

Sharon rolled her eyes and surreptitiously swiped at her eyes but nodded.

"Or girl" she said and Steve looked confused for a second, " You said lucky guy. It could also be a girl."

"Uhm" Steve looked unsure for a second and huffed when Sharon raised an eyebrow, "Congratulations?"

The blonde agent simply shook her head with a sigh but patted Steve on the shoulder.

Steve grinned at that and felt the uncomfortable ice between them melt in that moment.

Getting back your friend always made a person feel better.

\----------------------------------

"You're kidding me" Tony stated, no informed would be a better word, "I'm telling you right away that you're kidding me."

"Isn't it supposed to work the question way?" Maria replied deadpanned as she put yet another binder in front of Tony. A binder of pages. Paper. He felt like neolithic.

"It's supposed to work the ' _this is insane and let's not go trouble the already troubled kids with unnecessary nonsense'_ way but apparently you don't think so," Tony countered and eyed the binders with plain disgust, "And you obviously made the right choice by coming to me with the insane idea. Because I am so going to let this happen."

Sarcasm was not a lost art, judging by the irritated look in Hill's eyes when she glared at him. But Tony hadn't been an asshole, a handsome one at that, for 40 years of his life for nothing. He simply winked and gave her a cheesy grin.

"Stark"

"Hill"

" _Tony_ "

" _Mariaaa_ "

"Tony"

"Pepper?"

 Okay, so he hadn't expected Pepper to come in and if the sunlight through the window was any indication, it was slight today and not tomorrow because night hadn't passed yet and Pepper had told him she'll come in  _tomorrow_.

"You said tomorrow" he greeted his CEO but it must have come out as an accusation because he was ignored in favor of a gracious smile directed at Lady Ivan, the Terribler. 

"Hello, Maria" Pepper greeted before seating herself next to Tony with a pointed flounce. Tony glared at Pepper's seated ass. He knew what it meant and he really didn't want to leave this meeting right now.

"Hello, Pepper" Hill smiled wanly and cut a dirty look Tony's way before being the picture of professional poise. 

There was a stretch of silence where neither woman spoke and Tony heard the not-so-subtle message clearly.

"This will not happen" he declared to Pepper with a vicious glare at Hill, "You hear me, right, Pep? Whatever it takes, this is not happening. I will personally give everybody -"

"A break, you will give everybody a break, isn't that right Tony?" Pepper cut in sharply, all shark teeth smile and the  _I will handle this_ look in her eyes.

Tony doesn't go to his room or the workshop. He instead goes to the gym and makes one call.

"You called" Steve greeted as he entered the gym wearing his usual white tee and grey sweatpants.

"You and I are getting benched from the Avengers" Tony replied before turning around and crossing his arms. He was NOT going to tell the guy that only Captain America was benched because there was no way in hell he was going to let that happen.

Steve stilled and flushed a beautiful furious red before he seemed to deflate.

"Sharon and I broke up" he offered and Tony didn't hide his wince fast enough.

"Man, the universe must not like you enough today" he said and Steve shrugged one shoulder but went over to grab himself a pair of gloves.

"Hasn't liked me for a long time maybe" Steve mumbled under his breath and Tony shot him a look but didn't comment on it. "Why're we getting benched?" Steve asked instead, strangely accepting of the fact that he was getting benched.

"Gala" Tony grunts like it's an explanation of any sorts. Steve's exasperated sigh tells him that it isn't though so he explains better. "Gala, Steve. The one with the Cube, Faustus, me dying, you..well, you not doing anything really" Tony meant it to be a tease but looking at Steve's hard look, he retraced his steps, "Okay, you know I didn't mean that. Aren't we on the joking stage? I know we're on the-"

"I'm not angry with you, Tony" Steve cuts him off with a deep breath and an amused half-smile before it slid off and a frown took its place, "I'm not angry. I'm just-we got Faustus and they want us off the team? You  _died_ and they want you off the ..they don't really want you off the team, do they?" Steve observed when he noticed Tony look away at his own mention.

"Yeah well, Hill can be very vague about certain things and my name was mentioned, I distinctly remember it-"

"Tony..." Only Steve could make a name sound like a plea, command and swear word all together. Tony has a good mind to store Steve's voice and make it a new missile for his suit.

"Steve..." See? Tony cannot do the same thing with his voice. Steve's mouth flattened and he continued staring at Tony with his unflinching eyes.

"I quit, remember? So technically, apparently, stupidly, I was a civilian when it happened" Tony laughed bitterly at the words even as he said it, "And the imbeciles of Congress are just-fuck it Steve, we'll get it back on track, alright?"

Surprisingly, Steve let it go and simply got into the ring and waited till Tony joined him. Tony was thankful for that, graciously listing out praises for the mature mind of the people from 1940's and predicting the next moves from Steve, even as he tried to avoid super-soldier punches, when he realized his folly. Wasn't the first rule of knowing Steve Rogers simple? Do not underestimate the blonde bastard.

"So, let's hear it, shall we?" Steve commented calmly as he kept Tony immobile, head between his knees and torso between his calves. 

"I take it back! Hill, take him away!" Tony yelled to the ceiling, which was obnoxiously just a couple of inches above Steve's grey sweatpant's V, "Get OFF me, you neanderthal! You're a fucking truck, Rogers! Stop crushing me!"

"Sorry" Steve said with a small sheepish look before sobering up and pinning Tony down harder, "But if you don't tell me now, you're not going to tell me ever and then you'll go behind me to try and 'fix this' but end up putting yourself in trouble. Along with me, of course" Tony glared but Steve carried on unfazed "So let's start from the beginning. Why is Hill here?"

"Go ask her yourself, asshole!" Tony tried to growl but he was too busy trying to wriggle out from between the tree trunks that Steve called thighs.

"I could, but since you're here..." Steve left the ending open and Tony could see how much of his own brand of shit had rubbed off on Steve. Or maybe the old goody-two shoes was a little shit by himself. The thought made Tony want to grin but right now, he just wanted to punch the daylights out of the guy.

"Fuck you"

"Not today, honey" Steve replied casually and Tony choked on an unexpected burst of laughter at the sassy ass that was Steve Rogers, "Seriously Tony, whatever it is, I'm going to find out sooner or later. So please, just tell me now. Why is Hill here?"

Tony swore a pretty litany of curses and grunted into Steve's left knee "Fine. Move."

It was a testament of what a double-personality Steve was that he moved instantly, not bothering to recheck if Tony would stay and talk. Tony jumped up to his feet and did what his hands had been itching to do.

He punched Steve in the shoulder. Hard.

Apparently Steve was either not prepared or didn't care. He simply winced a bit and nodded, not even rubbing at the shoulder.

"You should know that I'm going to repulsor your ass for this one day. On the field. In front of everyone." Tony warned as he got back his bearings and accepted the water bottle from a not-so-apologetic looking Steve. 

Steve doesn't protest or approve. He was always dubious like that, the sneaky man-tower. But he also doesn't give him his trademark Disapproving Stare so Tony considers that a plus. Also, Tony has somewhere along the past weeks stopped seeing Steve as Captain America, pinnacle of human perfection. Which makes Tony like him more than before. He feels comfortable when he is weird like that.

"After the war and Doom, we didn't exactly tell the new SHIELD about the Cube" Tony huffed, drawing air quotes on the word 'tell', "So when a mysterious Doctor began blasting his way through a gala with about half the elite crop of the Congress' benefactors, people got pissed. Apparently, they have some sort of declaration from you about giving up being an Avenger during the war, which I'm amazed they even thought of as a viable fairytale, because honestly, did they really expect us to believe that? Anyway, they got some sneak to tattle on you leading the team, again hello, wrong there, but they think so and are hilariously threatening to put all of us behind bars if you aren't left off the team. Again, not going to happen, because Pepper is handling Hill right now and why are you looking at me like that?"

Steve had gone deathly pale before clenching up and grinding his teeth, staring at Tony with a horrified determination.

"It's true" he said and Tony blinked because he was having serious trouble figuring out this sudden stony Steve look.

"Okay, I'm glad. But what is 'it'?" Tony asked carefully, going over what he had said in his head.

The blonde man's fingers were digging into his palms with the sheer force of his clenched fist. Tony saw his physically straighten before breathing in and muttering the words.

"The declaration" Steve said and Tony felt his mind go blank before a horrible beeping sound replaced it in his head. The kind that goes off before a terrible tragedy or Natasha's punches.

There are moments in life when you should absolutely keep your mouth shut and let disaster think you are invisible. You shouldn't breathe, shouldn't think loud, shouldn't make any hand signals to attract it. If possible, you should try to close your eyes and not even look at it. Because disasters can detect interest in their targets, like they were magnets and the targets iron. It wasn't an irony lost on Tony that he was actually called Iron Man. Which meant he was a walking target for disaster magnets. So logically, he should have shut up and not asked the inevitable question.

"Steve, what did you do?" Oh hey, see how Tony obediently shut his mouth...not.

It was strange, being in a situation where the roles are reversed between the troublemaker and the troubleshooter. Steve had always been the one who had asked that question. Before the war, before Ultron, during Loki. Ever since they had met, Steve had always been the one with this question and Tony the one with the running away from answering. It was strange to be in the opposite side. It was like the universe had decided to flip the coin finally and equalize the equation. Maybe the universe did hate him. Or maybe he needed this equalization more often in his life, even if just to erase the discomfort of handling it.

"Steve?" This time the question is less like an upset parent and more a worried friend. It does a lot to make Steve relax. And he understands painfully how many times he has been the 'upset parent' to Tony. But not right now. Right now, Tony was looking at him with concern and worry not-so-well hidden between his eyes. This time Tony was waiting, using patience, his least favourite virtue in the world.

So Steve let the dam break. 

He kept his eyes focused an inch above Tony's forehead and began speaking. He told him about the shady deal he had made with Senator Reeseboard. He told him about the idea of him taking the entire blame for the anti-Accords side in exchange for the others being let free. He told him about the part where he had signed off from the Avengers, though it had been a small clause in a mountain of other clauses. He told him about the fear and frustration that fueled him to do it. Steve told Tony everything. It was like he was physically throwing all the secret books of his mind-library into the fire. He just told. And Tony took it all.

At the end of his rant, Steve was positive that he had earned the not yet disappeared distrust of Tony Stark. They had gone through hell and back just because of secrets kept from each other. They had fucked each other over, torn everything apart because of secrets. And here it was again, back to square one. Admittedly, Steve had truly forgotten about this one. Somewhere behind the whole Tony's death, Cube, Sharon and Red Skull mania, he had actually forgotten what he had done before the war had ended. It was a testament of how grossly people overestimated Captain America's perfection.

Steve didn't bat an eye when Tony's gloves went flying past his left ear and hit the wall behind them with a thud. He would have probably been more concerned if there hadn't been any kind of throwing. 

"FUCK!" Tony spat and Steve finally looked at the man properly. The genius was clutching his head with his hands and pacing around in the ring like a caged lion. 

"I'm sorry" Steve said softly, not knowing what it was worth anyway.

"Should be sorry!" Tony snarled and Steve had to physically rein in himself from flinching. He must not have done a good job obviously because Tony's face contorted and he stepped forward hurriedly.

"Fuck Rogers, you think- I'm not mad at you, you self-sacrificing martyr!" Tony flailed his hands wildly before narrowing his eyes, "Okay, maybe I'm mad at you but that's going to be resolved by something I call Pepper's Communication Camp, where she'll teach you how to use words in the right times. But no, right now I'm more mad at the sneaky bastards who think they can use some shitty deal made during a shittier time to break us up. Our team, Steve! Us! I know that we've sucked at playing nice to each other but we get the job done, don't we? Sure, I do all the big work, hey don't frown there mister, but everybody else is team too. And you! You absolute goddamned idiot, you're my co-captain! They wanna put you in a cell? Well, we'll just have to blow up the entire prison!"

Steve was used to the phrase 'shell-shocked' by now. But when Tony spoke, it added a new meaning to it. He was actually shocked by the Shellhead. 

"You can't remove a signature, Tony" Steve countered, a little less confident than he usually was.

Tony loved it when Steve Rogers said something that had the words 'You can't' and 'Tony'. He lived to disprove those sentences as much as he did for his genius brain. 

"Challenge accepted" Tony smirked and laughed when Steve's lips twitched despite himself.

\-------------------

"You're talking about blackmail" Maria confirmed stoically.

Tony grinned and put up a thumbs up.

"Blackmailing the entire Congress" Maria clarified and looked at Pepper for confirmation. Pepper opened her mouth to say something but then shut it and went back to her tablet, furiously typing something.

"And Osborn" Tony added helpfully, because he hated snivelling rats and he hated Norman Osborn. It was a case of double hate.

"By digging up their past transgressions" Maria went on, only her twitching eyebrow any indication of any emotion.

"And flashing it in a nicely edited video or presentation" Tony nodded cheerfully.

Steve was really glad that Tony had called in the others for the confrontation with Maria. He was sure that he would have made a disapproving comment and weakened their chances. He hated bullying and blackmail was a form of bullying. But he had shut up when Bucky had plainly asked if he would rather send them all off to the gallows. Because Steve knew, he really knew that once he was gone things would get twisted and turned till most of them went back to being fugitives.

He was ready to leave Captain America behind to save the team. But not if it meant that they would become criminals themselves some day.

"And you think you can get through with this?" Hill's question brought him back from his daze and Steve saw Tony's media grin play wider.

"I know what I can do, Agent Hill" the dark haired genius drawls with a dangerous smile, "The question is, what do you think I cannot get through?"

The staredown between the billionaire and the seasoned agent was not one for mere mortals or those who hadn't lived life by being ruthless to a certain extent. It was a contest of wills, of measuring every look with a counter-look, noting every shift of the eye for a message, keeping yourself guarded yet open enough to still be a civil participant. Tony Stark had learnt it from handling bloodthirsty business sharks and the media. Maria Hill had learnt it from babysitting pompous power-men and taking out enemies while being broken and cornered.

It almost made Steve want to tap his feet, just so the suffocating tension would slip.

"You screw things further and we will have words" Hill spoke in the end and Steve saw Tony's shoulders tense for a minute before relaxing completely.

"You just don't want to talk to Osborn ever again" Tony quipped with a sly grin and to the surprises of surprises, Hill grinned back shark-like.

"Does anybody?" she shot back and Tony clapped his hands once before getting up with a laugh.

"For that, you're off my prank list" Tony said with a cheeky grin and Hill rolled her eyes before muttering 'oh sure'. Steve agreed with her silently. The day Maria Hill got off Tony's prank list would be the day Steve answered his door in his underwear.

"I'll just make sure that you have an sanity clause added in the next contract you do with SHIELD" Maria quipped, getting back on her feet and sharing a look with Pepper.

Steve looked at Tony and knew the moment his devious grin would begin with dramatics.

"You can't fool me. There ain't no Santay Clause!" Tony yelled and kicked his feet dramatically as Vision came forward and calmly dragged him away from a murderous looking Hill. Steve watched them go and quietly turned to face the ex-agent with a sheepish smile.

"The insanity plea?" he offered with a shrug and Maria sighed deeply. Fury had chosen a bunch of idiots, total idiots. And now she was having to mind their asses. 

\--------------------

The search for Red Skull was a tedious one. With the Cube gone and Faustus no more, they didn't really have a link to get to the guy whom only Steve and Bucky had seen before. There were no known heat signatures, no energy beams to track, no red-faced monkey clown appearances in the news or devilish video messages left by the guy for the Avengers.

It was a dead-end and the Avengers were left floundering around and over it.

Tony hated dead-ends. He didn't believe in them initially because he believed in the power of science. Science could solve anything, right? It was the path to choose when there was no path. The master-key to all codes. Science had always been Tony's best friend.

When your best friend fails you, the emptiness is heavier than a nuke. That was probably the reason why he was on a high strung nerve all through the evening.

Which did nothing good when he found Steve talking about his fucking worthiness.

"-but it isn't worth it Buck" Tony froze hearing Steve's voice from the living room, "I think we should have just..Gosh, Buck, it wasn't worth threatening people who were just doing their job. I'm sure Sam or you could take my role and honestly, I signed the document myself, didn't I? I really think-"

"You think a lot, don't you Cap? Tony asked a tad too casually as he came into view, startling Steve who was obviously on the phone with Barnes. He even offered Tony a tired smile but Tony was too far gone in his frustration to notice much.

"Tony? I didn't hear you come in. I thought you were in the lab with Bruce?" Steve covered up his surprise and smiled in confusion at Tony but the genius simply shrugged and cocked his head.

"Yeah, you don't seem to hear a lot of things properly nowadays" Tony observed coolly and Steve frowned at the detached tone before the frown disappeared behind another neutral half-shrug.

"I'm listening now?" Steve joked but it seemed to fall flat on Tony who simply eyed him with a ticking jaw. For a brief moment Steve thought that he saw Tony look behind him but then brown eyes were holding his gaze and Steve was left trying to figure out what had happened.

"Are you?" was the only warning Steve got before things went to shit. One second Tony was standing there giving Steve a hard glare and the next minute he was being covered by his armour.

Steve had just a moment to spare and a "Tony?" to speak before he found himself being hurled back by a repulsor blast.

The Captain could hear JARVIS alert Thor and Bruce, the only other Avengers in the tower, about the sudden fight. But before he could say another word, he found Tony throwing a table towards him.

"What the hell!" Steve yelled as he pushed off the table and stood up, now furious with the sudden anger from Tony, "Tony, stop this!"

"You should start listening, Cap" the drone like voice from the armour's filter came out and Steve found himself scrambling to get up and charge at Tony.

He didn't know why Tony was behaving the way he was but it was making him see red, the unprovoked violence. He charged with a drawn fist and punched the other man back a few feet. It seemed to do nothing to stop Tony, who simply bounced back and began pummeling Steve.

Steve didn't know how long they fought, trashing the floor and everything in it. He also didn't know why the other Avengers hadn't come in yet. But he didn't have enough time to think, defending himself against an apparently raving mad Iron Man.  When Steve saw Tony raise the coffee table to throw it, he blindly reached out and grabbed the nearest hard object he found to defend himself.

And saw Tony freeze. 

Steve was about to throw the object in his hand himself but Tony dropped the coffee table and raised his hands in a peace sign.

"Whoa whoa there Steve" he heard Iron Man's voice before the face-plate came up and Tony's face came into vie, his eyes shining like he had just found treasure, "Watch what you're throwing, will ya?"

"What?" Steve panted, still in his adrenaline high and blinked a minute before following Tony's maniac stare and seeing the-

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Well, that was ... unexpected.

"-Tony what the hell! Jarvis wasn't letting us come in and whoa!" Bruce came running into the floor, obviously controlling his green tendency, and skidded to a halt when he looked at Steve.

Which was nothing compared to the look on Thor's face when he came in, hot on Bruce's heels, and looked like he had a heart attack.

"Steven..." Thor breathed, awed, envious, conflicted and strangely pleased.

Steve should probably lower his arm and place it down, but he was still in shock himself.

It isn't everyday that you saw someone lift Mjolnir. Especially when the someone was yourself.

"Still think you're not worthy?" Tony's voice came in a low tone and Steve's head snapped up to stare at the man who had, not a few minutes ago, tried to kill him.

"You-you what?" Steve stumbled over his own words and saw a genuine smile flit across Tony's face.

"Told you, you weren't listening well." he quipped and Steve was very aware of the other two occupants of the floor, but his breath was gone. His brain tried to scramble and join the pieces together. But the possible explanation seemed ludicrous.

"That was incredibly dangerous" he rasped to Tony, his heart going a mile a minute "And incredibly unnecessary."

Tony cringed for a second but shrugged. "That describes me in a nutshell. Just add genius and you've got yourself a winner."

Steve gaped at the other man for a minute and finally put the hammer down with a sigh.

"I know" he said in a long-suffering yet tensed tone before breathing out and looking at Tony.

"Actions speak louder than words?" Tony suggested and Steve's jaw ticked in response. 

He finally shook his head to himself and walked out the room.

"I'm going to the roof" he said as a parting shot.

"Cool, you do that" Tony said as he started to feel awkward and attempted to run out but Steve stopped him with an outstretched hand.

"No!" he said shortly before taking a deep breath, "No, you're coming with me."

Tony, Bruce and Thor watched as Steve trudged up to the stairs till they didn't hear his footsteps.

Bruce looked at Tony questioningly but the genius simply shrugged and moved himself.

"Let's hope he doesn't push me off it, huh?" Tony said with a fake cheer that did nothing to hide his nervousness.

Bruce watched as Tony followed Steve up, albeit in the elevator, and turned back to look at the trashed floor.

Those two had better figured out healthier ways to handle their...whatever they had, he thought to himself with a tired sigh as he saw Thor talk in weepy tones to Mjolnir.

\------------------

The cool night was eerily silent for a city as busy as New York. Steve watched as the skyline glittered with lights of a million hopes, dreams and overworked citizens, rendered the starless sky shy. It was a contrast of the loudness of the world's fast paced life to the stillness of the sky' s motionless death.

At least that is what it looked like to Steve on the rooftop of the Tower.

He hadn't wanted to go to the gym for a very specific reason. It was simple really. 

He didn't want to kill Tony. 

And with the incredulity, adrenaline and strength he had felt in the moment he saw the hammer in his hand, Steve knew that if Tony were to spar with him, he would injure the man seriously.

No, he didn't want to hurt Tony. Because despite his incredibly ridiculous methods and insane ways of proving it, Tony was Steve's friend.

Also, Steve was already starting to feel guilty about trashing the floor and needed to clear his head without trashing anything else.

"You dropped your phone" Steve heard the other man's voice behind him but didn't turn around "Thankfully the line got cut and Barnes wasn't able to kill me over the phone."

Steve didn't react, crossing his arms and letting the breeze wash over his face calmly.

Tony sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He knew that he had messed up now. But hearing Steve tell all those stupid things about himself and the whole Red Skull thing had gotten to his head. He had just wanted to convince Steve about certain things once and for all.

Right now, Tony kind of thought that maybe he hadn't chosen the right way to do it.

"You're mad at me" he guessed and walked forward when Steve didn't react again. He came over to stand next to Steve and stared ahead himself. "You're not rethinking the whole friendship thing, are you?"

"I'm mad at you" Steve whispered, because the silence of the night was too beautiful to be broken by anything higher, "You're still my friend."

Tony nodded once shortly and chanced a look at Steve's profile before looking ahead himself.

"I couldn't find Red Skull" Tony spoke after a moment's silence, struggling with keeping his words locked in, "I hate not finding things. We hit a dead-end today and I hate that."

Steve simply hummed in response and Tony considered that as a neutral response. So he continued.

"I heard you talk to your bestie" the genius said with an annoyed huff, "And you were wrong. Wrong as fuck, not that fucking is wrong, it's actually very good but hey,  _you_ were wrong."

Steve didn't reply again, resorting to another non-commited hum.

"You are worth it, you know?" Tony continued, steadfastly not looking at Steve. He didn't say anything more, didn't know if there was anything more to say. Hell, he didn't even know why he said this. 

Steve stayed silent and Tony honestly felt that he should have just shut up. But he stayed there, right next to Steve, staring at the endless sky.

When Tony began to feel cold, he lightly rubbed his arms but didn't leave. He would rather get pneumonia than leave without knowing if Steve had understood what he meant.

"You're cold" Steve commented and Tony looked up to see if the other man was looking at him, but found Steve still staring at the sky and the skyline.

"Not really" Tony huffed even as he felt the air blow colder on his skin and rubbed his arms harder, even as he ground his teeth to keep from doing something ridiculous like chattering.

Steve didn't reply again and Tony had resigned himself to standing out here in silence for a long time, freezing to death.

Which was why he actually squeaked when he found an arm snake around his shoulders and pull him closer towards a warm body. He snapped his head up and saw that Steve was still not looking at him, but had pulled Tony tight to his side, an arm slung over his shoulder. 

"What're you doing?" Tony wanted to ask or rather squeak again, but he bit his tongue because the warmth felt good. Felt like forgiveness and something more. 

"You're cold" Steve repeated, though this time Tony heard the tone softer. The genius was extremely conflicted with the situation but didn't respond with a snarky remark like he usually did.

He didn't know how to react. Which is why he stood rigid for a couple of minutes, taking in the heat from Steve's side but not doing anything else.

When he cautiously realized that Steve wasn't letting go, no matter how stiff Tony seemed, he relaxed a bit. After a couple of moments, he relaxed completely.

The tentative arm he slung around Steve's shoulder was careful, like it was around a wild animal. But again Steve didn't react, simply tightening his arm around Tony briefly, as if in encouragement.

So Tony let his arm hang over the super-soldier's shoulder too, relaxed and casual. He could imagine the scene in his mind's eye: A supersoldier in a tight old white tee and a slightly shorter genius in a black AC/DC tee, standing on the silent Stark roof, casually staring at the stars like they held the mysteries of the world.

"You're worth it too." Steve said in a whisper and Tony felt himself stiffen before a small smile unfolded on his face.

They didn't speak anything much after that. Neither man felt the need to break the quiet of the moment. In that moment, they were just two friends who made stupid decisions but still found it in their hearts to hold each other's worth high.

They were content that night, under the listless dark sky and above the glittering city they protected.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback please, my lovelies <3


	24. From Passing Clouds To Lightening

The path to doom is always paved by articulate sycophants wearing suits. Sometimes they smile at you. Sometimes they make you laugh at your life.

But they always lead you to your lowest day, when even jumping off a roof seems tedious.

"Gremlin" Tony called out, even though the taller man's name was not even close to that, "explain the concept of your existence to me again. In short, slow words that do not pounce on each other like horny rabbits."

Tall Hornet's Nesthead pursed his lips and shuffled his feet a bit but didn't rise to the bait, instead adopting a constipated smile.

"Mr. Stark" Gremlin,  _Carson_ Tony remembered now, smiled all charming and saccharine, "this is a safety measure issued for you, sir. After your recent brushes with fatal incidents, and considering your significance to the Congress and the new founded SHIELD, it has been found prudent that you be assigned government approved security. A unanimous decision by the leaders, sir."

"An excellent decision that lacks only logic, necessity and sanity" Tony flashed his own fake smile and leaned back into his chair, letting his gaze grow uninterested, "You know, since I am an Avenger with a suit that could take on an army, tech that is clearly lifetimes ahead of those used at your offices and a house full of superheroes. Who might or not be plotting your death right now. Just a chance."

Bucky casually raised an eyebrow when Carson looked at him and Clint let his arrowhead spin on his palm with unblinking eyes. 

Tony totally loved the whole silent, brooding act he had going around him. He was having a gala making the new SHIELD baby sweat. 

He was also silently glad that Steve had missed this whole thing by going on a wild goose chase behind some cold lead on Red Skull. With Natasha and Sam. And Scott, but he was hand luggage.

"Mr. Stark" oh so new SHIELD babies didn't like scary metal armed men, huh "it's an order from Director Hill."

"A horrible direction to take there, squirt" Clint commented from Tony's left "He doesn't do orders well. Well, not unless they're for flying cars or some fresh hamburgers."

"It isn't a questionable order,  _sir_ " Carson countered and Tony could feel the fresh spit-shined arrogance of a newbie in the over-enunciated 'sir'.

"Another horrible direction" Bucky commented from Tony's right, not even bothering to look at Clint to see his reaction, "Feathers here loves questions. Could go on a Q&A game the entire day. But just the questioning part. Doesn't know any answers this one."

"Director Hill has already assigned your new security head, Mr. Stark" Carson's jaw ticked at being openly mocked by an ex-assassin and an ex-SHIELD. 

"Maybe she needs to assign a new brain for her head" Tony mused loudly, looking at the ceiling thoughtfully, "Pretty head, nice bone structure. Pepper likes her. Natasha too, though Natasha likes Barton, so that's a weak example."

Clint grinned like a shark at that. "Nat likes me, Cap likes me, Laura likes me. I'm the  _best_ example."

"Laura likes  _me_. Horrible decisions are a trend with her." Tony waved his hand dismissively.

"Steve likes me. Excellent choices are a skill with him" Bucky pointed out with a quirk to his lips.

" _Rhodey_ likes you. It's the hair. And the eye make-up. But mainly the hair." Tony rolled his eyes.

"Fuck you" Bucky quipped cheerfully "It's the butt. I've got a sculpted butt. I get the best butt award here. You get the flat ass dud award."

"Cap gets the best butt" Clint countered and Tony paused thoughtfully before nodding in agreement "Spandex and that ass, man. Are you kidding?"

"Hot buns and them bunnies" Tony chortled and ducked Bucky's arm when it swiped over his head, Clint snorting at the image of the comment.

Carson tried hard to not flail his hands or not blubber but the whole conversation about  _Captain America's_ ass was making him nervous as a tick.

"You hold your breath any longer and you'll burst" a voice came from behind him and he whipped around to see a bored Wanda standing by the couch with an apple in her hand.

"Hey Elphaba" Tony grinned and winked when Wanda shot him a tired look "meet Gremlin, Hill's idea of new security."

"From you?" the petite red-head raised an eyebrow at the new guy.

" _For_ him" Clint corrected with a shrug at Wanda's incredulous look, "Yeah, exactly. Like there isn't enough attention to Mr. Diva."

"Is this your punishment?" Wanda asked Carson with narrowed eyes, " Instead of the death row?"

"Maybe it's some kind of hibernation season for his species," Bucky cocked his head and considered the guy with an amused look, "This could be the new Antarctica for the SHIELD penguin clan."

"With Winter here, sir? Sure." the jab was clear and pointed, obviously a reaction miscalculated.

Carson probably expected Bucky to respond and got his hand to his jacket in a flash to obviously pull out some gun, but he was stopped by a voice from behind.

"Boy, you've either got a death wish or you're just plain stupid" Rhodey declared, eyes flashing when Carson turned around and Tony jumped up with a grin.

"Nah, man, he's just Hill's new minion on test" Clint called out from the couch, eyes still on a now floundering Carson.

"Yeah, I heard" Rhodey replied, looking at Tony, "Thanks for the tip by the way. I didn't really like the  _naan_ in Afghanistan. Missed some good old pizza. Nothing beats pepperoni. You want some tonight?"

"I want calzone" Bucky cut in before Tony could reply and Rhodey's eyes crinkled a little.

"You  _always_ want calzone." Rhodey pointed out with an eye-roll and Tony saw Bucky do a little fist-pump in the air, like it was an accomplishment to always want calzone. 

Tony looked from Rhodey to Bucky with a pained feeling in his chest. He felt happy that his friends were happy. It was a rare thing to find, happiness. Not many people found it. It was the stuff you heard from those who left home with a smile on their face and came back to a kiss on their cheek. The kind of badge romantics wore when they spoke about their luck. It was a rarity among the common and a commonness among the chosen few. Superheroes didn't have them by treasure chests. They had them for minutes if they were the lucky ones. And seeing Rhodey and his other friends have those few minutes made Tony feel inadequate. Bittersweet. Unworthy.

And it was marring his ease of being in his own skin.

"Mr. Stark! I must insist that you abide by the new -"

"Get out" Tony bit sharply, his sudden shift in mood flowing into the harshness of his words, "Seriously Gremmy, get out. Hill knew that I wouldn't agree and she wasted your time. You can't protect me from anyone because you're obviously scared of Barnes here and you haven't even met Hulk yet, so that doesn't say very much about you. You failed the test, whatever Hill put you up to. That's sad but life's tough, so suck up and kick off now. You know your way out."

"No sir, that's not going to be a -"

"Yes, it is" Clint said and passed Carson a phone, "It's Hill. Mommy's calling you home."

Tony didn't bother to wait and listen to what Hill said or how fast Gremlin left. He shook his head at Rhodey's raised eyebrow and started to walk out of the floor. He was so not in the mood for anything worse and he was inches away from blowing something up if things did get worse. He had almost gotten out of the floor when he walked into a wall.

Not an actual wall fortunately. Just a very human, very blue and very tall wall called Steve Rogers.

"Watch it" Steve warned as he caught Tony's elbow and Tony yanked it out of his grasp with a huff, "Sorry. I didn't see you coming. Are you okay?"

Tony was going to say yes, or an absolutely fabulous witty remark that would have sparked off a truly magnificent Disappointed Stare. He was in the mood to piss people off.

But Steve was looking at Tony and not beyond him or through him and he wasn't looking worried or concerned, just genuinely curious.

"No" Tony slipped up and grunted, noting Steve's glance flicking past him and back to him, "I'm not okay. Hill is getting on my ass by trying to babysit me, Rhodey's back and going on a date with your best friend and Barton thinks your ass is the best. I am totally not okay. And hi, welcome back."

"Hi to you too" Steve bit back a grin and resisted an eye-roll at the petulant expression on Tony's expression "And I'm sure my ass is not the best. Romanoff would win that any day I think."

Tony made a non-believing grunt, "Nah, yours has more holding capacity" he waved his hand dismissively at Steve's choking sound, "I'm a figures guy Cap and trust me, I know a good figure when I see it. But that's not the point."

"I'm surprised there is a point" Steve muttered under his breath before stepping inside the room, invariably shepherding Tony too, "Hey Rhodes, good to see you." Rhodey looked between Steve and Tony for a moment before nodding at the former. Bucky stepped forward and pulled Steve into a quick one-armed hug and Clint made a flying bird salute that Steve stared down.

"Mr. Carson," Steve turned to the now subdued looking man and graced him with his best Captain America stance, "I am sure Director Hill has updated you about the change in your assignment. We'll let Mr. Hogan escort you to the headquarters now. The car will be waiting for you downstairs."

Tony would have enjoyed watching Carson gape like a fish if he hadn't been busy doing a more tamer version of it.  _How the hell did Steve know about Hill's call and what the hell was he talking about?!_

"Happy's here?" Tony blurted and frowned when Steve shot him a Pipe-Down glare. Before he could bluster and talk again, he saw Happy walk in and stand behind Steve.

"Hey Happy" Tony called out, shooting a meaningful look at Steve who kept his gaze trained on Carson.

"Hey Boss" Happy replied with an amused smile before walking forward and gesturing Carson to move on, "Let's go, kid. Engine's running."

Distantly, Tony heard the Gremlin mutter some obviously obnoxious formal jargon before marching out with an-almost flourish, but his focus was completely on Steve.

The Avengers watched as the agent left the building before relaxing and turning to Steve with differing variations of amused expressions.

"Are you having secret sleepovers with Hill?" Tony asked before anybody could say anything.

Steve frowned in confusion, "Secret sleepovers?"

"You know, the ones where you braid her hair, she bakes you shield shaped cookies and you both have taser-pillow fights?" Tony waved his hands vaguely but looked serious, like he truly believed that was the case.

"I think she has them with Phil" Steve offered with a chuckle and shrugged when Tony frowned, "What? Would you prefer Natasha? Or Sharon?"

"I really don't want the image of Natasha having a pillow fight ever" Tony closed his eyes with a painful expression, "Yup, I didn't need that image. Can you not give me nightmares about Black Widow choking someone in their sleep? Because that's going to be her version of pillow fight."

"I'll pass on the message to Nat" Clint drawled from behind and Tony barked the words "Water arrows!" without turning.

"Seriously, Rogers" Tony pointed a finger at Steve who slowly raised an interested eyebrow, "What just happened? You came back from your transparently confidential mission and mind-read Gremlin? How'd you know about Hill's change of plans?"

"I used my magic wand" Steve replied dead-panned to a snort from Bucky, "We were on our way back when  Clint called Natasha. Natasha called Maria. They had some words, Maria groused that some Congressman had demanded 'security' for you, apparently because he wanted to keep an eye on you himself and they were forced to recommend a SHIELD agent for it. Carson just turned out to be the only person you would hate at first sight and she wanted someone like that because she knew that you wouldn't take it if that became the case."

"So how did Hill change the assignment before Tony pushed the kid off the roof?" Bucky asked with a curious smirk.

"It turns out that the Congressman who started this thing had some weak points that were concerned with Captain America" Steve shrugged.

"And Captain America was willing enough to remind him of it" Bucky concluded with a wider evil grin.

"I really don't like bullies" Steve commented with an innocent look and Bucky rolled his eyes.

"You're just a sneaky rat in tights, aren't ya?" Bucky teased with a snort and Steve cocked his head mirroring the look.

"And you're just a runny mouth with a bad hair day" Steve shot back with a smirk.

"Punk"

"Jerk"

"Oh my god stop talking about you, talk about me" Tony cut in and stared back at Bucky and Steve when they shot him amused looks, "What? I'm bored and pissed and thoroughly gagging on the whole emotional bonding between long-lost brothers you've got going on here. So Cap, what's new?"

Bucky grumbled something in Russian but Steve simply chuckled and shook his head.

"Nothing new, Tony. Cold leads were cold leads." he announced and Tony clucked in half-sympathy that Steve nodded to, "What about you guys?"

"Well, apart from the red skull drawn on the electricity box, nope, no sign of anyone" Tony grumbled.

Steve looked thoughtful for a moment, considering Tony with slightly narrowed eyes. His eyes then landed briefly on Rhodey and Bucky who were silently arguing something behind Tony in hushed voices. He seemed lost for a minute before focus shined back in his eyes and he cleared his throat.

"How about we all take the day off?" he asked, looking at everybody in general.

"Day off" Wanda repeated with narrowed eyes, "Day off to do what?"

"Anything" Steve replied before glancing at Tony and cutting off his comment, "Anything but stay cooped up in the Tower. I know that we're still not close to Red Skull, but we've had a really long few weeks now. Almost months. We've stayed hidden or down in the same place for too long, don't you think. Maybe we need to get out and take a break. Get some fresh perspective. Relax and unwind."

"Like go  _out_ out?" Clint asked skeptically and Steve nodded.

"See? Even the thought has started sounding foreign to us." he pointed out, "Come on guys, go on. Spend some time with your friends, family, loved ones if you have any. Go on a date. Go watch a movie. Something. Anything. Just take today to try a slice of normal life before tomorrow brings a new storm our way. We've earned a break, I'd say."

"I'm in" Bucky spoke up before anybody could protest, and looked over at Rhodey, "I'll take a day off. Pizza sounds better outside than here. What say, James? Wanna take a spin around town?"

Rhodey frowned briefly before a confident smirk crept into his face, "You're on, Soldier-Boy. I could use some leg-stretching. Think you can handle some good old-fashioned New York tour without gushing all over the place?"

"We'll see" Bucky replied with a sly glint in his eyes and winked at Steve before walking out the floor. Rhodey just echoed "we'll see" under his breath and clapped a hand on Tony's shoulder before following Bucky out.

"I could go have some dinner with the kids and Laura" Clint spoke, eyes softening just at the thought of spending time with his family. Tony felt a twinge of a strange sadness when he realized that Clint was a father who could not be around for his kids because he was working. 

"Yeah, you should go" Tony agreed before winking at Clint cheekily, "I'll tell Laura to send me pics of you doing the dishes in a frilly apron."

Clint just flipped him the finger cheerfully before patting Steve's shoulder as a thanks and leaving.

"I suppose I could persuade Vision to accompany me to the new Broadway show" Wanda mused before glaring at Tony in a challenge to tease her, "I've always wanted to watch  _The Phantom Of The Opera_."

Tony bit back his sarcastic remark when he noted that this was probably the first time in years that the kid was going out on a date. This was maybe the first time she was going out to do something that didn't involve killing someone or defending herself from some attack. It was a sobering thought.

"I could get you special tickets," he offered in a neutral tone, not reacting at the narrowed eyes of the Witch, "Full privacy. You could actually get to watch the whole thing without being asked intruding questions by strangers."

Wanda considered Tony silently, looking for any trace of mockery or sarcasm. When she seemed to not find any, she nodded once jerkily.

"It would be acceptable" she replied and it wasn't a thank you or a sign of gratitude but it wasn't an outright rejection either. It was a tentative step of acceptance and Tony had been a prickly young person once himself. He took what he got and nodded at the woman. 

Wanda wished Steve goodbye and stared blankly at Tony for a minute before billowing her way out of there.

"That was nice of you to do. Considering the comfort of Vision" Steve observed as he watched Tony look at the door through which Wanda had just gone out.

The minute stress on 'Vision' was not missed by Tony and he was grateful that Steve was offering him an out from showing any emotional response regarding Wanda at the moment. She was the only one on the team that Tony still had a strained relationship with and the baby steps they were taking without acknowledging them, were helping in thawing the ice. 

"Yeah, Vision." Tony nodded before gathering his thoughts and turning back to look at Steve, "What about you? Plans to take some lucky lady out? Maybe Director Hill?"

"Oh please, Natasha is doing a swell job of bad matchmaking as it is. Don't join the bandwagon" Steve laughed, "I've got no plans yet. What about you? Any new ladies gracing the Tower this evening?"

"If you consider the pizza delivery girl, then yeah, maybe one" Tony replied before chuckling at himself, "Oh my God! That sounded so old. I'm actually considering being a couch potato a good way to spend a free-evening. How pathetic can things get?"

"Not pathetic, just tired" Steve assured with a grin and bumped his shoulder with Tony's, "And hey, I thought we'd gone past the O word around here?"

"Yeah, you did. You're way past the O word. You're the O+ word maybe, grandpa" Tony teased back and grinned at the failed attempt of Steve to flick his forehead.

"Alright there smartass. But seriously, no plans?" Steve asked curiously.

Tony shook his head with a sigh, "I hate saying this and will remember this moment with horror for the rest of my life, but no. No plans."

Steve smiled wide at that, his teeth almost blinding Tony with their perfect brightness.

"So come with me" Steve said enthusiastically and Tony squinted at the other man.

"With you? Go with you where? You said you don't have any plans yourself." Tony pointed out.

Steve shrugged vaguely but kept up his grin, "Well, now I don't. But between you and me, we'll make something up. Come on, Tony! It'll be fun. An adventure. Let's just go out and have fun. Not drunk fun that'll make us forget everything we did, but something else. Come on! Let's try it!"

Tony frowned at Steve, trying to figure out all the possible cons to the idea. He could probably refuse and go back to the workshop to work on his projects but he really did miss going outside. And Steve had never gone out with him, just for fun. Tony had a variety of dreams in the past about such scenarios, where he would take Cap out and they would just let loose. Like friends. 

It hadn't happened when Tony had imagined it. They had fought, fought harder and then had an all-out war. Steve had hated Tony for such a long time that Tony had buried those dreams deep under the layers of his brain. But now here was Steve, smiling at him and joking with him. Telling him to go out with him. Using sneaky tactics to get him out of a forced babysitter. Calling him Tony. Being Steve.

It hit Tony with a force of a nuke that Steve Rogers had finally become a friend. Steve was Tony's friend. A good friend, if he considered the events of the recent past. A friend who trusted Tony enough to tell him about his dark parts. A friend who sparred with Tony in an attempt to stop him from hurting himself. A friend who had a ridiculous sense of humor and actually laughed at Tony's jokes. A friend who actually listened when Tony spoke, instead of just steam-rolling him with a Disappointed Stare.

Steve Rogers had become an important part of Tony's life. A friend. Someone he placed right next to Pepper and Rhodey now. And that should have been a scary thought. That should have sent Tony running in the opposite direction, locking everybody out. The thought should have brought back all of Tony's insecurities about being a screw-up.

But they didn't. Because Tony realized that the man in front of him with a goofy grin was Steve Rogers. The gangly young guy from Brooklyn who had looked at an assassin and seen his friend from 70 years back. The guy who would get horrified and miserable when the guy he had fought a war against died for a few weeks. The man who had respected Tony's schedule and kept quite even in a battle against Hydra, when he could have easily taken over and used his old Captain power. 

This was Steve Rogers. Not Captain America. Or maybe Steve Rogers controlled Captain America. And that was a refreshing thought for Tony, who was proud of himself for being one of the few people in Steve's friends circle. 

"Okay" the genius said softly before speaking up with a real smile, "Okay, let's go out. But not running around the city."

"Alright" Steve agreed with a slight frown but nodded, "you've got any ideas?"

Tony had the best idea ever in that moment and he was sure that he looked evil with the excited grin on his face, but he didn't care. This was the best idea ever and he would finally get to do it with Steve.

"Oh, I've got ideas, Rogers" Tony whispered with an unholy glint in his eyes and Steve stared for a moment in trepidation before just shrugging and gesturing Tony to lead the way.

\----------------------

"I'm afraid to ask about the briefcase suit" Steve informed Tony as they left the hamburger stall with their packet secure in Steve's bag. Steve tugged on his red hoodie once more and Tony pinched his hand in response, making the blond hiss. They got into the car, an extremely tame one from Tony's collection, and drove off.

"Stop being a worry-rat and quit tugging on your clothes" Tony chided as he checked his phone for the next place on their list, "I told you I have a plan and we need the suit for the plan. Next stop beer."

"We're not going to go to Paris for a picnic, are we?" Steve asked in genuine horror and Tony rolled his eyes but kept driving, "No really, I know that you once joked about all of us going on a picnic to Paris, but I thought that was a joke. That  _is_ a joke, right?"

"Steve, if I wanted to take you to Paris, I would have taken the jet instead of the suit," Tony reminded him with a chuckle and side-glanced at the other man, "Now shut up and let me drive."

They stayed silent for a while, Tony constantly muttering things to himself under his breath and Steve observing the buildings around him, taking time to etch them in memory for a later art session he could have.

"Where are we driving to?" Steve inquired after a while as he looked out the window, "Why couldn't we just get beer from the Tower? And why do we need beer? I told you I don't want to have a drunk party."

"We're not getting drunk off a few beers, Rogers" Tony retorted with a tutting sound and turned into the street where his destination was signaled, "And we can't get beer from the Tower because Barton drank all my favourite beer, the asshole. Remind me to make him water arrows when we get back."

Steve didn't dignify that with a response and got out of the car with an eye-roll, following Tony who had already started walking towards the bar.

When they came out of the bar, Steve hefted his backpack on his shoulder and rechecked the beer bottles. Tony let Steve fiddle with his things before gesturing him to follow him to the back of the bar.

"Are we going to feed the homeless?" Steve asked as a final attempt and gave a defiant shrug at the pointed glare he got from Tony.

"Just hold your damn bag and let me work" Tony muttered and placed his briefcase suit on the ground, pressing the control to get it on. When his faceplate was on and he was ready, he turned to Steve and held out a hand.

"Hold on to your bag and don't fall off" Tony said as he held Steve by the waist. Steve frowned at the mysterious order but was too intrigued to rebel. So he nodded and secured the bag tighter, holding on to the Iron Man suit.

When Tony took off, Steve was really glad that he had secured the bag tighter. He watched as they flew over the buildings and crossed all the streets that had just come through. The rush of flying made Steve want to do something stupid like laugh or whoop, but he kept quiet.

"You can whoop if you want" Iron Man's voice droned in his ear as they crossed skyscrapers and avoided birds on their way, "My ears won't sue you."

"I'll holler if you drop me" Steve replied, actually yelled, back at Tony who faked a drop at that before laughing all the way to his destination.

When they landed on the building finally, Steve took a moment to check his bag before looking at his surrounding. Then he looked at Tony, who was still in the suit. He looked back at the bag.

And then he burst out laughing.

"You..brought me...to the Empire State Building..." Steve wheezed as he laughed at the irony of the things and Tony finally disassembled the suit and came out with a cheeky grin.

"Well, I could have brought you here like any other person, but I got banned from ever coming here last Valentine's" Tony shrugged nonchalantly but grinned at Steve's dwindling laughter, "Something about too less clothes and too many eyes watching or something. I don't know."

"So you decided to come wearing your suit. Too **many** clothes." Steve observed and chuckled again, shaking his head at the absurdity, "And you made us bring food."

"Yeah, you can't have dinner without food" Tony pointed out with an eye-roll, taking the bag from Steve and opening it.

"Dinner. Is that what we're doing here?" Steve teased but moved to take out the food they had bought from the assortment of places Tony had dragged him to.

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, Rogers" Tony sniffed airily before walking over to the edge and sitting by it.

"Are we talking about me or you?" Steve countered but mimicked Tony and laid out the food next to him.

"Both of us, of course" Tony replied with a wink, "You bought the food, I provided the transportation. We're equals here."

"Yes, make the pensioner buy and use your fancy suit for the ride" Steve shot back deadpanned and ducked when Tony threw a burger wrapper at his head.

"Shut up and stuff your mouth" Tony ordered with a contented grin and Steve saluted him before unwrapping his own burger.

Steve moaned around his first bite of the burger and Tony snorted around his own burger.

"What is this?!" the blond groaned with amazement and shook his head at Tony's raised eyebrow, "No really, I've had burgers but this is something else. What do they PUT in this?! This is absolutely amazing!"

"Eduardo makes the best burgers in the city" Tony agreed and grinned when Steve took a bite larger than he could fit in his mouth, "I discovered him when I was 30. Never let go since then."

"It tastes like heaven" Steve declared, "Spicy and juicy heaven"

"Okay, that's just an ad for porn" Tony pointed out and chortled at the tongue Steve poked out in response, "I'm glad I made you buy now. You'd make a serious dent in grocery bills, Rogers."

"You're just jealous of my metabolism" Steve dismissed the accusation without even batting an eye.

Tony grinned and shook his head at the ridiculous man sitting beside him. There was a strange fondness in his chest when he watched Steve dig into simple food like burgers and openly sassing Tony. It was casual. It felt comfortable.

"So Bucky" Steve said after devouring his burger, even as Tony munched on his own like a normal person.

"That made perfect sense" Tony commented sarcastically, "Bucky what?"

"You're jealous of Bucky" Steve pointed out and Tony felt lucky that he hadn't choked on his burger. He waited till he swallowed the bite before turning an incredulous look at the other man.

"And where did you get that insane idea?"

"I saw it" Steve shrugged as he delved into the bag for the next food item and picked out a mini-box of bagels "When we were at the Tower and Rhodey was there."

"You obviously have very poor eye-sight then" Tony remarked, dusting his own t-shirt for food crumbs before snagging a bagel from Steve's box.

"Or I have incredible observation skills and you are jealous" Steve quipped as he dug out Tony's bagel box and stole it for himself.

Tony didn't reply and kept his eyes on his bagel. He didn't want to ruin the moment or admit to any jealousy but lying to Steve was also kind of a bad idea.

"I'm jealous too" Steve said after a moment and Tony looked up sharply at the other guy who returned his stare calmly, "Of Rhodey."

"Because he has a better costume than you?" Tony joked but it fell flat in the face of Steve's unwavering gaze.

"Because he has a better connection with my best friend right now" Steve corrected and Tony's eyes widened for a minute. But he didn't reply or admit to anything.

"The first time I saw them together, I'd gone to visit Bucky at his rehab" Steve continued, obviously letting Tony's conspicuous silence stay, "I had actually gone to rant about you, believe it or not."

Tony raised an eyebrow at that but didn't react much.

"We had had that stupid fight about Sharon and the spy cams the previous night and I was in a really bad mood" Steve took a bite of another bagel and looked out into the sky, letting his thoughts gather, "Rhodey and Bucky were having a push-ups competition. The guy who would growl and lose control a couple of weeks back was having a friendly exercise contest with Rhodes. It irritated me at first and then when Rhodey poured that jug of water on my head, I was completely annoyed."

Tony wanted to ask about the jug of water but was too intrigued by the current story to get diverted.

"I've seen Bucky be friends with other people before, but what he has with Rhodey? That's new." Steve observed and sighed softly, "It's different. Like he's always had a Rhodey shaped space waiting and things just clicked. It's annoying sometimes, because he's supposed to be my friend. He's supposed to be that one person who's just- who's just-"

"Mine" Tony completed in a whisper and Steve turned to look at Tony with a helpless smile on his face.

"Mine" Steve agreed and met Tony's stare with his own.

"But you don't want to change it" Tony spoke, letting his own thoughts flow through Steve's case, "You don't want them to stay apart just for you. Because they're happy. They're good. With you. And with each other. And you want them to be happy, because they're your friends and you love them. You know that they love you too. But they also love each other."

"It's just a different kind of love" Steve summarized and Tony stared at the small smile on the blond man's face, "And you feel uncomfortable with it."

"Because you want that kind of love yourself" Tony added and saw Steve look down at his own hands before nodding.

"You ever wish we had some sensor that would tell us where to find that kind of thing?" Steve asked softly, looking at the lines of his palm, "A tracer or tracker that would lead us to that one person who would have our shaped holes in their lives? Somebody with whom we could just drop our guards and be anybody we want, because they want to know all sides of us? Some poor person who would have to deal with our worst problems but would still wake up beside us and tell us to meet at home for dinner? Do you think we wish we could find someone with whom we could have dinner at the end of the day, not worrying about how we spent the rest of the day or what awaits us the next day?"

"Do you think we could find that kind of person, Tony? Our person?"

Tony felt his throat close at the thought. It sounded like a fantasy and Tony was a believer of reality. But didn't the most wondrous realities get realized from the most bizzare fantasies? Wasn't that what ideas were based on? The hope of a fantasy?

"A sensor? I don't know. I'll probably have to go over some algorithms to determine that" Tony replied with a weak laugh

Steve laughed in reply, though it sounded sad and bitter. Tony didn't like that laugh. It reminded him too much of his own laugh from the past.

"Maybe that poor person will find us instead" he suggested and saw Steve raise a doubtful eyebrow, "Hey, you never know. Maybe that person is out there right now, right below us or above us, thinking about the same question. And maybe we'll get lucky someday."

"Someday" Steve echoed and raised his bagel in cheers. 

There was a silence following that hopeful proclamation when both men let their minds wander on the possibilities of maybe. Tony was the first to recover from the mood.

"And this is where we bring in the good stuff" he announced and dug into the bag to bring out a small box of donuts.

"I feel like we're eating a bakery" Steve declared but took a donut from the box nonetheless.

"Don't hate on the sweets, Steve," Tony chided and waited till Steve took a bite of his donut.

"Oh God!" Steve moaned for the second time in the evening and Tony gave him a  _told you_ look.

"We should really record all those sounds you're making and sell it as audio porn" Tony informed him with a smirk.

"You're really obsessed with porn" Steve retorted, "You need therapy."

"Don't we all?" Tony quipped and Steve nodded in agreement, obviously too gone on his caramel custard donut to even think of denying it.

"I don't know why we needed the beer" Steve shook his head as he reached for another donut, "This stuff is intoxicating as it is."

"Beer is to wash it all down" Tony shot back with a grin, "And to have it in memory that we actually drank beer in the Empire State Building where I'm banned."

"Everybody bans you" Steve snorted "Doesn't make any difference."

"Absolutely!" Tony preened and did a mock-bow that Steve gagged at.

They stayed back for unknown long hours, sipping on less-cold beer and stealing food from each other's share. It was a ridiculous thought - two superheroes eating junk food dinner on the top of the Empire State Building. But maybe that was the beauty of it.

In that evening, they were just Steve and Tony. Two men who liked each other for the day and were comfortable enough to sit beside each other in casual tees. They were friends who didn't care about what had happened all through that day or talk about what could happen tomorrow. They were just content with the moment.

At the end of the dinner, when Steve had cleaned up all the trash and Tony had grumbled all through the cleaning, they flew back to the Tower with small smiles on their faces. Jarvis informed them that nobody else had come back yet, but that was fine. Steve and Tony were happy with the silence of tonight and each other's company.

For tonight, they would sleep without jealousy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Focused on the relationship a bit. Idiots didn't even realize that they were on a date but they were on a date. Was it good? Too little? Too much? Feedback will be lovely, as always! <3


	25. Realizations and Ramifications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deleted an entire chapter after typing it out. An entire chapter. Just because I felt that it wasn't in sync with the characters. I think I'm being way too obsessed. *whimpers*

The most disastrous events begin with ordinary moments. Calamity inducing declarations start off with the simplest of 'Good morning's. The ends always begin with mild beginnings.

Like a bleary smile, in Steve's case.

It was ridiculous and probably irrational, but Steve lived in a world where people remained frozen for 70 years and didn't look a day older. Irrational was a part of his life, like everyday workout. And he dealt with it the way he dealt with other things in life. Secretly and without telling people, in case they tried to help him and got involved in some problem themselves.

The whole Red Skull issue was pregnant but also futile for now because the guy had practically disappeared from the face of the earth for all they knew. It was fast becoming a distant memory, forced back by the clean-up and reforms the civil war had left behind. The entire team was taking up roles and parts to keep themselves busy. Except for Bruce and Thor, because they were obviously not involved in the war. But they were helping out in keeping track of any suspicious activity that could require the team's attention.

Steve found the clean-up and formality process therapeutic in a nutshell. It gave him space to be useful in manners that didn't involve jumping out of windows, fighting helicopters or running around the city as a fugitive. Those were satisfying for the soldier in him but the person within also told him to calm down and be useful in other ways too. When Bucky got involved with Natasha and Rhodey's venture to weed out Zola and all Hydra related infiltration in the new SHIELD, it made things even better.

Which is why the Wakanda peace trip sounded like a good idea to Steve when Tony casually dropped the bomb one day before breakfast.

"We'll be reaching in an hour," Tony said as Steve flicked through the itinerary of the three day mission, both men sitting across from each other in the billionaire's private jet, "And then it'll be the sand, sun and soldiers. Your favorite threesome."

"I thought it'd be monkey suits, grilling talks and angry leaders waiting to eat your brain?" Steve asked in amusement, catching the thrown hot towel without looking up, "Lousy throw."

"Lucky catch" Tony waved a dismissive hand, "And quit reading your homework there. You're making this look like a high school test. Stop it, I mean it. You're flying in the cool plane with me, the coolest superhero. No, don't roll your eyes, they're gonna fall out. Seriously Rogers, unclench, drink something, go whip up a meal for us, play Gravity Guy. Anything other than..that."

"I thought Galaga was more my pace?" Steve quipped with a sly smirk but shut his files nonetheless, because he knew that Tony would only needle him more if he didn't. 

They didn't play Gravity Guy and Tony got absorbed in his tablet as they were talking about the genius' new armour lens leaving Steve holding conversation in bits and pieces of fast-jump topics. But it was worth it when in the middle of a rant, Tony dozed off completely, mouth still moving with unfinished syllables. Steve was still preparing his piece of argument when he heard the first snore. 

He found himself watching the sleeping and partially sliding Tony for a while. The dark haired man slept the way he lived life - mouth open for every defense, eyes shut against danger and arms around himself for self protection. It was heart-warming and heart-breaking at the same time. It was like treating a wound with alcohol - it burnt even while it was healing. 

It wasn't like those moments where you felt yourself falling in love with someone because of a wayward flop of hair that only you could tuck behind their ear. Or when you saw them sleeping and felt protective because they looked like a puppy compared to your sense of badassery.

It was a moment of vulnerability for Steve, one where he felt himself grow weak at the thought of opening the door that would possibly lead to the doom of his current ease. Tony was an unfurling conundrum for the blond man's sanity. He was the constant change in Steve's life - the only constant source of distraction from the mess that his life was. Tony was fast becoming the mystic gray between Steve's distinct black and white, burrowing himself into the holes that Steve didn't look to fill.

He was unprecedented. He was unwelcome. He was unnecessary right now.

He was also proving to be the most unimaginable palette of color, waiting to smear Steve's orderly canvas with his chaos. He was the wild red and gold highlighting the Captain's stable blue. He was the Black Hole of Steve's galaxy. All consuming, endless and unflinchingly magnetic.

Steve wasn't in love with Tony, not yet, because what love could possibly be this peaceful from the inside? Wasn't love a burning fire that engulfed your life and identity? What he felt with Tony was more of a breeze - refreshing, stinging and never stagnant. Then how could this be love? 

Steve appeased himself with the assurance that fate wouldn't be benevolent enough to grant him peace _and_ love together. Looking out the jet's window, he tried to erase the notion of life being that simple for men burdened with infamous purpose. For men like him. Unfortunately, this also brought him sadness because it meant that Tony wouldn't get that privilege too. Because if Steve had understood anything through his growing relationship with the inventor, it was that they were both two sides of the same coin. It was a tragedy worth ballads and all Steve got was the rhythmic snoring of the man he was fast getting tangled with.

When they landed on the soil of Wakanda, Steve saw Tony wake up with a start and looking around before regarding Steve with a bleary, sleep-eyed smile.

It was equivalent to the beginning of a bomb's countdown in Steve's mind. 

\------------------

T'Challa was a smart man. The smartest in the room, he was sure about it. And he could feel his brain cells disintegrating with the amount of obliviousness displayed by the men he had welcomed to his land. It was the third day of their visit, the last day thankfully, and he along with his closest council were at their last nerves.

Stark he knew, and had expected. It was all flash and glamour to cover up the raging twin tornadoes that went on in his mind all the time. It was his signature, his impression of power. That was why when Tony decided to prance around his home, pointing out every item that he could build better, clearly trying to get on T'Challa's nerves, the royal decided to cut down on his politeness. Tony had simply flashed his impish smirk at that, like he had won some kind of contest, and had flitted away to his room. T'Challa wondered if he had failed some sort of test looking at the sheer joy he had received for bringing Tony a peg down. He put it down to the endless things he wouldn't understand about men with double minds.

Steve Rogers, on the other hand, was an absolutely open book. That makes him sound easy, but there was a catch to it. He was an open book with too many things written in. Some were doodles from another time, etched and scratched out in pained strokes. There were battle plans all over him, even casual conversations and social interactions built like war zone maneuvers. There are stilted daily entries too, T'Challa perceives, things that continue to amaze the man about this world everyday. But it's the poetry that baffles him. Soft, biting, flying words that flash through the Captain's sharp eyes, flow in his subtle touches and edge out through invisible memories. It was poetry, T'Challa was sure of it, the richness and melody of it's rhythm matching every shift in mood. It was the most profound read on Steve Rogers. And all that poetry, all those unsaid words, seemed to be channeled in one direction only. Tony Stark.

The Wakandan king saw it from the first time Rogers gently but firmly deflected Tony's attention off a piece of technology onto the talk he was having with a senior Wakanda peacekeeper. T'Challa had inherited the gift of silence from his mother and held on to it as he watched the pair interact - one blazing ahead recklessly while the other lead from the behind with a calm hand and grounded head. One was all storm - curious, changing and charmingly chaffing. The other was all tides - practiced, persevering and predatory patience. Together they filled each other's gaps and moved around with grace and fluidity that only trust and understanding ever brought out. They would not be together and still stay attuned to each other. It was like watching a mixture of a gusty wind and the powerful yet soothing waves of the sea. They were the first stirrings of a tornado together and the king marveled at the potential they would present when they decided to recognize that. 

But clearly they hadn't. Because their oblivion was strong enough to suffocate the entire room whenever they walked in. T'Challa suspected that the taller, blond man might have a hint of denial more than oblivion, but it still was suffocating.

"This was fun" Tony mused as he lounged in the royal garden, T'Challa and Steve sitting with a tad more decorum beside him, "Hey T'Challa, we should do this again. Maybe next time, Barton'll finally lose the bet about the whole gold ceiling and no vents. Or maybe we could have a mini-group honeymoon for Natasha and Brucie. We'll find some excuse."

"Would never be too soon?" T'Challa asked deadpanned and Tony snorted like it was a joke. The guy had a severe case of self-inviting and was just lucky that T'Challa considered his technology mildly amusing and found his antics good fodder for a good laugh with Ororo later.

"It was a fruitful visit though, Panther" Steve smiled from across, effortlessly catching the flicked grape and popping it in his mouth, "We are truly thankful for your hospitality and your endurance of Anthony, the ape. Lousy shot. Again."

Tony threw another grape for good measure and blew a raspberry when Steve caught it again before eating it, "One day, Rogers, one day I'm gonna get you."

Steve didn't answer and simply went back to sipping at his coffee. But T'Challa was sitting closer to him and Tony got distracted by something in his tablet, which meant that it was the Wakanda king who heard the murmured words disappearing into the coffee cup.

"One day you just might."

T'Challa could not wait till the tiring oblivious saps under the capes of superheroes got off his kingdom and got their realities together. 

But he definitely didn't expect it to happen the way it did. And not this soon.

"What's the ETA, Panther?" Steve asked as he monitored Iron Man's blip on the radar, all professional and commanding. 

"Two minutes" T'Challa replied as he tried to break the speed record of the Skyjet, "Has Iron Man reached yet?"

"He's deflecting the Lava Army," Steve bit out, coordinating between Tony's comm and Natasha's link from the Quinjet that was speeding towards Wakanda as they spoke, "Red Skull is still running free though."

T'Challa wanted to curse violently in his native tongue but calmed himself with rational thoughts. An attack from Red Skull on his home-soil was never a good sign for his temper but the thought that they could finally get the maniac and put an end to him was keeping the king from digging his vibranium claws into the jet controls.

It had been a sheer coincidence that Tony and Steve hadn't left the kingdom yet. Or maybe it wasn't a coincidence, T'Challa thought with a tired inward sigh, knowing the long-term enmity between Captain America and the Hydra, it could very well be a planned attack. Maybe Red Skull estimated an easier target with the lack of most Avengers to support the Captain.

As they landed on the marketplace and the Black Panther jumped out of the jet with the Captain, the former knew that the Red Skull had never learnt to estimate Tony Stark.

"Were you guys having a slumber party or something?" Steve heard Tony's grunt in his comm even as he swung into battle, throwing his shield at the perfect trajectory to take out three deranged alien-soldiers, "Cap, there's a dozen fruit-cases waiting for you on your left. Get chopping."

"Stark, 10'o clock double-arrows" Panther barked and pounced on three aliens chasing after the still running civilians, "Captain, keep the fight to the center."

"Roger that" Steve agreed as he tried to locate Red Skull in the commotion, "Iron Man, location of the main guy?"

"Tracking the redhead, Cap. Focus on the minions" Tony's reply came and Steve grunted in frustration that didn't serve well for the 'minions' getting pulverized at his hands. 

"Panther, sock 'em after you evac. Civilians still roaming." Steve ordered and turned to body-chuck a towering enemy just in time to see Tony race towards him, repulsor aimed straight. Steve managed to pick up the shield just seconds before the beam hit and together they managed to fry most of the minions surrounding Steve.

"Thanks" Steve nodded before he heard the crackling in his comm "Widow, tell me your ETA is close."

"Can't say that, Cap" Natasha's calm voice came through with Clint and Bruce's voices heard in the background, "But Thor's flying ahead. He'll make an entrance sooner."

"Soon is still too late," Tony's voice cut in and Steve did a full body slam into two aliens, "Found your old buddy here, Cap. Wanna rendezvous?"

"Go ahead, Iron Man, I'll catch up after crushing some more skulls here" Steve panted as he fought to keep the fast dwindling Lava Army at bay. Wakanda's own army and elite warriors had come in by this time and Steve had to admit that he would love to catch some of their formations and moves later. 

"Alrighty honeybun" Tony quipped before flying off in the direction of the location displayed in his HUD.

Steve's hands itched to grab on and go along to confront the devil from his time but he stayed back and focused on keeping the hell-raising army down. He could hear Tony landing and calling out to Red Skull and the alien in his hands at that moment might have suffered a nasty crack in the skull.

"Well now, who ordered the Hella Burger?" Tony asked flippantly even as his arm was ready to fire at the strange clown's slightest movement. The Red Skull was everything and nothing like Steve's description and the old pictures in SHIELD database. 

"Anthony Stark" Red Skull greeted and cocked his head in the creepy way villains do, "Have you come alone to face death?"

"Okay, who writes your dialogues, cause that head should roll" Tony commented, rolling his eyes at the pathetic threats stereotypical bad guys came up with, "Even Jar Jar has better dialogues. Gotta get with the game there, ginger."

"Tony, focus" Steve warned with an amused huff into the comm as he saw Thor land and give him the signal to go back-up Iron Man, "I'm coming in 5. Don't let him distract you."

"So what's your memo?" Tony rattled on, giving the creepo a once-over, "No skin-graft love I see, good nose width, nice bone structure also I guess. What's the costume aimed at? Underworld's Next Supermodel? Nah, I could get you some pointers from people, you know?"

"You are foolish to try your silver tongue" Red Skull mused mockingly and Tony had an urge to protest, "But I shall not punish you with a slow demise. That is for my dearest enemy. Tell me, Stark, where is the good Captain? Afraid of facing his past?"

"Drama, drama" Tony tutted but put his repulsors on ready anyway, "You oldies need a better hobby than just coming back to haunt. It's boring, killing you again and again."

"Stark, just finish the job" T'Challa gritted into his comm as he dealt with the last few Lava soldiers.

"I believe that job is mine" Steve corrected as he jumped down from the Skyjet, next to Iron Man's suit and raised his shield to Red Skull, "I would say good to see you again, but I was really enjoying this trip till this. Let's send you back home now, Shmidt."

The first bout of red energy bounced right off Steve's shield and Tony leaped in to work his magic. They were two superheroes against one enemy and the fight should have been easy. It actually was for a brief time till Tony turned a bit and yelled at Steve to duck in time.

The arrow swished past Steve's ear and he turned to see another blast from the past jumping off a nearby building.

"We really need to start killing the bad guys instead of just capturing them" Tony groused as he faced Red Skull and let Steve face the other guy, "Bastards keep getting out of our hands, every single time."

"Hello there Cap," the low drawl from the new entrant in the fight made Steve shift his shield higher, "Long time no see. Miss me?"

"Crossbones" Steve stated in a grim voice and tightened his nerves, "You never crossed my mind. But now that you're here, let's end this."

It became a tighter fit now that there were two maniacs to handle. Steve could hear Natasha give him an update of their ETA but his focus was on fending off the murderous attack from his once friend-turned-enemy. He noticed that Tony wasn't aiming to kill Red Skull and almost instinctively understood that they needed the crazed Nazi for any information possible about remaining Hydra loops. But the effort of  _not_ killing was weighing high. 

Which was probably why when Steve chased Crossbones down an alley, he suddenly realized that they had fallen into a trap. He knew that Tony was more than capable of fighting Red Skull but the possibility of this being a fatal trap for the other man clouded his brain. 

Once a seed of worry wormed its way into his brain, it began to grow by leaps and folds. It kept multiplying and seemingly abated only when he finally beat Crossbones into unconsciousness, with the help of Panther's timely intervention and ran back to Tony's fight. It was probably that error that lead Steve to notice when Tony thought that the Red Skull had fallen and risked opening his faceplate to say something mocking. It was that worry that made Steve gain speed and run faster towards the duo standing just about 20 feet from him. It was that worry that made Steve remember the Dust of Death when he saw Red Skull's hand sneak into a pocket of his armour.

It was that worry that led Steve to push Tony out of the way when the red-faced monster suddenly looked up and threw the powder at the unwitting Tony. As soon as the powder touched Steve's skin, he felt it's effect begin. He heard Tony bellow a curse before knocking Red Skull out with what sounded like a fiery bit of missile energy.

The last thing Steve saw before collapsing was Tony's face hovering over his own. The last thought that went through his mind before shutting off was one he had sought to deny when they had come to Wakanda.

 _His special person was Tony and Steve had been too late to realize that_.

\----------------------

He didn't stop by the lab or try to search out Tony after breakfast. He had work to do - leads to track, data from the the energy readings to study, plans to make for the next possible mission. Because that is what he lived for, wasn't it? The next mission. The next life to save. So why was Tony's stunned face flashing before his eyes every time he went close to the thought of a mission? Why was his mind tickling his thoughts the way only nagging children do? Why did Bruce feel hurt on behalf of Tony?

The doctor felt his brain pound with the thought of Tony and Steve turning into his next mission. He didn't do this anymore. He didn't try to  _fix_ people or their lives. It had always lead to misery before, with himself, his father, Betty, Ross, even Tony. Bruce wasn't a fixer. He wasn't a protector. He was a creator; a planner who played on logical data to go past a problem and save a situation. He didn't fix situations, he salvaged what was remaining of them.

Tony wasn't a situation, Bruce thought in his mind as he strategized a possible future radiation experiment using two different earlier ones. Tony was his own person, a brilliant one with enough strength to decide his life. Then why was Bruce even imagining the thought of Steve salvaging him? He had once seen a man turned into his mission. Why was he doing that again?

It's just a phase they would have to figure out for themselves, he decided firmly as he filled out apology forms for the loss of property during their previous missions. It was trivial. Obligatory. Unnecessary even.

Bruce knew his own hypocrisy levels enough to shut that line of thought promptly. 

He also knew his bull-headed protective instincts that flared up inconveniently at unthinkable situations.

Which was probably why he shouldn't have been surprised about the insane streak that came over him since their return from Wakanda.

It all started with the insanely heroic save that they now called the Diving Date. The Avengers had arrived on the spot about five minutes after Tony had almost killed Red Skull in an unseen fit of rage and was protectively hunched over Steve's lifeless looking body. He was still in the armour, his intelligence shining through even in the worst situation and protecting himself from any effect of the mysterious dust.

When Bruce had tried to pry Steve from under him, Tony had almost snapped his head off. It had taken Natasha's calm and Bruce's own assurances to bring back the genius to his senses and let them take Steve away. T'Challa hadn't said a word when they encroached into his lab, silently letting them work and giving Bruce the space needed. Clint, Thor and Vision had gone with T'Challa to coordinate the clean-up from the attack. And then there had been Bucky.

He had accompanied the Avengers to Wakanda to help. But when he saw Steve's still form, he had lost a large modicum of control. Natasha had been prepared to tranquilize him if needed but Wanda had stopped her and had simply gestured to Tony.

Tony, who had completely shut down and was simply sitting outside the lab. Tony, who seemed to have gotten all fight kicked out of him. Tony, who had gone deathly pale and was clearly fighting a panic attack himself.

Apparently Bucky had noticed him too. If it had been anybody else watching a skilled ex-assassin approach with rage clearly written in his eyes, there would have been some attempted defense. 

Tony didn't even flinch when the taller man inched in on him with clenched fists.

"He's an idiot" Tony had said in a cold voice, his eyes the only indication of any anger and fear, "Your best friend is a fucking idiot."

Bruce had been busy trying to revive Steve but he trusted Natasha's description of the situation enough to know that there had been a growl and a crunch of metal fingers. He also believed her in relaying the words Bucky Barnes had told Tony Stark.

"Never listened to me before. You'd do a better job" Bucky had grunted and a mirthless chuckle had come out of Tony's mouth followed by a string of curses Natasha had chosen to emit.

Bruce knew that it had been the best blessing from a best friend in superhero speak. And if Bucky Barnes had noticed things enough to give his blessing, Bruce was sure that their suspicions weren't wrong.

Steve Rogers and Tony Stark were not simply friends, teammates or allies. They were something that normal people looked for in three-worded confessions. 

Looking at the way they were behaving after the return from the African kingdom, they were also in huge denial.

"You're spacing out again" Bruce heard a voice and looked up from the work he was supposed to be focusing on, to see a sheepish looking Steve Rogers standing at the entrance of Bruce's lab.

"Barton would call it open-eyed meditation" Bruce offered with a quirk of his lips and watched as Steve welcomed himself into the premise. The larger man's steps were sure but his eyes were skittish, like he was having second thoughts about some conversation he obviously wanted to have.

If Bruce's inkling about the man was anywhere near correct, he didn't want to have this conversation too.

"How's your work going?" Steve asked pleasantly and Bruce raised an eyebrow skeptically but shrugged anyway.

"Good"

"Hmm" Steve hummed vaguely and stared around at the lab, "And your health? I haven't seen you around for lunch in the past couple of days."

"I eat with Natasha" Bruce replied evenly, taking a look at his work and deciding not to go back to it while Steve was hovering around him. 

"Oh. Right" Steve observed simply. Bruce remained silent and wondered if the conversation was going to end abruptly.

"How's Natasha?"

Bruce narrowed his eyes at that and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Steve, you saw her this morning. At breakfast."

"Right right, of course," Steve accepted and looked around the lab again.

Bruce sighed and decided to forego the idea of working this afternoon altogether. This was obviously going to take a long while.

"How's -"

"Barton? Fine, out with Natasha on some surveillance work for Hill. Bucky? Fine I'm guessing, training with Sam and Scott at the new Avengers HQ. Wanda? Fine again, out with Vision on a date. Thor? I'm not sure but we haven't had any intergalactic disasters, so I'm hoping fine. Me? Oh wait, you've already asked that. Anybody else, Steve?" Bruce crossed his arms and gave the Captain a cool look.

Steve bit back a wince at the pointed jab. Ever since their return from Wakanda, he had been avoiding a certain dark-haired and goatee sporting Avenger. Sure, that was partially because said Avenger had ignored him ever since he woke up from his Dust induced coma. It had been seven days of pure hell and absence of a familiar presence from his life.

Steve knew why he was ignoring him. He didn't know why Tony was ignoring Steve.

They never happened to be at the same place at the same time. Steve had his breakfast before Tony's regular coffee time. Tony appeared to get Dum-E to deliver him lunch, which was always pizza. Steve went out on evening runs when Tony was supposed to come out of his workshop to meet Pepper or Rhodey or whoever came to meet him. Tony would use his private elevator to get to his bedroom and Steve would take the stairs to his own. They didn't even dash into each other on their ways to any part of the Tower.

Steve suspected that it had something to JARVIS updating Tony about his movements. He felt annoyed but also oddly relieved. It was the contradictory state of eternal pain people with sudden realizations of earth-shattering discoveries felt. Things like being in love with your friend, teammate, ex-rival and now irrevocably obsessive habit. Because that was what Tony had become to Steve. A habit.

He would miss him in the gym and leave his workouts midway when he remembered the time he first agreed to become Tony's co-captain. He would miss him in the living room and walk away when he remembered the incident with Mjolnir. He would miss him when he ate a burger and wrap it back half-eaten when he remembered the Empire State Building. He would miss him even in his own bedroom and go out on a run when he remembered the panic attack Tony had helped him through.

It was a new-found madness that might have had its first stirrings the first time Steve had met Tony and challenged the man to a fight. It was an old-time suffering that might have developed over the time since Tony had fallen out of a portal and woken from near-death to joke about exotic cuisines. It was an undying bonfire that had flamed up over every single squabble, fight, argument and all-out war they had been in.

It was an extremity of unquenchable adrenaline and unshakable calm.

It was the necessity for a mind to share and a heart to talk to.

It was the hard slap of love and Steve understood why people called the act 'falling'. It was a freefall and seemed to have no bottom ground to it.

Which was why he couldn't face Tony. He couldn't risk overwhelming the man with all these thoughts. And yet he had to know if Tony was fine.

Best friends always came in handy for those sorts of information, didn't they?

"You missed Tony" Steve offered a tad too casually, like he had actually counted the people Bruce had rattled on about and just discovered the missing name.

"Yeah, _I_ missed Tony, alright" Bruce snorted and held Steve's eyes in a death stare, "Don't skirt around me here, Steve. Just ask the questions."

"He's avoiding me" Steve blurted out and bit back a flinch when Bruce's eyes hardened in a reprimand, "He's avoiding me _too_." The amendment was nothing short of an admission but Steve was in desperate times.

"I don't know why" Bruce replied evenly and shook his head when Steve opened his mouth, "I'm not saying I don't have a hunch, but I don't _know_ why. Not as a certainty. Also, I'm not going to tell you anything."

"He's my teammate. I should know" Steve tried a different approach but shut up as soon as he saw Bruce give him a hard look.

"Then you're my teammate too. So should _I_ know why  _you're_ avoiding him?" Bruce asked sharply.

Steve didn't reply and let the silence speak for himself. Bruce observed the blond man before him and rubbed the bridge of his eyebrows. He was  _not_ equipped to handle relationship troubles and superheroes  _pining._ It was not something he was ever prepared to do.

But then he remembered a time not so long ago when the positions had been reversed and Steve had told him something profound in a party. 

"I don't know what you both want or why you can't seem to get it right" he began in a low voice and saw Steve look up, "I'm a man of science. I don't handle emotional problems well myself. When Tony tried to make me his therapist some time back, after his fight with AIM, I actually fell asleep. I don't do emotional problems, Steve. I want you to understand that. I'm not good at them."

He paused at let Steve imbibe the words properly before continuing.

"But I do have a favor to return to you," Bruce let one side of his lips quirk, "though it didn't work out all that well that time. Maybe it did work out. The point is, that you once offered me an advice on a similar matter. So I'll do this once. Just this once."

"As a man with the longest history of waiting, Steve, take your past as a lesson. Don't do it again." Bruce advised firmly "Time flies away and the present will soon become the past. Don't blow away the time you have now."

"And what if it's a risk that could cost the future?" Steve had to ask, dropping all pretense of innocence.

"People taking a bus and the subway take risks every day, Steve. People working in fire-alarmed offices take risks. We're after all superheroes with disaster written in the next step we'll take. Risks are a part of our life. And if it's one that could change your life for the better, if there is even a nano percent chance of that, then it isn't a risk. It's a chance." Bruce smiled softly, sounding as though he had heard similar words from someone before.

"And if it blows up in your face?" Steve asked one last time.

"Then you know that you took a chance" Bruce said simply.

Steve didn't know if Bruce knew how corny he sounded with such lines. But sometimes corniness felt truer than practical plans. High-stake bets were double-edged swords, but sometimes they paid off more than you deserved.

Steve Rogers had once taken a high risk bet with his life for his country. If he had to take another one for his heart, it sounded like a small price to pay.

Steve smiled at Bruce and nodded his head.

"Take a chance indeed." he whispered and determined to face the object of his madness once and for all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how this came out. I was planning in a different direction and I typed out in another. But I kind of liked what it was, so I proceeded to keep it. How was it? Suggestions? Critiques? This isn't a fairytale and there is going to be some big angst coming our way in a couple of chapters. But I just wanted one of them to take the proverbial leap. Any feedback will be treasured <3


	26. Be Careful What You Wish For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize. I just...apologize.

Imagination and idiocy were parallel lines in the mind of an eccentric. They were safe as long as they didn't bleed into each other.

In Tony's life, they  _always_ seemed to bleed into each other when it came to a certain blue-eyed man man in blue spandex. It was one of the most complex riddles in his life, not as complicated as figuring out Nick Fury's eye-patch history but definitely more complex than solving the palladium problem. 

He got it, really. He got that there was some  _thing_ between them, probably always had been. Which is why he had tried to flirt with the guy the first time they met, but apprently Steve hadn't been a big fan of pilates back then. Anyway, Tony always knew that there was some strange attraction/dependence/admiration combination holding them in a force-field whenever they met. It was ridiculous when he was in a relationship with Pepper and even more ridiculous when he was fighting Steve in a whole frickin war. But things change and they did between them too. Maybe they didn't change as much as become clearer, but it was...different now. It was good. It was fun.

Till Tony saw Steve trying to save him from the whole witchy poof from Red Skull. Then it just got stupid and confusing.

The moment Tony saw a blur of blue jump in front of him and push him out of the way, he got a vision of a very similar situation that had gone down months ago. The roles were reversed and the enemy was different, but the crux of the story had been the same. Once, Tony had taken a bullet for Steve and now, Steve had taken magic powder for him. It should have been hilarious because they were playing some goddamned leads in a cheesy romantic movie at this rate. But it was not. Hilarious, that is.

It was a wake-up call. A huge, blaring wake-up call for Tony and his instincts. People always said that Tony's instincts were haywire and that he had no clue about human emotion. It was the stuff of the legends, the theories of unanimous agreement. But legends were popularised based on myths and theories were fueled by fantasies. Unlike popular opinion, Tony did have a good grasp about people and their minds. It was one of his favorite things to do when he was bored as a kid. He would identify and analyse people - those who visited his house, those who smiled widely and kissed him a tad too intimately during parties, those who stood aside from the crowd with focus on their work and those who kept an eye on him but didn't really intrude. Living as a legacy had taught him the skill and life of a billionaire had given him the practice. 

Which is how he had easily reached the conclusion about Steve Rogers, even before the man started ignoring him. The poor guy _liked_  Tony. It was clear as day. And a big reason for Tony to not question him about it, because this was Steve and Tony knew better than to embarrass him with Steve's history of romance.

Tony was flattered. Touched. Fascinated. Reciprocative too. But he was also realistic.

He knew how this thing would pan out if it started. Steve had shown Tony his dark side, but it was still nowhere near as bad as what Tony could be or had seen. Tony had shown Steve a peek into his restless mind, but it was still nowhere as open as Steve would want it to be. They were similar but extremely different. Like two sides of a coin. They could be strong together but they would never meet on the same side. It was a paradox of nature. The calculations were against the success of their relationship, if that was what they could attempt. 

And Tony knew that with Steve, a half-assed relationship or a failed relationship would only lead to a clean break with no contact. He didn't want that. But he also didn't want to break Steve's heart. It was a war between a forever and a never. 

"Sir, Captain Rogers is approaching. What do you wish for me to do?" JARVIS' voice brought Tony out of the haze he was caught up in and he blinked at the design he was working on. Well, look at that. A new AI-ed spandex suit for Steve. When had that started?

"Let him in, J and lemme hear some schematics for this thing here. What is it saved as?" Tony asked as he wiped his hands on his jeans and stretched back.

"Star II, sir" JARVIS replied primly.

"Is that my suit? And why is it called Star II?" Steve asked with a fascinated smile as he walked into the workshop and looked at the floating schematics for the his own suit. The design was the same but the cowl and the sleeves looked a little different.

"I don't know, I thought Spangles II might be a little too much maybe?" Tony replied with an easy shrug and got up to face Steve with his own small smile, "I believe you need a better mask. You know, to protect you against that 'dust' allergy you've got?"

"Well. I don't want a surgical mask, if that's what you're gonna make," Steve remarked effortlessly, moving around to observe the design more closely, "But considering you're already doing this, maybe you could also work on making it less tight in the rear? I feel like the pant part of it is tighter than the torso."

"That's because you have the body proportion of an inverted triangle" Tony quipped with an eye-roll at Steve's exasperated huff, "Seriously, do you know that people call you Dorito behind your back? I mean it, I saw SHIELD kids do portraits of a dorito and paint your suit over it. Also, that ass? You really expect me to deprive the world of its viewing pleasure?"

"Again with the ass talk" Steve muttered tiredly but Tony could detect a faint blush on his neck, "I have never heard such remarks from you about Natasha or Thor."

"Do you want me to do that?" Tony asked with a raised eyebrow.

Steve's eyes widened and he shook his head. "Fair point" he said with a quirk of his lips, "I'll take one for the team, I suppose. The sacrifices I make."

Tony snorted at the dramatic sigh but caught the thread of conversation to steer it around.

"Speaking of it, sacrifices I mean, I've got a question," Tony began with a casual tone, leaning against the work table, "What the hell were you thinking?"

Steve froze for a second and clearly bit back a wince.

"I was thinking that you didn't know about the Dust and that you had your faceplate up?" Steve answered with a hesitant shrug, "Which is a very dumb thing to do when you have an enemy in front of you, by the way. Always keep your visor down."

"Are you kidding me? Did you just forget that you weren't immune to the whole dust thing?" Tony demanded vehemently, "Or did you forget that I'm actually partly immortal now? The golden apple tale? Did you forget that?"

"I was just trying to save you" Steve retorted, "And I didn't really know if your immunity would extend to the Dust too. Mine on the other hand -"

"Is equally vulnerable" Tony cut in with a firm voice, "I can't believe that I'm being the parent in this situation, you cannot understand how much I hate doing this, but seriously Steve, that was a dumb play. Heroic and kind of awesome for the ego, but logically dumb. Kind of like-"

"You?" Steve asked with an amused smile.

"Yeah," Tony replied in a softer tone, "Like me."

Steve just smiled at that and stood staring at Tony, reveling in the feeling that he was finally in terms with what he wanted. He wanted this, this ease of conversation, this seemingly intimate moment of nonsense. And he wanted it with Tony. 

At first, after he spoke with Bruce he had come out of the lab and immediately lost courage. It was a terrible idea, he had thought, an absolute disaster in making. What would he say to Tony? Anything he thought sounded so tacky when he associated it to Tony. He had always been terrible with flirting and Tony was a maverick at it. But then Steve had kicked himself mentally for going on that train. So what if they were different? Difference was always a good thing when it came to relationships, wasn't it? When you had two extremely people, especially in a field like Steve and Tony's, it was always going to be like hearing your thought said out loud every time you thought it. It was good for some people, he supposed, having that kind of a relationship. But Steve didn't want someone who would follow him into everything and think just like he did or like things that he liked. It sounded like having a relationship with yourself. To Steve, it sounded boring. He had long since forgotten what it felt like to have a stable life. He didn't know to survive in stability anymore. It was part of a past life, a lost herald. This was his present. And if he wanted to have the present with a man who challenged him at every step, who teased him mercilessly but built him an entire new life, a man who would war with him but take a bullet for him both without second thoughts; if that was what Steve wanted in the present, then he was going to go for it. Because this wasn't about what he wanted in the past or what could happen in the future. This was about the present, the now. And Steve wanted nobody but Tony today. 

"You're staring" Tony observed in a low voice and Steve noticed that he had taken a few steps closer to the genius involuntarily. Close enough to see the flecks of his brown eyes and the confusion swimming in them.

"I thought you liked it when people stared at you" Steve replied in an equally low tone and saw Tony gulp, his Adam's apple bobbing.

"Yeah, not all people though" Tony commented in a soft voice and Steve actually heard his own heartbeat spike for a minute before Tony seemed to realize what he just said and shook his head, "You know, I don't like the media staring and Hill staring and Fury's eye creeps me out and Birdbrain just doesn't blink, which is weird and..."

"Hey Tony?" Steve cut in with an amused grin, watching the genius ramble.

"Yes dear?" Tony quipped, trying to make it sound flippant and casual but Steve had observed Tony's face for too long to miss the seriousness in his eyes.

"Do you want some coffee?"

Tony blinked and squinted. "Coffee?" he repeated, "Coffee, yeah, I could always use some coffee. You know it's good for my health, Steve. Elixir of life, coffee."

"Will you have it with me?" Steve pushed another bit, acting like this was casual conversation and not life-changing at all.

"You want some coffee? Sure, you can have coffee too. We can both have coffee. Yeah, coffee is good." Tony replied with a clearing of his throat.

"Together. Alone." Steve pushed the last bit, observing the other man for any sign of rejection.

"That's an oxymoron, Steve" Tony pointed out, side-eyeing any exit to escape "How can you have coffee together but alone?"

"You can have it if you're on a date" Steve clarified, letting the other shoe drop. 

Tony looked extremely calm for someone who had just heard his friend and long-time teammate ask him out on a date. He looked like he had expected it, which for some reason made Steve happy. 

"Steve, I know what this is. I know what you're doing, what you're asking and I'm telling you, it's not right" Tony replied after a beat of silence, squaring his shoulders and calmly regarding the taller blond man.

Steve felt the ground from beneath his feet get pulled away. This was rejection. This was Tony very calmly telling him that he thought it was  _wrong_. The word rang in his ears like it had been an explosion and not a whisper.

"Wrong" Steve echoed, knowing that he must look shocked and ridiculous, "You think us going on a date is wrong."

"Not the date...well, yes, the date too," Tony clarified with a vague hand movement, "But on the whole, the thing you have in your head. It's sweet and flattering, but it's wrong."

"Why?" Steve had to know. He had to know if it was because of him or because Tony had something or someone else in mind.

"Why? Well because it wouldn't work out." Tony explained like it was the obvious reason, "I know that you think you like me and honestly, it's like a Freudian fantasy right now and I'm honored really, but you really really don't want to do this. You can't like me, Steve. As a friend, yes, of course, I mean, I've said this before too, right? You're a great friend. And I like you too. But this thing will become a mess too fast and then the whole thing will go for a toss and the team will split up again and we'll have to fight for the kids in the divorce -"

"Wait, what?" Steve backtracked and frowned, "You think I'm asking you out on a date because I  _like_ you?"

"Erm..yes, Captain Obvious" Tony frowned himself, "Why else are you-wait, is this like a booty call? Because wow, that will be something and it sounds great but oh god, it's you and -"

"No, Tony" Steve cut him off again, "It's not a booty call. And no, it's not because I like you. I don't  _like_ you."

Tony took a step back and looked slapped.

"Oh Wow" he stuttered, "Wow, that's huh...I guess I deserved that, actually you know what I don't think so. I thought we were past the whole hate thing and you wanted to be my friend and now you don't like me?"

"I love you" Steve declared calmly and saw Tony snap his mouth shut, "I do like you, and we  **are** past hatred. Way past it. But I'm not asking you on a date because I like you. I'm asking because I love you and I want to show that clearer by dating you."

Tony could feel the air get knocked out of his lungs. If he had been wearing his arc reactor now, he would have thought it had malfunctioned. But he wasn't and he could still feel like his chest had become too small for the organs it was keeping safe. Good Lord! He had thought that Steve liked him. But this?!  **Love**?! This was so much more than what he had been preparing for!

"Lo-lo..what?" Tony asked with a quick gasp of breath, backing away from Steve, "Why would you say that? What is that? Who says stuff like that?"

"I do" Steve replied, deciding to go big and all in, "I do, because I love you. And I get it if you want to say no. But I need to know. Do you want to go on a date with me, Tony?"

"Holy Christ, Steve!" Tony ran a hand through his hair, cursing under his breath, "You can't just say things like that! What is wrong with you?! You can't be in LOVE with me. That's-oh God!"

"I'm sorry if I've upset you" Steve began in a calming voice because he could see that Tony was getting nervous and panicking, "but I can't take it back now-"

"Yes, you can!"

"-and even if I did, I would still love you-"

"Don't say things like that!"

"-but it doesn't mean that I expect you to feel the same way about me" Steve assured, catching Tony's gaze and holding them in a grounding stare, "I'm not asking you to love me back or tell me anything. Well, anything other than if you want to have a coffee date with me."

"Why did you say it then?!" Tony flailed his arms wildly, "If you don't expect me to say anything back or do something about it, then why say it?"

"Because I thought that you deserved to know" Steve said simply, "If I had just asked you out and had not told you what I felt, then I would be hiding things from you. In a way being fake. And I didn't want to do that. If you decide to come on a date with me, I want you to know what I am, what I feel and why I'm dating you. Otherwise it would be taking advantage of you."

"Drinking coffee does not require so many things, Steve!" Tony yelled and threw up his hands.

"Anything to do with you means a lot to me, Tony" Steve replied in a quiet voice and Tony felt like crying because this wasn't fair. He had been prepared to push Steve off when the man had come in, had been prepared to feel a little disappointed that he would lose Steve's like. But this was so much bigger. This was so much heavier to push away. And Steve being honest and direct about it was doing horrible things to Tony's heart-rate. If he died of an attack, Steve was going to be haunted for the rest of his life.

"This is way too much, way too fast here, Steve. You can't just say such things and tell me not to take any pressure" Tony warned.

"It's just a date, Tony" Steve tried a small smile.

"Well, now it's not" Tony groaned and rubbed his eyes, "Now I know that you love me and it's going to hang there over our coffees and I hate anything over my coffee. And I can't just not say anything because come on, this is a big deal! You're not some fan who said it on a stage show!"

Steve stayed silent, wondering if he had messed things up. The silence stretched between them and yet sounded like a buzzing noise, constantly prodding at their sides. Steve stared at the still floating schematic and Tony paced around, looking at everything but Steve. 

"Look" Tony spoke after a long time, still not looking at Steve and staring at the Star II instead, "I don't have a clue why you love me but I can't-I can't say that back. I can't say I love you."

Steve wanted to crawl under some trash can and die but nodded nonetheless, waiting for Tony to continue.

"I'm selfish and now that you told me that you love me, I'm going to take absolute advantage of that" Tony continued, breathing in deeply, "You cannot imagine how much I can use that information against you. I mean really, you're going to be looted here, Rogers. I'm going to make you tired with all the attention hogging and bias requirement. And if you back out of something, I'll guilt trip you like hell. War is going to look like a picnic compared to how things will be."

"Is that a threat or a cautionary reminder?" Steve asked, aiming for a joke but watching it fall flat.

Tony snorted though and it made him feel better. "It's a fact." he corrected and finally looked at Steve, "And I don't love you. I won't say it. I'm not a nice guy like that."

"Okay" Steve replied even though he wanted to say that Tony didn't know that he was already saying so much more just by being himself.

"But I like coffee and I don't mind you drinking some of it too. I'm an ambassador of coffee." Tony stated and Steve had to push down the roaring in his ears to hear better.

"So..."

"So, I'll let you get me a cup of coffee. Black, no sugar." Tony said finally and shrugged, "You can get whatever you want."

"Anything else?" Steve asked, still trying to work his brain through the haze of information he was getting.

"Yep, you cannot, I can't stress this enough, you absolutely cannot ask me ever if I love you" Tony warned, glaring at Steve who raised an eyebrow, "I'm serious here, Steven. Don't do that. I will run like a dog on fire and one of us will have to move out of here."

Steve pretended to think about it for a minute, suppressing a grin.

"Done" he relented when Tony's face began to get dark, "No asking for any confessions of love."

"No mothering or playing knight in shining armor to my damsel in distress" Tony ordered.

"If you stay here for more than the time Pepper has set as normal, then one of us will come to pull you out" Steve offered, though he knew that 'one of us' meant himself.

Tony simply waved his hand in response.

"No sudden divorce because you get irritated or if we argue and I throw things at you" Tony demanded and Steve chuckled in surprise.

"I have a shield, Tony" he reminded and raised an eyebrow archly, "And divorce?"

"War, divorce, dramatic rebellion. Same difference" Tony shrugged, "Agreed?"

"I feel like this is some kind of a business contract here." Steve mused but nodded, "No war,  _divorce_ or dramatic rebellion. If you annoy me, I'll handle it another way."

Tony narrowed his eyes at that but let it go. He had priorities. 

"Just a date"

"Just a date" Steve agreed but added "until you agree to another one."

Tony looked surprised but sniffed airily.

"Is that a challenge, Dorito?" he asked with a smirk.

"Let's just get that coffee first" Steve answered vaguely and Tony huffed a reluctant laugh when Steve returned his challenging smirk.

"It's not gonna work out, kiddo" Tony said plaintively but Steve simply shrugged.

"You never fail until you stop trying" Steve answered, quoting Einstein and Tony stared at him before grumbling under his breath.

It wasn't exactly what Steve wanted. It was still a rejection. But it wasn't a complete shut-out or a block. Tony hadn't professed anything grand or dramatic and Steve should probably feel like an idiot for baring his soul without preamble. He didn't though, because if there was one thing Steve Rogers had learnt in life, it was to never back down from a fight.

Tony Stark was going to be a fight, Steve saw that. While he hadn't thrown Steve out or blatantly shunned him, he had also been clear that he wasn't going to say anything that would reciprocate Steve's words. But somewhere in the twisted rejection and the agreement to a coffee date, Tony had given him permission to continue loving him. He hadn't told Steve that he couldn't love him. He hadn't told him that he couldn't say the words to him again. He had simply not agreed to say it himself. Maybe Steve was reading too much into it or maybe he was just being desperate, but he saw loopholes here and he was going to take advantage of them. He was going to fight for this, for Tony's love. If it meant playing dirty by finding loopholes in the agreement he had made with the genius, then he would do that.

Because Tony might believe that he wasn't a nice guy but he forgot that Steve wasn't all that nice himself. He was a tactician. A planner and plotter.

He was just going to have to plan his way through this too.

"Pick you up at 6:00 p.m." Steve said with a solemn smile and Tony looked suspicious but nodded before Steve diverted his attention to the hovering suit design.

\--------------------------------

Tony was frankly surprised when Steve took him to the roof and brought a flask with him. He had expected Steve to drag him out to some fancy bistro or cozy diner. He thought that was what dates meant in Steve language.

"Are you trying to save cash?" Tony asked as he saw Steve pull out two foldable chairs and place them side by side, "And where in God's hell did you get those? I can honestly say that they wouldn't exist in the Tower."

"I  **am** living on a pension, Tony" Steve replied mockingly before gesturing Tony to sit on one of the chairs, "and I didn't want to go out for coffee. I make better coffee than those diners you like, anyway. Also, you don't have the first clue of the junk you have in your Tower, so let's not even go there."

"Sassy sassy" Tony grumbled but sat on the chair nonetheless and eyed the flask warily, "If you get out disposable Styrofoam cups, I will drown you in boiling coffee, Rogers. That stuff is a disgrace to the art of coffee drinking. Disgrace!"

"Like you would drink in anything lesser than your mini-bucket" Steve shot back with a snort and pulled out their regular coffee mugs from his bag, "Here, this flask is yours and that one is mine." Steve handed Tony a blue thermos and took out a red one for himself. The irony of the colors made Tony raise his eyebrows in a knowing manner but he kept quiet and grabbed his flask. Anything for coffee.

He honestly had no idea how he had gotten into this. Before Steve had entered his workshop, he had been prepared to put off any advances or crush gently, well, gently according to his standards. But then Steve had dropped the 'L' bomb and Tony had been thrown off the bridge completely. Crushes he could handle, attraction even, but love? That was on a level higher than Mt.Everest. It was unscalable. And Tony hadn't been shaken just because of that. It was also the thought that it was  _Steve Rogers_ who had confessed to loving him. Steve never lied. He never said things he didn't mean or wasn't sure of. He wasn't some giddy teenager or glazed eyed fan who had randomly said something. He was a guy who had never had qualms about shutting Tony down with a sharp retort when Tony went crazy. He was the guy who had taken one look at the Iron Man suit and casually assessed that he could beat it in a few rounds. He was the guy who had defied the government, SHIELD and every authority to defend his beliefs and best friend. He was the guy who had gone above and beyond the 'soldier' tag and proved that he was truly a good man. 

He was Tony's friend. Maybe even more, but that wasn't something Tony wanted to think about right now.

He was also the guy who said he loved Tony, so maybe he was as insane as the genius himself. Whatever, he made good coffee and Tony wasn't going to complain till he drank that.

"So why the two flasks?" Tony asked as he sipped on his own black coffee, stifling a moan at the absolute perfection of its taste. This stuff should be sold as medicine and prescribed for every illness!

"Would you rather drink mine? It's with milk." Steve said, stressing on milk like it was a strange word for Tony.

"I mean, why don't you drink black?" Tony rolled his eyes and eyed Steve's mug with distaste.  _Milk_. "I love black coffee. Just like my soul" He waited, expecting Steve to comment on it, tell him that he wasn't a black soul and comfort him with sweet endearments.

Steve simply shrugged and sipped at his own coffee.

"And black is definitely better than any other type of coffee. Also, did I mention, I love it." Tony said again and side-eyed Steve, who was still looking nonchalant.

"Mmmhmm" Steve hummed in agreement and went back to sipping his coffee.

"And since  _you_ love  _me_ , shouldn't you love what I love?" Tony asked finally, annoyed that he was having to spell things out.

"I love you, Tony, not your taste in coffee" Steve replied with a slight smile and a quick glance at the other man, "What you like is what you like. Just because I love you doesn't mean I stop liking things I did before."

"But you made two different types of coffee" Tony pestered, frowning into his own empty cup before refilling it, "You  _made_ coffee for me."

"I _did_ make the coffee" Steve agreed but didn't elaborate anymore. Tony wanted to argue but settled down for now. He took an angry sip of his coffee though, making sure to slurp extra hard. Steve just cracked a smile at that, the bastard.

When there was only one more ounce of coffee left in the flask, Tony saw Steve rummage into his 'picnic bag' and get out a box of... _donuts?_

"What is that?" Tony asked with mild trepidation. 

"Donuts" Steve answered with a grin and offered some to Tony.

"I said just coffee" Tony raised his eyebrows but still kept his eyes on the donuts. They were donuts. His favorite brand of donuts.

"You still have one ounce of coffee" Steve pointed out before eyeing the donut box with an unholy glint in his eyes, "Besides, if you don't want it, it's okay. I'll have it myself."

Tony kept staring at the box.

"Or offer some to the others tomorrow" Steve added and Tony's eyes snapped up to Steve with a glare.

"You can't give other people MY donuts, Steven" Tony hissed and snatched two round beauties off the box, "You bought it for ME. These are not Avengers donuts, they are Tony donuts.  **Date** donuts, even. You can't just share date donuts. God, who taught you the rules of dating?"

"Nobody. Self-learning." Steve shrugged and bit his cheek to stop a grin when Tony bit into his donut viciously, "Before the serum, Bucky tried but the gals weren't really interested in the scarecrow tagging along with the big handsome army guy. After the serum, there was Peggy. But we didn't do anything other than fight Nazis and share promises of a date after the war. After the ice, there wasn't much time between Loki and Hydra and SHIELD. Then there was Sharon, but she and I were busy most of the times. Also, she kind of wanted to kill me back then, so it wasn't pretty much a dating scene maybe."

Tony chomped on his donut and stared at Steve.

"So, basically I'm your experiment in dating?" he asked with his mouth full of jelly donut.

"Basically, you're just the guy who likes the same donuts as me" Steve replied with a wink and Tony had to chew carefully lest he choked on his morsel, "And you look real attractive when you talk with your mouth full of jelly donuts."

Tony flipped him the bird and bit off a bigger piece just to defy the sarcasm. It turned out to be a wrong decision when he really started to choke and began to cough donut particles all over the place.

Steve reached over and thumped him on his back strongly, making more donut chunks fly out of Tony's mouth till the coughing genius glared at him and brushed the arm off.

"I'm fine, stop hitting me" Tony snapped before gulping the last bit of his coffee, "And don't wink. You have a horrible wink."

"Really? The gals didn't think so" Steve observed with a thoughtful expression and Tony gaped at him for a minute till he saw the sly smirk and realized that Steve was kidding.

"Shut up, you're not allowed to make jokes about other flirts when you're with m-when you're on a date" Tony declared, covering up his slip fast.

Steve noted it but didn't comment, just nodding instead.

Later Tony would blame the size of the donut box for the longer-than-expected date, but he knew that he had really forgotten the time in the constant bickering and playful teasing. They spoke about nothing and everything - about T'Challa's kingdom, Bruce and Natasha's weird story, Bucky's hairstyle, Rhodey's bossiness, Pepper's love for shoes, Thor's addiction to pop-tarts, Coulson's taser fetish and even Maria Hill's secret crush on Fury. Steve was sharp, biting and gave as good as he got. The rigid, stuck-up nervousness of the first time they had spoken had vanished and Tony found that the Captain had a dry wit that was scathing and brutal when he wanted it to be. They didn't speak about anything related to themselves, nothing about their situation. It was general, friendly - something that made Tony speak out without having to check himself or worry that Steve would mind. Because when Steve did mind, which happened while they were talking about Natasha's feelings for Bruce, he didn't back down or let it slide. He was straight and sassy. He didn't stretch it too though, changing the subject when he had made his point clear and Tony had said his. 

It was like nothing had changed and yet everything was different.

Which is why when Steve looked at his wrist watch, Tony felt a little sad.

"Wow, it's been more than two hours" Steve observed and looked at Tony with a surprised smile, "You have your meeting with Pepper in some time and I have to get working on the remaining documents of the dossiers Hill sent. Still got a lot of formalities related to Hydra."

"Yeah, yeah, we're busy" Tony agreed but didn't feel like moving from the chair all that much.

"Good coffee though, right?" Steve asked with a small smile as he stood up and patted down any donut crumbs. Tony wanted to act flippant and casual but Steve was still smiling at him and it was like somebody had switched on his very own night-lamp. It was warm and something he wanted to get used to.

"Yeah, not bad" Tony replied with a smile of his own before standing up, "Good touch with the donuts though."

Steve nodded and pulled up the chairs, tucking them under one arm and placing the flasks back in the bag. Tony didn't know what to do himself so he just stood and watched Steve work.

Finally, when everything was cleared, Steve stared at Tony fondly and Tony felt his skin prickle in anticipation of something. This was a date, right? Dates usually ended with date-y things. He waited for Steve to make a move, to get all smouldering and hooded eyes. But Steve simply stared and smiled.

"Well, thanks for the date Tony" he said softly, "I enjoyed it."

"Uh-yeah-me too" Tony replied, still watching Steve to trace the first move.

"Have a good meeting with Pepper" Steve said with a half thumbs-up and Tony frowned a bit but nodded.

"Okay. It's Pepper though, so I'm anyway going to have to buy her something by the end of the call," he said with a shrug and Steve simply grinned wide with a nod.

"Okay then, good night" Steve said before turning to go back and Tony frowned deeper.

"That's it?" he called out and Steve turned back, "That's all? Good night?"

"Sweet dreams?" Steve asked in confusion.

"Sweet...Really? You're gonna end a date with good night and sweet dreams?" Tony asked incredulously.

"Yes" Steve answered with a soft laugh, "Now good night Tony. Go have your meeting."

"This is ridiculous!" Tony exclaimed, "We did this even before... _before_." Tony flailed his arms above his head for emphasis.

"Before I told you I loved you?" Steve asked and grinned when Tony nodded vehemently, "Of course we did. Like I said before Tony, I love you. But that isn't going to change what we like or how we are. I had a great time, I love you and good night." Steve winked terribly before walking back to the roof door and going downstairs. 

Leaving Tony confused as hell and kind of frustrated as well.

He was sure that Steve Rogers was playing at something here but he couldn't see beyond the lame ending of this date to discover what that was. He had expected something big, something sensational, something like a passionate kiss with a whispered 'I love you' in the end. He had expected Steve to sweep him off his feet and carry him off to his bedroom. 

He had expected an entire romance novel. But he hadn't expected to be shaken by such a simple and anti-climatic ending of the date.

Which he had had fun in. Which was nothing spectacular. Same old coffee, in the same old Tower with the same old Steve. 

Tony was not okay with this. Very not okay.

Maybe he should demand a second date and ask for a better ending in that.

With that thought in mind, he grumbled about stupid blond men with stupid ideas of love before going down to attend his video-conference with Pepper.

At the end of the conference, which took two hours and robbed him of another $4000 pair of shoes for Pepper, he was still stuck with the bitter taste of coffee on his lips and an incomplete feeling in his heart.

He was definitely going to demand a do-over.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys really didn't think it was going to be a smooth ride, did you? We have five more chapters, so yes, things might sort out soon enough. But I wanted to do this. I wanted there to be a reality check here because 'love' does not mean the same thing to everyone. And neither does honesty.


	27. Parachutes Of Wounded Men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY GUYS <3 <3 <3  
> Weirdos and weird flirting with strange hurt/comfort ahead.

Clint Barton was a guy with 20/20 vision on field, 33 points of empathy quotient in the team and 90 points of emotional quotient in general. Most people would call him an ideal agent.

His wife called him an endangered species of child-manhood.

He was a practitioner of backward romance, horribly inept with emo-people and considered revenge an answer for every hurt. It was awesome being him. Before he got married, he was his favorite person. But then Laura had to enter his life and turn it upside down with her intuition, empathy and smartness. She cared. She didn't run at the first sign of danger. She agreed to keep his spawns and raised them in a way that he didn't have to worry about finding them perched on tree-tops and stalking neighbors.

She loved him. And that was the most baffling aspect of his life. It was also the one point of sanity that helped him get down from the proverbial ledge every time things screwed up in his life. Laura Barton was the smartest and most idiotic person he knew. He understood that every time she laid a plate for him in the dinner table and didn't stab his friends whenever they intruded into their life. She loved him and she made sure that he knew that.

It was this experience that made him realize what was going on between the two captains of his teams. It was this knowledge that made him understand that the suckers were in love. 

Of course, it was also this observation that made him identify that in their case, Steve was Laura and Tony was Clint. Tony had always been the richer, snarkier and more damaged Clint Barton.

The archer felt glad about having someone more damaged than himself, but also sad that nobody else saw this.

"Tony, what did the coffee maker ever do to you?" he asked as he sat at the kitchen table and saw the genius glare at the sleek machine like it had personally offended him.

Tony looked up at Clint with the same glare and hissed like the very question was stupid. Knowing Stark, he probably thought that anybody who couldn't read his mind was stupid.

"No coffee" Tony grumbled and plucked the coffee bean bag from the shelf above to show Clint, "There's always coffee. Somebody stole my coffee."

Clint raised an eyebrow and looked at his own orange juice before shrugging.

"Somebody with a death wish" he observed and Tony grunted something like an agreement.

"JARVIS, who stole my coffee?" Tony asked in annoyance and Clint sipped his juice with an amused smirk.

"Nobody sir," the AI replied with a prim hint to his tone, "The stock was scheduled to end today and I had informed you about it a week ago. Sir." The 'sir' at the end was pointed like JARVIS was reprimanding a wayward child.

"Yes, he did" they heard a voice from the doorway and saw Steve standing in his running gear with a brown bag in hand, grinning at Tony.

"Well, he should have done something about it" Tony groused and shook the empty coffee bean bag like it would create new beans, "JARVIS, get the coffee guy to come and deliver coffee! Grow a coffee plant! Coffee, J, gimme my fuel!"

"No worries" Steve calmly answered, moving in and placing a fresh bag of coffee beans on the counter from his brown bag, "I got some on my way home. Go on, get re-fueled."

Tony stared at the preciously wrapped coffee bag on the counter and Clint stared at Steve. 

"Okay, Gollum? Let's put your precious in the pretty machine now, alright?" Steve suggested with a smirk when Tony looked like he was going to coo and pet the bean bag. Tony simply nodded and looked expectantly between Steve and the machine. Clint bit in a snicker when Steve simply patted Tony's head and obliged, knowing that Tony was definitely not going to make his own first cup of coffee. 

When Clint finished his juice and slowly crept out of the room, he saw Steve sitting beside Tony, sipping his own juice while Tony leaned against him and tapped away at his tablet while practically lapping at his coffee. It was peaceful. It was easy.

It was baffling but comforting. Because if someone like Tony could have someone like Steve waiting beside him, maybe Clint wasn't wrong to assume that Laura would continue to be in his life.

"So, what're you doing today?" Tony asked Steve after having inhaled his second cup of coffee. He had a pleasant buzz going when the previous night's 'date' struck him. He was going to be a sneaky ninja about round-two. Rogers wouldn't know what hit him.

"Nothing much. A veterans meet at Bowling Green to discuss the reunion next month." Steve replied nudging Tony to move off him and getting up to wash his juice glass.

Tony frowned and cocked his head at the back of Steve's head.

"There's a reunion next month?" he asked with a small frown, remembering the last one he attended with Peggy Carter, years back, "You're going?"

Steve bobbed his head and chuckled. "Some of the guys said I should do a campaign of some sort for better living of the pensioners and we started talking about having a reunion to just meet up and discuss it further. The official reunion is happening next month in DC but we're just planning arrangements for it."

"Oh" Tony responded with nod, thinking about the issue, "So do you guys meet every week, is it a regular kitty party thing or some sort of impromptu hang-out?"

"This is our first meet actually" Steve commented, leaning against the sink and looking thoughtful, "Bucky's coming too. This should be one place he might not feel so - It'll be a good change for him." Steve ended with a shrug and Tony didn't prod further, knowing what he was hinting at. Not many people still liked meeting the Winter Soldier, even if 'he didn't do that sort of thing now'. The veterans were people who might have seen Barnes as a soldier and might be able to connect with him better. 

"I guess that means a busy day for you" Tony offered before sniffing airily, "That's good, at least I won't have any distractions while working today then."

"We'll still be back by evening, Mr. Stark, so don't plan to throw out my things so soon," Steve teased before raising an eyebrow, "And I'm a distraction?"

"The worst kind of distraction" Tony shot back without batting an eye, "You're like an overgrown golden retriever. Always chewing on my things and shedding your sketches in my workshop. It's annoying."

Steve simply hummed and moved off the sink, swatting Tony's head lightly with a dish-rag before walking back to his room.

Tony threw the same dish-rag at Steve's retreating figure and sat alone at the table, studiously avoiding the thought about Steve being a WWII veteran.

\------------------

"You're stinking happy" Bucky observed as they parked their motorcycles and sat waiting for the rest of the guys to come. The park was definitely not the way Bucky remembered Brooklyn's parks. The people were loud, foreign and shutter-happy. It had been a painful journey, from resisting every move to get outside to agreeing to go out and see the modern world better. He had always loved the future. The science, the architecture, the potential for development - it was all breathtaking. He had always been enamored by it, from the first time he had seen a science exhibition to the extravagant Stark Expo before the War. 

When he had been captured by Hydra the first time, he had grown less fond of it. That was the first time he had seen the dark side of development. But then he had been rescued and he had been again impressed by Steve's growth spurt. The second time he had been captured by Hydra, Bucky had begun to hate technology. He had stopped being Bucky, for more than five decades. It was like science had put his life on pause and taken everything from him. But Steve had rescued him again. And Steve had become jaded himself, but he was still Steve and he had believed that Bucky could be released from the rusted pause. It had taken time, back-breaking effort and unflinching trust, but they had achieved it.

When Bucky had first met Tony Stark, he had seen a reincarnation of Howard. The charisma, the mad streak of genius, the iron will - it was all there. Since it was during the Civil War, he had hated scientists and mad geniuses even more. But then when he had met Tony, just Tony, he had realised that science could not always erase the human element. People were still vulnerable, still breakable and still dependent on other humans for a lot of things. Things like support, friendship, family. Science hadn't erased that, no matter how many decades Bucky had feared it would. Bucky could see that Steve saw it too. It was one of the reasons Steve trusted Tony, even after all the bad blood they had shared. There were definitely other reasons, but Bucky was sure that one of them was a little more intimate than he thought.

"It's a good day today" Steve replied with a grin and tilted his head back to the sun, "It's good to get some fresh air. And also, one of us has to stink happy to make up for your stinking broodiness."

The longer haired man rolled his eyes, "It's called being a badass, punk."

"Whatever floats your boat, jerk" Steve replied with a snort, "And quit copying Rhodes' lines."

"Sure, when you quit mooning over Stark's butt" Bucky shot back without a pause.

"Now why would I do that?" Steve asked and grinned at Bucky who made a gagging sound.

"Seriously though," Bucky asked, staring at Steve with a stern face, "he's your fella yet?"

"Buck..."

"Steve, I've got shovel talk rights here" Bucky cut in sharply and Steve narrowed his eyes skeptically, "And also, I've seen the way you look at him. You've got the whole moony-eyed thing and disgustingly sweet smile routine on whenever he's around nowadays. You don't throw a punch at his face without first listening to what he says. You two fight like you're gonna have sex the next minute. And I'm pretty sure that if one of you jumps to save the other another time, you'll be on the next chick-flick cover. If I didn't know better, I'd say you're serious about him."

Steve never lied to Bucky. It was one of the few rules he held on to firmly in life. Bucky Barnes was his family when he had none. He was his best friend, his confidante and the one person who didn't underestimate Steve when the entire world did. He was the brother he had always had. They had always stood by each other, till the end of every line. And he wasn't ashamed of Tony to lie about it to anyone.

"He's a good guy, Buck" Steve explained softly, looking at a faraway couple taking photos, "We got off on the wrong foot and it took me a long time to get past that. But he really is a good guy. He's got this incredible double-persona where he acts detached but is attached at the same time and that confuses the hell out of me sometimes. He builds himself a family of bots because he doesn't know how to mute humans, but also builds the Avengers a home like a family member. He doesn't follow rules or orders and will take a suicidal jump in a second to get a job done but keeps tinkering on our suits to make sure that we stay one step ahead of certain death. He's prickly and ambitious but he also drops everything if people he cares about need him. He's...he's something I was looking for, I guess."

"Geez, Stevie, print out the invitations already why don't you" Bucky grunted but grinned when he saw his best friend look realistically happy, "I know the guy's good, I was just asking if he was your fella  _yet_."

"I told him I love him yesterday" Steve replied with a small shrug and Bucky blinked, "We had our first date after that."

"You had your first date  _after_ you told him you _loved_ him?" Bucky asked horrified, "Jesus, punk, you just run before you learn to walk, don't you?"

Steve simply grinned like that was a compliment. Well, maybe it was, but Bucky was still stunned.

"And what did he say?" he asked, catching up to the phrasing of Steve's declaration.

Before Steve could reply though, they heard someone call out for him and turned to see that the veterans gang had arrived. Bucky wanted to stop Steve and get the answer but the blond guy simply hushed him with a look and walked towards the small group of people huddling near a bench. Bucky grumbled under his breath but followed Steve nonetheless.

It was fun catching up with people who didn't fumble or stare when Steve and Bucky talked about old stories, classic Dodgers games or bunker tales that every soldier had. Bucky found himself relaxing when the group of odd seven men just took one look at his metal arm and snorted about can-opener jokes. They didn't treat him differently and didn't moon over Steve's Captain America status. They had been through a similar hell and were sharp, witty and caustically sassy about wearing capes and spandex suits. 

He was so distracted with a banter with old Billy when one of the guys, Warren, looked beyond Steve's shoulder and exclaimed sharply.

"Hey! Isn't that the Tin Guy over there?"

Bucky saw Steve's eyes widen and looked over himself. Sure enough, there was Tony Stark, standing at a carefully measured distance from the group, pretending to look towards Wall Street. His casual blue jacket over a trademark black t-shirt and yellow sunglasses were standing out even in the crowd around him. The baseball cap was doing absolutely nothing to hide his identity.

"That's him alright" Steve muttered and met Bucky's eyes with a knowing smirk. Bucky rolled his eyes and turned back to continue his argument with Billy. Steve grinned and stood up, offered a two fingered salute to the group before sauntering over to the ridiculously pretending Tony.

"Fancy seeing you here" Steve said when he was standing behind Tony, raising an eyebrow when Tony turned around with a stunned expression, "Nice camouflage by the way. Very Jason Bourne."

"Hey, Steve! You're here! Huh, that's strange" Tony frowned before sending a glance at the Wall Street, "I was just here in the neighborhood, to meet some guys at the Street. Just going back home now"

"Uh-huh" Steve smirked "Alright then, I hope you had fun meeting them. I just saw you here and thought I'd say hi. I won't delay you any longer." Steve gestured towards the Street and smiled. Tony frowned, looking confused and annoyed but clearly wanting to stick to his pretense. Steve could see that he was going to follow-up on his false-cover and march towards Wall Street even if he had nothing to do. So he tried another tactic.

"Or you could come join us and we could go back home together" Steve suggested and saw Tony bite back a sigh of relief but shrug nonchalantly. The Captain just shook his head and turned around, walking in step with Tony, who was clearly trying to play off his excitement. Steve was giddy with happiness himself but kept his calm. 

"So this is the new hot spot in town" Tony announced when they reached the group, "Do you guys have snacks or do we order in?"

There was an appraising silence in the group as the veterans looked at Tony grimly. Steve didn't say anything, letting them decide how to react. He knew that Tony would hate it if he tried to play his defence. Also, he wanted to see how people of his time and the person of his present reacted to each other.

"You've got cash, right? Well, open your strings and buy a round then," Warren suggested finally and just like that the ice was broken. Tony shrugged and grinned, plopping on the bench where Steve had been sitting before, whipping out his phone and rapidly ordering a bunch of snacks. Steve met Bucky's eyes and shrugged at the raised eyebrows. 

"Oh come ON!" Tony exclaimed as he waved his cola can around dramatically after an hour of discussion, "That's a bullshit offer! Really? Another museum type thing? What, we don't have enough of them? This is the 21st century, we have things so much bigger and better! We should do something like..like my expo. You know what, we should have an Expo! A full-on extravaganza, with the whole 40's feel to it but with you know, more  _me_. We could have 5-D shows-"

"Get some scenes behind the war shown. The barrack stories, the bars" Billy added, clearly taking advantage of Tony's enthusiasm. Bucky nodded himself, knowing the fun Stark's Expos had.

Tony gave them a thumbs-up and rattled on about ideas that flew through his mind. They had been discussing a campaign to get attention to the real concerns of the war veterans and get the public to know more about them. The group had unanimously rejected Tony's casual offer of just arranging for a better pension for all of them from his pocket. Steve had stood firm on that too, hushing Tony with a look when the billionaire tried to protest. Which is how they came to the idea of a public event to promote their cause and get the public interested.

"We should get Rhodey on this too" Steve heard Tony announce, eyes focused on his phone and fingers flying over it, "Maybe we could do a today meets yester years melange. Something to arouse the patriotic spirit of the American public without having a holiday to remind them. Rhodey's gonna love this." Steve saw Bucky grin at that and stare back with a challenging look when Steve met his eyes.

"I'm not gonna parade around like a damn showgirl" Warren announced with a huff and Tony looked up with shrewd eyes.

"Yeah? Well, we could have our dear old Captain America do that maybe." Tony suggested slyly and winked when Steve rolled his eyes, "And Warren, honey, you don't have the legs for a showgirl anyway."

The old veteran made a rude gesture and Tony batted his eyes innocently. He liked the spunk of these old-timers. They were not some grumpy old guys who shushed him for language or propriety. They were crazy old horses, holding no punches in their insults and reluctant but honest in their approvals. Also, he noticed that none of them treated Steve like he was some kind of untouchable deity. They made crude comments and laughed boisterously, tattling on each other with vicious competitiveness. 

Tony loved them. He would probably make them honorary Avengers one day, even if just to hear them use their 'language' on the field and make Steve sigh helplessly.

"You know, the next time you guys have your super secret meetings, you should just come over to the Tower" Tony pointed out as Billy and Bucky used his phone to prank call Rhodey, "Parks have bugs. And people, which is worse because you can't use pesticides on them. Also, JARVIS is a great host and Rogers here makes a mean cup of coffee. We should do Saturday Night Poker or something like that. You've not seen anything till you see Natasha slaughter you at poker. Oh and maybe you'll get to see Barnes' ribbon collection."

"Fuck you very much, Stark" Bucky grinned, "Your loofah collection is definitely worse. He's got the rainbow colors."

"Hey, I've got a colorful personality and you're a peeping Tom if you've got that information" Tony shrugged shamelessly before waggling his eyebrows at Steve, "But nothing can explain Steve's week-named underwear collection."

"I have no idea how you know that and I'm going to have a talk with JARVIS," Steve sighed but shot back with a challenging smirk, "but it still cannot beat Bucky's fluffy blankies. He's got the entire Avengers collection." Steve told in a deadpanned voice, ducking in time to escape the thrown cellphone.

"Oh please, Billy here has 'em too" Marty commented on that and Tony cackled at the solemn nod from Billy.

"Shit, Barney-boy, I know you liked me, but snuggling in my blankie? Are we at that stage yet?" Tony gasped mockingly at Bucky.

"Your ego is actually floating in space, Stark" Bucky quipped, "And your face isn't my type."

"Yeah, you shot at it, remember?" Tony shot back immediately and the entire group stopped talking. Tony seemed to realize what he said and Steve could see that Bucky was tensed, his grin slowly sliding off his face. It was still a delicate issue with him, the whole part of them almost killing Tony. Steve remembered the incident Tony had hinted at. Bucky had been furious and stuck in a relapse of his Winter Soldier persona at that time and he had almost blown Tony's face up, point-blank. Luckily, Tony had developed a gauntlet for such instances and had managed to defend himself on time. 

Steve was about to speak up and try to diffuse the tension when Tony cut in.

"And you still missed. You're a lousy shot, Barnes. I bet Rhodey beats you at darts every time." Tony commented with a cheeky grin and a deliberate calm. Steve looked at Bucky, watching as his best friend worked past his stilted defences and get the olive-branch being offered. Steve could pinpoint the exact moment when Bucky decided to take the leap and grab the peace offering, understanding that Tony was willing to let bygones be bygones and that it had been a genuine slip of information.

"Maybe you'll find out one of these day" Bucky replied with a smirk and Steve saw Tony raise his eyebrows in a sassy challenge acceptance.

"You have ribbons?" Warren asked Bucky, blinking slowly and the entire group looked at each other before bursting into laughter at the ridiculously late question.

The sun was starting to set when the group decided to disperse, most of them already having Tony's number stored in their phones and Billy making plans with Bucky to play an elaborate prank on Rhodey. Steve knew that both of these would lead to disastrous results but his heart felt a tad too full and his face was hurting from grinning so wide, so he let it go. He watched as Tony stood up from the bench and casually waved at Warren, shouting a flirtatious remark once the veteran had reached a safe distance. It was a silly thought at best, but it felt like Tony had met his family and they had approved of him. If Steve's mother had been alive, things would probably have ended in a dinner and some grilling questions. Today it was his old friends meeting the man he loved and accepting him, with Tony categorizing them as people he would like to interact with again and Bucky looking comfortable with the whole thing. It was like a 'meet the family' in some twisted way and Steve was amused that it had happened even though Tony had still not said anything to him.

"Alright, ready to go back home? I've already put aside a shit ton of work and this just messed up my schedule" Tony clapped his hands and announced, looking at Steve and Bucky.

"I thought you were already here to meet your friends at the Street?" Steve asked slyly and Bucky looked at him curiously.

"Whatever old man" Tony waved his hand dismissively but Bucky could make out the embarrassed blush on the billionaire's face.

"Hey, Stevie" he turned to his best friend, "why don't you go check the bikes. I think I left my key in mine and if it's gone, I'll need a ride." Bucky shrugged apologetically and Steve narrowed his eyes at him, clearly not believing the story but took a moment before he sighed and nodded. 

"Alright then. See you at home, Tony?" he asked the shorter man who was looking at Bucky with a suspicious stare.

"Yeah, see you at home" Tony nodded, sending a quick smile Steve's way before the super-soldier turned and walked away.

"That was a nice thing you did" Bucky said as soon as Steve was out of ear-shot, looking Tony right in the eye, "Coming to meet the guys here. Steve liked it."

"I was just curious" Tony shrugged, knowing that Bucky knew the real reason he had come, "Wanted to see the other people you guys mingled with."

"Do you like him?" Bucky cut to the chase.

"Is this the shovel talk?" Tony shot back with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes" Bucky answered bluntly, "He's like my brother and he likes you. What about you?"

"Define 'like'" Tony evaded and Bucky narrowed his eyes.

"Find agreeable, enjoyable, or satisfactory. Being fond of. Being attached to. Admire. Respect. Do you want me to go on?" Bucky asked in a caustic but calm voice.

"Okay, so you're a walking dictionary" Tony commented but sighed, "Yeah, I might like him. Is that a problem?"

"He loves you" Bucky said , again blunt in his approach.

"I told him specifically that I don't want to be asked the question you are clearly going to ask" Tony warned.

"There's no question here" Bucky snorted, "I'm just telling you in confirmation. He loves you. The punk actually loves you. And I want to make sure that you understand that."

"You know that you're practically doing the things that'll make me run away, right?" Tony asked in annoyance, "I mean, these are clearly things that make people run away."

"I know" Bucky nodded, "That's why I'm telling you."

"You want me to run away?" Tony asked with a frown, "Because I can tell you that I don't think Steve'll appreciate that."

"I want to know if you're going to run away." Bucky clarified, hands digging into his leather jacket, "Now that you know that he loves you, I want to know if you're gonna run away. Are you gonna run, Stark?"

"It's none of your business" Tony retorted, clearly frustrated with the talk.

"You'd do the same for Rhodes" Bucky commented lowly and Tony scowled.

"Rhodey'll kick my ass if I ever did this" Tony shot back sharply.

"Steve'll kick mine too" Bucky shrugged like he was okay with that, "But we'd still do it. You and me, we'd still do this for those idiots. So, I'm asking you again here, are you gonna run?"

Tony could clearly feel the panicked part of his brain struggle to stay down. It would be an easy answer, saying yes. Because Tony knew that there was a high probability of that happening. It was a direction all signs would point at. It was a logical conclusion from his track record.

But then he remembered Steve's face when he declared his feelings casually the previous day. He remembered the stupid but endearing date, how both of them hadn't done anything romantic but Tony had never felt this comfortable on dates before. How Steve hadn't kissed him or held his hands, instead sassed back and hit him on the back, all casual and familiar. Giving Tony space. Letting him choose what to do. He remembered how Steve hadn't pestered for a second date. How Tony had been brooding the entire day today, debating with himself about coming to the park. How he had tried to pass it off as a chance meeting. How Steve hadn't pushed him or called him out on his obvious bluff. Steve was doing everything in his power to let Tony be who he was. He hadn't tried to change him or made demands.

And he was definitely going to kick Bucky's ass when he found out about this talk. That thought alone made Tony grin and decide his answer. 

Steve looked up and turned to see Bucky walk over, whistling and hands shoved into his jacket. He frowned and regarded him suspiciously.

"What'd you do?" he asked with narrowed eyes, "Where's Tony? Did you two have a fight? Did you kill him and bury him in the park? Buck, stop whistling, you're freaking me out."

"Cool your knickers there, punk" Bucky laughed and caught the keys Steve threw mid-air, "Your fella's left for the Tower. He's alive and really? Bury him in the park? That's tacky, Stevie."

"Right" Steve muttered with an eye-roll and got on his bike.

"Hey, Steve?" Bucky asked as he got on his own, "What'd he say? When you told him that you loved him?"

"He said he can't say it back" Steve replied with a sigh, "Said he doesn't love me."

"He's lying" Bucky snorted before turning to look at Steve with serious eyes, "You know he's lying, right?"

"I know, Buck" Steve told him with a small smile, "I just have to make him realize that too."

As they both rode back to the Tower, Bucky smiled in the darkness, knowing that Steve would succeed and pretty soon. Because he knew something that probably Steve believed in his gut but hadn't heard from Tony yet. His answer to Bucky's question.

_"If I had to run, I wouldn't have come here today."_

As long as they had their todays, Bucky was sure that Steve and Tony would make it through. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all of you got love today! And that you get it every day. But I'd also love it if you could leave a comment <3


	28. The Universe And Human Stupidity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am completely overwhelmed by you guys and your comments. Thank you so much for staying along till here. We're 3 chapters away from the end.

Tony had always been famous as Howard Stark's son, before he made a name for himself. He was the Stark scion, the legacy of the indomitable Stark spirit. If he excelled at a school project, the teachers lauded the prominent Stark genes. When he solved riddles faster than his peers, his professors raised their glasses to the Stark perseverance. He had been Howard's kid, always Howard's shadow.

Not many people saw the Maria Stark in him. 

Tony had always been closer to his mom rather than his dad. His dad taught him to be strong but his mom taught him to be accepting. His dad taught him perfection but his mom showed him the beauty of imperfection. His dad was the statue at the gate and his mom was the fountain flowing around it. They were as different as day and night. But they had stuck together, once happily then in misery, till the very end. When Howard Stark died, Tony felt himself grow taller suddenly, forced to be a man greater than his name. When Maria Stark died, Tony felt his hope for normality vanish gradually, forced to become a successor rather than a bereaved son. Pepper had seen through this void a long time ago and had silently nudged Tony to take action, to grasp onto the fading memories of his mother. That was how the Maria Stark Charitable Foundation had been born. Because if Tony could remember one word right now to associate with his mother, it was just that: Charitable.

"Tony, are you alright?"

Tony blinked out of his daze and saw Steve staring at him in concern, wrench in hand and face streaked by a line of grease.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine" Tony muttered and wrenched his gaze away from Steve, looking down to see what he was doing only to frown, "That doesn't look right."

"I figured that you were trying to reconfigure the engine but the brake wire doesn't seem to be the right thing to go down there" Steve pointed out casually, not mentioning that Tony had almost poked a whole in the fuel tank while he was working in a daze. Steve himself had been working on his bike and had been catching glimpses of Tony redesigning an old car of his.

"No, it's fine. I just wanted to try something" Tony waved his hand dismissively and hit his forehead with the spanner he was holding, "Shit! Stupid spanner. How long have you been here anyway?"

Steve raised an eyebrow and shrugged, "The same time you have. Must be four hours or so. You want to break for some lunch?"

Tony made a buzzer sound at that, indicating that was a wrong answer. Steve rolled his eyes and stood up, but still waited for Tony to come out from under his car.

They were in Tony's garage, fiddling with cars and bikes, after Bruce had kicked Tony out from the lab, taking one look at the genius attempting to use Bruce's machine on one of Tony's project. It had been a colorful fight in the morning and Steve had walked into the workshop area just in time to see Bruce growling at Tony and beginning to turn green. They had somehow managed to calm Bruce and Steve had dragged Tony away from the place.

The look on the genius' face had been defiant, like he had been expecting reprimand or yelling. Steve had instead suggested that they tinker in his garage for the day. Steve had expected Tony to fight him, argue or sass him about the suggestion but the shorter man had simply shrugged and walked off to the garage.

That had been Steve's first indication that something was wrong with Tony.

In the garage Tony hadn't spoken a word, making wordless noises and muttering under his breath every few minutes or so. Steve had tried to start off a conversation twice but Tony had just hummed his responses. That had been the next indication. And the final straw was when Steve saw Tony muddling up a simple procedure with his car. 

"Lunch is for weaklings and goats, Steven" Tony sniffed and then sneezed, finally coming up from the car, "Also, I've got a lot of work that will result in calamities if I don't grace them with my wondrous wisdom. Keep tinkering or something. JARVIS'll close up once you're done." Tony wiped his hands on a rag nearby and clapped Steve's shoulder with a fake smile.

"You're partly a goat" Steve joked, gesturing towards the goatee but bit back a sigh when Tony simply winked at that and walked off without waiting for another word. If Tony had been normal, he would have shot back a comment and would have fought till he got the last word in the banter. 

Steve stared at the garage door, wishing he had the first clue about what the problem was. He could ask Tony, but he was 110% sure that he would get a better answer from Dum-E than Tony himself. Any questioning will simply lead to an argument which would lead to a fight and absolutely no solution. 

"JARVIS" Steve asked softly, "Do you have any idea what's wrong?"

"I would need a clearer area of questioning, sir" the AI responded apologetically, "I'm afraid that Sir has restricted my answering capability for today."

Steve frowned at that, wondering what Tony wanted to restrict.

"Okay" Steve began, thinking about specific questions, "JARVIS, is Tony physically ill?"

"I detected no anomaly or irregular symptom in Sir today, Captain" the AI answered after a second.

"That's good" Steve muttered to himself and went on to his second question, "Did Tony have any altercation with any of the Avengers, Pepper, Rhodey or anyone related to SHIELD?"

"Sir did not converse with anyone from SHIELD. Ms. Potts and Colonel Rhodes left brief messages for sir yesterday night but -"

"Do you have the authority to show them to me? Or let me listen to them?" Steve cut in, his brain catching on to the fact, "If it's confidential then don't JARVIS, but if not and if Tony hasn't given you any instruction to -"

"I do not detect any confidentiality in the message, Captain. Sir has ignored them and has not instructed it to be made private or asked to delete them. Would you like to hear them, Captain?"

Steve was not a straight laced, pure pigeon. He had defied rules and twisted around codes to get a job done many times. But this was personal. This was Tony. If he did this, there was no going back. There would be no hiding from Tony. He would have to face the reaction from the man whom he was trying to convince of his love. It was a choice between ending his curiosity and risking Tony's trust. 

Steve decided that it was no choice after all.

When Steve left the garage, JARVIS wished him a good day and for the first time in long, Steve felt that he heard respect and approval in the AI's tone. Many would say that an AI could not emote, but Steve had learnt it years back that JARVIS was more than an AI. He was Tony Stark's oldest confidante.

\----------------------------

It turned out that Steve didn't need to search for the reason much longer. The television did a pretty good job of that.

"- _the 23rd death anniversary of legendary inventor Howard Stark is being observed in a sober mood by the -"_

_"-Senator Marne speaks about his connection with the Stark sr. in today's special -"_

_"absence of comment from the son and heir, Tony Stark has sparked controversy about the relationship between the late scion and -"_

Steve switched off the yelling TV and let his head drop in his hands. The date. He had forgotten the date. He had been so caught up with his own work and the morning commotion that he had forgotten the date. 

It was Howard and Maria's death anniversary.

Steve felt like laughing hysterically at himself. He had been so caught up in himself and his new found feelings for Tony that he had forgotten that the man had a past that still blocked his present at every step. Tony might have made a new life for himself but he still lived a second life that hid in the shadows of Howard. He was a self made man wearing the chains of the past around his feet.

Steve knew that Tony had mixed notions about his father. At first, Steve had found it bewildering that the genius disliked being called Howar'd son, that he disliked being the legacy of such a great man. It was a puzzle to Steve and he decided to spend every minute he spent with Tony to solve. Mid-way he had resorted to breaking the puzzle in frustration, but it still hadn't been solved.

In the end, after almost two hundred fights, Steve had finally understood the answer. It wasn't Steve's puzzle to solve. It was as simple as that. The puzzle wasn't getting solved because it wasn't Steve's to solve. It was Tony's. 

Of course that hadn't stopped Steve from butting his head into Tony's 'puzzles' quite a lot many times. But that was just how he was and it didn't change just because he had made a life-changing discovery about his heart. Steve was still the same person, just as Tony was, no matter what they did, who they loved or where they stood with each other.

Steve sighed and decided to calm down before he did something stupid. Moments like these, when you feel like you are a knighted hero and the world cannot right itself without you, it was this notion that had led to Steve becoming Captain America. But it was the same idea that had made him uncomfortable with relationships. Bucky had once told him, when they had been lazing around in the rehab, that he felt like he was two individuals - Bucky Barnes, the guy who liked orange pulp juice and gobbled science fiction whenever possible and Winter Soldier, the shadow who refused to stand down if an argument got heated or somebody considered him abnormal.

Rhodey, who had been eavesdropping on them while pretending to sleep had snorted and said, "Of course you're abnormal. All of us are abnormal. What's normal about running  _towards_ danger instead of away? But if being abnormal and weird and socially awkward makes you feel comfortable in your own skin, who the hell cares?"

Steve now connected that to both himself and Tony. Both of them had ghosts of their pasts, dual lives and different codes for personal and professional lives. Both of them changed the rules as they went. And both of them had their own childhood sob stories which they didn't like to be defined by. 

Sighing to himself, Steve picked up his phone to check on one person first before he let his 'Tony train' of thoughts run away.

The line picked up in the third ring.

"Tell me you didn't run off to some farm and build yourself a hut to hide in" Steve said as way of greeting, putting the call on speaker.

"I'm going to presume you mean the  _other_ James, because I'm sure as hell not a farm guy," Rhodey's voice came through and Steve blinked in confusion, "We're at my house. Apparently my sister had some history project and my mother had some wine project. And also, both of these highly respectable projects require me to take a day off from my damn work. Your best friend is commandeering both. I think I'm in some kind of intoxicating hell."

Steve felt a bit of his tension bleed away at the thought of Bucky being safe on this day. With a family that actually wanted him to be there. Howard's death was a huge part of Bucky's past too and Steve knew that his best friend would try to underplay it. Apparently, Rhodey was smarter than Bucky.

"Thanks Rhodes" he said, putting every bit of sincerity into his voice, "Really, thank you."

"Hey man, listen, in my opinion Howard Stark was an ass and he's had his share of people worship for a long time," Rhodey said matter-of-factly, "But he's dead and what's done is done. The country's mourning the legend. I'll put in my two minutes of silence too. That doesn't mean that people who're alive need to stop living or feel guilty about it. That's a damn stupid thing and it's not happening on my watch. Now your best friend pranked my ass all day long for three days and honestly, I thought bringing him to my extremely loud and absolutely rude home would be a good revenge. Looking at things here, it's not. Shit happens and we're dealing with it. Now I'm not gonna tell you what to do here, but I'm hoping that you do something for my best friend too. That fool's no princess but he could be a drama queen to the level of Aslan. You got it, right?"

"Sir yes sir" Steve answered with a smile and heard a grumble from the other side before Rhodey's voice erupted in a shriek that Steve equated to either glitter or gasoline. Knowing when to back off, Steve chuckled and ended the call, letting the mad house people handle the prankster that he knew Bucky could be.

"Kind of grows on you, doesn't he?" Steve heard a familiar voice and turned his head around to see Tony lean against the wall, looking at Steve with an amused grin, "Rhodey, I mean."

"Yeah, like a fungus" Steve quipped with a grin at Tony's finger gun, "Bucky's not so different."

"So, you finally saw the calendar." Tony announced with a bitter smile, eyes fixed at a spot above Steve's head, "Think we should go all goth and karaoke to depressing songs?"

"Actually, I saw the news" Steve clarified with a disgusted look at the TV, "It's depressing as it is. Senator Marne giving an emotional interview? That's kind of like Hades weeping over hell, isn't it?"

Tony stared at Steve with an unreadable expression for a minute before slowly pushing off the wall and coming to stand behind him to flick Steve's ear.

"Don't go insulting Hades, Rogers," Tony chided in a fond voice even as Steve rolled his eyes, "That guy's got style. He's probably the most stylish cartoon ever created."

"She-Ra. Not even close" Steve amended with a pointed finger and Tony waggled his eyebrows.

"Was it the flying unicorn or the heels?" Tony asked with an innocent look and Steve shrugged.

"It was the hair, really" he commented casually, "us blondes gotta stick together."

Tony snorted at that before sauntering around the sofa and plopping down next to Steve, bossily nudging the other man's hip to adjust.

"Seriously, we're not talking about this?" he asked after a moment of silence, poking at Steve's arm with a finger, "I'm not some breakable damsel you know. I can take it. I'm a big boy."

"Well, gee, I didn't know that" Steve remarked in a dead-panned voice and got a pinch in return, "We don't have to talk all the time, Tony. Conversation isn't always necessary for us to sit in the same room."

"Ah, but you're still curious" Tony pointed out bluntly, "JARVIS told me that you asked about Pep and Rhodey's messages from yesterday night."

Steve stilled for a second but relaxed enough to slightly lean into Tony's shoulder, shrugging his own shoulder in response.

"Everybody's allowed their secrets, Shellhead" Steve said in a soft voice, looking at Tony's fingers on the genius' knees, "Just because we went on a date and I love you, doesn't mean that you have to spill your soul to me."

"I know that," Tony shrugged but cocked his head to the side and looked at Steve with serious eyes, "And I'm glad that you didn't hear it. I would have probably made Star Spangled Man your ringtone permanently if you had. But I'm glad you didn't."

Steve smiled at that and nodded.

"You wouldn't have got it from those messages anyway" Tony continued and Steve turned his head slightly to look at the man leaning against his shoulder, "Howard was my dad. He died and that's really not something I'm going to sulk over forever. People die all the time. Sure, I don't like it when nosy journalists with their so called 'research' create their own fantasy stories about us, but hey, everybody likes some good old fiction."

Steve didn't agree with Tony on excusing the media for their callousness but kept silent, not wanting to break the moment.

"It's nothing really. Just me on my mood cycle," Tony waved his hand vaguely, "Usually I drink it off or get soaked in the sweet stench of a workshop marathon but I guess this time I tried something different. I mean, I don't think I would have gone  _terribly_ wrong with Bruce's machine and honestly, his lack of trust in me sometimes makes me think twice about tea people and their conservatism but whatever, he got a little green and -"

"Tony" Steve cut in gently but firmly, taking initiative and placing a hand over Tony's drumming fingers on the knee, "You don't have to explain anything you don't want to. This isn't a trick situation or a test. It's your decision and your point of view. You don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable with. But yes, maybe don't go stealing Bruce's machines before his second cup of tea." Steve teased at the end, hoping to leave an open end and an assurance.

"And what if I want to?" Tony asked quietly, eyes sharp on Steve's face, "What if I want to tell you about it?"

Steve felt his heart race race against the seconds of his watch but simply maintained eye-contact with Tony, letting the other man see that Steve was serious.

"Then I'd listen" Steve replied, making sure that he said 'listen' and not 'hear'.

Tony's eyes searched Steve's face for something intently and the taller man held still, letting Tony take his time and chose his moment. He must have done something right because Tony gave a short jerk nod and leaned back against Steve's shoulder.

"The first four years after they died" Tony began in a detached voice, the only organ betraying his emotion being his fingers that were unconsciously tapping against Steve's arm, "there were public memorials, wakes, condolences pouring in, tributes from scientists and engineers of the world. The whole nine yards. I didn't attend any of it or receive anything. Obie- _Obadiah_ took care of everything. The fifth year, I decided that I wanted to have a look at what exactly happened at one of these group wakes or remembrance gatherings. There was this big event at DC. There were science patrons, philanthropists, military personnel, politicians, you think of them and they were there. Everybody wore sober colors and made sad faces when they played air-kisses with me but I could see that they weren't there to mourn anyone. They were there to celebrate Howard Stark. The power of Stark Industries. It was cool in a kind of way, made me feel more important than usual. Top of the world stuff."

Tony paused and chuckled softly, making Steve shift an inch closer, to comfort whom we didn't know.

"The sixth year, the same old shit happened. And I began to see a pattern. Every year, they'd make this whole circus show for him, my dad, and go play footsie with the who's-who, most of the times that included me, drink some good champagne and leave. But Howard Stark was celebrated, every year, without fail. By the tenth year, I began to get drunk to even go to one of those. I hated them. Not because they celebrated Howard or remembered my parents' death anniversary, which totally doesn't mean anything, because hello, it's not like they're gonna cut cake or something."

"It was because they forgot that my parents consisted of two individuals" Tony said after a pause, shaking his head with a grim smile, "The name of Howard was so big that it dwarfed the name of the other person who died with him. Probably died because of him, if you think about it now, because Hydra sure didn't want anything to do with her. Howard Stark's death sort of pushed back the life of his wife, the woman who died with him. It wasn't my parents' death anniversary, it was just Howard's death anniversary. Maria Stark was just a 'care of', just a collateral to the huge loss to the world."

"She was your mother. Is your mother" Steve said quietly, watching the 'playboy, billionaire, genius, philanthropist' open up a new side to him.

"It isn't about nostalgia, Steve" Tony disagreed, "It's about equity. Maria Stark was as important as Howard, at least to those who knew her. She didn't have scientific patents to her name or create missiles for the country, but she was a powerful woman of her own right. Howard created a world for himself, a world around himself. He was a son-of-a-gun and an arrogant bastard, but he had talent. He was powerful. He was a creator. The thing is, so was Maria Stark. She created a world of her own, she created our home. Sure, it was a broken home with a poster family for estrangement but she managed to make sure that I didn't get disavowed or killed in one of Howard's drunken rages. She didn't hit him back or anything but she had her own class. Did you know, she could fire a gun as well as Aunt Peggy. She could have become an agent if she didn't think that fur coats looked better than dirty pants. I don't care that the world didn't know her or that she preferred black and white photographs over color. I just found it incredibly amazing, in an annoying way, that people conveniently forgot about her when they raised their glasses to Howard. It was like her death didn't matter. Her life didn't matter."

Steve listened closely and shifted through the words to come to an understanding.

"Which is why you created the Maria Stark Foundation" he realized with a sad smile.

"Pepper's brain child mostly" Tony shrugged but Steve could tell by the seriousness in the brown eyes that Tony had been passionate about it too, "She thought she was being subtle but really, her idea of subtle isn't really different from Bruce's idea of party. It doesn't exist almost. But yeah, we started the Foundation and for a brief time, people started talking about the other Stark, the woman who spawned Howard's kid. The novelty lasted all together for about three years and then again, the focus shifted to the Stark in the name and Maria became just some lucky chick who snagged Howard Stark years ago. Seeing the way things are now, it's not changed much."

Steve remained silent after Tony's rant, giving them both time to absorb what had been said. He had always wondered about Maria and had wished to know more about the woman who surely must have had a fiery persona to handle two Stark men under one house. He hadn't found much in records or from mouth-of-word. He hadn't asked Tony because he imagined that it would garner a reaction similar to the ones of Howard's mention. Hearing Tony speak about her, in his own twisted emotional way, made Steve wish he had learnt to know the man behind the genius better from the beginning. The devil-may-care attitude and larger-than-life persona blinded people when they met Tony Stark so much so that they forgot that he was human too.

Seeing Tony open up that one inch to him made Steve feel stronger about his conviction that loving Tony was the best thing to happen to him. He saw Tony twitch beside him and realized that his silence might get mistaken for discomfort.

"I get my strength from my mother" Steve began, grinning when Tony shifted to look at him better, "Not the serum strength, the one that got me the opportunity to be selected for the serum. Sarah Rogers was a fighter all through her life. While the other kids would tease me for being sickly thin and some neighbor ladies would tutt over my misfortune, Ma always told me to get up and fight back. She'd poke and prod and push till we tried for the highest step of the ladder. Oh yeah, Bucky got some pretty good yells from her too. His mother wasn't around for long and Ma didn't even blink before she pulled him in and made him an honorary Rogers."

"You miss her" Tony gathered and studied Steve's face with one of his analytical expressions, "You miss your mother."

"All the damn time" Steve replied with a shrug, "Bucky does too, in fact, the first thing he remembered when he saw me was that Ma worked as a nurse. He remembered her more than me."

"She must have been pretty awesome" Tony commented with a small grin on his face and Steve nodded.

"The best lady I'll ever know" Steve agreed before adding softly, "Somewhere in the same category as Peggy, your mom, Pepper, Sharon and Natasha."

Tony's face closed off for a second and Steve decided to press for advantage.

"Maria Stark sounds pretty awesome too, Tony," he declared firmly, holding the darker eyes in a hard gaze, "Just because the world doesn't see it, doesn't mean that she shouldn't be or isn't valued. The media and the public don't know us. They don't know our lives or our stories. It's none of their business too. They take whatever they get and hype on that. Howard Stark to them is not the same as he is to you or me. They see him as a legend, not as a father. The same way, they see Maria and Sarah as names that appear on the 'relatives' section of our names, not as people who meant most to us. But that doesn't matter because we're the only ones who decide whom we love. Whom we respect. Whom we choose to keep high in our memories or celebrate. Maria Stark and Sarah Rogers would rather we celebrate them by holding their strength and love with us always than have a couple of skeevies drink champagne in their names. You and I, we're celebrating them. That's enough, isn't it?"

Tony was silent throughout Steve's whispered speech, eyes staring endlessly into Steve's own, trying to gauge any hint of patronizing sentiment or pity. Steve felt his tension leave his body when Tony finally seemed to relax and nodded once.

"You're a damn romantic, Steve" Tony teased as he nudged Steve's arm with his own, "Just a big old softie."

"It is what it is" Steve shrugged but grinned wildly when Tony smirked.

An hour or so later, when Natasha walked into the room to watch some TV, she stopped and stared at the two men peacefully sleeping on the couch, Steve's arms wrapped around Tony's waist and Tony's hand resting on Steve's head. She quietly snapped a picture, smiled softly at it and went back, glad that two of her closest friends were finally getting what they deserved - each other.

\-----------------------------

Steve didn't know what triggered it but before he could try to wake up and convince himself that it wasn't real, he found himself falling into the ocean, the cold piercing his skin and rapidly freezing his body. He saw the water, his eyes open, but his entire body paralyzed. Helpless. Trapped. Alone.

Then before his vision blurred he saw Bucky take his place, trapped in an ice-box. Eyes open and terrified but body stuck, mind stuck in a trapped body. His eyes were blown wide and panicked, desperately looking at Steve to save him. But Steve was frozen himself. Frozen and drowning.

Bucky seemed to transform into Tony then, the cryogenic chamber morphing into the steps of a courthouse and the body changing into a blood stained suit. The eyes were cold though, not terrified, and were staring at Steve, who was trying to yell, trying to break through his haze.

Steve saw the dying Tony open his mouth. Saw the trickle of blood slide down his chin. Saw his eyes blaze fire and flash ice.

" _Was it worth it?_ " he gasped as the blood gurgled and Steve saw Tony's eyes widen before his body heaved one last time. 

And Steve was still screaming behind frozen lips, yelling his soul out.

"Steve? Whoa...Steve! Steve, come on, it's not real, it's not real Steve, listen to me. Steve? Honey, come on, focus on my voice. It's all fine, you're fine. Come on, Steve, snap out of it" There was a voice above him, Steve realized and tried to listen. He tried to place the voice, tried to focus on that anchor. 

"That's it, that's it babe, you're fine, we're all fine. It's just a dream, nothing else, you can come out of it now. Come on out, Steve, come back. That's it, come on" The voice was encouraging him to push back at the ice, to break through it.  _Just a dream_. Steve felt the ice crack a bit and pushed through, focusing on the voice and pushing up towards it.

When he snapped his eyes open, Steve jolted up and sat on the bed, trying to determine his current location. He heard a rustle to his right and looked to see Tony, cautiously but calmly regarding him with outstretched hands raised in a peace gesture.

"To-Tony?..." he gasped in a sleep-blurred voice and saw Tony visibly deflate from his tensed position before carefully crawling onto the bed and offering a hand to Steve.

Steve looked at the hand and blinked through the adrenaline and confusion.

"Come here, Steve" Tony said softly and gestured to his hand. Steve looked at it one last time before placing his own shaking hand on it. Tony fluidly grasped it and went in, maneuvering himself till he was deftly placed against the headboard, his back to it, and Steve was curled in his arms. Steve stiffened for an instant but Tony kept mumbling nonsense in a low, calming voice and Steve let himself melt into the circle of arms holding him tight. Tony's arms tightened when he felt Steve burrow himself further and he began rocking softly, letting his hand run over Steve's arms and head, constantly touching him, letting him know that he wasn't alone.

They stayed in the same position for a few minutes, till Steve's shivers had died down and he gently pushed at Tony's arms to let him up. The shorter man let up and moved a bit till they were both sitting on the bed, side by side, their legs stretched in front of them.

"How?" Steve asked finally, just a notch above a whisper.

Tony shot him a small look before facing forward, "JARVIS. Picked up signs of distress."

"Thanks. Sorry." Steve replied eyes fixed on his own hands. When Tony's hand covered his own, Steve's fingers tightened around it.

"Shower or bath?" Tony asked and Steve looked up with a frown, "You're sweating, Steve. Do I run a bath or do you want to shower?"

"Shower" Steve replied after a moment's thought. A bath sounded a no-zone after that dream.

Tony nodded and nudged Steve slightly till the guy got the hint and moved to get down. He expected Tony to lead him to the bathroom or simply wait till he went inside.

He certainly didn't expect Tony to get inside with him.

"Tony, what are you doing?" Steve asked with a confused expression when Tony checked the temperature of the water.

"You said shower, right?" Tony asked calmly, "Let's get started then."

"Tony...I...we can't just..." Steve fumbled in frustration and saw Tony raise an eyebrow before shaking his head.

"Steve, I am NOT letting you stand under a shower of water for more than a few minutes after a nightmare you clearly had about water," Tony declared firmly, eyes hard and unyielding, "Also, I'm not a guy who would try to get sexy at this situation. It's not on my kink list, I swear. Your modesty is safe. Now, get out of those clothes or I'll start the shower with your clothes on."

Steve would have protested and fought harder but Tony looked fierce in his conviction and Steve was starting to get tired after the adrenaline. He simply nodded and slipped his t-shirt over his head and his slacks down his legs. When he reached his boxers, Tony's hand shot out and stopped him.

"Leave it on, it'll make you feel more comfortable" he said and Steve felt some satisfaction at that arrangement. He wasn't in the best form right now and getting completely naked with the man he loved under such circumstances would leave him feeling more humiliated than happy. Tony didn't remove his own clothes though and started the shower, making it only about Steve at the moment.

Steve felt his calm return with every minute he had Tony's hands gently massaging his shoulder with soap and lathering his hair with shampoo. There was absolutely nothing sexual about it. Maybe later Steve would feel embarrassed about it but at the moment, he let all fears go and let Tony take care of him.

Once Steve had finished showering and had gotten out of the bathroom, letting Tony change into dry clothing himself, he found awareness seep into his bones. A nightmare. He had gotten a nightmare and JARVIS had informed Tony about it. It must have been pretty bad for the AI to do that, he thought and wondered what he had done.

"I know that you have some old-school values about modesty and such" Tony said as he came out of the bathroom wearing Steve's old baseball sweatshirt and slacks, "but if I ask for something, will you consider it?"

"Sure" Steve replied, desperately not focusing on all the things Tony could ask.

"Sleep with me" Tony said simply and Steve's head whipped up so fast, he should have gotten whiplash.

"What?" he muttered with a gaping mouth.

"With your clothes on, mind out of the gutter honey" Tony chided with a teasing smile before his expression turned serious, "Sleep with me. You obviously have problems sleeping alone, maybe not always but you do. I have them too, and usually JARVIS has to use extreme measures to calm me down. Sometimes it gets bad enough to make me call my suit in my sleep. If you and I sleep together, then one of us could help the other. JARVIS would have less heart attacks too."

Steve wanted to comment that JARVIS didn't have a heart but he then realized that the AI in reality had the biggest heart of them all. He looked at Tony, trying to imagine the scenario the genius was suggesting. It was scandalous at best, the thought of sleeping with Tony daily, mindful of his behavior. But it was also a heartwarming thought, going to bed with someone he had come to call his own and waking up to the same face. It was a painful privilege.

"Your room?" Steve asked after a beat's consideration and Tony looked surprised but nodded.

"Has a better bed than yours and a better shower" Tony agreed and Steve smiled softly.

"You do realize that getting into somebody's bed after just one date is kind of cheesy?" Steve teased and Tony raised an eyebrow.

"We'll figure something out" he quipped with a shrug and Steve had to bite his cheek to grin normally instead of like a maniac.

That night, when Steve crawled into Tony's bed and lay on the left side, he didn't bite his cheek hard enough. If in the morning, he woke up to find Tony's hand sprawled over his middle and grinned again like a maniac, he figured that he deserved that bit of happiness. 

\-------------------------

The sleeping arrangement set off a series of changes in Steve and Tony's life. They seemed to have found more excuses to touch each other, some innocently, some deliberately and some for the sake of competition. During the day, they would go about their own work, finding time only to have lunch together (Tony's idea, since he said that Steve made horrible date plans. Steve saw through the lie but went along). They would have team meetings and bicker over strategies. Tony would drink Steve's first cup of coffee and Steve would eat Tony's pizza crusts. When they disagreed, they would fight viciously but then cool off with sparring and then editing Wikipedia profiles of people they didn't like. Tony almost instantly forgave Steve whenever Justin Hammer's profile got edited and Steve's frown changed into a grin whenever one of his irritating Congressmen's picture turned into a cabaret dancer's. 

At nights they would casually slip into Tony's room, sometimes together, sometimes Steve first and Tony later. Steve would wear his soft, old Dodgers t-shirt and SHIELD tracks while Tony would wear a black vest and slacks. Steve always slept on the left, near the exit of the room and Tony always started out in the right but ended up in the center of the bed, always waking up holding some part of Steve. He figured that he had warned Steve of taking advantage of his 'love confession' and didn't feel embarrassed about it. Steve didn't tease him about it too, acting like it was a regular practice.

On the fifth night, Tony had his nightmare of the portal. Steve held him and smoothed the hair off his face (which Tony groused about later). Tony preferred a bath over a shower and Steve sat by the bath, reading the latest art news he had found, letting his words lull Tony into a calm. After the bath, they would both change and get back into bed, JARVIS wishing them a good night.

On the twelfth night, Steve didn't feel sleepy and Tony was drowsy. They ended up watching  _Toy Story_ _II_ because Steve liked Buzz Lightyear and Tony could miss the entire movie and not feel left out. Tony drooled on Steve's shoulder and Steve hummed along to the  _You've Got A Friend In Me_ rendition. He'd feel better in the end and would rearrange Tony properly on the bed, before telling JARVIS to shut out the lights and close his own eyes.

On the fifteenth night, they ended up sleeping in a cuddling position.

On the seventeenth night, Tony kissed Steve.

And it was the start of their problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you there would be feels and angst for a while. What did you think of the chapter? All comments will be loved and petted and cooed at <3


	29. Just Flesh And Bones After All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just two more chapters to go!

The general public, the masses if you wanted to be further generic, had a common belief propagated by skeptic romantics about the duration of a 'honeymoon phase' of a couple. It usually conformed to the married ones, but it existed and was silently heard by many shy ears before making or breaking a commitment. It was called the 'seven year itch'. It was probably not true but served as a handy excuse for insecure hearts and filter-less brains.

Tony went one step further with the idea. He liked to believe in the seven  _month_ itch. It had worked out for him perfectly fine too. He had an excellent record of relationships that lasted less than seven months. The one with Pepper was the only record-exception. It had lasted eleven months. Tony had almost had it registered in the Guinness Records for that.

With Steve, he had predicted it would last a whole of seven days. Well, technically they weren't in a relationship. Even though Steve had professed his love for Tony, they slept together everyday, they bantered and their fights were more of explosive foreplay than outright war. But they weren't in a relationship, according to Tony, because they were lacking some pretty major things that people in relationships did. A three letter word that Tony liked (sex) and a four letter word that he suspected Steve liked better (kiss). 

The whole thing was confusing as hell but there was one point that Tony had been sure of. They would last a whole of seven days. He had been prepared for it, mentally rehearsing casual talks and planning a schedule that would make any awkward interactions minimal. But then the seventh night had passed and the eighth day was a Sunday, when the genius had woken up to the calm face of Steve sleeping beside him. The entire day, Tony had tried to observe Steve and pick up the slightest clue of the surely upcoming disaster. 

It didn't happen. It was the same old boring day - breakfast, tinkering, bloated bunnies gone loose in the city, debrief, bickering about debrief, late lunch, coffee, inventing marathon attempt, inventing marathon attempt aborted by the WWII Expo planning, sparring, agreeing to all and any commands from Pepper, annoying one of the Avengers, getting rescued from incineration by said Avenger thanks to Steve, working on a new idea for the next 'Big Thing Of The Century' and finally slipping into bed, with, no prizes for guessing, Steve. 

He had successfully managed to sleep with Steve Rogers for seven days, without one of them choking the other in their sleep. When the eighth morning rolled in, Tony forgot about it and went about pampering himself to the knowledge that Steve loved him.

Of course, nothing ever gets really forgotten when you have a brain like Tony's. Especially when you get excellent reminders on bright, sunny mornings, getting up cuddled in the extremely comfortable arms of the man you had always placed on an unattainable pedestal. On the fifteenth day of their 'sleeping together' arrangement, Tony woke up with a smile, literally in Steve's arms, and thought, "Hey, this is nice". And then proceeded to begin his official freak out for thinking that. 

Since he was an expert at the silent art of freaking out, he made sure that nobody found out about it.

The next day, Steve had to go on a mission and Tony went to the office under threat from Pepper. It was an incredibly busy day, even by his standards and when night fell, he was just glad to sleep and when Steve came back from the mission late, Tony felt him consciously cross the bed and gather Tony into his arms. Steve had voluntarily slept cuddling Tony and the genius didn't know if his freak-out was bigger or the unprecedented calmness he felt.

On the seventeenth day, Tony woke up to find Steve missing from the bed. The lack of coffee made him confused and he sauntered down to the kitchen to get fueled, to dash into Sam who told him that Steve had left to meet someone important and hadn't told anything more to anyone.

Tony clenched his mug and resolutely avoided any reaction except for a nonchalant shrug before delving back into his coffee. In his mind he had already ticked off the 'itch' box and stubbornly ignored the painful squeezing in his heart. 

Steve hadn't come back when Tony came out of his workshop in the evening and the curious look on Wanda's face when he casually inquired about him sent Tony back into his 'lair' running. It was of no use, he convinced himself with a bitter laugh, the itch had returned and Tony's record was safe. The 'forever' part was really not part of his dictionary. 

He pushed himself into his work and lost track of time. There was no necessity to rush to bed tonight. He didn't have to worry about peaceful sleeping faces, grounding warm arms or sleepy 'Good Night's tonight. He didn't have to expect anymore.

Which was why he blinked and stared at the ceiling for a whole minute when JARVIS announced that Steve was standing outside the workshop.

"What time is it, J?" he asked, clearing his throat and frowning at the number of holographic projections he had open.

"It is 1:45 a.m, Sir" JARVIS announced, "And Steve has been waiting at the door for fifteen minutes now."

"Steve? Since when did he become Steve to you?" Tony asked with raised eyebrows.

"It was a request, Sir" the AI responded in what sounded like a fond voice to Tony. 

"Huh" Tony mused, "Does he have his bags? Is he wearing his uniform? Formal clothes? Does he look like he's ready to leave, J?"

The AI was silent for a second before answering in a long suffering voice.

"He does not have any bags, Sir and he is wearing his Dodgers t-shirt and charcoal slack pants. The ones you alternate calling 'Granny pants' or 'Ass-show pants'. From my calculations, I believe that he looks dressed for sleep, Sir."

Tony cocked his head at that and ordered JARVIS to clear the opaque code on the glass walls and let Steve in.

"Hey Tony," Steve called out, looking like a sleepy kid with slit eyes, "How much longer are you gonna be? You're not planning to sleep here today, right?"

Tony stared at Steve, who was softly grinning at Tony, looking unbelievably adorable in his sleep-wear.

"What're you doing here?" he blurted out, "When did you come back?" 

Steve frowned at the stunned look on Tony's face and shrugged lightly.

"At around eight," he replied, cocking his head to the side, "And I'm here to ask you to come to bed? Why, is something wrong?"

"You were gone today" Tony pointed out, taking a step towards Steve forcefully, "You were gone when I woke up."

"Ah, that," Steve observed and then proceeded to look embarrassed, ducking his head a bit, "Yeah, well I had to go see a man about something. I thought I'll come back faster but my bike broke down and then my phone battery died."

"Something important?" Tony asked, not even pretending to be casual anymore, "This thing you had to see someone about. Something serious?"

"It is to me," Steve replied quietly, "But I'm not sure about it really though. I mean, it's not  _mine_ so I really can't judge the value but I'm guessing that it should be. Actually, you know what? Hold on. You'd know better if it was important."

Steve held out a finger and rushed out of the workshop, leaving Tony floundering and confused. The sixty seconds it took Steve to come back were the most restless seconds of Tony's life.

"Here, tell me what you think," Steve said as he came back, carrying a small brown book-shaped parcel and thrusting it in Tony's direction.

Tony looked at the package in front of him and then stared back at Steve, before gingerly plucking it off his hands and unwrapping it. Maybe it was a going away present or a break-up present, Tony thought bitterly. But he liked presents and he was curious to know what took Steve an entire day to get and he was definitely not upset about-

Oh.

Tony stared at the frame in his hand and felt his heart stop. It was not some fancy picture or a really valuable art piece. It wasn't some expensive frame or a flattering portrait of Tony.

It was an old newspaper article in Italian. A fading cut out, neatly framed in a simple brown and gold trimmed edge. It shouldn't have made Tony feel breathless, considering his general hatred towards newspapers.

But it did.

"It's an article about the philanthropy and charitable benefactions of Maria Carbonell Stark" Steve said in a low voice, sounding far closer than he was, "It's from a small-time Italian journal that interviewed her when she had gone to visit Italy some time. Billy, the veteran from the park, his son-in-law is apparently Italian and he tracked down this one. It's not much, just a snippet I suppose, but it's based on just Maria. I  _did_ get a scanned version of it yesterday, but this is the original and I got it sent in so that you could have it. I know you said you aren't nostalgic but hey, it'll be nice to know that Howard wasn't always the most important, right?"

Tony really wasn't nostalgic. But he was also not unbreakable or a robot. Before he could feel his lungs collapse or brain explode, he placed the frame on the table nearby and closed the few steps distance to Steve.

Tony didn't know who pulled whom in first, but it didn't matter when he  _finally_ felt Steve's lips moving over his own. There were no fireworks or sudden shoots of cold through his veins. But there were eager lips, warm hands and a magnetic body molding into his own as Tony ran his hands through Steve's hair and felt the taller man's hands frame his face. It felt like Steve was stopping his breath before it became carbon. It was passionate with heartache, burning but beautiful. 

In that moment, between Steve's hands and a smile captured between his lips, Tony believed that didn't have a never in their lives before. It was a possibility of everything that let him nudge one kiss into the next's starting line. Minutes raced by and muttered noises became more common in his garbled thoughts, but they didn't have a never touching their world. It was the meteor he wished would pass by and hit Venus or Mars. In those moments, Tony's world was neverless.

But the moments had to end and the lips had to part. Tony never hated breathing more but when he saw Steve struggle with it too, he felt better. Well, as better as he would ever feel before he was going to say the words he had to say now.

"Tony, I love -"

"Steve, you have to leave. I need you to leave the Tower immediately."

Steve froze and his hands stilled mid-air, obviously stalled in their journey towards Tony's arms. Tony didn't let his eyes linger on them, forcing them to stay focused on Steve's face instead. To be brave enough to watch as he tore the heart of the man who was probably the best thing in his life. He kept his eyes trained on Steve's stunned blue ones, registering the moment in his mind for the endless nightmares that were sure to follow.

Because Tony had finally realized that he loved Steve. And that was why he had to do this.

"Tony, I don't- I don't understand," Steve stuttered before visibly trying to gather his wits and any strength possible, "You just kissed me. And now you-no, I can't go now. What're you talking about?"

"I'm talking about me" Tony replied calmly, his face masking the raging twister that was slowly destroying everything inside of him, "I can't do this. You and me, it's not going to happen. And I can't have you here after this because it'll just get way too awkward and I can't handle 'awkward' in my own house."

"I don't understand!" Steve demanded, the sudden bolt of emotions completely putting his calm off, "How can you say that?! You were here, right? Your lips were there on mine? How can you still deny it? Why're you doing this?!"

"Because I want to," Tony commented, holding Steve's gaze and internally wincing at the bare emotions swirling through the man's eyes, "Because this is my life and my house and I don't want you here anymore."

"Is this about the article?" Steve asked desperately, trying to think through the storm of confusion and hurt, "Did I hurt you? Tony, please. Tell me what's wrong. This isn't the solution. We can't just-I can't just leave you. Not now. There's something going on that's troubling you, right? Tell me. Please, Tony, let's just talk it out. Don't do this -"

"There's really nothing to talk, Steve," Tony shot back calmly, "There's nothing to fix. Nothing's broken here." Except for me, he wanted to add but kept mum.

"Then what was the kiss?!" Steve exploded, anger talking over the hurt, "Huh?! Why'd you kiss me then?!"

"That was a thank you" Tony replied quietly and saw Steve involuntarily take a step back.

"A thank you" Steve echoed blankly, "You kiss everyone who gives you a gift this way?"

"Mostly," Tony shrugged, even though his brain was yelling at him as he saw Steve gulp down a choke in his throat, "You brought me a gift, the least I could do is give you one back."

"So that was a repayment" Steve said in a hollow voice, eyes searching Tony's face for some hint of hope, "Just a repayment of gratitude?"

"I told you I didn't love you a long time back, Steve" Tony reminded, conveniently leaving out the part where he should have said that he did now. He couldn't do that to Steve. Couldn't entangle him in Tony's world anymore than he already was.

"And you still think you don't?" Steve asked, eyes boring into Tony's.

"I'm sorry, Steve" Tony answered, not having the guts to lie and say 'no' but keeping it vague enough for Steve to misinterpret.

Steve stared at Tony with a forlorn expression, the shattering of his heart visible in his eyes. Tony could see the hurt and heartbreak clearly, and it made him want to deny everything he had just said and tell Steve that he really loved him. Probably more than he knew his heart could love. But his brain, the traitorous master of Tony's life, it held him back, keeping him impassive in the face of Steve's despondence. 

"We could stay friends," Tony suggested and immediately knew that it was the wrong thing to say when Steve's face closed off. He had known even before the words left his mouth but he needed Steve to react. He needed the man to get past the hurt and go into the anger mode. He needed Steve to hate him enough to leave right now, because Tony didn't know how much longer he could keep a straight face. He didn't know how much longer he could keep his bleeding soul hidden.

"Friends" Steve repeated, tasting the word on his tongue as he saw Tony casually shrug. He watched the shorter man for a few minutes in silence, trying to find any hint that this might all be some nightmare. But Tony simply stood there with an impassive face.

"I'll leave" Steve said finally, drawing himself together and turning around with one last look at Tony, "Goodbye, Tony."

Tony didn't reply and simply nodded watching Steve go. At the last second, before Steve could get out, he let one last question slip.

"Maybe we should have stuck to your initial plan of being strangers, huh?" Tony asked and saw Steve halt without turning around.

"Wouldn't have changed anything" Steve replied softly before marching out of the workshop, leaving Tony freezing in his misery.

Margaret Kennedy had once said, "It is better to break one's heart than do nothing with it". Tony wished she had seen him today. Because he had just proven her right.

He had known that he loved Steve the day he had woken up in his arms and felt nothing but happiness. But Tony's happiness always resulted in others' misery. It was a curse of the Starks, he was sure. To have love and the lose it miserably. To have everything and yet nothing.

Steve didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve someone who would push him to the brink everyday or drive him into a shadow someday. He didn't deserve to be the next Maria Stark.

Tony felt his hands shiver and his throat close up when he replayed the kiss in his head. It had been everything he could ever ask for. It had been love. It had been his.

And the Tony had to rip it apart and throw it away in pieces. Because that is what broken men do. They rip their lives and love to make sure that the world can live on. 

Tony had to rip Steve away from his life to make sure that Steve could live the way he deserved to. Free. Loved. Respected.

Tony had once heard from some drunk hobo that love was a losing game. If he didn't before, he sure started believing it now.

"JARVIS, open up the Expo plans. Let's get working." Tony ordered in a shaky voice.

Maybe he couldn't keep Steve. But he would definitely try to keep his dreams alive. 

Because that was all that Tony could give him. Dreams and heartbreak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I feel like Satan. But I guess the horns are a nice touch to my personality :P  
> If I can, I'm hoping to finish the story in the next two days. I hope I haven't disappointed you till now <3


	30. Try To Fix You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O.M.G! Just one fricking chapter away from the end. I might be hyperventilating.  
> I was listening to 'Fix You' by Coldplay while writing this and that just made me a blubbering mess. I hope it came out well and we can get smoothly to the finish line <3

There is a difference between being alone and loneliness. Being alone was like the silence of the wind. Natural. Necessary. Neutral. You could be alone in a crowd or be a crowded person when you're alone. Being alone was the first form of life.

Loneliness, on the other hand, that was the disease some were born with and some died with. That was if you were lucky. If unlucky, you had to live with it.

Tony was one of the last kind. He had the world around him, behind him and with him but within him he was lonely. Which is why he built things. To feel many more parts of him around him. To make a crowd of himself so that he didn't remember the loneliness. When Pepper had told him that his suits were a distraction, she had been right. But on the wrong count. The suits weren't a distraction from Tony's relationships with others or his responsibilities. They were a distraction from himself, from the voice in his head and heart constantly reminding him that he was meant to be lonely. That he was safe when he was lonely.

When Steve was around, he became Tony's distraction. And it was good, amusing, satisfying. It was the best distraction of his life. But when Steve left, the loneliness jumped back in with a passion of a thousand suns. Which is why, when he realized that he didn't have distraction strong enough to keep him grounded, Tony called the one person whom he had no business calling.

That had been a week ago. 

"You know, I really don't think my bank balance can afford you as a handyman," Laura announced as she walked into the living room in her apron, sipping on a juice box, "Unless, oh unless you're doing this to trade for some 'action'. Oooh, is that what you're looking at, Mr. Stark? Here to work for some forbidden 'action'?"

Tony huffed from the floor, looking up from the TV he had dismantled and deconstructed, "Oh please, Mrs. Barton. You might be a sneaky woman with an incredible high-kick, but you're definitely not part of my league."

"You mean I'm out of your league," Laura corrected him with a smug grin before gesturing to the open TV, "And why in God's name are you mutilating the TV?"

"I'm upgrading" Tony replied with a shrug.

"A fancy word for making simple shit complicated and stop hitting on my wife," Clint declared as he came in with Nathaniel whose eyes bugged out at the sight of Tony meddling with the TV, "Seriously Stark, if one of my brats gets bored because they can't watch TV and break something around, I'm gonna mark a big X over your ass"

"Hey brat," Tony greeted the toddler holding Clint's hand with a nod before glaring at Clint, "Shut up, Barton, your _wife_ was hitting on  _me_ and I'm buying your house. I own your ass."

"Whatever you think, honey" Clint rolled his eyes and pecked Laura's lips before leading his son up to get him cleaned up after a particularly messy 'adventure' they had been in at the barn nearby.

Laura grinned as she watched her husband and son go before turning her attention back to Tony who was nimbly picking and crossing wires. It had been one week since Clint had gotten a call from Tony saying that he wanted to buy his farmhouse. Luckily, Laura had been the one to pick up the call and she had patiently heard Tony rant for fifteen minutes before figuring out that something major had gone wrong. Now Laura hadn't lived with a complex husband for thirteen years to not know that people like Tony Stark and Clint Barton were birds who hid their wounded wings and fled at the first hint of any prodding. They had to be drawn in by letting them think that it was  _their_ idea to come in the first place. Which is why Laura had asked Tony to come over to the house and get a taste of living in it before thinking about anything. 

Clint had, surprisingly, not said a word. Laura suspected that he knew something, but she didn't ask outright. 

The next day morning Tony had dropped in. It had taken about two hours of Tony linking everything and every topic to Steve Rogers for Laura to figure out the gist. Clint had provided all the finer details, as much as he had known.  For seven days Laura had distracted Tony with things to repair, devices to upgrade and science lessons to teach to Cooper. Her oldest son had become Tony's 'minion' for science projects. 

Laura didn't know the exact problem, the exact reason Tony Stark was sitting in her living room, trying to make her television an AI operated one. She didn't know why he had chosen them for this. She didn't know why he was trying to lick his wounds in her nest. But she didn't mind. She didn't mind that he was at her home, even if she was itching to know why. She was just glad that he was at home in some place.

"So how's the Expo plan coming?" she asked casually, plonking on the couch in front of Tony, "Still planning to have the 40's theme?"

"It's more of a 40's meets today theme," Tony shrugged, studiously avoiding looking up, "Rhodey's handling the technicalities along with Rogers and the veterans. I'm just throwing the money."

"And the tech," Laura added sarcastically, "the PR, the coordination with the government, the collection of memorabilia. Yeah, sounds like a little less to me." 

"Do you want me to praise myself Mrs. Barton? Because if I start, I won't stop," Tony warned lightly, throwing aside scraps from the mess he was sitting in.

"Then don't" Laura shrugged.

"Don't what?"

"Don't stop praising yourself," Laura said, looking at Tony glance her way, "Why should you if you're doing something worthwhile? Taking credit for things you do, appreciating yourself for who you are, these aren't wrong by any standards."

"Yeah well, I already am a textbook narcissist so, any further encouragement is gonna push me to Vainville and then it's straight to Loser's Hollow." Tony snorted.

"Can't be any worse than the Moping Mountains you're in right now," Laura muttered and Tony looked up with narrowed eyes, "Anyway, get back to fixing my TV, handyman. I'm gonna go get lunch started. Clean up when you're done." Laura pointedly said before hopping off the couch to walk towards her kitchen.

"Cleaning is for peasants, woman!" Tony yelled after her but rolled his eyes and got back to fixing the TV. It was the easier thing to fix in his life right now.

\----------------------------------------

Steve didn't break a sweat when he picked up the 15th lap of the park. It was 6:00 in the morning and not many people had started pouring in for their jogs. He knew that Sam was still cursing and grumbling his way through his 10th lap. And the man running beside him didn't talk much while running. Not nowadays at least. 

It had been one week since his leaving the Tower. Seven days of drowning himself into missions and the Expo preparation. A hundred and sixty eight hours of complete focus on being Captain America. One thousand four hundred and forty four minutes every day, definitely not checking his phone or e-mail for a particularly significant name or number. 

He was fine. He was focused. He was under control.

He was a complete mess. 

"Hey, Steve!" he heard Bucky call out from his right, "Let's take a five. Come on. Sam's gonna chew us out for showing off otherwise."

Steve turned and saw that Sam had stopped at some distance, huffing and glaring at them from under a tree. He nodded and followed Bucky to where Sam stood.

"You know, it was bad enough when I had to run with one showoff," Sam panted when they reached and picked up their water bottles, "Now I gotta run with two of you. You guys are such disasters for a normal guy's ego."

"Don't flatter yourself, Wilson," Bucky retorted with a grin, "Who said you're normal?"

"Guy wearing spandex, guy wearing bad eye makeup," Sam pointed to Steve and Bucky with a snort, "I'm sorry, but yeah, when compared to you guys, I  _am_ the normal one."

"Yeah, who cares about normal when you can be us?" Bucky huffed, preening at himself. 

"Oh please! Save it for for the catwalk," Sam teased, "Anyway, if anybody wins the 'rebellion against normality' crown, it's gotta be Stark."

Steve stilled, involuntarily clenching his hands at the casual mention. It wasn't the first time he had felt a physical jolt at the reminder of that name. 

"Oooh Wilson, you said the name that shall not be mentioned," Bucky stage-whispered, "It's You-Know-Who now."

"Shut it, Bucky" Steve groused, "It's nothing like that."

"Oh really. Weeping Beauty says what?" Bucky asked with an innocent look and Sam rolled his eyes at the danger seeking tendency of the long-haired man.

"You don't have a clue of what you're saying," Steve shot back pointedly, furiously swiping a hand-towel at his face.

"Oh right,  _I'm_ the one who doesn't have a clue," Bucky muttered under his breath before facing Steve square, "Maybe I don't. But that doesn't change the fact that you're being a real mopey little shit. You have been ever since you popped out of the Tower. Seriously, your weird little break-up with Stark is going to be worse than the Cold War because of all these... _feelings_ you both are drowning people in."

"We did not break-up," Steve retaliated with a grunt, "We were probably never 'made' to break-up."

"Sure, Cap. That's what you're going with, then fine." Sam whistled with a clearly disbelieving hand wave.

"Can you two just let it go?" Steve snapped, "It's like you're being jerks on purpose."

"Well thank God you're able to analyse that with _us_ at least," Bucky quipped quietly before turning to Sam, "C'mon Wilson, let's beat your ass in one more lap."

Steve stood at the same spot as he watched his two friends race each other, leaving him to mull over the pointed comments they had made. Bucky had been supportive at first, following through with the regular routine of letting Steve let off steam on punching bags, letting him rant about Tony for hours, eating junk food with him, offering to go punch Tony for the first two days and being cooperative on the Expo planning. After the fifth day, he had started to snark and leave pointed comments after Steve, telling him to get over himself and do something. Steve wanted to get over it, he really did, but every time he tried he felt ghost lips touching his own. 

_Thank God you're able to analyse that with ** _us_ ** at least._

Bucky had been trying to convince Steve that what had happened could have been a misunderstanding. He kept giving hints and making cloaked statements in every conversation, as though he knew a secret but he wanted Steve to figure it out on his own. 

"Was Tony being a jerk on purpose?" Steve thought to himself, frowning at the thought, "but why would he do that? Tony always put up that front only when he had something to be scared of. Something he was insecure about. But why would he be insecure about Steve, when Steve had been the one to first confess? What could possibly be so bad that Tony would try to act like a jerk on purpose?"

Steve frowned at the sky and wished that he could get some clear clue. That was when his phone rang and he was surprised at who was calling.

"Pepper?"

"Hey, Steve" the CEO's voice flowed in brisk and firm but polite, "What're you doing today for lunch?"

"Erm...nothing special." Steve answered in confusion.

"Great. Meet me at the office for lunch at 2:30 then?" Pepper asked in the same firm voice which meant that it wasn't really a question.

"Sure. Is everything okay?"

"Isn't that a nice dream." Pepper commented dryly, "See you at 2:30, Steve."

Steve stared at his phone for a minute after the call was cut. He wondered why Pepper Potts wanted to have lunch with him. He also wondered why he had a strong idea that it wasn't going to be a pleasant lunch.

Sighing to himself, he pocketed the phone and charged off into a few more rounds to cover.

\---------------------

"So what exactly happened between you and your boyfriend?" Laura asked as way of greeting when she came out the front door and stood on the porch beside the sitting Tony.

The genius didn't bat an eye as he worked on upgrading Cooper's mini-bow, "Is that a trick question? Because it was never implied that I  _had_ a boyfriend."

"Oh no, the trick question here is not that. The trick question would be  _'Are you planning to have a summer wedding or a monsoon one?'_ , " Laura quipped with a roll of her eyes, "What I asked was the real question. You want me to be clearer? Fine. What exactly happened between you and Steve Rogers that made you decide to renounce your Tower and become a country boy in our house?"

"Nothing happened between me and Steve," Tony grunted, thinking that it was partly true, "And he's not my boyfriend. Also, I'm feeling very unwelcome right now. As your prospective home-buyer, that's not an impression you want to leave."

"Oh no sweetie, the only impression I want to leave is of my hand on your face," Laura smiled sweetly and sat down beside Tony forcefully, "But since that will clearly not solve this problem, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to give you a situation and you tell me how true it is in your case. Alright?"

Tony didn't have a chance to say no or sass her back before Laura barged on.

"You and Steve like each other. Probably even love each other, because I  _know_  the brooding patterns of people in love and yours are absolutely textbook. You two had a good time for a while, smiled, giggled, held hands and stole sweet kisses. Then one of you screwed up and the other got mad. Which made you believe that your ' _relationship was over_ _'_ and you both sulked off to lick your wounds with people who are either used to your shit or will take this shit over anything that you might do if they don't let you sulk. How right am I so far?" Laura asked with a pointed glare.

"Absolutely wrong," Tony protested, "I don't giggle."

Laura raised an eyebrow and gave him a hard look. When Tony didn't budge, she sighed and rubbed her forehead before holding his gaze with her own.

"Look Tony, I get it that you're a riddle book," Laura said patiently, "and that you get flustered every time somebody solves one of your riddles. But hiding or running away is not going to solve anything. Sure, you can avoid confrontation and live in a dream-world for a few months at max, but then reality  _will_ strike. You've been here for two weeks now, the Expo is in three days and Rhodey had left ten messages today asking you to 'get back to the Tower and take care of your bots yourself'. I'm not saying that we hate you staying here. We don't, though I think Clint'll probably not mind getting Nathaniel away from your gadgets. You're our friend, you saved my life and my kids at a time you didn't have to. We like you. I like you. And if I could help, in any way possible, to get you out of this funk, I would. But for that I need to know what happened. Nobody can solve anything without knowing the basic derivatives."

Tony stayed silent, letting his brain digest the words. He liked Laura. She had been the one who had knocked sense into him when he had quit the Avengers. She had a fire in her that she used to run a family that stayed together despite the dangers it went through regularly. Not to mention, she had managed to be Clint Barton's wife and mother of his children successfully for more than a decade. That in itself should have made her some sort of a Doctor.

"He said he loved me" Tony said quietly after a couple of minutes, "I rejected him."

"Did you mean it?" Laura asked smartly, "And did he ask you to say it back or ask for an answer?"

"He didn't ask for anything," Tony shrugged, "but we went on a date once. And had lunch together for seventeen days after that. Oh also, probably not a big deal, but we slept together."

Laura was an extremely patient and wise woman. Which is why she didn't exclaim in shock or react dramatically.

"With clothes on?" she asked with a calculating look.

"What're you basing that on?" Tony countered.

"It's Steve" Laura said plainly, "And it's you. If you two had sex, you'd probably be getting a tattoo on your forehead that said 'I DID AMERICA' or something. Also, you said he loved you. And that you rejected him. I don't think he'd have sex with you like that."

"Because he's too good for that?" Tony sneered viciously.

"Because he'd probably respect you too much to do that to you," Laura answered calmly, unfazed by the sharp tone, "Steve is a guy who probably would consider sex as an expression of love, especially if he's gonna do it with a man he  _professed_ his love to. If you said no, he'd rather try to woo you than get into your pants at the first chance."

Tony stayed silent, staring at Laura with a slight awe but she simply shrugged. The genius looked away and went back to working on the bow.

"You fell in love with him too, didn't you?" Laura asked when Tony didn't say anything further. The genius didn't look up.

"I don't do love, honeybun," Tony commented with a sour hint to his tone, "I do logic. And lust. And a lot of other things. But love? That's not my cup of tea."

"Then switch to coffee," Laura shot back, "because clearly you don't like your cup of tea. And you don't 'do' love? What is that, a supposedly cool motto? You think people choose to 'do' love? That people, the other 6 million people in the world currently burning in romantic hell, choose to fall in love? Sure, they might have dreamed about it and wished for someone to love them but I can tell you right now, that they didn't choose to be desperate and despondent and disastrously in a non-stop treadmill called love."

"I'm not 'other people'," Tony quipped bitterly, "I'm a genius."

"Then act like one" Laura suggested softly, "Use that big brain of yours and try to understand what the problem is here. Is it that you love him? Is it that he loves you? Or is it that he told you he loves you and you can't say it back? These are the easy three. Is it one of them?"

"It doesn't matter now," Tony said irritably, "I said what I had to and he's gone and we'll be fine."

"What you  _had_ to?" Laura caught on the important part and frowned, "Tony, did you try to do the whole self-sacrificing, I'm-not-good-enough thing? Did you reject him because you didn't think  _you_ were right for him?"

Tony scoffed at that, hoping that his acting skills were still splendid. Apparently though, Laura had a sharper eye.

"You did, didn't you?" she asked firmly before sighing, "Tony, honey I know that you think that Steve is some sort of God who deserves the world's best specimen with flawless beauty and character, but I hate to disappoint you. He's not. None of us are. He's a good man, sure, probably better than most men we know. But that doesn't make him perfect. And honestly, you're definitely not the right person to judge who is right for Steve or not. He's a grown man and he makes his own decisions."

"Sure, decisions that he'd come to regret later," Tony snapped, looking up and meeting Laura's eyes, "And when that happens and things go bad, that time there won't be a war. There'll be the end of the world."

"There'll anyways be an end of the world every month, Tony," Laura scoffed, "You guys are the Avengers. You fight Gods and aliens and mad scientists with magic cubes. They're not ending and the fights won't end either. And someday, some bad guy with a badass weapon will blow up the world. That's a reality that we live with. But just because there will be a  _someday_ doesn't mean it's today. Just because you might screw up someday and you two might not work out someday doesn't mean that you have to throw away what you have today."

"I'm impressed in the horribly low confidence you have in us to save the world, but anyway, I'm not screwing up. I'm preventing a screw-up in the future," Tony explained, wanting her to understand, "I'm a guy with a long laundry-list of faults, Laura. And these faults aren't as simple as picking your nose or bad table manners. They're big ones. Some of them are going to be there permanently. I'm like a hurricane. I take and take and then leave you in a mess when I'm done. Do you think Steve deserves that?"

"Do you think he deserves this?" Laura countered quietly, turning to face him completely, "That man would rather eat his shoes than let people know his feelings or emotions when they're not in the interest of the nation. According to Clint, he refused therapy after waking up from the ice because he didn't want to 'impose' on people with his issues. He ingests them like poison and lets them build up. And that man, that private and reserved man, opened up to you and told you that he loves you. You think he doesn't know your laundry list of issues? Tony, you two fought an entire war. Trust me on this, he knows your faults. I'm sure he dislikes some of them too. But Tony, he still told you that he loves you. This man, this tactician who thrives on making plans and being prepared, this man told you the biggest thing of his life. Honey, you may be a hurricane but he is a frickin tsunami. You both are well-equipped to break each other. The point is though, are you willing to be equipped enough to love each other to too?"

"It's Steve!" Tony exploded, flailing his arms, "We'd be horrible to each other when the honeymoon phase is over!"

"Yeah man, that's what people in love do," they heard a voice from behind and looked up to see Clint leaning against the door, staring at Tony calmly, "We tear each other's hair, yell, push, pull, sass, make embarrassing jokes at family dinners, talk about our sex lives like discussing a sports schedule, basically drive each other crazy into boredom. Or routine. You think that every couple in love who dares to make their relationship work, rides off into the sunset and has creme brulee in candlelight dinners every day? Man, there's a reason couple's therapy is a thing. People get mad, lose their shit and hurt each other. But you know why they do that and still stay? Because we know that after all the shit goes down, there'll still be a home where you could go to and wear your sweatpants to bed. There'll still be somebody who would make you a sorry breakfast or coffee, just because they want to do it for you. And that somebody who knows you, will want to wake up to you the next day. Because Tony, love isn't some fancy romance novel. It's a fucking thriller mystery meets zombie book. It's scary, cheap and entertaining. And it's what you and Steve have a chance at getting."

Tony was dumb-struck and stared at Clint wordlessly. Laura hopped up and went to her husband, putting a firm one to his lips with a smile. 

"You're such a romantic," she teased her husband and Clint grinned with a wink.

"Yeah, well one of us had to be," he shot back and grinned wider when Laura pinched him on his arm.

"What if you're too broken for love?" Tony whispered, looking a bit more hopeful from before, "What if you fall too deep?"

Laura looked at him with a small smile and cocked her head.

"Oh Tony," she said with a shake of her head, "Who isn't broken? And if you're not broken before, love breaks you anyway and molds you into a new person. A better version of you. And honey, everybody falls. We fall at every step of life, in deep shits of every size. When we have to fall, isn't it better to do it in love?"

Tony didn't reply but grinned and made a gagging sound when Clint waggled his eyebrows and kissed Laura dramatically.

For the first time in two weeks, Tony felt himself thinking about meeting Steve at the Expo with something different from dread.

It felt a bit like hope.

\-------------------------------

Steve caught the ball mid-air and threw it again, making it bounce off the ceiling in rhythm. In another 16 hours he would have to meet Tony. At the Expo. The one they both were hosting.

He didn't usually feel sick but there was always a first time for everything.

The conversation and realization from the past week ran through his mind continuously. He felt disappointed. Irritated. Desperate. And hopeful.

It had all started with Pepper's lunch. Steve was seriously considering getting her into the Avengers, at the very least for her sharp mind.

_"You're in love with Tony" she declared as Steve sat for lunch._

_The blond man stilled mid-way before sitting down and resolutely keeping an impassive face._

_"I'm not sure what you-"_

_"Steve, I'm a patient woman," Pepper began in a calm but deadly voice, "I was Tony Stark's PA for ten years, the CEO of his company for three years running, his girlfriend once for a whole of 11 months and one of his best friends for more than a decade. I have seen things and managed situations that none of you Avengers could do without killing someone. I have breasts and an ass that get all the attention from idiots who should be respecting me for my brain. I travel constantly, all around the world, and do it while kicking ass in my heels. And I am **never** wrong about Tony. So when I make an observation about him, let's just assume that my word is God and accept it. Alright?"_

_Steve could do nothing but nod._

_"Right, so as I was saying, you're in love with Tony," Pepper resumed in a soft voice, a smile gracing her face, "And he's in love with you. You're both complete idiots when you're thinking about each other but you both care so much that I can forgive that. Now, I'm not going to ask what Tony said that drove you away, but I can safely say that whatever it was, it was wrong. Untrue. Because if it was true, Tony would be in his Tower, blowing up stuff and making my life hell. But he's not. He's currently moping around in a farmhouse, Clint Barton's farmhouse, and playing handyman for them. He's planning and working towards an Expo for war veterans. And he's avoiding you. All three signs that say that there's something wrong with whatever happened. Am I right so far?"_

_Steve nodded again, mind running over the information about Tony being with Clint._

_"Did you tell him that you loved him?" she asked._

_"Yes" Steve answered honestly, because he really wasn't ashamed of that._

_"And do you think he loves you too? Because I'm assuming from the lack of celebrations that he didn't tell you the same," Pepper asked cautiously._

_"He said he doesn't love me," Steve said bluntly._

_Pepper was silent for a while, carefully analysing Steve's face._

_"Doesn't or can't?" she asked after a minute._

_"What?"_

_"Did he say he doesn't or that he can't?" Pepper repeated._

_Steve was about to retort that it didn't matter when he thought about the question carefully. Words always played an important role with Tony, didn't they? He was a man of words. A silver tongue._

_"Can't. He said 'can't'" Steve said after a minute, frowning at the possibility of Bucky, Sam and Pepper's insinuations being right._

_"Did you know the longest relationship time Tony's had till date?" Pepper asked suddenly, shifting directions calmly, "Eleven months. And that too only because it was me and I knew him for ten years. If you're planning a future with him, you have to know that -"_

_"I'm not planning for the next decade, Pepper," Steve cut in, gently but firmly, "I know that it isn't something that we can predict. I just love him. I'm looking for a today. A now."_

_Pepper smiled at that, her first real smile since they began._

_"Then maybe we'll make this work" she said genially, "because what happened to you was a classic Tony-care."_

_Steve frowned at that and listened as Pepper told him about Tony's care and fears about breaking people he loved._

 

 It was a harrowing experience, rethinking the day he had left the Tower. Ever since the conversation with Pepper, he had replayed it over and over again. He had called Rhodey and asked him about it. Rhodey's sympathizing sigh had told more than what his words did. Steve had been fooled into misunderstanding deliberately. He had been diverted, deflected and confused.

Because Tony had been worried about breaking him if he let himself be in love with Steve. And that should have been the most ridiculous thought ever, but for anyone who understood Tony, it was a regular option.

Steve sighed and mentally cursed it all for the millionth time. He was mad. At himself, at Tony, at everything. He had known that loving Tony was going to be a fight but he had gotten way-laid into thinking that it would be a straight fight. This was Tony. He never played straight. With him it was always reading between the lines. And Steve had missed that in that moment.

He looked at the clock on his bedside and thought about the next day, when he would meet Tony again, after two horrible weeks. He thought about the warmth and tenderness in the kiss he had shared. He thought about all the reasons he had fallen in love with the infuriating man.

And he decided that the Expo was going to be a second chance for more than just the veterans. It was going to be one for those defeated once in love too.

Steve Rogers always stood stronger after a fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's amazing when you have friends and support systems who help you see your reality and dreams better. It's true that falling in love is precious but finding friendship is priceless. This one's dedicated to all you lovely people who are somebody's 'person'. Somebody's light that guides you home. Somebody's best friend.  
> Any and all comments will be loved and treasured forever!


	31. Today's The Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end. Let's do this!

Stark Expos were always spectacles. There was no other word to describe them better. They were grand, edgy and futuristic. It was never a question that when a Stark Expo was announced, it would become the largest event of the year.

This year, it looked even better. Probably because it wasn't showcasing Stark products. It was presenting the long lost marvels of heroes and legends the veterans had put together. It was a symbol of re-awakening the American pride in its warriors, a platform to shed a brighter light on the lives of those who had fought wars to protect their land. The collective effort from the veterans, Steve, Rhodey, Tony and a keen supervision by Pepper had paid off. A Stark sponsored Expo had never looked this radiant and majestic.

It was probably the reason the Veterans Expo was attacked. By a group of freaky villains called the Sinister Twelve and fucking Green Goblin

"This place is so fucking freaky it’s like Wonderland," Clint groused as he shot down two assassins who were chasing the tail on Natasha, "It's been fifteen minutes since we came and somebody's losing their fucking mind."

"Well, you're not wrong Toto," Tony replied on the comm as he flew over the Air Force section and chased the Green Goblin, "It's like they hate us or something. What's with so much hate for us?"

Tony was pissed as hell. He had plans for today. Big plans. Plans that would determine a lot of things about his near future. And he hadn't even met Steve yet properly before the first blast destroyed the crystal wall of signatures. One second he was passing through the the back corridor to meet Steve in his green room and the next second he heard the blast and Natasha was running in, throwing him his suit-box.

When he finally saw Steve, he was wearing his Captain America suit and deflecting fire with his shield.

This was so not the time for an attack.

"Iron Man, report" Steve's voice cut through Tony's thoughts and he almost hit a steel beam, "We've got two reptilian men on the courtyard. Can you get it?"

Before Tony could respond though, he heard a roar and Steve came back on.

"Never mind, Iron Man. Hulk's got them. Is the Goblin down yet?" 

"Not yet" Tony gritted, firing blasters at the sneaky flying Goblin, who was fast fleeing towards a residential part of the city.

"Cap, the President's been taken," Rhodey jumped in, trying to fight off an assassin with an incredible throwing arm, "Follow the Chameleon. Building to your 12'O clock."

And this is why Tony knew that they shouldn't have invited the President to the Expo. It was like the guy had a 24 x 7 red alert on him. Tony didn't have any more time to listen in though because he finally got a good angle to shoot at the Goblin. 

It took him another half an hour to get the Goblin down. It was lucky for him that the SHIELD agents, led by Hill, came to the spot soon and took over the defeated Goblin from him. The fight at the arena was over too apparently. He didn't bother staying around to chat and went back to the Expo venue he had left behind in his chase.

"Hey Cap, Goblin's been gobbled here," he announced as he entered the arena and landed in the destroyed courtyard near a dirt-covered but fierce looking Natasha, "What's your status?"

There was radio silence and Tony turned to look at Natasha who simply glared at the rubble before cursing and shaking her head.

"What does that mean?" Tony asked her before lifting his faceplate and frowning, "Hey guys, what's the status?"

"All clear," Barton quipped before jumping down from a half-destroyed pillar, "Under control."

"Uh-huh" Tony replied in a clearly disbelieving tone before closing his faceplate, "JARVIS, where's the good Captain?"

"Captain Rogers is currently with the medical staff on the SHIELD carrier, sir" the AI responded and Tony heard Natasha tell him to open up and listen but he was off and flying to the carrier.

Which was probably not the best idea, because if there was one thing Tony never wanted to see again in his life, it was Steve Rogers looking like a school-boy and getting his ass handed to him by Maria Hill.

"Huh" Tony uttered, which was probably not an appropriate response to the scene by the glare he got from Hill, "No, no please continue. It's a good look on you, the school marm thing. Just for future reference in gossip sessions though, what exactly happened?"

Rhodey, who was sitting on a bed behind Hill snorted and stood up to come ahead.

"Let's just say that the president got a piece of some old time America," he said with a sly look at Steve who shot a glare at him.

"That's just bringing up incredibly inappropriate and horrifying images in my head," Tony replied with a raised eyebrow, noting that Steve was close to pouting, "Hey, Cap, what the hell did you do?"

Steve looked at Tony for the first time and for a minute Tony thought he saw the other man smile before Steve sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I punched the President" Steve said in a tired voice, "The Chameleon looked like him a few seconds before and then the real President came out. I thought he was the Chameleon. So, I punched him." Hill glared at him before shaking her head and going back inside.

Rhodey was biting back a laugh and looked at Tony with an amused face.

Tony stared at both of them before shrugging.

"Well, now he'll know what Hitler felt like for 200 times."

Rhodey's laughter and his own smirk just made Steve sigh and rub his forehead.

\-----------------------------

The clean-up was always the worst part and Tony  **always** skipped the debrief that came after the clean-up. When he spotted Steve finish with his clean-up, he decided to get them alone and start on his plan of clearing up a few things.

"Hey Cap!" he called out from behind and saw Steve turn, "Got a minute?"

Steve seemed to hesitate for a moment before nodding. "Sure Tony, what is it?"

Tony looked around and saw that the others were not far away. They'd soon be coming over and then he'd probably not be able to say whatever he wanted to say.

"I was thinking more of some place where there aren't people," Tony clarified and saw Steve raise an eyebrow, "Some place a little less rubble-filled and without paper-work waiting for us?"

Steve stared at Tony for a minute, his face unreadable. Tony thought he had something on his face maybe but didn't fidget or rub at it. Finally Steve looked over his shoulder and looked back at Tony. 

"Debrief first," he said firmly and Tony groaned, "Come on."

"I'll forget what I wanted to say after the horrible High School Reunion thing," Tony half-whined and saw Steve's eyes flicker to him before shepherding him to the carrier.

"If it's important, you definitely won't" Steve quipped and Tony had a good mind to kick his ass. Because debriefs sucked and they always took way too much time.

Which was what happened and Tony just wanted to cry when Steve announced that they should all head back home.

"Wait, but it's just...what's the time?" he asked generally and Natasha smirked a bit.

"It's 1:30 in the morning," she answered and Tony flailed his hands at that.

"That's not late, that's  **early**!" he exclaimed and looked at Steve who was wearing his poker face but Tony could see the mischief in his eyes, "It's early in the morning! You can't go to sleep in the morning!"

"Get some rest, team" Steve called out to everyone, clearly ignoring Tony, "See you all later. All dismissed. Good job guys."

"Tough luck, kiddo" Clint whispered to Tony as he went out smirking.

"Go peck on wood, Birdbrain" Tony hissed with a frown and scowled when Clint simply laughed and left.

When everybody had left, Tony noticed that Steve was looking at him, sitting on his chair. The genius raised an eyebrow but Steve simply gestured to the chair next to him.

"I don't sleep all that much nowadays anyway," Steve commented with a shrug and Tony fumbled for a minute before nodding and taking the seat. He opened his mouth to pour out everything he had planned to say in the past few days.

And nothing came out.

It was a horrifying moment for Tony to not have words. Steve patiently waited and rested his hands on the table calmly. When the awkward silence stretched too long, Steve let out a breath and ran a hand over his eyes.

"I'm sorry" he started softly and Tony looked up with wide eyes, "No really, I am. Maybe I was rushing things, maybe I was expecting too much too soon -"

"Wait, what?" Tony blinked and frowned.

"- and you  **did** tell me never to expect you to tell me that you loved me. So I shouldn't have gotten angry when you just repeated your stand. I just -"

"I never told you not to  **expect** me to tell it. I just told you to never ask it!" Tony pointed out with a desperate wave of his hands.

"- got taken aback by the kiss and thought that I felt something in it -"

"You DID! You DID feel something. I felt it too!" Tony cut in desperately.

"-but it's okay now. I don't want to avoid you or be awkward around you anymore. It's okay if you want to be just friends -"

"Will you just shut up?!" Tony burst out finally, standing up and towering over Steve, "I'm trying to tell you that I love you, you moron!"

"Good" Steve said simply and grinned.

Tony blinked at that and stared. He saw Steve smiling at him widely the earlier mischief shining brighter.

"Did you just...trick me into saying that I love you?" he asked slowly and saw Steve shrug unapologetically.

"I'm a tactician. I always have a plan" he said with a laugh before sobering up and smiling softly, "Besides, it was weird seeing you gape like a fish when you didn't find the right words. You'd just scram and then we'd have never gotten that out."

Tony continued staring at Steve in wonder till Steve chuckled and stood up himself, taking a step closer into Tony's personal space.

"I love you, Tony Stark," he said firmly with a soft smile, "I love that you are never constant, that you change and adapt all the time. It makes life interesting. I love that you believe in tomorrow even when today is going to the dogs. It makes you hopeful for a better future. I love that you never back down from a fight to protect your beliefs, even if it's against your closest friends. It makes you courageous. I love that you are Tony Stark - genius, playboy, philanthropist, billionaire. None of those ever let you stop caring about people you love. You're not a big man in a suit, Tony. You're a big heart in a man. I love you for you. And if it's going to take sneaky plans and ideas to make you realize that, I'll do it. Because I don't want to throw away my chance here. You're my chance. You're the today I want."

Well, fuck, Tony thought and saw Steve step closer with the same soft smile.

"I'm not stable" Tony began quietly, "I kissed you that day because I wanted to kiss you. And then I lied to get you out. I do things like that all the time. I'll break you someday and then I'll hate myself because I  _don't_ want to break you. I don't want to put you in that position."

"It's not really your choice, Tony," Steve replied with a shrug, "You can't take choose to save me from the future by closing off the present. I don't have rose-tinted glasses on and it is equally possible that I might break you. We're both not stable, but who really is? We jump out of planes without parachutes and threaten alien gods, Tony. We're never going to be completely stable. But why should that mean that we shouldn't love?"

"I just spent two weeks in a farmhouse, with Barton snoring over my ceiling and his wife making me repair every appliance in her house," Tony said with a soft chuckle, "There are shit tonnes of work at the Tower and upgrades necessary but I was staying in a remote farm. Do you know why I went to that farm, Steve?"

Steve cocked his head but remained silent.

"Because I hated the fact that I love you," Tony said bluntly, "It was the most terrifying, ridiculous thought in the world and I hated knowing it. But I hated things even worse when I knew that you loved me too and we still weren't together. It was driving me up the walls."

"Poor Laura" Steve commented with a chuckle and Tony shrugged.

"Yeah, I've got no sympathies but she was useful," he said with a roll of his eyes, "It still surprises me that her and Barton are together. But they are. And watching them go through life, fighting for what they want, fighting to stay together? That looked exhausting but strangely fun."

Tony took a breath and took the final step towards Steve, standing nose to nose with him.

"I want to fight too," he said in a whisper and saw Steve grin, "It's one thing I know. But this time I want to fight for me. For us. It'll be that most days, a total and absolute fight to understand and remember why I love you. Or why you love me. But I'm headstrong and you're stubborn and we both have a history of bad decisions with us. If we can fight each other and the world multiple times, I'm thinking that we'll learn to fight for us too."

"One day at a time?" Steve asked, leaning forward, 80% close to Tony's face.

"We'll probably need therapy and a lot of lockdowns in the Tower," Tony teased before smiling, "But yeah, one day at a time. Let's try that."

This time, Steve was the first one to move. It was a kiss of smiles touching each other and hands reaching out to rest on waists. It was slow, loose and casual. It was their relationship in a gesture and when Tony laughed into Steve's mouth, Steve grinned further and bumped his forehead with Tony's. 

"Congratulations, Captain" Tony whispered between kisses, "You just fell in love with the smartest man on the planet."

"Back at you, Mr.Stark" Steve replied before dragging Tony back to complete his kiss.

When they came out of the building, the sun was beginning to rise. The world was silent and the air seemed lighter for the two men jostling each other and laughing over each other's mussed hair.

"I've got to get my bike," Steve said with a grin, "I can't just leave it here."

"Don't leave it here," Tony replied with a nod, "It's an upgraded Stark prototype."

Steve rolled his eyes but nodded.

"See you at home then?" Steve asked as they reached the garage and Tony looked at his own car.

"How about I race you back home?" Tony asked in reply with a wicked grin.

"What's the stake?" Steve raised an eyebrow.

"Winner gets to kiss the loser anytime, anywhere" Tony challenged and saw Steve smirk in response.

"You're on" Steve accepted before getting on his bike, "Get ready to lose, honey"

"Oh this one's gonna be mine, sweetheart" Tony winked before revving up his engine.

As they drove back home, Steve saw the sun rise above the horizon. A new day. A new beginning. 

It was in that moment, with a smile on his face, that Steve realized something he'd always remember.

Riding into the sunset was a good ending. That was what was written in romantic stories. But riding back home to a loved one? That was the most beautiful and unwritten ending. That was the reality worth fighting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it. The end. Holy shit, I cannot even begin to understand how phenomenal this whole journey has been for me. I made such amazing friends, fell in love with such amazing characters, went through highs and lows, and in the end became a part of something truly magical for me. I hope that you guys also had as much fun as I did on this journey. I hope that you too loved the unwritten ending of this love story. Thank you so much for being a part of this. I love you all.


End file.
